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A New Infestation

BBC, The Other Side, by Jack Ebbutt;  

--Malton --Malton's lousy autumn has led to an explosion of cases of headlice amongst zombies – AND survivor SHUT-INS!

The humid conditions have proved ideal breeding conditions for the insects. And now there are even fears the problem could be made worse – by the impending cold front.

Experts fear that so many people seeking warm shelter will put people’s heads into such close proximity the lice will be springing from head to head like Free Running zombies on Pogo sticks.

Ron Burgundy, progenitor of all insect infestions and itchy body rashes, told the BBC: “We have had lots of damp weather and I kinda sorta wanna suggest this has caused a higher level of lice than normal and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I never ever bathe.

“The weather has also meant more survivors indoors and in close contact which has increased the speed at which the infestation has spread.

“Currently our research suggests about 10 per cent of all shoppers in a mall have nits, which in an average barricaded mall is about 40 at any one time.

“Chances are this is also being passed on from these shoppers to their group members back at their safe-houses, who in turn can pass it on to zombies in queue at the revive point who carry the infection back to wherever they go. “Lice have also built up some resistance to treatments such as pesticides, so the incidence of lice has risen dramatically over the past few years.”

Zane Jorgensson, who works at a Fort Perryn Defense Force group known communally as The Hairforce which specializes in infestation treatments, said: In this weather, there is a big pick-up, there is a lot around. We have heard from our clients, talking about schools where their children are, that there are real problems, and everybody is desperate for term to end so they don’t have to deal with them. Recent figures showed there had been a 15% rise in lice so far this year, with those living or dead in or around heavily populated malls and using public resource buildings regularly worst affected.

Head lice spread mainly through direct physical contact with a carrier but can also be caught from objects they have crawled onto from a carrier.

Over half of Malton’s population is suspected to be infested by the return of Spring and £33 million is spent on products annually showing head lice is already at epidemic levels among mall patrons and those close to them.

Although there are still some products available out there, lice are immune to them 80 per cent of the time.

Itchy holidays everybody!!


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