Clean Air Reclamators
| Clean Air Reclamators | |
| |
| Abbreviation: | CAR |
| Group Numbers: | 4 confirmed members |
| Leadership: | Max Von Heller |
| Goals: | Upholding Malton Ordinance Laws (#2234) and cleansing Malton of repeated farting/flatulence offenders |
| Recruitment Policy: | Anyone, but some sense of extreme humor is a requirement. |
| Contact: | Any CAR member |
Who are we?
Basically, we're a small group dedicated to cleaning the air for all of Malton. We police mainly the crowded mall areas and sniff the air for any offenders. Our members have a very keen sense of smell and are able to accurately locate any offenders quickly.
Our pledge to all the good people of Malton is to make sure the air is clean for all. We will not tolerate any loose flatulence of any kind!!
Our mission!
As has been said, and will be said again, we work to combat the presence
of persistent farters in Malton. Although it is appreciated, the applause and
adoration of Malton survivors is not necessary for the good deeds that we
carry out. May the air be forever purified and cleansed!
NEWS!
Januaray 3rd,2010 AAaaah. It is absolutely wonderful to return to the air in the Mitchem Mall after a short vacation at the Giddings Mall. We do seem to be embroiled in a mystery however. Is OneShotKill a minion of the ours or not? The poor soul is being tortured and taunted by the Spanish Inquisition and other PK groups. They purport that he is indeed a member of ours. I will set the record straight. He is definitely NOT a member. He was offered membership several times but was found to be brownstriped on each occasion. There you have it. Just smell that clean Mitchem Mall air... air made pure without the help of OneShotKill. And no, he is not one of our secret sniffers either. He is neither sniffing nor secret.
December 8th, 2009 The Clean Air Reclamators have promoted two Secret Sniffers to the rank of FILTERER First Class. They are Agent 99 and Agent Maxwell Smart. Their covers were nearly blown when an individual named One Shot Kill (who shall remain nameless<G>) cut one in the food court during their morning constitutional. As we can all realize, it took great self restraint on the part of the pair of Odor Offers. As things stand now, the Clean Air Reclamators have JUST freshened up the air in Giddings when the Mall Tour came through. Max Von Heller was overheard commentating on the high number of PK'ers in that establishment... and that fresher air would most likely take care of those foul tempers...and gaseous excretions. We are moving our operations back to the Mitchem Mall. I can hear the cheers already. We have a lot of work to do to get that bad zombie air out of the fart vents! If you would like to help us out with this necessary evil and FILTER with us. Join us at the WAREHOUSE and tell them "Max Von Heller" sent you.
August 7th, 2009 Can you believe it? The zeds have been throwing everything at the Mitchem Mall but the machine that goes BING! We at FILTER CENTRAL - aka our hideout/HQ which has been on the move from one warehouse to another - have noticed the need for even MORE filtering at Mitchem! We heard the call and are responding! Our roles are simple in the siege we find ourselves in... We provide Freshly Filtered air for you and we keep the STINKY BUTTS out at Bhore Monument. Until our next newsflash, keep your your panties pulled up high and keep reaching for the stars. FILTER ON!!!
July 2nd, 2009 Independence Day is upon us all. It is surely the patriotic duty of us all to point out an area or individual that needs FILTERING. Of necessity the Clean Air Reclamators will be there with flattus meter clanging to bring fresh air to the sufferers and victims of those that would excrete noxious vapors. On a glorious note let it be forthwith stated that Tattletail Sniffer has finally finished her apprenticeship under the wonderful tutelage of The Fuzzy Bunny! She will henceforth be filtering to make the siege just a little bit more tolerable for us all.
April 17th, 2009 With our taxes paid in full and having received a hefty refund, filter operations in Vinetown are our top priority again! Don't get caught wearing those same old nasty fart-britches... With the Mitchem mall in a shambles, we have broadened our reach out into the surrounding areas. Most notably, MDK and Blackhawk members seem to violate air quality codes nearly as much as MERCY. The Bunny has been promoted for his infiltration into MDK circles whilst filtering the swine! His new position on the team is fart filter extraordinaire. Look for the bunny in a filter near you!
February 14th, 2009 We have all been on a much needed vacation, but are back in full force at the Mitchem Mall. We returned in the middle of the Mall Tour siege and fought desperately to keep the air pure for the survivors that were left standing.
Before we go much further, we would be amiss if we didn't show some recognition to an individual that is NOT a Clean Air Reclamator full fledged member. Who are we talking about? Why, none other than the hardest working individual in the pure air business: Yes, here is a big fresh air salute to Tattletail Sniffer! He has been promoted from the position of Secret Sniffer to all out Fart Finder! Give him a round of applause! Stay tuned to this page for more updates and the dispelling of rumours... like the C.A.R. filter only those with strange and offensive names. To that we say PHLLBLBLBllblbltht!
August 29th, 2008
Help welcome our newest employee/member! His name is Chuck1.
He is well versed in the ordinances of Malton and will help insure that YOU, the citizens and survivors of the zombie outbreak,
will have CLEAN AIR to breath in the malls that we so desperately need for supplies and refuge.
(Edwin Driskill has also been promoted to Detective! Congrats on the pay upgrade!)
May your air be clean and your trousers spotless.
June 2nd, 2008
Just a small bit of news. The late and great Mrs. Maxine Von Heller has expired in the town of Monroeville. She was there on humanitarian business to help the citizens, bless her kind heart! There was a zombie outbreak in the city and she was subsequently killed one day, would you believe it, by a dirty PK'er! She then became a zombie and quickly succumbed to the dreaded head shot. May she rest in peace.
(Last known public image. What a saint! err...sister!)
May 18th
From the Desk of Max Von Heller: The Clean Air Reclamators are expanding
to several malls near YOU! This GOOD news comes at a time when nearly every mall in Malton
is screaming for clean air. We never shirk our duties, nor shy away from protecting the innocent bystanders that are now our charge. Rest assured that as we expand into the Tynte, Woodruff, Hildebrandt, and Nichols Malls we will be bringing our personal brand of serenity that can only come from a FILTERED environment. You asked for us, and here we come! It is times like these that being an FK'er (fart killer) is so rewarding. Wherever there is a soul that cries out for clean air... we WILL be THERE!
May 9th
Fuzzy Little Bunny has been promoted to sergeant! His diligent work in sniffing out those PK'ers, Blackhawk Nation members, is to be commended. Good work!
May 8th
Notice: Member AlliSabbah Sellmoore has filed papers for early semi-retirement. He will be awarded the official office of Executive Sniffer. While not enforcing Malton ordinances, he will still work in the capacity of identifying any violations and turning them in to the active members.
We also have a new member, Edwin Driskill, who should appear along side the other faithful members at the bottom of our page. Look for him and welcome him with open arms!
April 10th, 2008
It has come to our attention that some survivors in Malton are not aware of Malton City Ordinance #2234
that states CLEARLY:
Farting Est. 08-28-95 Farting (flatulence) prohibited in congested buildings unless the establishment
provides a farting section with a physical barrier or air barrier system between the sections and
an air purification system (electrically powered hospital grade, hepa media filter that will clean all of
the air in the designated farting area every 15 minutes as with not less than 95 percent of three-tenths
(0.3) micron particulates efficiency) or separate ventilation system that exhausts the air to the exterior
of the building. This section of the code includes cocktail lounges and private clubs ("bars") that are
regulated by the Malton Alcohol and Beverage Commission.
April 9th, 2008
After a long break where there were literally more zombies than survivors,
CLEAN AIR RECLAMATORS were busy reviving and healing folks. Their
normal duties were put on hold for a few weeks but now things are back to
normal.
Resuming their duties, Max Von Heller was the first to find the violator known as:
Skunkbomb! It was obvious he was a violator of the clean air and was promptly
filtered in accordance with Malton ordinance laws. C.A.R. is back in action and back
on the job!
March 21st, 2008
With the recent rise in the walking dead, C.A.R. has been temporarily
out of service. With
very little survivors at the mall and some members
out of
commission, it looks like our work has "dried" up for the time
being.
We hope to be back on the job soon to help keep your air clean in those
congested areas like the numerous malls folks seem to flock to!
March 10th, 2008
Once again Max and Rosco have been MURDERED multiple times
by a PK'er group called Blackhawk Nation. These guys cut us down
without cause and will be reported for bounties. What has Malton come
to when innocent survivors are shot in cold blood? Murdered by PK'ers?
Of course there are revives so no one really dies, which is a relief. We will
live again and forgive this despicable act of unlawful murder.
March 5th, 2008
While cleaning a mall of some violators a
young lad approached us
and extended his hand. He said he wanted
to personally thank us for
the good job we are doing and that he had
a sick mother in the other
room that could now breath much easier, thanks
to our efforts!
It brought a tear to our eyes knowing that we are
helping the good
people of Malton lead better and cleaner lives!
Feb. 25th, 2008
It seems some folks are calling us PK'ers.
Are bounty
hunters PK'ers? Some say yes, some say no. As for CAR,
we are NOT
PK'ers and do not randomly kill folks. We only punish and
eliminate
those who violate the clean air of MALLS for farting inside
among others!
Why, who else would do such a public service? Thus our
group was formed
and service provided for all of Malton to have the
cleanest air possible in our
cherished malls!
Feb. 14th During a recent filtering of a clean air violator an innocent bystander
asked Max "Why do you do it?" Obviously Joey tuck was unaware of our group
and what good we do for the survivor community. We keep the most congested
areas, the Malls, free from unwanted flatulence and punish any violators. We do
this to keep the air clean for YOU. For the good citizens and survivors of Malton
during this zombie outbreak. Why, without us, the air would be unbearably smelly
and most inhabitable! We do it for clean air, we do it for all of you.
Filtered Violators List
Those that have already been filtered include:
(Some may be repeat offenders and bold text is used for easier reading as the list is becoming quite extensive!)
Danny Butt, Sgt. Hump, anna watanabe, The Disemboweled, Goatspeed, stevens onions, Skunkboy, Dick Torn, MagnificentBastard, RobertBrowningJr., The Scissors Man, Filthy McNasty, PuddleWhite (Actually left a BROWN puddle), Sgt Hump, Abby Scuitto, Devestation,
Major Smithy, Skunkboy, Indian Scout, LaPrachio, Ikillurface. Onionsinthebag, executer, Old Dirty Bastard
(Blackhawk members and PK'ers): JSwanson, Tim Koltveit, Swan Warchief , Mad Muchacho, xBloodymessx, Denmark Vessey,
Rob Roy MacGregor
Doc Necrotic, cadloas, Vangabot, Stoner24 (pot smoking violation), Orzo Nacirema (PK'er of our members),
Dr. Heller (Name stealing and PK'er of our members), Pants Dance, Doctor Pootwaddle, Skunkbomb, Vagitarian,
Cleaning Woman (Not a woman! and multiple offender), rich bum, Rxrus, Ron Pile, Explosiv3s, Emily Corpse, The Manly Woman,
Todar, TheFreshOne, S1lent V1per, Freek M, Assi, Mortus Corpus, Joker Toker, Dzukas, Alexander Turpin,
Major Flip (Known PK'er of CAR member Max Von Heller), Fat Fred, SeekeranDestroyer, Deadlyintent, Doobydoo, Cheezwizz
Baubness, Pillbrain (For revive point killing AND farting!), NOOB' killer, KennyMcCormick, Andrew Wreaks, Tony Bommarito,
Thunderpants, Gussy, dukemeister, Buttnose, Evilpaperclip, liquid feces, Tod Browning, Bobs ATurd, big 'smoke, Capt Crack,
Pooo, Couchman, Ken Cussion, Rancid Corpse, fREAKsHOWgIRL, Joeypants, Tattered Butt, Sergeant Browntrousers, Maj Major M Major, DutchOven, Hank Steinbrenner
Members
We may be few, but we will filter!
LEADER:
Max Von Heller (High Commissioner)
MEMBERS:
Edwin Driskill (Detective):
Rosco Hendricks(Dep. comm.): 
George Straightway(Detective): 
Little Fuzzy Bunny(Sergeant): 
AlliSabbah Sellmoore:
(Executive Inspector: semi-retired)
Chuck1(Officer):
Ranks
High Commissioner: Highest rank. Four stars, similar to a full general.
Deputy Commissioner: Two or three stars, similar to a major or lieutenant general.
Assistant Chief: Special assistant to deputy commissioner.
Inspector: Either a gold or silver oak leaf, similar to majors and lieutenant colonels, or a gold eagle, similar to a colonel.
Captain: Two gold or silver bars ("Railroad tracks"), who supervises a precinct.
Lieutenant: A single gold bar ("Butter bar"), who supervises two to three sergeants.
Sergeant: A police officer who supervises an entire watch, made of two to three sections, and wears three inverted chevrons.
Detective: An investigatory specialist, usually working in plain clothes. This may be in several classes that correspond to higher supervisory and pay grades.
Officer: Usually a new or new low level member recruit. Wears no rank insignia.
Executive Inspector: Reserved for retired members that operate in a lowered capacity. Usually reserved for semi-retired members.
