Channel 4 News Team/Exclusives

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Channel 4 News

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With lead anchor Ron Burgundy

C4NT Exclusives
We get the news that others can't, and that's Classy!!

Wednesday, November 25 2020  

Top Stories

Interview with ZombieMcAllen

The full interview between Ed Harken and ZombieMcAllen of the Undeadites is as follows:


Ed Harken: I'd like to thank ZombieMcAllen for taking the time to invite me over for an interview.

ZombieMcAllen: Thanks Ed, it's great to be here.


Ed Harken: For the first question just to get it out of the way tell us ... Teeth or Claws?

ZombieMcAllen: Good question. Claws all the way. There's nothing like the satisfaction of eviscerating a survivors intestines and watching my prey writhe in pain before I eat his brains.


Ed Harken: How does being on a tour like the Big Bash differ from working with smaller groups?

ZombieMcAllen: There are pros and cons. For example, there's a great deal of satisfaction from witnessing the destruction that hundreds of zombies can bring to bear on a suburb. We instill fear and panic in neighboring burbs and love hearing the chatter we hear from trembling survivor groups. However, communication can be difficult. It's a bit like herding cats... well, undead rabid cats. You get the idea... The attack on Ackland was carried off by a number of independents and there are some still at Giddings.


Ed Harken: What is the average size of a strike team?

ZombieMcAllen: It depends. We have found that a team of three is enough to take down EH barricades. But then we need zombies with AP left over. A group of about 6-8 works well on most average buildings. We sometimes depend on ferals and target areas where ferals tend to be active when not with the Big Bash.


Ed Harken: Are some building types targeted more heavily than others?

ZombieMcAllen: We don't tend to look at the nature of the building but rather barricade levels and whether the lights are on. If you put a candle in the window you can bet we'll show up to put it out after we dine on your brains in a romantic setting. Zombies enjoy the ambiance of dining by soft light.


Ed Harken: Does not having doors make Churches and junkyards anymore of an appealing target for younger or feral zombies?

ZombieMcAllen: Before feeding groans came along and before joining the Undeadites I did, but feeding groans revolutionized our dining habits. It really is as good as ringing the dinner bell. We salivate like Pavlov's dog -- an undead crazed dog -- and come shambling.


Ed Harken: Are there certain groans or calls that have a particular meaning in game?

ZombieMcAllen: Oh, yes. The Undeadites' signature groan is Rnrarrrh! which we typically yell when barging into a survivor safe house and join the squaredancing. I usually like to follow that up with a reference to my genitalia: Grabba mah manbagz harmanz! And instructions to grab other things like: Grabba brainz! Grabba g!n! and Grabba azz! It's a little know fact that zombies tend to enjoy a dry martini and so we often [say] grabba g!n.


Ed Harken: Have any groups put up a really good fight or has the Bash simply been a walk through?

ZombieMcAllen: Until Giddings we haven't run into stiff resistance. Small cohesive groups tend to put up a valiant fight, though. I recall an incident in the early days of the Bash we hit a southern burb. We ate the Bowman Blackwatch group of about 12 survivors. Their brainz were tasty, but they wouldn't give up as zombies. They launched an attempt to kill zombies while they were zombies. It was futile since it takes ankle-grabbing zombies only 1 AP to stand up, but it showed that they had heart, which was rather tasty, by the way.


Ed Harken: Have any groups been more tasty than others?

ZombieMcAllen: In general the more effort a group puts up improves the taste of their sweet, sweet brainz. The Malton Retirement Housing group in Nichols was a fun group to hit. Goofy names and descriptions are welcome as well. Ottis Spunkmeyer's brain tasted like cookies - chewy, gooey, succulent cookies.


Ed Harken: What suburb have you so far found to be the most entertaining?

ZombieMcAllen: Stanbury was a hoot since there was so much dismay over defending Ackland, Nichols and, eventually, Hildebrand. Many zombie groups consider the center of Malton home turf and Nichols Mall as a zombie mall. Taking Nichols back was as satisfying as eating the brainz of Roger II, an early rival of the Undeadites and a leader of Paradox. Should Nichols fall back to survivor hands you can bet that zombies will not be far behind.


Ed Harken: I've heard some complaints about combat revives. Does that drastically effect the outcome of a particular strike or maneuver or is it more of a general nuisance?

ZombieMcAllen: It's a nuisance if you don't have any silly harman skills. However, since more and more zombies are maturing that has become less of a problem. Some of us look at it as an opportunity to PK, tag, or simply yell at people.

Ed Harken: I would expect working with a team or participating in a tour would be a great for raising the maturity of a young zombie. What strategy would you recommend to a feral zombie who is not ready to or hasn't found a group to work with? Is there any way a zombie can really enjoy themselves alone on the streets of Malton?

ZombieMcAllen: Groans. Groans are the feral's friend. We've had a number of ferals coming along for the opportunities presented by the Big Bash. If you are not ready to follow in the wake of other hordes then I suggest finding a burb with a mix of ferals and survivors. Too many zombies in a burb and there's no food. Too few and the buildings will be overbarricaded. Look for boundaries where survivors are trying to gain ground on zombie turf. That happens frequently in the center of Malton. That seems to be where many pitched battles are fought.


Ed Harken: Early in the summer your group participated to a certain degree in the Malton World Cup. Were there any highlights from that event that were worthy to note?

ZombieMcAllen: Ah, the World Cup... It had great publicity and potential. I give the World Cup Committee tremendous credit for spinning it up and publicizing it. However, the scoring was not clearly established and there was some early controversy when they claimed one of the players who wasn't present was claimed to have scored a goal. It seemed as though zombies were not going to win regardless of how many members of the World Cup Committee we ate. In the end, we decided to go with the original plan which was to eat the refs, take the trophy, and run.


Ed Harken: What zombie skill was the most fun to gain and make use of?

ZombieMcAllen: Feeding Drag. It's not the most strategic but it is the most fun. I once had the pleasure of dragging a survivor named 'king of malton' out of a building and tossing him to a pile of ferals. I enjoyed hearing his screams as he was ripped limb from limb. I think he was screaming for his mother. She was tasty, too.


Ed Harken: What skill could you most easily do without?

ZombieMcAllen: Scent death comes to mind. I hardly use it. It seems like it could be more useful to survivors looking for a revive queue than a career zombie interested in leaving a trail of destruction.


Ed Harken: In describing your group the UnDeadites, Whats your greatest strength?

ZombieMcAllen: Cooperation. We have designated attack times and regulars who show up ready for the feeding frenzy. I think establishing a simple pattern of behavior is important for the success of any horde. We have a hit list of building updated routinely by admins and moderators. We also have a thread spun up for each building we hit giving the current status. We rarely leave a building until it has been declared empty and ransack. We accept nothing less than total devastation. Of course, we have room for zombie games. We enjoy a friendly kick around the pitch with a survivor's head. And survivor head bowling. The eyes and mouth make for good grips, but they tend to fall apart rather quickly and so we go looking for more. You survivors need to find a better way to grow more durable skulls.


Ed Harken: What your favorite zombie movie?

ZombieMcAllen: Oh, that's a tough choice. There are so many. I like to choose my zombie movie based on mood much like a connoisseur chooses the right wine to go with a meal. However, some survivors like to stock their safehouses with a standard easily-drinkable table wine. And that's how I view the original Dawn of the Dead. It has all of the quintessential zombie elements such as small groups of survivors holed up in a mall under siege. It's common for older zeds to tell this story to lull younger zeds to sleep. Those Romero zombie know how to squaredance. If I'm depressed, I like to watch Shaun of the Dead as I tear into a femur or two. That always puts me in a good mood.


Ed Harken: Would you mind a couple of meta-gaming question on current events?

ZombieMcAllen: Ah, I suspect this relates to the Giddings controversy. Fire away (with your questions, not your shotgun, please).


Ed Harken: Do you find the game in its current state well balanced for zombies and survivors?

ZombieMcAllen: Tough question. Feeding drag seemed to tip the scales in favor of zombies. It does have strategic value above and beyond its comedic value. However, the recent update to DNA scanning has, in turn, tipped the scales towards survivors. I don't begrudge this update. Frankly, I see it as a bug fix rather than an overt skill boost. The rapid shift from 57% zombies to 50% zombies, though, suggests that the shift will continue. And I suspect it will. Given the acceleration of the change, this seems inevitable. Therefore, based on current statistics and trends it would seem that the game favors survivors. It could be argued that I'm biased after our lack of success at Giddings. However, based on the sheer number of survivors I don't think we could have taken the mall proper - bots or no bots. Since I've been a member of a horde, finding food has not been difficult. At the moment, I don't feel that the game is out of balance, but I expect that to change shortly as more and more survivors revive their buddies.


Ed Harken: On the possibility of the use of bots or programs to artificially control characters in game at faster than normal speed or which may be active while the player is away has provided an unfair advantage to some of the areas recently visited by the Bash. Is it your impression that this is the case or can it be explained by coordinated survivor behaviour?

ZombieMcAllen: I can cite a case study. The Undeadites hit the Sprod building after giving up on Morrish. Upon breaking in the barricades were up again in a matter of seconds. I focused on the most recently active survivor and ate his brains. He did not run or attempt to fight me and yet the cades were going up. I expect an active, infected, survivor at 10 HP to run away. This one stayed and I ate his brainz. They tasted a bit metallic. The rest of the Undeadites didn't have the AP left to take down the cades again. I was headshot and unceremoniously tossed outside in a smelly heap of dead bodies.

By the way, contrary to popular belief, zombies never grow numb to the headshot. It's wholly unpleasant. And we don't like waking up in a pile of bodies where we may occasionally be placed in compromising positions. If I ever find the survivor that left me covered with whipped cream and wearing nothing but a feather boa and a thong, there will be hell to pay.

Anyway, this incident left me convinced that bots were being used. I'm sure that the overwhelming majority of survivors did play fair, there were a few that did not. Many survivors were checking on Morrish after the siege and the siege pattern was established. However, I think we had a good chance of taking Morrish given the number of survivors inside against the number of zombies outside. In the early days of the siege the check-ins from Giddings Mall proper were not as frequent. I think bots may have prevented us from taking Morrish in the beginning, but once a pattern of routine checks was established by survivors I don't think we could have taken it. The fall of the other malls is largely owed to the lack of coordination. Morrish might have fallen if bots were not in use, but I don't think we could have taken Giddings, itself. Survivors had numbers and coordination on their side.


Ed Harken: I'd like to thank ZombieMcAllen on behalf of the whole Channel 4 News Team for the sacrifice of his time and wit. I know everyone will find it enlightening and entertaining.

ZombieMcAllen: Thanks Ed, for this experience and your hard-hitting questions. Hmm... you seem to have something on your forehead. Let me come in for a closer look ...

Interview with Sonny Corleone

The full interview between Ron Burgundy and Sonny Corleone of the RRF is as follows:

Ron Burgundy: Ribs. I had ribs for lunch. That's why I'm doing this. OK, lets begin. How does my hair look?

Sonny Corleone: Like it needs to be shaved so that your brains are easier to get to.


Ron Burgundy: Yeah, OK... so, teeth or claws?

Sonny Corleone: Claws. Some harmanz have skulls so thick my mandible will shatter upon biting.


Ron Burgundy: I see. So, having been both an important member of the AoG and the RRF, do you feel that zombie culture is superior to survivor culture on the wiki and among the forums? Hence the thick skulls, you understand.

Sonny Corleone: Yes. Zombies role play in the game more and actually bring the community togehter. I have never see a harman group create something like the RRF.


Ron Burgundy: How do you mean? What's special about the RRF? Is it just a sort of connectivity between its members, or is there something more profound about it? Brahah, perhaps?

Sonny Corleone: Barhah is very important. But we have a brotherhood relationship. We rely on each other. Unlike harmanz who are Rambo-John Wayne-Roy Roger "Yippe-kay-yay motherfuckers" we need each other. We also see out of game communication much more important than harmanz do. Zombie groups cannot be created with out out of game discussion. So what harmanz take for granted we treasure.


Ron Burgundy: What is Barhah?

Sonny Corleone: Barhah is everything and nothing. It is the bond between zombies, the thing leadership is made of, it is bravery and courage, it is what harmanz won't accept.


Ron Burgundy: Do humans possess the ability to accept it, or is it completely outside our grasp?

Sonny Corleone: It is very easy to accept. It's in fact easier to accept it than to deny your body and mind of it. A step out of the window or a nap on the curb can do wonders. You will feel Barhah and everything it poseses.


Ron Burgundy: It sounds almost religious! Do zombies worship the Gods?

Sonny Corleone: In a way yes. Sweet Zombie Jesus and his time traveling infant form, Zombie Baby Jesus, are one branch. I am a Son of Pluto, the planet of the dead. Others worship Papa Petro like Confucious. Others Warlord Xyu like the War God Mercury. And there is even a small minority that follow the Norse Gods like Odin, Thor, Freya, and Loki.


Ron Burgundy: To the juicy stuff! How much control would you say Petro and the other zombie leaders have over their respective hordes and does zombie hording necessitate such leadership?

Sonny Corleone: A zombie leader has no real power since controlling the minds of the masses is like herding cats. However a whisper into the ear of an individual can shape mountains, tumble governments, and crack skulls. So if one leader speaks it may affect everyone, or it may just sit there doing nothing.


Ron Burgundy: So zombie masses act of their own accord, by and large? If that's the case, what makes a good leader? Is such a distinction impossible?

Sonny Corleone: A good leader is just someone who can be as specific as possible and being there for help. Other than that a horde can function on its own as long as you give them targets. If not they will wander like lost sheep...or cats.


Ron Burgundy: So leading the RRF isn't taxing and things just take care of themselves, when supplied with adequate brains?

Sonny Corleone: That's just in game. Out of game it get's complicated because you have harmanz that can't count past 5 or those that see screenshots as unimportant unless it is from their program that they will not provide with you. Then when you finally prove that their brain is made up of monkey shit, a used cigarette, and an empty wrapper they get their gang of friends to team up on you until finally you give up because you feel your brain liquidating into a mush of nothingness.


Ron Burgundy: Given that, why do you think Petro elected you his successor?

Sonny Corleone: Honestly? I was the most active UD player in the RRF that held a UD leadership position before. That or I upset Petro because promotions are given out as punishment.


Ron Burgundy: Ah! So the zombie seeks to be a nameless face and not a leader! But then what made you choose Patrucio?

Sonny Corleone: He was just like me. Active in UD. He never held a big leadership position in UD but did in NW. He should've gotten the job instead of me originally but I think the reason was that he turned it down.


Ron Burgundy: Should have gotten it because he was more active or for some other reason?

Sonny Corleone: He was in the RRF longer than I was. I was in the RRF for a 5 weeks when I got promoted- also on the day that my cat died so it was a sucky day.


Ron Burgundy: What are your thoughts on Patrucio's adoption of death cultism? Was it an act of necessity, given the goings on in Ridleybank, a change that's been needed for a long time, or a reaction against unbalanced game mechanics?

Sonny Corleone: It was a question that was never answered by Petro and was needed to be adopted to cover our ass every time someone says a revived zombie plays the game correctly when he's revived. Petro always said to play both sides of the game. That means when you're dead you play zombies, when alive play harman. So at the time we were getting tons of reports of revived RRF zombies PKing people. The reason is that people were reviving them and their alive play is as a PKer. So Patrucio decided to say death cultism is ok as long as you work alone or not with the RRF horde. That means do not send info to the RRF or spy. This whole thing was just to allow people to play the game correctly without us getting yelled at for alive zombies "spying."


Ron Burgundy: So, is there now less reason for zombies in the RRF to hate combat revives- and why do they? Is it just the waste of AP that gets under your skin, or is it that you can't stand to be away from your foul zombie Gods?

Sonny Corleone: Combat revives are annoying because it leaves us open to "spying" accusations and isn't fun for those who can't play the other side of the game. Face it. If Sonny Corleone went survivor he'd be PKed on the spot.


Ron Burgundy: Fair enough. What do you think about the goings on in Ridleybank and Stanbury Village, right now?

Sonny Corleone: I have no idea what is happening. I haven't logged in since early September.


Ron Burgundy: Really? That gone, eh? Any predictions about the future of the RRF or UD as a whole?

Sonny Corleone: UD will collapse by March of 07, if not earlier. Before that the RRF will quit UD. It is only luck that the RRF is still around because in January '06 they were a hair away from leaving for NW when it was in alpha.


Ron Burgundy: What makes you say so?

Sonny Corleone: Because NW is more fun and finally our class has an equal opportunity unlike it did in UD.


Ron Burgundy: Do you think UD can be saved, or will zombies always be on the down side of things?

Sonny Corleone: Zombies hit a high point in June thanks to the big swoop in zombie coordination while using their new skills to their advantage. Harmanz will always be on top for their mass numbers but will never be as deadly as zombies because they don't know how to apply their skills or niche properly. If they played the game the way they should then zombies would shrink to the low thousands.


Ron Burgundy: How should they play?

Sonny Corleone: Nomads. I suggest every harman characters read the history of the Huns, Vandals, Goths, and such.


Ron Burgundy: Is the zombie style of play in its ideal form?

Sonny Corleone: It's at its best but as long as harmanz keep getting buffs and keeping using quantity over quality they'll always be a dangerous minority.


Ron Burgundy: So what is it, exactly, that drove you away from UD?

Sonny Corleone: NW. I was offered a better job


Ron Burgundy: Well, I suppose that takes us away from UD discussion as a whole, so I've got one final question: what's your favorite zombie flick?

Sonny Corleone: Dawn of the Dead remake.


Ron Burgundy: Really? Fast zombies are still OK?

Sonny Corleone: I don't care what kind of zombies are in it. Ving Rhames is the man.


Ron Burgundy: Righto, anything you'd like to add? Peculiarities in RRF mechanics, parting wisdom for those of us who remain in UD? Hell, ideas for more questions?

Sonny Corleone: 8/24 - NEVAR FORGET


Ron Burgundy: I'm sure we won't!

Sonny Corleone: not when I keep shouting it.


Ron Burgundy: Excellent! You stay Classy, Sonny!

Interview with Bullgod

The following is the full interview between Tovarisch Khrushchev and Bullgod, coordinator of the zombie Strike of 07.


Tovarisch: The question on everyone's mind right now is, why strike? Why now?

Bullgod: well to put it simply, the game is broken. the majority of older zombies are feeling that its just unrewarding playing as a zombie right now, and the young ones arnt finding enough to eat borfor they get their daily headshot. the strike is just a way of bringing it to peoples attention.

Tovarisch: How long are the zombies willing to strike?

Bullgod: thats question depends on the zombie, there are still many in my group that chose not to support the strike, but there are those among us, myself included that are willing to strike for as long as we need to bring about change. at this point id be more likely to quit playing all together rather than go back to playing the game as it is now.

Tovarisch: And those zombies unwilling to strike, what do you have to say to them?

Bullgod: i say nothing. as i am a feral by nature i must respect every zombies choices. they may do what they do for the need of XP or just being way to bored. either way i dont fault them for it.

Tovarisch: Do you have anything to say to the survivors who are calling you Pro-strike zombies "Whiny sissy-pants"?

Bullgod: i dont realy like to talk to that sort, but i will wish them well in the new malton PKer apocalypse game. because that what it will end up being if the number of zombies continues to drop as it has been for the past two months.

Tovarisch: Believe me, thats the last thing any of us survivors want.


Tovarisch: If Kevan caves, and you zombies win the strike, what would you want ammended?

Bullgod: at this point i honestly dont know, I was never out for skills or buffs, i for the most part do like the game as is, but i have heard many suggestions as to how the game could be evened out, from adding NPC zombies to having barricades degrade slowly after time. every one has diferent ideas and cant speak for the whole zombie class on my own.

Tovarisch: How is my hair?

Bullgod: not bad. what kind of product you got in there?

Tovarisch: Its a little something Fantana gave to me...smells a little foul, but gives volume like you wouldn't imagine!

Bullgod: indeed.

Tovarisch: I hear a lot of zombies complain about balance. Currently, survivors outnumber zombies, and seem to be doing quite well behind the barricades. Do you think UD will ever be balanced?

Bullgod: it has been in the past i see no reason it cant be again.

Tovarisch: Well, thats about all I've got. I think I'll go hit the scotch, care to join me?

Bullgod: no im going to go womanizing.

Tovarisch: Another favorite past time!


Tovarisch: Well, again, thank you for taking the time to do an interview with me. When I meet you on the field of battle, I'll be sure to shoot quickly! That is if this strike ever ends!

Bullgod: if i ever stand up i'll be glad to add your buck shot to my collection.

Interview with Xyu

DHG: So, I'm here with Xyu, organizer of the Mall Tour 07, Xyu, why touring malls?

Xyu: because they're big targets, with plenty of bra!nz. We like the snacks.


DHG:What part of the brain do you like the most?

Xyu: hmm...definitely the squishy bit. The part where you bite then the main part just pops? That's always satisfying.


DHG: So, how does this mall tour differ from the previous one?

Xyu: It probably differs because we didn't have the ton of ferals from a strike like we did last year. We had to start things off slowly.


DHG: So which mall was more satisfying to sack, calvert or bale?

Xyu: bale, because it was more of a test. Calvert was pretty easy, but bale had a lot more harmans inside, and we had to work for it more.


DHG: Who's brains taste better: Mine or Ron's?

Xyu:I've not tasted either have I? I've not eaten Ron's I don't think, and your bra!nz are still to be clawed and tasted. :P DHG: Good Luck with that last part.


DHG: When on a breakin, who do mall tour zombies go for first? and are there special tactics such as infect first?

Xyu:well I can't really give too much away there, but as far as infections go, we try to avoid it with attacking malls, where FAK's can be so easily gathered and used.


DHG: Now on to stickling, given its history of harsh resistance (the siege of whippey) why'd you go after such a stronghold when you're such a young tour?

Xyu: well last year we never hit the place because it had already fallen. I suppose it was just the nearest target after Bale. We had no idea so many Harman groups would gather there though, it's been quite surprising. Hopefully we'll have a good feast before we're done though and move onto our next target. >:)


DHG:Suppose stickling holds for awhile, what would Mall tour do then?

Xyu: we're not really thinking about that. We can only focus on taking it down, and not even consider being kept out at this stage.


DHG: You've mentioned a lot of human groups, which one is the biggest thorn in your ass?

Xyu: Lime Brigade at the moment. :D It used to be the CMS followed by the CDF, but yeah, the Lime's have been really effective so far this time around.


DHG: What about these ranger Charecters?

Xyu: ah, they're a good group too. If the Lime's weren't here we'd probably be targetting them as a priority, along with C4NT and PTT.


DHG: This next question has been bothering me, and the rest of malton for quite some time, how the hell do you pronounce your name?

Xyu: Zeyu

DHG: Well, here in America, We're going to pronounce it shoe, and if you don't like it, then you can get out.


DHG: Finally, Dickholeguy: Great leader, or Greatest leader ever?

Xyu: hahaha, I'd say that in getting the Rangers defending the Mall you're a good leader, but with your sense of humour some of us definitely respect you more than some of the other harmans around.


DHG: Allright then, I'll put you down for greatest, Thanks for taking the time to sit down with us today. Join us tomarrow, as we'll be interviewing Jorm, the head of the new zombie horde thats taking malton by storm: The Militant Order of Barhah. For Channel Four News, This is special Correspondant Dickholeguy, signing out.

Interview with Jorm

DHG: So, give me a history of How the Barhah Brigade became the Militant Order of Barhah....

Jorm: We (the Brigadiers) had taken a break from UD for a while. Mostly, it was because I got involved with the Nexus War launch, and without me, the team petered out. A couple months back, though, I found myself with more time, and felt like "getting the band back together" after a night of reminiscing with some members of the team. So I cranked it back up.

At first, we assumed that we would continue with the RRF. However, so much had changed in the way the RRF operated - it's policies on death cultism and zombie spying, for example - that we didn't feel that it was the same horde. The RRF today espouses beliefs that are antithetical to the beliefs that we instilled in the horde at the beginning. So we broke off. For a while, we just rumbled around the city, taking joy in being able to change suburb colors on our own. But then, one day, we hit upon a role-playing schtick - Radical Barhah Fundamentalism. There was (is) some drama about us expressing our opinions on this matter (some people take our opinions too seriously, I think), and we ended up in a position where we felt we had to "put our money where our mouth is".

That, combined with the dwindling zombie population at the time, led us to create a new horde - one that espoused our beliefs as to what fair and honorable play is.

Now, there is nothing wrong with death cultism or pk-ing or anything like that. Don't get me wrong; I was the founder of the Malton DEA. We just didn't think it was what the RRF was supposed to be about.


DHG: What are the Current and Future Plans for the MOB?

Jorm: Eat brains. Grow strong. Butcher harmans. Spread the light of the True Barhah.


DHG: Why Should baby zombies join the MOB?

Jorm:First, we promise lots of brains. Beyond that, my team has extensive experience with levelling the young. One of the founders of the MOB was the original head of the RRF Department of Homeland Security, even - and he brings all of his techniques to the table. On average, it takes us two or three days to bring a level 1 zombie up to level 5, where they are no longer considered "baby" and can actively contribute to the horde, either as an Inquisitor, a Missionary, or a Shepherd.


DHG: Suppose I want to Join this MOB, Where do I sign up?

Jorm: We have a forum on barhah.com; there is a sign up thread. But really, all one needs to do is change affiliation to "Militant Order of Barhah" and read the current orders thread.


DHG: You're also the creator of NexusWar, yes?

Jorm: I am.


DHG: How Then is your time divided between the two games?

Jorm: Urban Dead is a game I play; Nexus War is a game I run. They're two different mindsets. NW takes up a greater amount of time than UD by far; the UD stuff is relatively easy, time-wise, and serves as a break from the stress of NW. I'm a game designer by trade. I get paid to do this stuff, so it works out well (I have a couple other games in development, but not public yet).


DHG: Who was Fred Dullard, and what have you done with him?

Jorm: Fred Dullard is a man I have a great deal of respect for. He is/was one of my most trusted "advisors" in many areas - from UD politics to NW rule sets to coding to you name it. Fred suffered a bit of a medical problem a few months back, and had to drop out of everything. I miss him terribly.


DHG: You've been in UD awhile and sampled many fine brains, Whose taste the best?

Jorm: The best brains we've had in recent memory were from the Fear of Fridays Street Team, actually. They were a lot of fun to play with. In the past, I'd say CoL brains (both new and old), or old PARA guys.


DHG: Whatever Happened to Petrosjko?

Jorm: Real life, I suppose. He had a business that he was trying to get off the ground, and it started taking up more and more of his time.


DHG: Do you run any survivor alts? If so, How much would it take to get you to join the rangers?

Jorm: That's an interesting question. I haven't played a survivor in a while because they take more time. I play survivors on "hard mode" - that is, I make sure the guys have Brain Rot, so that death is a real, serious pain in the ass. So, I have two running around the city right now but they're both zombified - one from the Malton DEA and one from the Guns of Brixton (both groups are defunct).


DHG: Finally, The question We've all been waiting for: DHG, great leader, or greatest leader ever?

Jorm: Behold, I am coming soon, Bringing my recompense, To repay each one for what he has done. I am the alpha and the omega, The first and the last, The beginning and the end.

DHG: Sounds alot like you took a page out of Padre's book with that one, but I'll put you down for greatest.

Interview with Murray Jay Suskind

Lach: I'm chatting with half of the Mayor of Malton, Papa of the RRF, the ever famous Murray Jay Suskind!


Lach: First off, can I get you to 'mrh?' for me, just for the record?

MJS: No. GRAAAGH!


Lach: How did you first get involved with the RRF?

MJS: It's kind of weird. I was wandering around with a feral zombie (who was actually a newbie survivor that promptly got killed) and I stumbled upon the first siege of Blackmore. This huge mob of 150 zombies really caught my eye, so I decided to look into the horde responsible for this. I found the RRF. I eventually got involved with the budding Auxunit 10 strike team and then was elevated to the War Council when Silent Sister put in a good word for me and got me a job with the Malton Herald & Sun.


Lach: What do Ron Burgundy's brains taste like?

MJS:They have a very robust flavor. His head is quite fertile with that perfect hair and all. It's very Earthy with hints of pepper, strawberries and just the slightest undercurrent of spinal fluid.


Lach: Did you wake up one day and say "I'm gonna be Papa of the RRF!"? How did it happen?

MJS:Well, I just got really really involved with the RRF and when Patrucio became a real life Papa and had no time left to dedicate to the metagame, I kind of became the Papa by default (we punish active involvement in the RRF with responsibility). Jorm also deserves a head-nod because he pushed for the promotion when it was obvious that Patrucio was too caught up being a real life Papa to come back.


Lach: Tell me about the RRF's mascot.

MJS: Gargon is a giant zombie lobster. He is unstoppable. For those who have never seen the movie (or MST3K episode) "Teenagers From Outer Space" the concept of a giant killer lobster makes even more sense. Gargon was supposedly killed off in the movie, but he was just zombified, came to Malton and joined the RRF as our mascot.


Lach: Have you ever thought to yourself during a siege, "Wow, these 'survivors' are lame. This sucks"?

MJS: I'm a zombie and Papa of the RRF. It would be disrespectful to the memory of Sonny if I didn't say that at least once a siege.


Lach: How have you celebrated Yahoomas?

MJS:By encouraging all the zombies of Malton to introduce these fine new players to the way of Barhah! I'm still rolling with AU10, so we're mainly going after the harmanz hiding behind the barricades, but our zombies shambling with Group 0 and DoHS are getting lots of free and easy meals. Veal bra!nz are quite tender and succulent as well.

Lach: I will take your word for that.


Lach: What's your opinion of the current Zombie/Survivor imbalance?

MJS: It's a cycle. The cycle will be a bit prolonged because of all the new players (new players tending to play as harmanz) but the balance will right itself then the zombies will get the advantage, then balance again, then the harmanz in the advantage, etc. for as long as this game will be around.


Lach: How would you describe your leadership style?

MJS:I tend to be a bit hands-on, but I'm trying to reign it back a little because I've got a great supporting crew and I don't want to burn myself out on the game. Goolina and DeathbyMoshpit have been around longer than I have, so they know what they're doing. Distinguished is doing a great job with the GMT Breakfast Club with real life claiming HairyJim and DonTickles has done an excellent job with Auxunit 10. I've also got some up and coming Lieutenants in Pyromonkey, Karek and Zombie Cheezal who are also contributing. I get tons of help and the horde can easily run itself. But sometimes I need to go on a power trip and get the rest of the horde to do my bidding.

Lach: Hmm...so the RRF is rather decentralized...fascinating...


Lach: What are some of the challenges you foresee for the RRF and yourself as Papa in the months ahead?

MJS: Constant battles at Blackmore. I'm beyond sick of them and this one's getting dragged out more because I'm hoping the survivors get bored and leave rather than actually getting together a coordinated attempt to evict them. Another challenge is with the current imbalance, dozens of survivor groups are trying to take us on because we're the biggest game in town for them. When the balance gets righted things should be much easier, though. Just roll and eat bra!nz.


Lach: Do you have anything to say to fresh zombie players?

MJS:The RRF has almost anything you could want. We have two generalized hordes if that's your thing. We have numerous strike teams if you're up for more metagame type stuff. We'll help you level faster than almost any other group out there (although the MOB may even top us) and we'll teach you how to bring the Barhah!


Lach: Finally, Lachryma: Pretty kiwis or prettiest kiwis?

MJS: They're most certainly pretty. Although you've got a lot of competition for prettiest. Being a zombie I have a thing for rotting kiwis... Let me put it this way, you have the prettiest living kiwis.

Lach: That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me.


MJS: Barhah!


Lach: And with that stirring howl, MJS shambles back to wherever RRF Papas live. We hope he comes back soon!


Interview with Bullgod 2

Jon Pyre had the good fortune of encountering Feral Undead founder bullgod in the Malcolm NT in Whiitenside. He was in human form at the time so Pyre figured it was a ripe opportunity to learn about his innovative zombie group. He was killed shortly after this interview and infected the reporter, but Pyre got some quality reportage done before that point and was promoted to Cameraman for it!

JP: bullgod! Wow, if you don't mind could I interview you for Chanel Four News Team! This story is just what I need for Mr. Burgandy to give me that promotion to understudy anchor!

BG: well iv actually given an interview to your station before, but that was another time. id be glad to shoot the breeze with you Jon.


JP: bullgod, what are you doing in human form in a Necrotech? Do you often spend time in human form? When you're a human do you play the human side or still serve the zombie cause?

BG: well it was another tragic case of combat revive, i suppose i could avoid it by getting rot, but i wouldn't want to miss out. ive spent some time in human form, alto this is the first in many months, and since my rise to fame its getting harder and harder to stay alive once revived. i am a fan of the dual nature policy, but my human nature happens to be a generator smashing occasional murderer so i don't think it makes much of a difference to the other humans.


JP: You run an interesting group, designed to give zombies without a group an umbrella organization that requires little commitment. How do you think your mission is going? What is your long term plan? What's a feral zombie's biggest obstacle?

BG: i think its going very well, and the game statistics seem to be backing me up to this point. i never really had a long term plan for the group, just to make information and assistance readily available to our members. i think the only real problem of being a feral is the fact that most of the work we do is on our own, we seldom use attack times and prefer to just log in when we feel like it. in some ways this hurts us as a group because we could be much more threatening than we are now, but that would mean losing the aspect that this is just a game, and we should just log in to have fun whenever it's convenient for us.


JP: How heavily do your coordinate or manage your group. You're the founder, but do you still retain power or are you a figurehead? How does your balance the paradox of being feral but following a leader?

BG: well i wont deny that people do listen to me, ive been playing for a while and usually know what's going on, but from the beginning the Feral Undead has been democratic. we pitch ideas around until we come up with one a majority of us like. you wouldn't believe how many are rejected. to put it simply they don't follow me, because im really just a feral like them. sometimes i can be found with them attacking a building like i am today and other days i may just wander off to god knows where.


JP: Is your group targeting Fort Perryn now or are you here mostly as an invidiual? If the latter what is your purpose?

BG: yes we are targeting the fort in a generally unorganized fashion. we have claimed ownership of Fort Feral we moved to whittenside so long ago, only the more recent changes make it more difficult to hold on to than it used to be, top that off with it now being full of small time trenchie paramilitary groups and that just makes things harder. luckily we are a patient bunch, we've taken the fort several times before and its only a matter of time before it falls again.


JP: What was your childhood like? What inspired you to found your group? Were you ever a member of any more traditional zombie organization?

BG: my early days as a youngling were hard, i didn't even see a human until my third week, but i did see the headshots they gave me. this was back before headshots were modified so they no longer rob you of your XP. it was only when i discovered the wiki that i found i was in the wrong area for killing and started to lurch my way down to ridleybank. on the way i learned a strike was forming to protest headshots and decided to Stanstock. to date the only groups i have been a member of were On Strike and the Feral Udead.


JP: What is your one biggest peeve about Urban Dead? What do you like most about it?

BG: oh i love so many things about this game just as it is now. im always a bit peeved about how hard it is for young zombies to level up, and of course ive never liked how there are more humans playing than there are zombies, it doesn't seem right. if new players just gave zombies a chance instead of rushing off to go be a gun wielding fireman they might see that its a lot more fun than it looks.


JP: What is your favorite food? Prepared cusine or living human? Any exciting developments you would like to announce? Please say anything you like.

BG: babies. tasty tasty babies. its like eating veal, the head even has a soft spot to make getting at the brain easier. and the bones are so small you can just chew them up. nothing waisted. as far as announcements its been known among my group for a long time that im working out of state right now and infact ive only been playing the game again for 2-3 weeks again after about a six month sabbatical, ive only been home trying to get a loan and sort out some tax stuff but when i get the money im going right back to the job site, likely for at least another month or two.


JP: Finally, George Bush - Great President or the Greatest President

BG: bush is my least favorite kind of human, violent with no brains.


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