From The Urban Dead Wiki
|Group Numbers:||Who's counting? Who cares?|
|Goals:||Take what we can, and get the hell out|
|Recruitment Policy:||We'll let anyone in. Hell, we even took in Unema|
|Contact:||Find us in person, or use our forum
(we tend to forget to check the talk page...).
"We break your legs so you don't have to."
- 1 Company History
- 2 Joining Detulux
- 3 Base of Operations
- 4 What does 'Detulux' mean?
- 5 Diplomacy
- 6 Useful Links
- 7 Associates
- 8 Disclaimer
Detulux Incorporated is a thoroughly legal and law-abiding business that deals in everything. Founded by Mr. S. Pain, the company has went from strength-to-strength and now holds shares in many major conglomerates internationally. Any rumours of arms smuggling or weapons storage on our part are all unfounded, baseless lies, and Mr. Pain holds no interest in collecting or storing weaponry in any way shape or form (honest), as proven by the court case a few years ago in which he was found "not guilty". Any rumours that the judge and jury were bribed are also unfounded, baseless lies, and the fact that many of the accusers have turned up dead is just one huge coincidence.
The Current Situation
For the purposes of libel, the term "merchandise" in this article has been substituted for the word "weaponry", as have several four-lettered profanities with the word "pony". Mr Pain and several Detulux head-honchos came to Malton to procure some new experimental merchandise from a rogue Necrotech scientist. Unfortunately, this was during the tentative hours of the first zombie outbreak, and thus when the pony hit the fan the crew from Detulux Incorporated were trapped in Malton by the quarantine order. Now all that matters is surviving the zombie outbreak and getting back to the Detulux compound alive, preferably with all their limbs still attached. And where is their compound, you ask? Paris, France. Pony, it's going to be a long few years.
For a brief spell, Mr. Pain lost his senses and left Malton (claiming to have escaped back to Paris, but really he was lying comatose in a gutter as a zombie for about three months). When he came back he'd found that Stickmaster had moved into his office, but rather than expel energy in regaining leadership he's since discovered that things move a lot more smoothly if someone else organises things, leaving him the hard job of being the company figurehead (i.e. drinking, sleeping, manning the radio with inane chatter).
To have a damn good time, drink beer, eat pie, and keep Kempsterbank a safe, Outer Haven for fun lovers. Even for the zombie ones.
Outside of Malton, Detulux Inc dealt with everything. In Malton, however, there are only two things you can dispense: violence, and kindness, so we deal in those. We'll take out zombies, PKers, GKers, and maybe even the odd rogue human element, while protecting and caring for those who wish to make Malton a nicer place to live in.
Secretly, our actual goal is to disarm the nuclear weaponry toting zombie menace. Seriously.
If you're crazy enough to want to work for a group fronted by an eccentric British cynical bastard, foolhardy enough to sit in the same building as some of the least serious people in Malton ("apocalypse"? Bah, that‘s just another word for "par-tay"!), or just want to join a group that has a cool slogan (damn straight!) come and see us and chat with our curiosity shoppe of extraordinary people (and we'll try not to break your face). When you join you will be given a free novelty pen*, and a 500 page rulebook on the codes and practices of Detulux Inc, of which you will be completely free to ignore. (*Novelty pen not guaranteed, while very limited stocks last.)
Concerning Zombie Applications
Detulux Inc recognises that there are many individuals who do in fact enjoy being undead, and that several of these people often fight for the human cause. Under the right circumstances, and assuming that Mr. Pain doesn't blow you away on sight, we will in fact recruit zombies. How do you let us know that you'd like to join? Erm...I dunno...gesture a lot. If you can speak, say "BANANA GANGBANG" twice or something. We'll get the picture, and if we don't we'll probably stop shooting to have a good laugh.
It has to be mentioned that in Malton’s perculiar political climate, it is awfully hard to keep a premises for vitally challenged Detulux staff (believe us, we‘ve tried), so undead members do have to make do with living on the street. Sorry.
What is N.O.O.B.S, you ask? Why it's Detulux Inc’s Newbie Order Ordaining Beginner System (patent-pending)! New to Urban Dead? Detulux Inc happily devotes time to helping newcomers to levelling up by assisting with revives and information. Unlike other groups however, we do not provide a formal training program to level up by. Rather, we prefer "in-the-field" experience, a free-form programme if you will...in that we don't actually do much in terms of directly influencing your levelling up. At the most, we'll make sure at least one Detulux building is at very strongly barricaded at all times, and we'll try to make sure at least one of us has a revive syringe and the AP needed to revive handy. That's how N.O.O.B.S works. *Sighs*
All newbies are advised to check the bulletin board near the bottom of this page for useful links. And make sure to add all the staff at the bottom of this page to your contacts list! The last thing we need is staff shooting at zombies without realising that they're actually shooting at other staff members!
Detulux Inc provides an irregular broadcasting service to Kempsterbank, and as such we require fresh intel on a daily basis, which is where the Detulux Radio Official Scouting Squad (or D.R.O.S.S) comes in. We need committed individuals with a talent for keeping tabs on local zombie movements. If you fancy yourself a scout and wish to sign up, report to the D.R.O.S.S Commander Psi Baka Onna either in person or via the forum. Regular duties as a member of D.R.O.S.S include posting zombie tracking reports.
Spreading the Word
Detulux Inc doesn't actively encourage staff to try and shanghai civilians on the street into joining our company like zealous cultists (much), however we do recognise that there is only one way to enlarge our influence in Malton and that is through word-of-mouth and graffiti tagging. Both of these are endorsed by Mr. Pain, but he would like for any tags advertising the company to not be overwritten over tags advertising other groups; in the past he has negotiated for groups to not spray over our tags, and so he would like to practise what he preaches (for a change).
The Official Recruitment Posters are alternatives to simply tagging "Join Detulux Inc", and make for fine conversation pieces for your living room too.
|Posters from previous recruitment campaigns:|
Base of Operations
The warehouse at [55,75] in Kempsterbank acts as our permanent base of operations. This building is ideal, as it is adjacent to several resource buildings and is near Pole Mall. It is to be kept at EHB (Extremely Heavily Barricaded) in accordance with the Kempsterbank Barricade Plan. As such, staff members without free running will have to make themselves comfortable at the nearby Junk Yard or one of the resource buildings next door to the warehouse, and shall have to consider themselves on sentry duty (consider it an incentive to learn the free running skill early, so you can come inside to the nice warm warehouse).
As far as visitors and passers-by are concerned, these buildings are of course still public domain, although we stress that a no-PKing/no-GKing policy will be enforced by any members of the Detulux staff, and visitors breaking this policy will be shot and asked to leave the facility (in that order).
Zombie staff members are free to do as they please, wandering the area and feasting on various feral zombies. A free lunch! What more could you want?
Detulux Staff Revive Point
We have established a revive point in Tyack Plaza, 1 square Northwest of our warehouse. If you need a revive then request one. Staff and allies will get priority. Please remember to post your profile in your request, if we can't ID you then we won't revive you. You can try requesting a revive by mrhing repeatedly while we're busy pumping someone else full of the glowey green stuff, but we're probably more likely to laugh in your face and run away.
Detulux Free Radio
We operate from frequency 27.55, sharing with the Knights Templar and Dr Steel's Toy Soldiers, aiming to provide a daily update as to zombie levels in Kepmsterbank. This broadcast is operated on a *W.W.D.W.F.L.I basis, and as such positions on the D.R.O.S.S scouting team are always open. Sign up now and help Kempsterbank be just a little bit safer!
(*When We Damn Well Feel Like It)
What does 'Detulux' mean?
The hell if we know. Sounds cool though, doesn't it?
Originally handled by Unema, Minister of Explosives. That did not turn out to be a good choice. Magnus Keel was given the job since neither the Pain nor Unema were considered "people persons". That didn't go very well either when it turned out that Magnus' preferred method of diplomacy was via fire axe. We've since adopted a policy of "Hakuna Matata", including the music. Acts of diplomacy can be arranged face-to-face in person or on the forums.
- For all the latest news, visit our forum.
- The UD wiki hub.
- Do you use Firefox instead of Microsoft Internet Explorer and find the Urban Dead interface quite dull to look at? Then have no fear! Download the Firefox Urban Dead Toolbar and transform your drab interface into something with actual graphics! *CAUTION* No members of this group will take responsibility should you download it and find it fouls up your computer.
Note: Due to Firefox updates constantly causing the toolbar to break, we cannot provide a download link. Try typing "UD Toolbar for Firefox" into Google and reading around some forums for links to an updated version.
- Psi takes requests for UD character sketches. Coloured ones. Just ask her (nicely). You can see her stuff at her Deviant Art account.
- We're on the UD stats screen! And yet the math it presents never adds up...
- Checking the Rogues Gallery is recommended, just in case any PKers walk through the Detulux building. We want their heads on pikes!
The following lists detail groups that Detulux have had past, often amiable deals with.
- Knights Templar - Being the major influence in the Kempsterbank area, Mr. Pain intends to work closely with this group to keep the suburb safe.
- Dr Steel's Toy Soldiers - Mr. Pain respects the good Doctor's taste in clothes, and the fact that he actually exists.
- Nightwatch - I can think of at least two separate entities outside of UD called Nightwatch, and they are both awesome. This group makes a third!
- Dirty South Cleanup Team - Helping to keep our streets clean of the undead undesirables.
- West Grayside Watch - The enemy of our enemy is our friend. ;)
- Ständige Vertretung - Not allies as such, but we have the understanding that we can ask each other for assistance when needed. All round nice guys really :D
- Latinos! - We don't actually speak Spanish that well (yes, the irony that the founder's name is "S Pain" is quite apparent, thank you) but we're more than happy to ally ourselves with any group willing to help out.
- ROACH Klips - Mr. Pain had a delightful conversation with the head of this group, a nice chap called Sturm23. His group has very noble intentions, indeed. Keep up the good work!
- Angels of Mercy - Regardless of their mission, which is rather hard to agree with, these guys accepted our treaty. So long as they don't kill us in our base buildings they can stay here.
- VGCats Survivalist Union - It's a good webcomic! Also one of their members has been a very nice guy during a time of well....stuff.
- Order Of the Specter - A highly secretive group that was very understanding when someone trying to soil our good name decided to mess with them.
- Deck of 52 - 52 highly trained mercenaries? We like them already!
Groups We Just Like
- The Malton Zookeepers - Detulux loves animals and this is the group who ensure that Unema can go back and see Mr. Snappy the crocodile as much as his 'ickle heart desires.
|Friend Of The Zoo|
|The Thinking Monkey brings luck to friends of the Malton City Zoo!|
- The 23rd Inquisitorial Strike Team - For the Emperor!
- Drama Club - They make us laugh, it's just nice to see a group of thespians (yes, I know big words) willing to put their lives on the line to bring us breathers some entertainment. Keep up the hard work folks! We really appreciate it!
- Malton Fire Department - Of course, Detulux Inc will always do their best to assist all the emergency services (even the police if circumstances get that bad), but this group in particular have been placed here following charming correspondence with the Assistant Fire Chief Probee, concerning tag status of the Detulux facility. All I can say to the fire department is, when the government does drop a load of napalm on Malton to purge it clean with fire, remember who your friends are, eh? ;)
Detulux Incorporated and Mr. S. Pain copyright (C) to Sean Patrick Payne, as this group's name and concept is based around the webcomic of the same name.