Dunell Hills Police Department/Archive/Department of The Commissioner

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DHPD History
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DHPD History

Dunell Hills, a small quiet community that has always kept to itself, rests on the very outskirts of Malton. Thanks to the biotech industry in the area (the suburb supports several clinics and research hospitals), the residents were educated and prosperous, though not terribly abreast of current events. It was during a PTA meeting at Godsland Street School that the quarantine was instituted, and it was some time before the residents could get a clear idea of what was going on. Various waves of zombies swept through, and judgement came upon the residents. The streets bled.

Flash forward a month or nine later: several key residents, a renegade NecroTech executive, and a few survivors from other parts of the city found themselves huddling in the rubble of one of the hospitals. It was there that former volunteer firefighter Sharko organized the rag-tag group of survivors and started consolidating supplies and skills. A quick and dangerous raid on one of the nearby police stations yielded a box of badges which survivors began wearing to indicate membership. Though Sharko had been a brave, motivating, and comely figure, the organization still remained largely democratic. With Sharko's disappearance, select members of the DHPD began to recruit more and more survivors, and organize the facilities that became available as the zombies were forced from Dunell Hills. Despite the occasional "invasion" or surge of the feral population, Dunell Hills became considered as one of the "safer," if not "safest," suburbs in Malton.

Membership swelled, and the DHPD became one of the largest survivor groups in Malton. Players have come and gone, people have fought and died, but the DHPD continues to thrive. Hail Squishface! Hail Sharko!

DHPD Quotables

"To serve, to protect, and to kick zombies' butts."

- Anonymous DHPD officer


"Zombie girls don't wear panties."

- Anonymous Dunell Hills Resident


"When in doubt, rip it out!"

- Taken from ThickNeck's How-To Manual on Zombie Dismemberment


"Current List of Donuts Offered:

  • Chocolate Covered Zombie Hole
  • Vanilla Thigh Jelly Pie
  • Spam and Jam Crawler
  • Pon de Coagulant
  • Curry & Bile Munchkin Pile
  • Custurd filled flaky pastry
  • Tom-Servo & Crow's Oriental Flambe
  • Kewpie mayonnaise-Natto-cinnamon blast!
  • Zombie WatchTM Party Donuts!
  • Caiger Mall Commemorative Cookie. Get Um before they get you.

Coffee, Tea, Cocoa & The Opiate of The Masses:

  • High-Test Morning Hexa-Shot. This will wake up even the URBAN Dead.
  • Piss-Water brown. Add Cream as needed
  • Triple moca frap double pump with soy and LF whip cream please thanks and hurry cause my lexus is running in the double-parked handicapped spot!
  • Zombie Chai Tea. Its good for what ails Ya. Except Death.
  • Boiled Blood Bailey's & Coffee. It goes down so smooth, like Bret's Mom.
  • Coffee Mixed With Beer. It's that simple folks.
  • Hot Chocolate Creation 2000. In the year 2000, Hot Chocolate will reign Supreme."

- Ragged menu entitled SatelliteOfLove's Donut Outpost


"Keep morale high and zombies low. Raise spirits and crush the undead. Blessings for the living and bullets for the plague. Do all of this in the name of Humanity."

- Father Gregor Ibram


"Little Known Zombie Facts:

  • Their aggression is just their way of showing how much they love you.
  • Most zombies would rather talk than fight. Give peace a chance.
  • If you offer a zombie a daikon, you can kill it while it eats it. After all, those daikon are BIG!
  • Zombies fear the music of Mariah Carey and Celine Dion. but then again who doesn't?
  • Repeating "Zis is a pen." also causes many zombies to fall over from boredom. Those who remain standing are probably JETs (or DHAJETs).
  • Zombies love to hang out at "Thriller Karaoke". It's where they get the good gossip.
  • Who says that zombies just wanna have fun?
  • Rumor has it that zombies will do just about anything to get their hands on some Mongolian BBQ caramels.
  • Zombies play way too much SOTC, dont get enough sleep and spend too much time wondering if that Manga with the hot girl on it is really as good as it looks on the cover...
  • Zombie love Tommy Hilfiger and Louis Vuitton.
  • Zombies are naturally tidy creatures...sort of like cats. I suppose you don't need to worry about limbs falling off, though, if you're a housecat.

- Unknown DHPD pamphlet, partially printed in Japanese

DHPD Media

DHPD officers hold their cover while they survey an incoming zombie horde.
Last Known Photo Of Dunell Hill's Police Department HQ
A Department logo

Derogatory Terms for the DHPD

Below are recently compiled "terms of endearment" from those opposed to the DHPDs efforts in Malton.

  1. Dumbell Hills Police Department
  2. Donut Hills Police Department
  3. Darvall Heights Police Department (For our lovely impersonators)


Back to Top
  • Operations
Alpha Squad Alpha
Alpha Squad Bravo
Delta Squad Delta
Dixie Squad Dixie
Omega Squad Omega
  • Communications
Dhpds.jpg DHPD Newsletter
Dhpds.jpg Internal Communications



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