Dr. Schwan’s Essentials

From The Urban Dead Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Dr. Schwan’s Essentials

Dr. Schwan’s Essentials is a new product line developed by Whittenside’s own Dr. Albert Schwan. The Essentials contains products for dashing danger seekers, radiant ransackers, and scientists in the know. Dr. Schwan is even rumored to be working on practical products for the walking dead. Based in Whittenside’s historic the Colglough Building, Dr. Schwan launched his product line in February 2010 with the release of his patented Zombie Repellent Hair Tonic and followed it up with more product releases throughout the year. Building off the popularity of this flagship line, The Dr. later launced a line of culinary products (Dr. Schwan's Culinary) and a line of outbreak themed novelties (The Doc's Novelties)

Current Product Line

Dr. Schwan’s Zombie Repellent Hair Tonic

A.s.hairtonic.jpg

Dr. Schwan’s Zombie Repellant Hair Tonic takes advantage of new breakthroughs in olfactory-microbiology, in particular the study of zombie pheromones. On his recent journeys through Malton, Dr. Schwan discovered that there is more to the rancid smell of an ordinary member of the undead hoard than rancid meat. I fact, there is something quite unique about the smell of a zombie. Further, he observed that zombies, for the most part, seem to hoard together, often traveling long distances to bash down a barricade en-masse. He became curious and set out to find out why. After numerous tests, Dr. Schwan discovered that zombies—though they are biologically dead—secrete a pheromone that attracts other zombies. By isolating and genetically modifying the gland responsible, he was able to create a pheromone that did exactly the opposite. As pleasant smelling as its attracting counterpart is foul, this pheromone repels zombies nonviolently. Thus was Dr. Schwan’s Zombie Repellent Hair Tonic born, allowing scientists to go about their work, military to do their duty, and civilians to continue being civil with a decreased chance of unwanted zombie attention.


To order and use Dr. Schwan’s Zombie Repellent Hair Tonic simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page
A.s.egraphic.png Dr. Schwan's Essentials
This user proudly wears Dr. Schwan's patented Zombie Repellent Hair Tonic.




Dr. Schwan’s Own Pre-Mortem Wrinkle Solution

A.swrinkle.png

All Necrotech employees are familiar with the peculiar way that the flesh of a zombie will quiver as the contents of the Necrotech syringe begin their slow molecular work. To Dr. Schwan this had always been a fascinating display of the inherent elasticity of the human biology. The commercial application of this process did not occur to him until, while performing a field revive on an older female survivor, he noticed that this noted biological perturbation caused the wrinkles in the zombified flesh of the woman smooth noticeably before the moment of revivification. If he could but isolate this effect, he could not only improve the features of his customers but reverse the damage that repeated zombification causes to the complexion. After repeated tests with sub-dermal applications performed on his own person, Dr. Schwan came across a solution that, while it did not have any effect on living tissue, remained dormant in the surfacet issue for up to 24 hours. With the assistance of a couple of research zombies, he eventually, discovered that it was possible to preventatively treat small portions of the anatomy to receive a partial revivification at the point of death. The face being the most marketable of the affected areas, The DR’s Own Pre-Mortem Wrinkle Solution was the obvious result.


To order and use Dr. Schwan’s Own Pre-Mortem Wrinkle Solution simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page
A.s.egraphic.png Dr. Schwan's Essentials
This user discretely benifts from Dr.Schwan's Pre-Mortem Wrinkle Solution.
















Dr. Schwan Brand Optical Paralytic

A.soptics.png

It is a little known fact outside of the Necrotech inner sanctum that the reason for the frequent narcoleptic attacks that plague all of the inhabitants of Malton, is a chemical agent embedded in the rot virus itself. This agent, in its earlier stages is responsible for the potent variety of rigor mortis in many zombies who died in the early outbreaks as well as their decreased land speed. As this agent takes over, the cellular tissue seizes up, requiring a tenfold greater effort on the part of the infected person to accomplish the simple task of standing up. As the quarantine whore on, many zombies began to develop a limited immunity to the paralytic agent, allowing them to move faster and recover their footing more easily following physical trauma. Alternately, the survival of the rot virus over these last few years has allowed this agent to seep into the soil and groundwater, effectively infecting every living organism within the quarantine zone, causing narcoleptic fits that overtake survivors in mid action, leaving them stranded on the street or frozen in the act of repairing a building.

Like most, Dr. Schwan had accepted these fits as part of the new post-outbreak normal, until he observed a cat, drinking from a pool of stagnant water, exhaust its daily capacity for action and fall asleep. What made this instance striking was the fact that, while the cat was rendered unconscious, it remained standing staring fixedly forward. Before Dr. Schwan could retrieve the cat for experimentation, it was snatched up and consumed by a wandering zombie, but he was able to obtain a sample of the pool of water from which it had drunk. Analysis confirmed an unusually high concentration of the aforementioned paralytic agent.

Isolating the compound, the doctor set to work on developing it for human use but soon discovered that—owing to the top-heavy and unbalanced nature of bipedal locomotion—the effect observed in the cat could not be reproduced in human test subjects. He could, however, use the distilled toxin to cause paralysis in any area with exposed blood vessels: like the eyes and eyelids. Beyond the obvious, Dr. Schwan leaves the further applications of this product to the customer as he proudly presents Dr. Schwan Brand Optical Paralytic.


To order and use Dr. Schwan Brand Optical Paralytic simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page
A.s.egraphic.png Dr. Schwan's Essentials
Is this user out of AP? You will never know thanks to Dr. Schwan Brand Optical Paralytic Eyedrops.









Rotalin

Rotalin.jpg

In scientific terms, Rotalin is a chemical combination of modified Rot Virus solution and methylphenidate hydrochloride packaged in a Necrotech intravenous delivery system with a DNA template that prioritizes the regions of the brain responsible for the production of dopamine and noradrenaline. It functions by systematically revivifying those portions of the brain with a sustaining dose of modified Rot Virus, and stimulating them with the methylphenidate hydrochloride into producing heightened quantities of the aforementioned chemicals in order to increase focus and attention span. The subject is better able to drive off the frenzy and bloodlust associated with zombification, finds it easier to reason, and can deal rationally with others.


In laymen’s terms, zombies are only slightly different from children with advanced ADHD: they act on impulse and necessity, but instead of fidgeting or staring out the window, they eat brains. Rotalin is a long lasting, self-administered medication that rebuilds and stimulates the areas of the brain that help us stay focused. It is like Ritalin…for zombies.


Simply insert the tip of the needle behind either eye, continue insertion—taking care to miss the optic nerve—for an additional inch or so (depending on the thickness of your skull), push the button on the side to mix the solution, wait for at least 30 seconds while the needle calibrates, then depress the plunger. You will immediately begin to feel the effects as the drug increases your clarity exponentially. While results and duration may vary, the effects should be felt soon and should last for at least one day if living and three days if zombified. If zombification occurs before the medication can be administered, simply inject three doses into any portion of the head at least one inch deep and the solution will do the rest.


Rotalin: bringing new purpose to Malton and keeping you on the task at hand…through science.


To order and use Dr. Schwan's Rotalin simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page
A.s.egraphic.png Dr. Schwan's Essentials
This user believes that life-cultists are not necessarily terrible role-players. That's why they responsibly use Dr. Schwan's patented Rotalin formula.




Schwan Brand HARMAN-izing solution

You hear a low groan coming from within the building…and again…and again…
The groans become…a musical number?!?

Dsvocal spray.jpg

Dr. Schwan stood by a third story window in the Needs Building and watched as a gentle snowfall began to cover Wyke Hills. As the snow picked up, several flakes began to stick to the window, shimmering in the light of the red Christmas lights. The building was warm and festive, having been powered and decorated by local survivors in honor of the time of year, and the sounds of carolers echoed up the stairwell from the lobby below. Turning from the window, he was surprised to see a zombie standing in the doorway of the office. Surprised, he prepared an NT syringe when he noticed the slightly offended look on what remained of the zombie’s face.

Embarrassed, he put the syringe away. Albert had been working with the zombie members of Z.A.L.P. for a while now but had never actually gotten used to having non hostile zombies around. Years of experience and self programmed responses would take some time to overcome. The zombie’s expression became slack once more assuring him that his transgression had been forgiven. Remembering his manners he finally said “welcome Betty, come in.” It lurched into the room, jingling slightly. Albert looked down, following the sound, and saw that the zombie was carrying a tray on which rested a distillation flask that had been converted into a tea kettle and several cylindrical thermal beakers filled with the aromatic liquid. Earl Grey: or at least the nearest facsimile that the technicians at the D.S. R&D had been able to manage so far.

Looking appreciative and pointing to the tray, Dr. Schwan asked, “for me?” to which the zombie replied “Hab Abzah” in a guttural tone. Confused, Albert stared for a time. Owing to the inconsistencies of zamgrh, the response could have meant any number of things; “hab” was a verb usually but could mean have, hit, or a few other things depending on regional zombie dialect. “Abzah” could be used as almost any singular or plural pronoun but could also be a shortened form of sculpture or an abscess. Seeing his confusion, his guest became slightly annoyed and rattled the tray slightly, repeating “Hab Abzah!” “Excuse me?” Albert stammered. Betty set the tray down and began to gesture to it while shaking him violently. This level of reaction was not uncommon owing to the “rot rage” that often accompanied zombification. She repeated “HAB ABZAR!!!” and continued to shake. Albert Panicked and reached for his needle. He knew that she had severe brain rot from her time as a zombie but he could not think of an alternative course of action.

As she opened her mouth to repeat the questionable phrase, the violent action caused Albert’s elbow to collide with the wall. The plunger on the syringe depressed and the contents squirted into the zombie’s open mouth. The sound that came out surprised them both. “HARP URZARF!!!” The shock of the unfamiliar sounds overrode the rot rage, and Betty set Dr. Schwan down. Backing away slightly, she carefully formed the sylables. “HALP URSALF”. Dr. Schwan repeated “Help yourself?” They looked at each other elatedly and carried the tea downstairs to share the discovery with the rest of the team.

Working from the original test data with the help of his team, Dr. Schwan added some flavoring additives, a few topical catalysts, and fine tuned the dosage to create a product very similar to the vocal spray used by professional singers. One dose partially revivifies the inner mouth and vocal cords allowing zombies to produce phonological sounds and reach octaves usually impossible in their undead state. The resultant effect allows the zombie to more effectively communicate, sing, and even harmonize with other zombies through the administration of different doses to achieve different vocal ranges.


To order and use Schwan Brand HARMAN-izing solution simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page
A.s.egraphic.png Dr. Schwan's Essentials
This user is a vocal virtuoso, even in zombie form thanks to Schwan Brand HARMAN-izing solution.




Other Products and Services

The Whittenside Database of Behavioral Anomolies Dr. Schwan’s Research and Development Team The Whittenside Rotters Database
Dr. Schwan's Essentials Product Line Dsmedical.png Dr. Schwan's Culinary Product Line Les Produits du Textile de Médecin Schwan The Doc's Novelties Product Line Schwan Laboratories Industrial

http://tinyurl.com/y85hs3n

Personal tools
advertisements