Assault on Stupid Survivors

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	Historical Group
	This historical group is no longer active. However, its wiki page is preserved to reflect the group's significance in Urban Dead history. Please do not edit this page without good reason.

Assault on Stupid Survivors

Abbreviation:	ASS
Group Numbers:	12
Leadership:	Xoid
Goals:	Rain down ruinous pain on whomever we choose (but it's all in TEH FUN!)
Recruitment Policy:	Closed
Contact:	Talk page

1 NPOV Section
2 About ASS
- 2.1 Latest news
3 Current ASSault
- 3.1 Show your support
4 The Republic: The Philosophy and Guidelines of ASS
5 Awards and accomplishments
6 Frequently asked questions

NPOV Section

Assault on Stupid Survivors was created in early April of 2006. Its stated objective is to Player-Kill survivors that ASS's founders and members believe to be stupid. After deliberating extensively, ASS's founders selected the Crossman Defense Force and Amazing as its initial targets, although a ceasefire is now in place between these groups.

Some users -- such as ASS's members, allies, and various supporters -- delight in ASS's methods in game and out of game, while other users -- such as those ASS attacks, as well as their allies and supporters -- take issue with them.

Specifically, it should be noted that (as is the case with most groups) many quotes and facts assembled on this page, while correct, may be taken out of context to create exaggerated or humorous effect.

About ASS

	Coalition for Fair Tactics Group
	This group has ratified the Coalition for Fair Tactics Group Pledge.

Assault on Stupid Survivors (ASS) is a small PKer group started by two high-level humans (Bob Hammero and Jimbo Bob - "The Bobs") who one day grew tired of being pleasant and helpful, and decided that it would be more enjoyable to maim and kill other survivors. The rest is history. Awesome, awesome history.

Latest news

August 15, 2006: Bob Hammero and Jimbo Bob, after founding and leading ASS from the beginning, have hung up their hats and handed the Benevolent Dictator stick to Xoid. Their reasons for retiring are many, and they do so with no small amount of regret. Persons desiring more information should contact Bob Hammero or Jimbo Bob directly. Long live The Bobs.
June 28, 2006: ASS has proof positive of an attempted infiltration of its ranks. The traitor will be granted a place on ASS's enemy list for his efforts.
June 24, 2006: ASS and CDF have created a mutual ceasefire, and as such, all hostilities between ASS and the CDF should cease immediately.
January 3, 2006: It's been coming to this for a while, but the ASSault is over. It's been a blast, but we are no longer. Farewall, Urban Dead.

Old news and other old information can be found in the archive.

Current ASSault

The brave soldiers of ASS, after their wildly successful ASSault against Amazing and the Crossman Defense Force, have embarked on a new ASSault: the Summer of Dyin', 2006. ASS is touring Malton, executing only the dimmest and most hated of Malton's idiot population. Who ASS has next on their target list is a mystery; their exact plans are cloaked in confusion; and their tactics are obscured with doubt and uncertainty. But hear this, bumbling, drooling, and pathetic dregs: ASS is here. Or are they?

Show your support

If you would like to show your support for ASS, feel free to use this template:

	ASSault Supporter
	This user or group supports ASS's current ASSault.

by typing {{ASSaultSupporter}} where you want the template to appear. You can also use this template:

	ASSault Supporter
	This user or group supports ASS's current ASSault.

by typing {{ASSaultSupporterSmall}} instead.

The Republic: The Philosophy and Guidelines of ASS

The worst thing about being a survivor is other survivors – because so many of them are stupid. ASS is thus driven by two overarching goals. First, to cull the human herd of its unproductive idiots, resulting in a more enjoyable play experience for zombies and humans alike. Second, to use the word ASS as often as is humanly possible. Think of it as a form of community service.

Survivors who take issue with ASS's actions or methods should leave a comment on the discussion page. Please include your user name, profile link, and current location to make your subsequent ASSing easier.

The Ranks

Leader

Anton Howard, General of Electronic Warfare, blood thirsty killer. Was responsible for the ASSault's 450th kill. (55 Kills)

Members

A1C Jerry, The slayer of fat penguins, jesters (who double as Norse gods), alts that end in "ze", like Schultze, and members of "The Abandoned". Has an odd fascination with his "boomstick" (and no, it isn't his shotgun). (13 Kills)
Axe Hack, the ex-gangmember who is back to his gangster business. (1 Kills)
Brendoshi, Likes soup. (30 Kills)
Deedra X, the only ASSassin who used to be on the Enemy List. Believes grapes are fun. (14 Kills)
FlaggerBoy, a killer with a crush on generators. Recipient of the ASS 475th kill award (35 Kills)
GPLeChuck, enlists stupid survivors in the army of the undead. (18 Kills)
hashissiin, Was a mean zombie-killing machine until Creedy Defense Force killed him nonstop without a reason and made him a bitter stupid survivor-killing machine. Recipient of the ASS 400th kill award. (69 Kills)
Naota172, Hates stupid survivors. (0 Kills)
Paradox319, Wishes all the stupid survivors would kill themselves. (11 Kills)
Rotticus, who's the oldest member of ASS... He's also too lazy to update his kill count. Also, he's really lazy when it comes to killing people. Sometimes. (25 Kills)
Squidward, who joined just to have an excuse for screaming ASS! Recipient of the ASS 500th kill award. (14 Kills)

The Old Guard - Former Leaders

Bob Hammero, Founder, General of Warfare and Minister of Propaganda and Public Relations. (50 Kills)
Jimbo Bob, AKA "Captain Sarcasm", Founder, General of Asskicking and Minister of Awesomeness. First to 50 kills, and perpetrator of ASS's 250th kill. (72 Kills)

Former or Inactive Members

Gideon Mac (20 Kills)
Grarghal Bob, Lieutenant Commander of Lethal Weaponry. Also known as the Pockmarked Assassin. (15 Kills)
Jacob Cohen, who gets no respect. (4 Kills)
Canderous Ordo (2 Kills)
Wooldoor Foxbat (9 Kills)
N0 0ne, Killin' Machine, recipient of the ASS 200th kill award. (46 Kills)
cwissball NTL screwed him so his IP hits are always full. But still killing the odd fucktard in the street. (11 Kills)
LCpl Khalil Rabid killing machine. Fresh out of retirement and back on the job. And so happy to be back too. (7 Kills)

Former members with a boot imprint on their ASS

holdonloosely, aka Gage, recipient of the ASS Award for Divulging Confidential Information. (Stripped of kill-count)
Mr Sheriff, aka CaptainM, recipient of the ASS Award for Being a Dirty, Dirty Zerger. (Stripped of kill-count)

Supporters

If you want to show your support for ASS, feel free to list your name here.

Recruitment

Membership in ASS is semi-open. ASS operates effectively in large part due to its extremely well-coordinated ASSaults and unquestionably trustworthy members. Our strength comes not from great numbers, but swift and exact action. This necessitates keeping the size of our working group (or groups, should the need arise) small.

We are, however, open to requests for membership. If you are interested in joining ASS, leave a note on our discussion page. We will respond to you there with our decision. All decisions are final. Survivors caught impersonating ASS members will be punished as the ASSault sees fit. Criteria for membership are decided by Xoid, and may include any tests of his choosing. Higher-level players are preferred.

New: ASS is actively recruiting! See Recruitment for more information.

Requests for ASSing

Requests for the ASSing of another character should be made by leaving a comment on our discussion page. Sufficient documentation of the character's idiocy must be provided. The criteria for sufficiency are at the discretion of the ASSault - a quick tip is, it doesn't have to be formal, but it does have to be convincing. Enough. Furthermore, those survivors making the request should keep in mind that all requests are merely suggestions. ASS reserves the right to accept, ignore, or pass suggestions along to someone else.

Contacting ASS

The most efficient way to contact ASS is to leave a comment on the discussion page. Should you need to contact Xoid directly, he can be reached by email at xoid@hotmail.com.

The Bobs

Contrary to what one might think, ASS was not run by a zerger. Jimbo Bob and Bob Hammero are coincidentally named (although their awesomeness is in no way coincidental). ASS does not condone zerging, and any characters who accuse ASS of zerging will be ASSed.

Awards and accomplishments

May 17, 2006: The thankful citizens of Malton unveiled a statue depicting the brave soldiers of ASS, along with their heroic leaders, to celebrate ASS reaching 2 kills per day.
April 2, 2006: ASS was officially founded by Bob Hammero and Jimbo Bob, who were promptly awarded the Congressional Medal of Awesome for their efforts above and beyond the call of duty in cleansing Malton of its rash of stupid citizens.

Trophy list

April 2, 2006: ASS scored its first kill, on Amazing cohort Roybot. Booyah!
April 3, 2006: ASS scored its second kill, on Amazing cohort Mark Livengood. MY HOUSE! ...Whatever that means.
April 3, 2006: Bob Hammero publicly executed Amazing in a heroic display of strength and courage.
April 4, 2006: Jimbo Bob fatally pimp-slapped emmeleff. Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
April 6, 2006: Jimbo Bob killed Amazing cohort Ballbreaker.
April 6, 2006: Bob Hammero killed Amazing cohort Gleidus.
April 7, 2006: Jimbo Bob offed Amazing lackey ELite Raynor.
April 8, 2006: Bob Hammero put Amazing cohort monkphin into an early grave.
April 10, 2006: Jimbo Bob successfully re-executed Amazing cohort Mark Livengood. Spontaneous cheering on the part of onlookers is reported to have ensued.
April 10, 2006: Bob Hammero slaughtered the extremely annoying foshonkeys, due to the brave absence of the high and mighty CDF in their very own Crossman Grove PD. Fans were on hand to cheer Bob on, to the amusement of one and all.
April 11, 2006: Bob Hammero taught Amazing lackey ELite Raynor what happens when you get shot repeatedly until you die.
April 11, 2006: Bob Hammero annihilated Amazing cohort monkphin. Rumor has it that the gleeful onlookers whispered about the "fall of the CDF," but reports of that group's demise have yet to be confirmed.
April 12, 2006: Jimbo Bob destroyed Amazing lieutenant and suspected zerger Exo2000 through sheer manliness.
April 13, 2006: Jimbo Bob eliminated Amazing cohort Gleidus with extreme prejudice.
April 13, 2006: Bob Hammero killed Amazing lackey ELite Raynor with total ease, showing once again that flak jackets can at least make it marginally more difficult to kill someone.
April 13, 2006: Bob Hammero rubbed out Amazing henchman Roscoe Underbough.
April 14, 2006: Jimbo Bob put Amazing lieutenant and suspected zerger Exo2000 on ice.
April 15, 2006: Bob Hammero dispatched Amazing servant Pain from DS.
April 16, 2006: Bob Hammero neutralized Amazing henchman Roybot, who was bravely hiding in a non-CDF location.
April 16, 2006: Jimbo Bob cut down anti-ASSer and idiot extraordinaire SirKill.
April 17, 2006: Jimbo Bob heroically defended Malton by taking out ASS's arch-villain Amazing. While Superman was unavailable for comment, pundits theorized extreme envy.
April 19, 2006: Bob Hammero blew away Amazing henchman Gleidus.
April 20, 2006: Rotticus destroyed an angsty teenager called Toast Boy.
April 20, 2006: Bob Hammero put Amazing wannabe Lord Brittish out of his misery.
April 20, 2006: Jimbo Bob taught sad little man CodenameDirtbag that revenge is a dish best served with blazing hot lead.
April 21, 2006: Rotticus annihilated CDF groupie and fanboy Rashombie. Take this as a lesson kids, being a CDF groupie *DOESN'T* pay.
April 21, 2006: Rotticus whacked another CDF fly. Asher johnson bites the dust.
April 21, 2006: Jimbo Bob liquidated another Amazing flunky. Cloaked Wraith is no more.
April 21, 2006: Bob Hammero shot down Amazing worshipper LokiJester.
April 22, 2006: Jimbo Bob blew away local vigilante Medic RP.
April 23, 2006: Jimbo Bob obliterated Amazing lieutenant LokiJester.
April 23, 2006: Jacob Cohen blasts Amazing groupie cyberbob240, completely forgetting in the process to get his profile.
April 23, 2006: Bob Hammero disposed of Toast Boy with the help of some hot lead. Rotticus nods in thankfulness for revenge exacted on Toast Boy 'cause of his lame act of PKing someone who's been stocking up at Caiger for 4 days.
April 24, 2006: Jimbo Bob neutralized CodenameDirtbag. Revengified!
April 25, 2006: Jimbo Bob whacked local punching bag LokiJester yet again.
April 26, 2006: Rotticus nailed Yelpish for dabbling in forbidden arts of being a multi-class character.
April 26, 2006: Bob Hammero pushed Yelpish off the mortal coil.
April 26, 2006: Bob Hammero shot and disposed of punching bag wannabe Toast Boy.
April 26, 2006: **** kills his first CDF member by shooting Amazing's lap dog Lord Brittish in the face.
April 27, 2006: Rotticus touched Ballbreaker with his rotten finger of death.
April 27, 2006: Jimbo Bob bitch-slapped Amazing minion and suspected zerger DaJiboo3.
April 28, 2006: Bob Hammero smashed Amazing underling ELite Raynor.
April 28, 2006: **** kills Yelpish by stabbing him in the face with a kitchen knife.
April 28, 2006: ****, feeling good about his first CDF kill of the day goes on to slay Atari Techno with the same knife before Yelpish's blood is even dry on it.
April 28, 2006: **** kills Dynamoo for attacking him after killing 2 CDF members.
April 28, 2006: Jimbo Bob showed Heintze that crime doesn't pay. For him, anyway.
April 29, 2006: Jimbo Bob incorporated Asher johnson into an extremely violent performance piece, receiving rave reviews.
April 30, 2006: N0 0ne wakes up to find a dirty CDF'er Roscoe Underbough stinking up his safe house. So he cleaned up with extreme prejudice.
April 30, 2006: Jimbo Bob made Yelpish live up to his name. Funny how a crowbar to the groin can make your voice go all high like that.
May 1, 2006: Jacob Cohen puts three distinct varieties of hurtin' on Cold Fuzion. Rumors of smack-talk and white slavery remain unconfirmed, but saucy.
May 1, 2006: N0 0ne ASSaults another CDF lackey Mark Livengood Pretty Pictures Here.
May 1, 2006: Jimbo Bob exacted sweet sweet vengeance on bIuecheese. Mm, yeah.
May 2, 2006: N0 0ne extracts vengence for the death of an ASS member by Killing ASS enemy SirKill.
May 3, 2006: Rotticus whacked a CDF fly under the name of Cloaked Wraith.
May 3, 2006: Bob Hammero struck down CDF peon Yelpish.
May 4, 2006: N0 0ne just ensured that Medic RP really needs a Medic.
May 4, 2006: Jimbo Bob brutalized CDF triumvir An Obese Penguin.
May 6, 2006: Bob Hammero threw CDF punching bag LokiJester into the street.
May 6, 2006: Jimbo Bob destroyed CDF pawn and local paranoiac Delta Flyer.
May 6, 2006: N0 0ne ASSaulted Amazing Fanboy Kronic X.
May 7, 2006: Bob Hammero pistol-whipped CDF grunt Roybot.
May 7, 2006: Bob Hammero butchered CDF zealot NIghtHawk Z.
May 7, 2006: N0 0ne got disgusted with Cage midwell's foul mouth and cleaned it with extreme force.
May 7, 2006: Jimbo Bob helped Taceo666 gain a more personal understanding of ballistics.
May 7, 2006: Jimbo Bob, in an act of supreme heroism, cut arch-villain Amazing down to size.
May 8, 2006: Jimbo Bob gave glutton for punishment An Obese Penguin (lol punz) more of what he wanted.
May 10, 2006: N0 0ne removes another Cloaked Wraith member from the land of the living.
May 11, 2006: Bob Hammero sentenced Yelpish to death by public firing.
May 11, 2006: **** kills failsafe for killing his alt at a revive point TWICE, oh yeah and failsafe just happens to be a CDF member what a coincidence. Fucking ass holes.
May 11, 2006: Jimbo Bob butchered suspected zerger Heintze, after finding him weeping in terror. ASS's reputation precedes it.
May 11, 2006: Gideon Mac decided that Ballbreaker looks better full of holes.
May 11, 2006: A1C Jerry took a fire axe to An Obese Penguin. Repeatedly.
May 12, 2006: Gideon Mac ran out of clay pigeons so he decided to use Yelpish for target practice instead.
May 12, 2006: Bob Hammero beat Delta flyer to death with the butt of a shotgun.
May 13, 2006: Gideon Mac shot down LokiJester.
May 13, 2006: Jimbo Bob left Delta flyer face down in his own filth.
May 14, 2006: Gideon Mac executed Heintze.
May 14, 2006: Bob Hammero terminated Amazing to the sound of reverent rejoicing.
May 14, 2006: Jimbo Bob killed An Obese Penguin gangland-style.
May 15, 2006: N0 0ne terminated Zod Rhombus.
May 15, 2006: Gideon Mac exterminated NIghtHawk Z.
May 15, 2006: Bob Hammero taught Yelpish about gun safety.
May 15, 2006: Grarghal Bob ran into Amazing at the bank and deposited his ammunition in Amazing's face.
May 16, 2006: Grarghal Bob thought Amazing looked much better as a corpse.
May 16, 2006: Grarghal Bob taught Yelpish a lesson in pain.
May 16, 2006: Grarghal Bob cooked LokiJester a lead sandwich.
May 16, 2006: Jimbo Bob helped Toast Boy fulfill his life-long dream of becoming a ballerina by assisting him in performing a graceful pirouette... through a plate-glass window.
May 17, 2006: Gideon Mac killed Heintze again, and there was much rejoicing.
May 17, 2006: Bob Hammero snuck up behind Zod Rhombus and blew his brains onto a wall.
May 17, 2006: Bob Hammero pointed a shotgun at Cyber D and pulled the trigger.
May 17, 2006: As the heavens opened and the angelic chorus sang out in rapture, Jacob Cohen totally took a gat to Amazing in the Crossman Grove PD.
May 17, 2006: Jimbo Bob awarded Yelpish a Ph.D... in Pain.
May 18, 2006: Gideon Mac killed off Schultze, and there was much rejoicing.
May 18, 2006: Jacob Cohen asks Kamwo Mawar what his name means. With bullets, more like! Oh man, iceburn.
May 18, 2006: Bob Hammero blew Schultze away to remind him why it's a bad idea to screw with ASS.
May 19, 2006: Brendoshi proved to Bodaka that shooting a member of ASS, even a new one means a smoking shotgun barrel beside your head.
May 19, 2006: Grarghal Bob administered a final exam on hiding places. Delta flyer flunked.
May 20, 2006: Gideon Mac shot Cold Fuzion full of holes, and there was much rejoicing.
May 20, 2006: Gideon Mac exacted revenge on Tuco Ramirez, and there was much rejoicing.
May 20, 2006: Bob Hammero helped Lord Brittish get to a hospital with the help of his trusty shotguns.
May 20, 2006: Grarghal Bob chopped up Billy Bubba and threw the pieces to the Zombies. The moral? Mess with ASS and you'll end up as a plate of Zombie hors d'oeuvres.
May 20, 2006: N0 0ne eliminated vicious PKer Schultze.
May 21, 2006: Brendoshi chased after Zod Rhombus after his nasty kill on A1C Jerry. 14 pistol shots, one swing of the axe, and a cleanly aimed punch to the head put him out of his misery.
May 21, 2006: Bob Hammero reminded SirKill that revenge is a dish best not served at all to ASS, unless you enjoy seeing revive points a lot.
May 21, 2006: Jimbo Bob triumphantly returned to Caiger, riddling self-proclaimed idiot Heintze with bullets.
May 22, 2006: Gideon Mac ended the life of Lud Lum, and there was much rejoicing.
May 22, 2006: Bob Hammero slew longtime enemy Toast Boy.
May 22, 2006: Grarghal Bob exacted vengeance upon Pyscho Billy for his murder of A1C Jerry. (Thanks man. --A1C Jerry)
May 22, 2006: Jimbo Bob asked Schultze to say hi to his alts for him.
May 23, 2006: Jimbo Bob found Delta flyer's alt attacking him, and turned the tables by turning him inside out.
May 23, 2006: N0 0ne feeling grumpy after beeing recently killed and revived took it out on seanmc10.
May 23, 2006: Gideon Mac made CodenameDirtbag pay for his idiocy, and there was much rejoicing.
May 24, 2006: Jimbo Bob showed Psycho Billy why "safehouse" is an oxymoron when you mess with ASS.
May 24, 2006: Gideon Mac executed Fritze for his many crimes, and there was much rejoicing.
May 25, 2006: Brendoshi stopped Sirkill with his trusty pistol.
May 25, 2006: Bob Hammero annihilated LokiJester.
May 25, 2006: Jimbo Bob took Toast Boy out for a night of dancing, drinking, and being shot repeatedly in the face.
May 26, 2006: Gideon Mac killed Armathartar for Brendoshi, and there was much rejoicing.
May 26, 2006: N0 0ne Eliminated Known PKer Schultze.
May 26, 2006: After running into DaJiboo3, Grarghal Bob hopes the CDF's benefit package includes a provision for accidental death or dismemberment.
May 26, 2006: LCpl Khalil slaughtered Amazin g and urinated on his corpse.
May 27, 2006: Gideon Mac showed Fritze no mercy.
May 27, 2006: Jimbo Bob exacted a brutal reckoning upon Jim Killazombie2.
May 28, 2006: N0 0ne deals out retribution on Armathartar.
May 28, 2006: A1C Jerry teaches LokiJester how to use a shotgun, using LokiJester as the target.
May 28, 2006: LCpl Khalil found Schultze masturbating to a picture of Hasselhoff in Caiger Mall and killed him.
May 29, 2006: Gideon Mac sent Fritze a love letter from all the guys in ASS... it hurt.
May 29, 2006: Jimbo Bob hurt Mister Quimper real bad.
May 29, 2006: Gideon Mac killed Roscoe Underbough, and a grand time was had by all.
May 30, 2006: Brendoshi Blew LokiJester into little pieces, and left him to rot.
May 30, 2006: Grarghal Bob performed open heart surgery on Billy Bubba. Sadly, the patient didn't survive.
May 30, 2006: N0 0ne introduces Fritze to the business end of his Axe.
May 30, 2006: A1C Jerry ASS's LokiJester, again. That makes him being ASSed twice in one day!
May 31, 2006: N0 0ne ASSaulted Fritze yet AGAIN... Muwahahaha!
May 31, 2006: Jimbo Bob put Heintze into a world of hurt.
May 31, 2006: Gideon Mac took out Mister Quimper.
June 1, 2006: Grarghal Bob showed Privateer how to shoot someone dead without hitting someone else in the process.
June 1, 2006: LCpl Khalil terminated Marty the Party for indecent exposure and having a gay name.
June 1, 2006: Jimbo Bob educated Toast Boy on the finer points of pain.
June 2, 2006: Brendoshi left Toast Boy burnt on one side full of holes.
June 2, 2006: Gideon Mac executed Jim Killazombie2.
June 2, 2006: Grarghal Bob gave a firearms demonstration. Privateer volunteered to be the target.
June 2, 2006: LCpl Khalil killed Quendus.
June 2, 2006: Jimbo Bob shot and killed seanmc10. With bullets.
June 3, 2006: LCpl Khalil needed some target practice. Dirty Bubbles was the perfect target. Need we say more.
June 4, 2006: Gideon Mac killed Heintze.
June 4, 2006: N0 0ne killed Schultze yet again.
June 5, 2006: N0 0ne showed no mercy to NIghtHawk Z.
June 5, 2006: Bob Hammero killed Tuco Ramirez.
June 5, 2006: Bob Hammero killed CodenameDirtbag.
June 6, 2006: Brendoshi wiped out seanmc10. Happy PK day all.
June 6, 2006: N0 0ne removes Dirty Bubbles from his wine.
June 6, 2006: Gideon Mac killed Fritze.
June 8, 2006: Brendoshi killed Toast Boy
June 8, 2006: Straight after this Brendoshi helped Heintze leave this world.
June 8, 2006: N0 0ne makes Jim Killazombie2 a Zombie.
June 9, 2006: N0 0ne kills An Obese Penguin. and finds out if Penguin tastes like chicken!
June 9, 2006: Jimbo Bob defenestrated Heintze.
June 10 2006: Brendoshi blew Fritze away.
June 10, 2006: Grarghal Bob made Roybot self-destruct.
June 10, 2006: Jimbo Bob ventilated Marty the Party.
June 11, 2006: N0 0ne terminated Heintze.
June 11, 2006: Grarghal Bob made Cold Fuzion overheat. Science is fun!
June 12, 2006: Even in his current state of mind Brendoshi took out Toast Boy, and enjoyed every minute of it.
June 12, 2006: Grarghal Bob exorcised Cloaked Wraith with a shotgun of awesomeness.
June 12, 2006: Jimbo Bob rearranged Heintze.
June 12, 2006: cwissball showed Kelvira why she shoulden't piss off a member of ASS.
June 14, 2006: N0 0ne Exterminated a dirtbag named CodenameDirtbag.
June 14, 2006: Grarghal Bob exacted vengeance on wanton murderer Bnort.
June 15, 2006: Brendoshi blew Fritze into tiny annoying pieces.
June 15, 2006: N0 0ne Introduced Kamwo Mawar to the zombie lifestyle.
June 17, 2006: Brendoshi put a bullet through Kamwo Mawar's head.
June 17, 2006: Jimbo Bob bestowed a munificent gift upon the community by killing Amazing.
June 17, 2006: Jimbo Bob then followed up on this by executing another member of the CDF's tribunal, Zod Rhombus.
June 18, 2006: Brendoshi had little action points but was bored to death. He proceeded to kill Schultze.
June 18, 2006: N0 0ne Removes an annoyance named Quendus from Caiger.
June 19, 2006: Brendoshi found Amazing in hiding, and blew him into tiny not-so-Amazing pieces.
June 19, 2006: Jimbo Bob murderized Toast Boy.
June 20, 2006: Bob Hammero used Marty the Party for ballistics practice.
June 20, 2006: Bob Hammero showed Mil Mascaras what death by gunfire looks like.
June 21, 2006: Brendoshi found Marty the Party outside St Issy's and decided to kill him because of his stupid name and his very stupid profile.
June 21, 2006: Bob Hammero caught Ruki hiding in Caiger Mall and shot him on sight.
June 22, 2006: After searching Caiger and finding nobody, Brendoshi looked a little further and found EiNSAM. Much shooting later the stupid survivor got dumped outside.
June 22, 2006: N0 0ne Scores a big kill! It's Zod Rhombus!!
June 23, 2006: holdonloosely killed his first CDF member, Tabitha.
June 24, 2006: holdonloosely strikes again, killing Agent White. As he kills him he wonders how he can look like a warrior/healer.
June 24, 2006: Bob Hammero blasts Annarchy into a wall.
June 24, 2006: holdonloosely deals a killing blow to Marty the Party, racking up his third kill.
June 25, 2006: holdonloosely tracked down and absolutely destroyed El Borbah, an idiot who had tried to kill him earlier!
June 26, 2006: N0 0ne killed a bad cop named Jett Black.
June 26, 2006: Brendoshi hurt CheneyEatPoop bad. With his shotgun.
June 26, 2006: Bob Hammero blasted away at Ruki until he understood that attacking ASS doesn't pay.
June 28, 2006: Anton Howard accidentally lodged a hail of lead into Mister Quimper's sorry hide.
June 29, 2006: holdonloosely tripped over his shotgun and accidentally shot El Borbah 17 times.
June 29, 2006: holdonloosely brutally kills Tuco Ramirez. He ponders to himself what kind of name "Tuco" is anyway.
July 1, 2006: Bob Hammero threw Heintze off the top of a building.
July 1, 2006: holdonloosely found Mister Quimper napping in the NT building just outside of Caiger mall, and promptly shot him in the face.
July 2, 2006: Anton Howard hunted down and executed CodenameDirtbag.
July 2, 2006: holdonloosely caught the infamous Schultze, and smashed his head into the ground until he stopped moving.
July 2, 2006: N0 0ne extracts Revenge on Mister Quimper.
July 2, 2006: Jimbo Bob broke Agent White's control of the Matrix. Yet another triumph for humanity brought to you by ASS!
July 3, 2006: Anton Howard sent bIuecheese on an all expenses paid trip to the morgue.
July 3, 2006: N0 0ne tells Mister Quimper a story with a bad ending. --Technerd 21:53, 3 July 2006 (BST)
July 3, 2006: holdonloosely slits Schultze's throat with one of the broken syringes littering the floor of the building
July 3, 2006: Anton Howard gave Blue Demon a buckshot enema.
July 4, 2006: Jimbo Bob turned EiNSAM into a fireworks display. Happy 4th, everybody!
July 4, 2006: Brendoshi Added to the firework display by blowing Mil Mascaras into tiny little pieces.
July 4, 2006: Bob Hammero tried to teach Big Daddy Fat Sex about shotgun safety, but later learned that Big Daddy Fat Sex wasn't bulletproof.
July 4, 2006: cwissball showed CheneyEatPoop what the other end of a shotgun looks like.
July 4, 2006: N0 0ne liberates Agent White from the bonds of the living.
July 4, 2006: Paradox319 shot Blue Demon to death.
July 5, 2006: Brendoshi wasted Blue Demon
July 5, 2006: Jimbo Bob pushed WildKard84 into traffic.
July 6, 2006: holdonloosely encouraged the stupid Cobalt 60 to play in traffic. He was so dumb that he still died even though there is no traffic in Malton
July 6, 2006: Bob Hammero showed WildKard84 the ropes, then hung him with them.
July 7, 2006: holdonloosely made CheneyEatPoop eat poop. He slowly died from E-coli.
July 7, 2006: Jimbo Bob struck a blow against the Axis by murderizing bettinazzi.
July 7, 2006: Jimbo Bob tore bettinazzi limb from limb.
July 9, 2006: Jimbo Bob made like Dick Cheney and shot Snootchy in the face with his shotgun.
July 10, 2006: Anton Howard gave Lessis Solono a lesson on the effects of a shotgun blast to the head.
July 11, 2006: Paradox319 avenged the death of N0 0ne by throwing Murgel off Calvert Mall.
July 15, 2006: holdonloosely showed Eric Wolton that being stupid doesn't pay.
July 16, 2006: Bob Hammero abandoned Danny252's corpse after filling it with hot lead.
July 16, 2006: holdonloosely tricked Downed Pilot into killing himself.
July 16, 2006: Brendoshi turned nukular into tiny, abandoned pieces.
July 16, 2006: Paradox319 introduced Lucifer The Scorpion to his good friend Mr. Pistol.
July 16, 2006: Jimbo Bob beheaded UDHelp for his presumption in claiming the royal name of Bob.
July 16, 2006: A1C Jerry introduced Will Kurada to the ASS zone. He died shortly there after.
July 16, 2006: N0 0ne ASSaulted McBlackjack in Bale Mall OMG are the BME gonna get mad? Update at 10 O'clock.
July 16, 2006: Wooldoor introduced Lucien Caldwell to his pet boomstick, Bubba.
July 17, 2006: Bob Hammero plugged ErynSMA into a generator, and then she went all quiet and dead for some reason.
July 17, 2006: McBlackjack tried to kill Paradox319 with a knife...unfortunately he should've known not to bring a knife to a gun fight.
July 17, 2006: Jimbo Bob gave UDHelp no reprieve.
July 17, 2006: Anton Howard filled Altair Corbin's skull with 9mm parabellum.
July 17, 2006: Bob Hammero threw Captain Flutergork to a group of hungry zombies.
July 17, 2006: N0 0ne got Angry at B Anger.
July 17, 2006: A1C Jerry got Downed Pilot sleeping in Bale Mall. He quickly showed him the door to the ASS zone. He died, just like Will Kurada.
July 18, 2006: Rotticus has had the unfortunate event to wipe out The Silver Shining.
July 18, 2006: Wooldoor took care of another Abandoned member - yet forgot to take his profile down. Silly Wooldoor.
July 18, 2006: A1C Jerry made his lucky 7th on kill on UDHelp. Hurray for easy kills on The Abandoned!
July 18, 2006: N0 0ne ASSaults yet another Abandoned soul. (Altair Corbin)
July 18, 2006: Jimbo Bob thawed some frozenwaffles with the application of a little (okay, a lot of) hot lead.
July 19, 2006: Anton Howard gave Riser a primer on the effects of hot lead hurtling towards your skull. Riser, fortunately, did not survive the lesson.
July 19, 2006: Anton Howard made a nice mural with Orie Shizuoka's gray cells.
July 19, 2006: Paradox319 got really angry with B Anger., so he threw him out of the building for the zombies to feed on.
July 19, 2006: Brendoshi pied out Captain Flutergork and taunted him accordingly.
July 19, 2006: A1C Jerry decided to practice his aim on Riser. His aim is pretty damn good.
July 19, 2006: Bob Hammero scratched Scratch'nsniff with a bullet to the head.
July 19, 2006: holdonloosely snuffed Francis Snottly III
July 19, 2006: Jimbo Bob renewed his pistol's acquaintance with UDHelp.
July 20, 2006: Anton Howard tested his quickdraw. John the Quicker wasn't up to the challenge.
July 20, 2006: Eric Wolton bit the dust, care of Wooldoor's pimped-out boomstick.
July 21, 2006: Lucien Caldwell has tested Rotticus's mettle and the deck was swabbed with Lucien's head used as a mop.
July 21, 2006: Orie Shizuoka has been taken down a peg or two by Canderous Ordo.
July 21, 2006: Wooldoor taught frozenwaffles the foolishness of staying in the same building as an ASS member for over a day.
July 21, 2006: holdonloosely showed Downed Pilot that knowledge is power. Unfortunately for him, his 'power' was dwarfed by that of holdonloosely.
July 22, 2006: Canderous Ordo helped UDHelp see the other side.
July 22, 2006: N0 0ne removed Riser from the ranks of the living stupid.
July 22, 2006: Wooldoor decided to push The Abandoned member Deras off a cliff, to see whether he would fly. He didn't.
July 23, 2006: Anton Howard put Caligari87 out of his misery, beheading him with his trusty axe.
July 23, 2006: N0 0ne helped UDHelp return to zombiehood.
July 24, 2006: holdonloosely savagely murdered Will Kurada
July 24, 2006: Brendoshi once again took out Captain Flutergork.
July 24, 2006: N0 0ne threw out his frozenwaffles.
July 24, 2006: Bob Hammero helped UDHelp achieve his lifelong dream of skydiving. Unfortunately for UDHelp, Bob didn't give him a parachute.
July 24, 2006: Bob Hammero handed Aristharus a grenade with no pin.
July 25, 2006: McBlackjack got himself another 5-6 holes through which to expel excess waste. Rumors indicate that Rotticus carried out the operation rather successfully. Zombies got another one to bolster their ranks.
July 25, 2006: Wooldoor accidentally killed The Abandoned member Francis Snottly III, instead of healing him. Whoops.
July 25, 2006: Bob Hammero turned Dusty Quad into a dusty corpse.
July 26, 2006: Anton Howard disemboweled iceblue.
July 26, 2006: Brendoshi killed Orie Shizuoka.
July 26, 2006: Wooldoor, on a whim, decided to shove Altair Corbin's head into a TV.
July 27, 2006: holdonloosely showed the ironically named the deadline that there was in fact a deadline, on his life.
July 27, 2006: N0 0ne gets revenge by killing Murgel in a flurry of shotgun blasts.
July 27, 2006: holdonloosely helped UDHelp by showing him the ropes. He showed him how to tie a hangman's noose first.
July 28, 2006: Anton Howard dropped an anvil on Albert Iordache.
July 29, 2006: UDHelp forgot how to tie the hangman's noose, so holdonloosely showed him again.
July 29, 2006: N0 0ne gets pissed at Francis Snottly III's attitude and removes the annoyance.
July 29, 2006: Wooldoor decided to test out the latest model of shotgun on nukular. It worked flawlessly.
July 29, 2006: Anton Howard pushed Lucien Caldwell down a flight of stairs.
July 29, 2006: Brendoshi ASSed Francis Snottly III.
July 30, 2006: Anton Howard gave Orie Shizuoka their final grade in art class. Shizuoka committed suicide in despair.
July 30, 2006: Jimbo Bob ended the loathsome line of Francis Snottly III.
July 30, 2006: Jimbo Bob tricked UDHelp into stupiding himself to death.
July 30, 2006: Brendoshi ended iceblue's life on this planet.
July 30, 2006: Wooldoor put Altair Corbin out of his misery.
July 31, 2006: holdonloosely beheaded iceblue
July 31, 2006: holdonloosely disemboweled The Silver Shining
July 31, 2006: Jimbo Bob stuck Aristharus with a hypodermic full of bleach.
July 31, 2006: Jimbo Bob held Lucien Caldwell's face in a bucket of water.
July 31, 2006: Anton Howard watched in amusement as McBlackjack spontaneously combusted.
July 31, 2006: N0 0ne scratched & Snuffed Abandoned member Scratch'nsniff
August 1, 2006: holdonloosely tricked Orie Shizuoka into shooting himself. Several times.
August 1, 2006: Wooldoor avenged Rotticus' death by murdering Dusty Quad. Gotcha!
August 1, 2006: Jimbo Bob busted McBlackjack.
August 1, 2006: Brendoshi made Captain Flutergork more useful by turning him into a rotting corpse.
August 1, 2006: A1C Jerry made a bet with McBlackjack that A1C couldn't juggle his shotguns. Unfortunately for A1C, he was right; unfortunately for McBlackjack, the shotguns hit the ground, and shot off, killing him.
August 2, 2006: Brendoshi ASSed Will Kurada
August 2, 2006: Anton Howard forcibly ejected Lucien Caldwell from a nightclub.
August 2, 2006: A1C Jerry came across Abandoned member ErynSMA for the first time. He quickly ASS'd them for the first time too! Hurray for ErynSMA!
August 3, 2006: Anton Howard beat McBlackjack to death with a tire iron.
August 3, 2006: N0 0ne "Hacked" TortureMachine to death.
August 3, 2006: Anton Howard euthanised Francis Snottly III.
August 5, 2006: Anton Howard gutted Deras.
August 5, 2006: A1C Jerry used Wileysez as way to check if his pistol was loaded. Turns out, it was. Also: It was Wileysez's first time being ASS'd! Congrats!
August 5, 2006: Anton Howard made Captain Flutergork walk the plank.
August 6, 2006: holdonloosely ripped TotureMachine a new one.
August 6, 2006: Anton Howard gunned down Mood Indigo. Indigo learnt the hard way that you don't fuck with the ASSault.
August 7, 2006: LCpl Khalil came out of retirement and introduced Kriegstein to the science of wound ballistics.
August 7, 2006: Brendoshi killed Setters
August 8, 2006: N0 0ne helped UDHelp die again.
August 9, 2006: N0 0ne Massacred yet another whiney member of The Abandoned, Koryr.
August 9, 2006: holdonloosely scratched Scratch'nsniff off the map, and he smelled like cherries... and... blood of course.
August 9, 2006: holdonloosely gave Deras a healthy fear of his pistol.
August 9, 2006: Anton Howard sent Sabre1 the way of all flesh.
August 10, 2006: Anton Howard taught Mood Indigo not to start something with ASS unless you're prepared to finish it as well.
August 10, 2006: LCpl Khalil took CheneyEatPoop hunting.Do we have to tell you the rest of the story?
August 11, 2006: N0 0ne avenges Bob Hammero by killing bettinazzi
August 11, 2006: TortureMachine was hung, drawn and quartered by Anton Howard.
August 11, 2006: holdonloosely killed Syagrius who has brain rot. Good luck getting a revive, buddy.
August 15, 2006: holdonloosely killed the leader of the CDF, Zod Rhombus
August 15, 2006: holdonloosely killed another important CDF member, 1 4
August 15, 2006: Mr Sheriff left a ridiculous smell of ASS in Caiger Mall when he killed Mykha.
August 15, 2006: A1C Jerry was bored, and decided to let loose some rounds at Zod Rhombus. Once again, A1C Jerry shows that boredom kills.
August 15, 2006: holdonloosely killed Amazing his third kill in a 24 hour period. Truly an "Amazing" feat.
August 17, 2006: Anton Howard emptied his 12 gauge into supreme scumbag Reitz.
August 17, 2006: Mr Sheriff made his second ASS kill by killing Cobalt 60, but was Flummoxed for a Catch Phrase.
August 18, 2006: This Christmas, Jimbo Bob gave the gift of murder. ELite Raynor didn't seem to appreciate it very much, though.
August 18, 2006: Jimbo Bob said goodbye to the group he helped lead to such overwhelming greatness in the only way appropriate - by murdering one last idiotic CDFer.
August 20, 2006: Jimbo Bob just couldn't resist.
August 21, 2006: Mr Sheriff kicked off the ASSing of the DDDS by killing Calthaer!
August 22, 2006: Rotticus mowed the lawn.
August 22, 2006: Mr Sheriff killed Himatok. Come on Guys, I can't ASS the DDDS alone!
August 23, 2006: Anton Howard ASSed a real ASShole known as Lord Lucan.
August 23, 2006: Anton Howard flayed Nung alive.
August 23, 2006: Brendoshi ASSed Enid Blyton. Just look at that description...
August 23, 2006: N0 0ne catches private000 in a private moment and ends it.
August 23, 2006: Mr Sheriff killed Enid Blyton while the bastard was online. Yet he did nothing to stop it, the bastard!
August 23, 2006: Enid Blyton Does not seem to realise that sitting in the same place where killed before after being revived will only end up in death again.
August 24, 2006: private000 was castrated by "Dr." Anton Howard.
August 24, 2006: N0 0ne Dethroned Lord Lucan in a very violent manner.
August 25, 2006: Rotticus turned Stu into a real red man. Drowned in his own blood, the poor sod...
August 25, 2006: Anton Howard spayed Meowdam.
August 25, 2006: Paradox319 introduced private000 to his firing squad.
August 27, 2006: Rotticus showed Meowdam that meowing at the moon doesnt pay as it lures fellow ASSassins to the neighborhood.
August 27, 2006: Anton Howard gave himatok a nice pair of concrete shoes.
August 28, 2006: The honourable Anton Howard sentenced Nung to death by firing squad.
August 29, 2006: Anton Howard put Nung six feet under.
August 30, 2006: A1C Jerry gave private000 a cold, silent, yet oddly humorous death.
August 31, 2006: Rotticus is angry cause he had to use more AP than he wanted to on Nung. Retribution comes soon.
September 1, 2006: Mr Sheriff killed Dr Demento, THATS WHAT YOU GET!
September 1, 2006: Deedra avenged Anton Howard's multiple deaths at the hands of the monstrously hypocritical DeMoN sEEd.
September 1, 2006: Deedra found DDDS homeboy himatok, and just couldn't resist blowing him away.
September 1, 2006: Mr Sheriff killed Stu Redman while trying to figure out where the fuck he parked his car.
September 2, 2006: More revenge for Mr Sheriff.
September 3, 2006: Meowdam was splattered onto the walls by Mr Sheriff
September 4, 2006: Deedra conducted some scientific experiments using Dr Demento as the guinea pig. They were a complete success.
September 6, 2006: Mr Sheriff ASSed Dusty Quad, I'm too tired to think of a funny way to put it.
September 8, 2006: N0 0ne gets his first kill on Havlichek after coming back from vacation.
September 9, 2006: Responding to an anonymous tip from a concerned Malton citizen, Deedra rescued the city from the dangerous criminal mastermind known only by the alias Dusty Quad. Rejoice!
September 13, 2006: Paradox319 ripped off THE BEARD HUNTER's beard, laughed, and proceeded to shoot him multiple times...ending his life.
September 16, 2006: Rotticus murdered Cowboy Up the old gray way. Zombiedom FTW!!!
September 19, 2006: Robert the gamerwas annihilated for conspiring against ASS members.
September 20, 2006: In a deliciously ironic twist, Deedra viciously mutilated Hanover Fist in retaliation for his crimes against humanity.
September 20, 2006: Paradox319 tried out his new shotgun on Vashka
September 21, 2006: FlaggerBoy gets ready for the equinox by covering himself in DJSMITH's blood.
September 21, 2006: Paradox319 got revenge for the deaths of several ASS Members by killing Treacherous Skillz
September 21, 2006: Anton Howard worked DJSMITH over with a 2x4.
September 21, 2006: hashissiin got a new medication and a brand new shotgun from his doctor, and met a very stupid survivor called Cpt Timbob and ripped his tiny private bits off. That operation required a microscope and some surgery skills.
September 22, 2006: Anton Howard pushed DJSMITH into an incinerator.
September 22, 2006: FlaggerBoy missed