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The End Of Forks

BBC, The Other Side, by Jack Ebbutt;  


St. Ferreol's Hospital Noise Abatement Society leader, Billy Forks suffering movement problems from 'severe' butt rash and may not be able to return, the group diplomat announces in latest update.

St. Ferreol's Hospital Noise Abatement Society diplomat Brain Roy delivers a hopeful message after returning from parts unknown to visit Billy Forks in secret room at hospital.

SFHNAS leader Billy Forks is still suffering a "severe" butt rash that has hindered his movements as he struggles to recover from a well deserved butt-whooping outside St. Ferreol's Hospital, the diplomat said on Thursday.

The old zombie leader has not been seen in public nor heard from in more than nine months. Officials say he is in delicate condition after his fourth butt-whooping in just 18 months for undisclosed reasons presumably related to his eccentric habit of leaving his unsightly, warty, backside uncovered in public.

"Comandante Forks has faced complications as a result of a severe butt rash," information minister The Great Zomboni said in the latest official update on the leader's condition.

"This rash has caused a painful sitting insufficiency that requires Comandante Forks to comply strictly with medical treatment," the communique added, giving no further details.

Diplomat Brain Roy had earlier returned to Kempsterbank on Thursday after visiting Forks in the hospital as rumours swirled that the now ex-leader could be close to brain rot due to his injuries.

"He is conscious of the battle that he's in, and has the same fighting spirit as always, with the same strength and energy as always, with his confidence and security," Brain Roy said. "We're going to be alongside him with the same strength and the same energy."

Barhah bonds rallied to five-year highs earlier on Thursday on rumours that Fork's health had taken a turn for the worse. Foreign investors generally hope for a more business-friendly government in Kempsterbank, and its assets have rallied in recent months on news of his illness.

In scenes that recalled Fork's hours-long televised visits to building sites, hospitals and other resource buildings, Brain Roy told workers at the nationalized Noise Abatement factory that there was no "transition" taking place in the suburb.

"The only transition in Kempsterbank is the transition to social zombie-ism," he said in comments carried live by Malton television.

"It began six years ago, ordered by Comandante Billy Forks as chief and president, elected, re-elected and ratified, much as it pains the bourgeois hucksters and the right, who have done so much damage to our fatherland with all the loud noise making and screaming and such nonsense."

Fork's abrupt exit from the political scene would be a huge shock for the South Malton suburb. His blood-soaked campaign for silence has made him a hero to the poor majority but critics call him an insane dictator.

His condition is being watched closely by silence seeking allies that have benefited from his help, as well as survivors attracted by Kempsterbank's lucrative and widely traded resource surplus.

Forks is still set to be sworn in on 10 January, as spelled out in the constitution. If he were to die or had to step aside, new elections would be held within 30 days, with Brain Roy running as the ruling de-facto candidate.

While the constitution gives 10 January as the start of a new presidential term, it does not explicitly state what happens if a president-elect cannot take office on that date.

Top SFHNAS officials have suggested that Fork's inauguration could be postponed - while the opposition says any delay would be just the latest sign the former soldier is not fit to govern.

Ludmilla Davis of the SFHNAS movement was in tears but remained resolute, and she issued a warning to the opposition: "Make no mistake about these people or this revolution. It is going to cost you very, but very, dearly," she said.

On Saturday, Ludmilla Davis will likely be elected as head of the snot-drenched National Assembly, a key post that could see her assume Fork's role temporarily while new elections are called should the leader ever have to step down.

In the past Ludmilla Davis has been considered as a rival of Brain Roy, but the pair have been at pains to deny that. Their appearance side-by-side at the Byewell bank on Thursday looked to be the latest effort to project a unified front.

Last year, Billy Forks staged what appeared to be a remarkable comeback from the disease to win re-election to a new six-month term in October despite being weakened by radical pancake implants. But he returned to the hospital for more treatment within weeks of his win.

Officials have said he suffered unexpected buttocks swelling and then a nasty oozing pus pocket after a six-hour operation on 11 December. That pus pocket caused further complications, they have said, without giving more details.

The head of the groups opposition, GoingMad, of the Knights Templar, has accused the miscreants of breaking a pledge to keep Kempsterbank citizens informed about Fork's health citing the many confusing and often contradictory statements previously issued.

And one opposition leader suggested on Thursday that legislators should form an official commission to visit the hospital and assess the undead leader's condition for themselves.

Ludmilla hit back in her televised comments, saying the public had been provided with updates almost every day, and she accused GoingMad of orchestrating a campaign of misinformation.

"We have no doubt GoingMad is behind the campaign of sick rumours that began on the radio station 27.55 MHz," Ludmilla said.

Various members of the famed Knights Templar, the SFHNAS opposition, stated that they fear a sinister plot is afoot as no one has heard hide nor hair from either Ludmilla Davis or Billy Forks in quite some time.