From The Urban Dead Wiki

Much of what makes a suggestion humorous is frivolous and irrelevant detail. Any actual utility here should be incidental. Please check the list to make sure your suggestion has not already been placed upon this page. Remember the rule of Dr. Seuss: "consistent nonsense". If a zombie were to have two heads, it should take two head shots to bring it down.

[edit] All-Time Top Ten

In order, most funneh first:

1. +17 - Flavor Text Change
2. +15 - New Class: UD Wiki Member
3. +12 - Whining Willie
4. +10 - Game Rot
5. +09 - Horse-Drawn Zeppelin
6. +09 - Necronet Item Change and new character class
7. +09 - Rip Off Head
8. +08 - Aristocracy of the Apocalypse
9. +07 - Animals in the game
10. +07 - Nerds

[edit] Making a Humorous Suggestion

1. Use the Humorous Suggestion Template.
2. Add your Humorous Suggestion to the top of the New Humorous Suggestions area.
3. When the comic timing is right, it will be moved to the Humorous Suggestions Archive.

[edit] Humorous Suggestions Template

===Humorous Suggestion Title===
{{HumorousSuggestion|
type=New Class, New Item, Satire, Stereotypes|
tally=0, +3, -5|
description=enter your humorous suggestion description here|

FunnyVotes=
<!-- VOTE **BELOW** THIS LINE IF THIS IS A FUNNY JOKE -->

<!-- VOTE **ABOVE** THIS LINE IF THIS IS A FUNNY JOKE -->|
UnfunnyVotes=
<!-- VOTE **BELOW** THIS LINE IF THIS IS **not** A FUNNY JOKE -->

<!-- VOTE **ABOVE** THIS LINE IF THIS IS **not** A FUNNY JOKE -->
}}

[edit] The Tally

The tally is the number of people who think that is a funny joke minus those who think it isn't. If a tally reaches -5, the suggestion is removed.

[edit] Example Of Usage

Provides useful information to people who read it. Invisible to newbies.

Funny votes: Best idea ever! Some Guy 12:00, 1 March, 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Some Guy's Evil Twin 08:18, 24 April 2006 (BST), Example Guy March 23:59 20 December, 2006 (BST)

[edit] Voting on a Humorous Suggestion

You either think it's funny or not, but remember two things:

• You must sign and date (--~~~~) your vote.
• Update the tally before you go.
• Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

[edit] New Humorous Suggestions

[edit] Trade XP for AP (again)

For level 41/42 players with thousands of spare XP. Add a button that allows a player to trade 1000XP for 1AP. But this action costs 1AP, so you end up with the same AP you started with .

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

[edit] The Ultimate Weapon

Additional weapon found in Junkyards and in a new building, the Brothel.

A picture has been found of Dr Pain's hermaphrodite mother during her usual rounds of turning tricks for farm animals. Her son, of course, is helping in the picture as a fluffer.

This picture, when shown to any survivor, will immediately cause them to scratch their eyes out in order to protect their brain.

When zombies are shown the picture, they will eat their own brains, except for a few with a special flag on the characters (the Gardenator flag) who don't have any brains to begin with.

Those zombies will instead start pointing and crying 'sock puppet!' without a basis, pee their pants, cry about the small size of their penis, and run home to suck their thumbs, trying to figure what to call the photo wielder once calling them a troll doesn't work.

Stats
Damage: Emotional Damage equalling 60HP + Blindness and/or destruction of brain.
Capacity: 1 is enough.
Accuracy: 99% (Rare few characters will instead be turned on and go molest the family pet)
Encumbrance - Picture: 1%
Found: Junkyard (2%), Brothel (50%)
Special: Fortunately this is a text game, so words can not describe the actual horror of seeing this picture, or the effect would happen to the players instead of just the characters in the game.
Protection: While the skanky mother in the picture clearly did not use protection, the only protection from the effects of this weapon is to hide in a dark building.

Used b
Sadistic PKers
War Criminals

Token picture - Typical reaction when looking at the picture before clawing eyes out

No animals were harmed during the creation of this suggestion, except for Dr Pain's mom.
Zaphod Beeblebrox 17:06, 3 June 2008 (BST)

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: Go away troll. You're putting people off reading this page. --Explodey 22:13, 5 June 2008 (BST)

[edit] Toolbox equals Tangling Grasp

Hay guys, zombies are too strong as they can now use toolboxes. To offset this new zombie buff, please remove the "tangling grasp" ability.

This is not really a nerf to zombies; because, the 10% reduction to hand and bite attacks is offset by the new toolbox attack which is also 10%. ALso, since zombies are stupid, they should not be able to attack with toolboxes; however, since they now can it only makes sense to move the "tangling grasp ability.

  *Zombies are too strong
  *Toolboxes + Zombies = too too strong
  *Obviously to maintain the 70/30 balance, a skill change is in order

Here is a picture which demonstrates my idea:

fyi: I will not respond to flaming by the overpowered and awesome goons. -- LABIA on the INTERNET ^{Dunell Hills Corpseman} #24 - הפוסל במומו פוסל ^TMG 19:11, 2 June 2008 (BST)

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Whirlpools

The quarantine zone around Malton is extended by 10 blocks in each direction, revealing a 10-block wide moat around the city, surrounded by a quarter-mile-high wall, presumably as a cheaper alternative to the previous quarantine defenses. Any character at the edge of the city can now enter the moat. Survivors can buy the Swimming skill which allows them to enter the moat and travel for 2AP per block. Zombies are clumsier and need 3AP per block to swim but can do so without a skill as they don't need to worry about drowning. A survivor searching a moat location has a 5% chance of finding a fish, which heals 2HP if eaten. Also at various random locations in the moat one can find whirlpools. A character entering a whirlpool will be sucked down and will reappear at another location, possibly on the opposite edge of the city. Survivors will start taking damage if they stay in the water for more than 2 hours but those with the Construction skill in any building at the edge of the city can build and launch a raft for 49AP. The raft drifts 1 block in a random direction every hour and can also be moved by survivors paddling. Generators and radio transmitters can be installed on rafts. Up to 4 people can stand on a raft, the 5th will cause it to sink (destroying any generator, radio and decorations on board.) Zombies cannot climb aboard a raft but can attack it in an attempt to break and sink it. The raft will also break if it drifts into a whirlpool.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

[edit] WTF?!

Survivors: Are you tired of that pker that just won't leave you alone? Tired of those zombies that keep coming back even when you've given a headshot? Zombies: Tired of those moronic trechcoating cowards coming out, shooting and cussing and giving you the one-finger salute, and then going back to safety just before you log on, depriving you of delicious brains, however small they may be? The new WTF?! will cure those ills and more. With the WTF?! all you need to do is ask it to do something and it will magically do it for you! Want to dish out vigilante justice to evil cheaters or just get rid of that annoying pker? The WTF?! can delete accounts! Tired of zombies that break into your safehouse? The WTF?! makes uber traps that cause anybody touching your barricades to be blown to the Precambrian Period! Or, if you wish, you can also make them be blown back to the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretacious Periods! Heck, go on and blow them to the end of the universe! Whatever you want! You'll just wish you could see that person's face when they read the flavor text, "You have been blown back to the Cretacious Period, and have been eaten by a dinosaur, who then vomited you back out because you didn't taste good"! Whatever you want it to do, it does! And it's only $87912947497843276.99! No money? Well, then, you're screwed. We ain't running a charity here, you know. I don't care if money is useless other than a source of heat. We still want it.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Mother Russia

Malton has miraculously been moved from... Er... Well, where ever it was! Er, Undefined! Yeah, that's it! Anyways, Malton has somehow been moved from Undefined into Russia! Wait, it gets worse! Time and space have somehow broken, causing it to go into 1977! Oh teh noes! Now Maltonians have gone through an alteration of, er, something. New classes and stuff are available, some even replacing the existing. Here are the following changes.

Military

• All military now start with the Glorious Soviet Military Uniform. Wear it proudly, soldier! Or else! They also start out with the skill Opression.
• Private- Now start with the AK-47 and Advanced Assault Rifle Training. Replaces previous private.
• Scout- Now start with a pistol and Advanced Pistol Training. Replaces previous.

Scientists

• All previous characters are abolished.
• Nuclear Physicist- Start with skill Nuclear Scientist, and Rebel Cure.
• Doctor- Start with Anti-Rebel FAK.

Civilians

• All consumers turn into Patriotic Citizens. All others simply turn into rebels, the dirty Nazis.
• Patriotic Citizen- Start with the skill Patriotic Song.

Rebels

• All zombies are rebels, the Nazi scum.
• Rebel- Dirty pieces of Nazi scum. They start out with pistols, but they aren't allowed to get skills to improve their aim. Turned into PC when Rebel Cure is used.

Skills

• Opression- Soldiers are able to beat rebels and everybodyelse into submission.
• Nuclear Scientist- Allows creation of nukes and nuclear reactors.
• Patriotic Song- Awesome Soviet National Anthem. When sung, everybody is healed up to 60 HP.
• Communism- All characters get this, with the exception of rebels. Does nothing except give 60 HP.

Items

• AK-47- Assault rifle of the glorious Warsaw Pact.
• Anti-Rebel FAK- Cures those rebel wounds.
• Rebel Cure- Cures those poor rebels of their illness using the power of mind control.
• Nuclear Reactor- Built by scientists to power buildings. After a few weeks, they need to have new plutonium, making radioactive sludge.
• Radioactive Sludge- Thrown at rebels, causing 100% damage. Oh the burns! Oh, God, the mutations! The horror! The horror!

Nobody is allowed to choose their job anymore, Kevan does that now. Also, churches will turn into farmland, and searches will be divided amongst Malton.

Funny votes: I like the references to the USSR in all of this. --Arcology 01:38, 26 June 2008 (BST) as above...megalols :) --Irounds 01:14, 14 July 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Use Dead Bodies as Weapons

While many Generic Dudes might be satisfied with bashing those around them with metal pipes (or baseball bats if they came across them), what happens when you jam that pipe in the door to create loose cades? You might have nothing left to use as a weapon. We all know that using fists are quite horrible. Well, if you’ve got some dead bodies around you, why not just pick them up and swing them around?

If at least 1 dead body is present in your location, an option is added to your attack menu: Dead body (10%, 2 damage). If you have H2H, then it goes up to 25%. I guess zombies could use them as well, but they get no hit-rate bonus (as usual).

What it looks like:

http://img114.imageshack.us/my.php?image=15048172lc4.png http://img114.imageshack.us/my.php?image=21047009ox6.png http://img516.imageshack.us/my.php?image=37838307hi9.png http://img516.imageshack.us/my.php?image=10dg1.png http://img526.imageshack.us/my.php?image=12gi6.png http://img526.imageshack.us/my.php?image=13ty0.png http://img516.imageshack.us/my.php?image=14ch4.png http://img114.imageshack.us/my.php?image=15ja9.png http://img516.imageshack.us/my.php?image=16fh2.png http://img526.imageshack.us/my.php?image=18ii6.png

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Food

This is a zombie apocolypse, but why can;t we all just sit down for a bite to eat? This involves a new building, called the restaurant. Now In this building, you can find certain food items, like hamburgers, Steaks, French Fries, and various beverages. (Sprite, 7 up, Cokehead Cola, etc.) There would be an 8 percent change of finding food, and it will restore 1 AP when you eat it. But it takes 1 AP to eat it, so there is a penalty, so it is not too uneven.

Funny votes: mmm, yummy --~~~~ [talk] 07:42, 17 April 2008 (BST)
 Would it also serve brains? Oh wait, we serve that to ourselves. --Arcology 01:20, 14 July 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:
 It would have been funnier if it mentioned bananas. (Yes, I know. Shameless self promotion!) --Richardhg 16:49, 24 May 2008 (BST)

[edit] No sense of humor

Looking at the average score for humorous suggestions I think the following change is required.

This change would require all wiki accounts to be linked to UD characters.

For every 5 humorous suggestions the user votes as 'unfunny', the character's maximum HP and AP are each reduced by one. After 25 of these penalty points (125 votes) the character's profile description will change to "A very boring survivor with no sense of humor" or similarly "A very boring zombie...". These penalties will be irreversible. However their weapon accuracies increase by 5% at this point because their opponent will fall asleep at the mere sight of them so will be unable to dodge their attacks. A survivor with the tagging skill can earn 1XP by spraying "kick me" or "shoot me" on the bore's clothing.

Conversely any character who has voted 25 or more suggestions as 'funny" gets the chance to find a clown suit, red nose & fake moustache in a gun store. All their weapons do double damage on April 1st each year as long as they have been wearing these items for a whole year.

--Explodey 11:24, 8 April 2008 (BST)

Funny votes: Sorry can't talk. Side is split from laughing too much --Tselita 20:39, 3 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: But what if the jokes aren't funny... Like this? -- TheDavibob ^T 16:32, 8 April 2008 (BST) 'Having a sense of humour' doesn't mean laughing at everything, it means laughing at what you find funny. --Lord of the Pies 19:51, 18 April 2008 (BST)

[edit] FNORD!

A new skill called "Fnord-Seer" becomes available. This enables a Maltonian to see the fnords, giving them a 100% chance of finding a fnord when reading a newspaper. The fnord has a 65% hit rate and does 10 damage against anyone who does not see the fnords, bypassing any flak jacket.

Funny votes: I'm laughing because I don't understand the joke. --Vandurn 21:29, 3 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] New years eve/day

Fairly simple really At midnight on new years eve you recieve the following messages, if you are a survivor or zombie

• Your head pounds, and you finally realise how drunk you are, you are going to regret this in the morning.

• Bright lights shine in the sky. You forget about the hunger and stare at the pretty lights.

At which point you all your unused xp is removed.

The next day can then be designated New Skills Day, a perfect oppurtunity to add new skills, without people instqantly buying them!

Funny votes: Yep.--Rosslessness 12:03, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: meh. --~~~~ [talk] 13:33, 16 March 2008 (UTC) Um. --Vandurn 21:31, 3 April 2008 (BST)

[edit] The Prize

Prepare, this might be long. i've got lots of stuff here. let's beging from the end - The Prize. The Prize is an unique item. when a player is a survivor and has The Prize, his name is always shown in the description, even if there are more than 50 people. His actions are always observed, even if he's further than 50 people from you. Even more - his name is blinking! And when a zombie has The Prize the description will say "bla bla zombies and one of them is Da Man Wiz Da Prize, all hail t3h z0mb13 g0d!" or something of that sort.

Another benefits that Th3 Prize gives:

A special attack: Show your prize. has a 75% success rate and a special skill appears that costs 666 XP that reduces the success rate 65%. When successfull the messsage will be displayed "You've shown <victim> your prize and he is stunned!". Attack has no direct damage to vicitm HP or AP, but instead when they are loading the page they don't recieve some of the buttons and/or drop-downs, chosen randomly and some schizofrenic colorscheme is loaded with css.

Teh prize takes -10% encumrance, i.e. gives you possibility to carry more. And if you'll manage to get zero ecumbrance - you'll be levetating. Effects of this is that you can enter any building no matter of the barricades, ignore fort walls (you just fly over them), "free move" through ruins, generally speaking ignore any limitations concerning movement. The only one left would be border - if you'll try to cross it, External Military will shoot you down with Stingers and that would be a permadeath and your account deleted. Also mad people in flak jackets and black balaclavas will come to you in real life and kick your sorry butt.

And if you'll get negative encumbrance - you'll be flying too high, you won't be able to stop it and you will get into rarefied layers of atmosphere where you'll die. However, this is not a permadeath, instead, after using ?rise, you will be transformed into an external military helicopter. now you will help Kevan in making the broadcasts. you'll have a dropdown with the suburb name, when you'll click it you'll get the dump of the database for all actions and properties happening in that suburb for last week. you'll need to carefully look through them, calculate number of zombies and power and ruin values and submit all of this to the web-interface you'll have access to. and there will be a counter ticking from the moment you recieved the data for processing, if you won't get in time with it, electricity will be ran through your keyboard.

now back to THe pRize. for 13 XP you will be able to buy an extra skill. it's benefit would be enlarging the minimap from 3x3 to 5x5. it would be a subskill of the written above 666XP one, so you'll have to bear with that decreased hit chances. The minimap enlarge would be for one seesion only - once you'll log off (and then log back on) the skill will disappear and you'll have to buy it again.

Now how to win the prize.

...to be continued... (if found funny)

--~~~~ [talk] 13:15, 13 February 2008 (UTC)

Funny votes: Suitably silly --Explodey 20:31, 10 April 2008 (BST) now how can i RAUNEMASTERYX 13:15, 17 April 2008 (BST) god of barah get this prize
Unfunny votes: Lol, you have thought a lot about this. --Vandurn 21:33, 3 April 2008 (BST)

[edit] Minigun and Minigun Ammo

Item: Minigun. Damage: 50HP per round. Takes 100 Rounds. Found in Fort Armories and are always found completely unloaded. Encumbrance: 100%.

Item 2: Minigun Ammo. Comes in 100 Round Ammo Crates. Found in Fort Armories. Encumbrance: 100%

The thought of confused and frustrated trenchcoaters screeching as they desperately try to find a way to carry both the gun AND the ammo keeps me warm at night. --Chade 18:42, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

Funny votes: Author Vote--Chade 10:53, 12 March 2008 (UTC) Hm.. Multiply the damage by 100, and cut the encumbrance of the ammo and the gun by 99%, and we have something that juuuuust miiiiight be of equal power to zombies bitching to Kevan.  Nalikill  ^{TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI}  23:37, 23 January 2008 (UTC) lolz --~~~~ [talk] 22:42, 24 January 2008 (UTC) Just damn funny.--Seventythree^Talk 16:07, 28 January 2008 (UTC) I still think it should be a real suggestion.Studoku 19:33, 29 January 2008 (UTC) Agreed. This should be suggested for real. --Anotherpongo 09:39, 24 February 2008 (UTC) this should be real, if only to see the whines trenchcoaters say when they realise they can't do ZOMG dmg Yeeth 12:37, 6 March 2008 (UTC) Haha. I'd spend a lot of time trying to find a glitch. --Vandurn 21:40, 3 April 2008 (BST) Don't forget to tell the trenchies there's a secret skill that lets them carry twice as much, if they just get themselves 1000000XP and find a Spiderman costume in a junkyard. --Explodey 20:34, 10 April 2008 (BST)
I like it. --Richardhg 16:57, 24 May 2008 (BST) Those darn miniguns! --Arcology 01:42, 26 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Billhooked Cleaver

Because no zombie game is complete without these.

Billhooked cleavers could be found in 'arms' buildings, or malls' newly implemented butchery shops.

Survivors wielding it swing the cleaver like an axe, and thus, its hit rate is affected by axe proficiency. Originally, this does the same damage as an axe, 3, and has the original hit rate of an axe, 10%

However, there's a catch. If your character's name is Keiichi Maebara, Rena Ryugu, Rika Furude, Mion Sonozaki, Shion Sonozaki or Satoko Hojo, or your character has survived the massacre of Hinamizawa, there's a 5% chance of decapitating your target when you swing a cleaver to it, killing it instantly, only if, before attacking, you have said 'How did you dare to do this to me? TO ME!!!' Zombies decapytated this way must get up as if they had been headshot, and Ankle Grab does not reduce the AP cost.

Yeah, yeah. I know I will be called a weeaboo after I post this. But what the heck? I thought I would post it, and if it causes the lulz, then so be it. XD--Sachiko Kotobuki 18:17, 10 January 2008 (GMT +1)

Funny votes: Hmm...I can see the humor of this joke, so I find it funny. But I don't think Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni (translated to "When They Cry" for the North American release) is really popular or well-known enough to the general public. I still find this funny though. --Peter Timewell 21:52, 30 January 2008
Unfunny votes: what? o_O --~~~~ [talk] 14:53, 12 January 2008 (UTC) Sorry, this joke relies on quite qn in-depth knowlege of some sort of comic book or TV series, and I don't get it. I'm sure it is funny if you have read the comic or seen the show.--Seventythree^Talk 16:38, 12 January 2008 (UTC) Eh. Anime jokes are not funny. Ever. --TriPolarClicky! 03:03, 13 January 2008 (UTC) If it needs explaining, it usually isn't funny.Studoku 19:32, 29 January 2008 (UTC) Yeah, no, it's true. This is a bit precise to be a humor suggestion, too. --Vandurn 21:42, 3 April 2008 (BST) Colin Hunt, is that you? --Explodey 18:37, 10 April 2008 (BST)

[edit] A question of language.

--Rosslessness 18:01, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

We all know that one day battery powered lighting devices will be added to the game. As such something like the following should be introduced as part of the character creation process

What is this? (see below) Pick TORCH or FLASHLIGHT.

So when said item is introduced to the game it will appear in your inventory and on screen messages as you turn on your torch, or you turn on your flashlight.

Therefore a simple misunderstanding is solved, and I can suggest all the portable lighting suggestions I want, knowing I will offend no one with my choice of language.

Funny votes: It may not be funny. But its too tongue in cheek for the main page.--Rosslessness 17:54, 17 December 2007 (UTC) I think it's funny. :( --Vandurn 21:44, 3 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: what are you suggesting again? i'm not sure i caught where the joke is --~~~~ [talk] 09:53, 13 January 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Film star

You would want to be a film star right? here are the sub classes, Jedi knight, they can only use a light saber, Indiana Jones, you can only use a pistol and a whip and you have the cool hat, and you automatically kill; anyone with a knife, Jack Nicholson(the shining), you can only use axes and you always say after "Here's johnny!!!!", Jack sparrow, you knife hits are 30hp, Happy Gilmore, You hit anyone with golf club for 50hp.

Funny votes: {{{FunnyVotes}}}
Unfunny votes: Umm... ha ha? For one, this is not even vaguely funny. Secondly, your format is so thoroughly screwed up, it fills me with the urge... to defecate. --TriPolarClicky! 17:46, 17 December 2007 (UTC) Yeah, defecation is funny, what happened to the stars of those sort of movies, huh? --Vandurn 21:46, 3 April 2008 (BST) This is completely stupid. --Arcology 01:44, 26 June 2008 (BST)

[edit] South Park FTW

--Banjo2E (complain) 13:57, 20 November 2007 (UTC)

Whenever someone kills any player named Kenny, all users in the area recieve the message, "Oh my GOD, X killed Kenny!" "You bastard!"

Funny votes: ROFL!!!--GunFox13 18:15, 17 December 2007 (UTC) Lol.Studoku 20:28, 24 January 2008 (UTC) Reminds me of this. That bastard. --Axe Bullet killed Axe Hack!!! 20:30, 24 January 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: And people think it's funny every time...ugh. --Vandurn 21:47, 3 April 2008 (BST) Dupe. --Explodey 18:40, 10 April 2008 (BST)

[edit] Rural Dead

Where do Maltons in pre-apocalypse get their meat from? well they import it, but that's not the point. Adjacent to Malton's south border, there is another similarly-sized "city"-except its more rural. The only types of buildings here are Barns, Dairy Farms, Butcher Shops, different types of Fields, Freeways, and Rivers. Of course all the poor animals are all dead, but there are new items to get from buildings (pitchforks, tractor blades, scythes, and dried meats that act as FAKs)

To get from Urban Malton to Rural Malton, players have to go to one of the buildings near the southern border, where they see the description "The stretch of border defenses is not very strong here", and they get the chance to "Charge the Defenses". If he chooses to charge, he has a 99% chance of getting killed by border patrols, but immediately ends up on the other side if he survives.

Also, people don't have to start out from urban Malton anymore. If they choose to create a character from rural Malton, they get to choose from the same 3 classes (civilian, scientist, military, zombie). Civilians can choose to pick either Farmers or Bored Tourists, armed with random farming tools, Scientists can become Vetinarians, Military units can become either Angry Farmers or Local Militiamen, armed with shotguns, and zombies can choose to become Corpses or Undead Cows --Combine 108 02:38, 20 November 2007 (UTC).

Funny votes: Weak Funny. Meh. --Banjo2E (complain) 13:51, 20 November 2007 (UTC) I would actually like to see a form of this implemented. That's what's funny. --Vandurn 21:49, 3 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Spiritualist Class

I think there should be a new class, Spiritualist. Instead of fists, they use their minds. The standard attack (Mental Punch) defaults to 10% accuracy and 4 damage. Their starting building is the Cultist Shop. Since spiritualists are in contact with unreality, they are quintuple-effective against zombies. To counterbalance this, though, users who start as spiritualist don't turn into zombies when killed. They just die. Users who buy these skills later on are shocked by the staggering 500XP cost per skill. (Users who start as Spiritualist only pay 100XP. Duh.)

Spiritualist Skills

• Psychic Awareness - This person's visual range (minimap radius) increases to 5x5 and they can spot any users within this area, inside or outside of buildings. Starting skill for Spiritualist.

• ESP - Upgrades visual field to 7x7.

• Psychokinesis - Upgrades Mental Punch effectiveness by 25%.

• Self-Actualization - Mental Punch hits 100% of the time and does 10 damage. Level 10 required. Also, Throw now maxes out at 12 damage.
• Telekinesis - New move: Throw. Uses objects in environment to attack. Random damage between 1 and 10, somewhat dependent on location. 40% effectiveness.

• Poultergeist - Throw is now 60% effective.

• Holy Power - When attacking zombies, there is a 5% chance of instant kill.

• Exorcism - Instant kill chance increases to 20%. Level 7 required.

• Mindwriting - Write things WITH YOUR MIND. Free Graffiti anywhere, anytime. Uses double AP, though. Darn.

• Teleport - Same as Free Running, which is unavailable to users starting as Spiritualist. Unavailable to users not starting as Spiritualist. Costs 200XP. Why does this exist, you may ask? Because we hate Spiritualists for being so overkill.

• Summoning - What would a Spiritualist be without the ability to summon spirits? Comes free with the spirit Seraphim which heals one HP for one AP.

• Unicorn - A spirit that heals double the HP Seraphim heals, and cures infections.

• Fina - Heals triple the HP Seraphim does, and cures infections. Can only be used in Cultist Shops and hospitals. Not related to Skies of Arcadia at all. Really. (85% failure rate when in hospitals, because spirits hate the real world. Meh.)

• Angel - Instant killing of zombies. 30 AP.

• Gabriel - The archangel Gabriel bestows upon you half the AP cost for Angel. Satan's minions also try to kill you with renewed vigor. (You're tagged with a holy aura that all zombies can see.)

• Phoenix - The eternally dying and reviving bird. Revives a zombie at a cost of 10 AP. Not related to Final Fantasy at all. Really.

• Radio Brain - Can tune into radio waves mentally. (Spiritualists can't pick up Radios. Sucks to be a Spiritualist.)

• Priesthood - Congrats, you're now a holy man (or woman)! If a blow would be a killing blow it only has a 5% chance of hitting. Finally, a use for the Crucifix. (Only works when holding Crucifix.)

• Hand of God - Zombies spend an extra, not five, but fifteen AP to stand up after you kill them. This class is overkill, isn't it?

• LSD - Can only be used once. Your brain goes completely haywire due to illegal drugs. Changes one map tile permanently into another randomly generated building type. Does not work in important places like forts, the zoo, etc. People also hate you for using it, and will do whatever they can to kill you. Incidentally, you also drop down to 1 HP after using this move.

Funny votes: AUTHA VOTE: I think it's pretty good. --Banjo2E (complain) 11:51, 19 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Brevity is the soul of wit. And, while the juxtaposition of anomalous subjects can create an absurd humourous effect, that is not the effect here. GOOONG! --WanYao 12:01, 19 November 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Eggbeaters

Eggbeaters have been found as a viable weapon in Malton malls and kitchens across town. They do 1 point of damage(0 against a flak jacket), may be used when no target is available, and may not target humans. Base accuracy is 2.5% for the Initial hit. Once it connects once, furthur revolutions of the egg-beater will be at a rate of 65% considering it is lodged into your target by then. The eggbeater has an encumbrance of 2%.
Comments:The egg-beater can be a deadly weapon in the hands of a skilled chef or crazed lunatic hopping around wearing goggles. Although ineffective against humans (or zombies in flak jackets), the eggbeater is super effective against a zombie's naturally rotting flesh. Typical egg-beaters will be hyperactively beating air in practice for an encounter with an actual zombie.
While the initial hit may be difficult to land, once a beater gets going, they can continually pour AP into their attack until they miss, whipping the innards of the zombie into a fluffy paste that is best served chilled.
Nothing stops special players from egg-beating humans or zombies in flak-jackets, and it makes it all the more amusing to see them burn AP trying.Pakopako 06:47, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Help your fellow survivors out. Call in the Militant Salvation Army today!

Funny votes: Ow. --Lh778 15:06, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Malton Suburb X Matrix of Leadership

Within each suburb there is a leader, and until the time comes when all are one, that leader carries a beacon. A beacon of hope. A beacon of light. A giant glowing target on their ass. Is that person you?
In each suburb of Malton lies a mystical matrix of leadership that unites all under a comfortable 22W fourescent glow. Once revered in the local museums and schools, they are now hidden somewhere amongst the rubble like a hydra testicle.
Limit of 1 per suburb, offers valid only in participating suburbs, not valid in certain parts of Romania and Kazakhstan. Once a survivor finds it, it will be announced to all denizens in the neighborhood like the motion of a wave of geeks twinking out. Every time a zombie or survivor logs in or enters that suburb, a bright message will tell them the human that is carrying the matrix similar to this: Wally has the touch. Has the power. Has the Malton Suburb-X Matrix of Leadership.
The person wielding the matrix feels the aura of everyone in the neighborhood, be they zombie or human. They may not know where they are, but they can sense them and if they are on the side of the living or the deceased. The Matrix item will have a drop-down list of all UD users of the suburb next to it, listing who are survivors (black font/white text) and who are zombies (inverse).
The matrix has 0% encumbrance and will award 50 courage points a day to every survivor in the suburb. You may spend 100 courage points and a US dollar to buy something off participating McZed Value Meal Menus (tax is not included in offer). Players holding the matrix cannot leave the suburb unless they drop it or use it and will be told upon trying to escape that they cannot and have wasted an AP trying.
You may use the Malton Suburb X Matrix of Leadership as an item to instantly kill a character of your choosing in your neighborhood. You gain no XP and your AP is reduced to -10, so choose wisely. Your smiting will be announced to the neighborhood that the Matrix of Leadership was used by Wally to smite the evil and smelly Turncoat McTraitor and it frees up the matrix to be found by someone else.
Only humans may use the Suburb X Matrix of Leadership, but humans who die while carrying it will still carry it in zombie form. There will be no message indicating if a zombie is carrying the matrix. In this manner, zombies can hide the matrix on their personage until they get spontaneously revived, wherein the message that they have it will suddenly appear.

My lawyers are telling me to mention that the Malton Suburb-X Matrix of Ldeaership has no relation to the one in that 80's robot movie. But there will be laser guitars when someone uses it because laser guitars are cool.Pakopako 00:23, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes: This is stupid enough to be kind of funny. --Vandurn 21:54, 3 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Darkness Rising

The apocalypse has come, and no one is prepared. Now, all survivors in Malton who posess crucifixes can join the fun, by using their new skills. (Needless to say, crucifixes will no longer be findable.)

Summon Darkness: Attacks opponent for 10 HP at %50 accuracy.

• Summon Dark Spirits: Attacks all zombies facing you for 45 HP at %100 accuracy. (Only works outside. Flak Jackets are useless, since hey, when did they start blocking demons?)
  • Summon Hell: Attacks all survivors and zombies in Malton for 60 HP, and boosts your max HP to 100000. You are now a necromancer, and cannot attack or be attacked, you merely stand outside and loom menacingly. Survivors in suburbs where someone is looming menacingly require 2 AP to move while in the suburb, on account of the inescapable sense of dread that comes over them. THey also cannot use generators, as any lights would be snuffed by the dark forces. Zombies that enter such suburbs are deemed unworthy, are killed, headshot, then dumped just outside the suburb.
    • Summon Apocalypse: Attacks everyone in Malton for 1 Hp at 100% accuracy. All players upon logging in have 100% accuracy, +1 damage to all weapons, and +100 HP. Extractor scans always work, and revives cost only 1AP. This will escalate the fighting to enormous levels. Except for whoever used the SUmmon Apocalypse skill. He/She did something monumentally stupid, and every time they log in, they are killed, infected, headshot, and dumped outside.

Anyone without crucifixes will of course be at a disadvantage. Those with crucifixes can, however, scream "The end is near! Repent, sinners!" for 10 AP. (ranting is tiring work) This gives them 1 XP for every survivor nearby who hasn't heard it already. They are also unaffected by dread.

Funny votes: Author vote: well? Laura Juranas 20:00, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Holy Hand Grenade of Malton

Let cathedrals, churches and pubs have a 1% chance of giving a Holy Hand Grenade. Grenade gives 1% encumbrance. If you have one in your inventory, you cannot find another.
Grenade has a 75% chance of doing 25 damage to selected target AND a separate 75% chance roll of doing 25 damage to said user.
Regardless of if damage is done to either party, all players on the block (or in the building if indoors) lose 5 AP due to "knockdown" effect. It really is 2 AP of knockdown with 2 AP of hearing chiors and ringing and 1 AP to realize this it really is just a silly quest.

Flavor text: One.. two.. five... I mean *three!*

...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... Hm, let us skip a bit, brother... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." Amen.Pakopako 03:14, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
 I'll vote for this, as long as it comes in different colours. Make mine pink. No, blue! No,... wait!... waaaaagh.... --Richardhg 14:08, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Bananas

 Bananas can be found in Malls. When eaten by a survivor they are healed 1 HP and a new item - a Banana Skin - is added to their inventory.
 Clicking on the Banana Skin generates the message "Throw this at a target by attacking with it as a weapon" and wastes 1 AP.
 Attacking with a Banana Skin has an 80% chance to hit. It does no damage, but the next time the victim tries to move they fall down, with the message "You slip on a banana peel and fall down. You hear distant laughter."
 The victim is neither killed nor damaged from the fall, but they do need to spend the usual AP to stand up again. Until they have fallen and stood up again, being hit by more banana skins causes no additional effects.
 Custard pies are another matter... --Richardhg 02:21, 14 November 2007 (UTC) )

Funny votes:
 Author funny (or so he thinks) --Richardhg 02:21, 14 November 2007 (UTC) hey, didn't you steal this from a snarky comment i made in the suggestions pages?? ;) WanYao 12:05, 19 November 2007 (UTC), would be better if zombies could attack with them "a zombie attacked you with a banana... you hope no-one saw where they pushed it!"--Honestmistake 12:10, 19 November 2007 (UTC) Cue the laugh track. --BoboTalkClown 00:44, 1 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not funny. At all. --TSG reads Daily Ruminations - You should too! 00:50, 1 June 2008 (BST)

[edit] Malfunctioning Rocket Packs

Someone has left these in various NT buildings, junkyards, bathrooms, or just out in the open. They look like a strap-on jet engine and probably aren't safe. Doesn't stop you from picking one up and trying it out though!

Upon usage, you rocket up toward the sky in an erratic direction before arcing back onto the ground. Because no one's designed air-brakes on the thing yet, you just crash and burn somewhere random in a horrible flaming mess. The engineers did design a safety mechanism that would disintigrate the source of the fire. Unfortunately, the program identifies the user as part of the fire's fuel. Takes 1 AP to use; usable by humans or zombies. If one picks it up, it costs 40% encumbrance. User is rocketed/teleported into a random open (outdoors) location. It does not work as advertised indoors (you just hit the ceiling and fireball indoors; thankfully without hurting anyone else). Pakopako 03:56, 11 November 2007 (UTC)

Yes, you will get your own Walther ppk and shaken martini, but that pistol will have no usable ammo in the game and the martini might be a little warm. However, before flying off to your doom, you may find yourself shagging (shambling?) with someone who sounds as it they just finished filming an adult movie.Pakopako 00:28, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes: #funny cool, i want one. do users get a free martini and walther ppk?--Honestmistake 15:35, 12 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] The Ultimate Weapon

Everyone seems to want bigger and better weapons, so lets just give it to them.
To make it fair, lets have three types:

  1. The Maggot Bomb

 This bomb splatters live maggots over the whole suburb.
 Zombies get covered with maggots that then consume their dead flesh. Since they can't even pick up a gun, the zombies will be unable to get them off and will lose 1 HP with every AP spent. Permanently.
 Survivors also get covered maggots. The maggots won't hurt them, but they lose 10 AP from both their immediate reaction (throwing up) and from cleaning up afterwards.

  2. The Belch Bomb

 This is really just a Zombie with a gas problem. By emitting a super-belch, the entire suburb is filled with poisonous gas that does no harm to Zombies but kills all Survivors. So there.

  3. The Atomic Bomb

 Everyone just rolls up new characters. Isn't that cool?

  4. The Funniest Joke in the World

 Added by request - the "Funniest Joke in the World".
 It works by... actually I'm not sure, let me check...
 Oh "ha". How very Ha ha.
 No wait, I get it... Bwa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa.... (urk...) --Richardhg 01:39, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
 Uh huh! --Richardhg 10:59, 3 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: I could have sworn this would include the "Funniest Joke in the World"... boy, am I disappointed.Pakopako 01:56, 17 November 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Killer Candy from Outer Space!

Remember all of that stale candy that was suddenly available on Halloween? Where did it come from? It wasn't there last year, and Malton's been cut off all this time...
    It's ALIENS I tell you! ALIENS!!!
  Any Zombie that ate one becomes a Candy-Infested Zombie. Any survivor who ate one will die of poisoning a few days (~200 AP) later and become a Candy-Infested Zombie.
  A Candy-Infested Zombie cannot be revived. Over the next few days (~300 AP), the candy, which is really an alien organism (I warned you!) will multiply inside its dead flesh and be ready to burst. At this point the zombie becomes a Zombie Pinata!
  Any damage dealt to a Zombie Pinata causes it to burst and die (although when it next stands up it will be a normal zombie again) spilling 10 more pieces of the stale candy in its current location.
  Oddly enough, the next 10 searches in that area will automatically result in finding a piece of stale candy, and if eaten, the nightmare will start all over again! --Richardhg 04:00, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
  Don't say I didn't warn you! --Richardhg 04:00, 3 November 2007 (UTC)
  Omg that would cause mayham hillarious mayham but still mayham-- Nillocnroh
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Atomic Zombie

The zombie becomes radioactive, doing an additional 1 HP radiation damage to all attacks. However, if the zombie ever occupies the same block as another zombie with this skill, critical mass is reached and they explode. And die. Everyone else in the suburb suffers 20 HP damage. In addition, pieces of each zombie are flung into the surrounding suburbs, eight in all, and when the zombie stands up it suffers an additional 1 AP cost to all actions for every missing piece. Also, the benefits of the radioactivity are lost until all pieces are recovered. Missing pieces can be recovered by travelling to each suburb and picking up and reattaching each piece (50% search chance). Mind you, if there is another Atomic Zombie in that suburb when the last piece is obtained, they will explode again... --Richardhg 11:06, 1 November 2007 (UTC)

Variant: Chain Exploding Atomic Zombie
  As for the Atomic Zombie above, but if a piece of an exploding Atomic Zombie enters a suburb with another Atomic Zombie, it too explodes, and if any of its pieces enter a suburb with yet another Atomic Zombie... --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Variant: Popcorn Zombie
  As for the Chain Exploding Atomic Zombie above, but the radiation has the side effect of making the Zombie popcorn-flavoured. --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Variant: Buttered Popcorn Zombie
  Because what's popcorn without butter? --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
  Mmmm, popcorn... --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC) Salted popcorn? --Lh778 14:45, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Stereotypical Halloween Costume

I think we should get stereotypical Halloween costumes for Halloween. I know this probably will not be put up in time, but oh well. They will appear in the SHIRT category, while eliminating anything worn in the TROUSERS category. They will be in Malls, perhaps in Costume Shops? Here is a list of costumes to put up:

• Captain Jack Sparrow Costume
  
• Elizabeth Taylor Costume
  
• Ghost Costume
  
• Devil Costume
  
• Angel Costume
  
• Zombie Costume
  
• French Maid Costume
  
• Zombie Costume
  
• Vampire Costume
  
• Fairy Costume
  
• Geeorge W. Bush Costume (to practice our zombie/survivor combat skills)
  
• Zombie Costume
  
• Disney Princesses Costumes
  
• Lil' Red Riding Hood Costume
  
• Zombie Costume
  
• ETC.
  

The latter will cause survivors wearing the costume become zombies on the interface and they will speak Zombese, until a fellow survivor almost kills them. Then they will rub their mask off saying, "I told you, I'm not a ****ing zombie!!!". They will then either die or kill the survivor. Zombies wearing the costume will be labelled as POSERS on the map. 'Nuff said.

(To see a more serious side to these costumes...check out the New Clothing Suggestions Page soon)

EDIT: Hmmm, I just thought that it would actually make more sense for the survivors with the zombie costume be called POSERS and the zombies wearing the costume appear as SURVIVORS WEARING A ZOMBIE COSTUME. The zombies wearing it would thus be welcomed by the survivor community and the all supreme zombies would conquer all.. Muahaha! (Note: I'm not a death cultist, I just think it's pretty awesome. lol) --Vezira 17:16, 31 October 2007 (PDT)

EDIT2: I must be either psychic or someone took my suggestions in account, cause there are Halloween masks now, including the all powerful zombie mask!!! Lol, tho it's not too powerful:(...Please someone make the zombie mask all powerful:(... --Vezira 11:29, 1 November 2007 (PDT)

Funny votes: Oh, yes I am hilarious. --Vezira 17:38, 30 October (PDT)
  No more stale candy for that harman! --Richardhg 11:49, 1 November 2007 (UTC)
Yes indeed. --Clay5x 10:04, 2 November 2007 (UTC)
Costumes make FUNFUN!! --Darth Lumis^{T! A! E! FU!} 03:57, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Canadians

Starting Items - A hockey stick and a bottle of beer
Starting Skill - Overcompensation vs. Americans (see below)
Starting Building/New Building Type - Convert every third block in Malton to a Tim Horton's. Canadians always spawn outside a Tim Hortons.

Overcompensation vs. Americans - New skill. When speaking in a room containing more than 50 players, if there is even one American player, the 50 player speech limit is ignored. The Canadian is speaking very loudly and boisterously because they are convinced of their superiority to the American(s) present. Everyone in the room can hear the Canadian -- except for the Americans, who will not notice the speech at all.

Miscellaneous effects of being Canadian:

• Canadians have a strange speech impediment: every time they speak, the sound "eh?" is added to the end of the sentence.
• When speaking, the dipthong "ou" will sound like "ow" to all American players and be translated as such. This affects only American players -- but includes zombies. American players hearing this will automatically lose 5 AP from laughing and taunting the Canadian.
• Canadians heal 5 extra HP when using a FAK due to their socialised medicine. Search rates in hospitals and drug stores are halved, however, to relfect the excruciatingly long wait times for many services.
• Whenever four or more Canadians are in the same tile, one in four will randomly become a seperatist. The seperatist automatically changes from a survivor to a zombie or vice versa.

NOTE BENE: Canadians do NOT live in Igloos or drive dog sleds, don't be ridiculous. Any such suggestions to change the Canadians class should be voted as Spam.

Funny votes: Author's vote / Vote d'auteur --WanYao 03:25, 17 October 2007 (BST) Eh? Kaylee Hans 06:45, 17 October 2007 (BST) HAHAHA! Since I am a Canadian myself, how could I not find this funny? --Vezira 18:13, 30 October 2007 (PDT) But wait, if American's don't notice Canadians talking, how can we hear what they're talking aboot, eh? --Uncle Bill 03:09, 9 November 2007 (UTC) LOL, even though I AM an American! --Darth Lumis^{T! A! E! FU!} 03:58, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Guide Pack

So many survivors are getting lost nowadays, why not give them a guide dog? What, they still get lost? Give 'em three. Five? Seven? Aw, hell, just give them the whole pack, put them on the back of the pack, and let them ride all over malton. Now that each survivor has a pack of dogs, they can't possibly... what, they can't figure out when to level up? Okay, add a blinking bar in there. Still? Okay, give them a login message. What? Now they're choosing the stupidest skills first? Give them an autoleveler, that'll stop them. That should just about... what, they're shooting themselves accidentally? Each zombie now has a big painted target on their body...a guide on the pistol? Okay, fine, give each survivor a guardian angel to point the gun for them. That solves all of the problems new survivors... WHAT? NOW THEY'RE SHOOTING THE GUARDIAN ANGELS WHOSE BLOOD IS THROWING OFF THE DOGS! DAMMIT!

Funny votes: Author Funny  Nalikill  ^{TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI}  12:01, 8 October 2007 (BST) Keep. Helps newbies. I think. --Uncle Bill 02:20, 9 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I don't believe in Angels. And don't make fun of Canadians. --WanYao 02:38, 17 October 2007 (BST) RE:Uh, I didn't make fun of canadians. This was a joke about some of the proposed "newb survivor" improvements- adding compass directions, colored XP when ready to level, etc.  Nalikill  ^{TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI}  21:57, 17 October 2007 (BST)

[edit] Duping

Hello, I'd like to propose this suggestion, without even looking at suggestions up for voting.

Funny votes: AND YES, THE MULTIPLICTY OF THREE IS INTENTIONAL! Nalikill  ^{TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI}  20:54, 3 October 2007 (BST) Flogging an undead horse, yes!! My philosophy is that bad jokes can only get funnier and funnier when flogged, over and over and over... --WanYao 02:36, 17 October 2007 (BST) Ha ha, gave me a good laugh.--Suicidal Angel ^{Kitten Huffing ?} 04:01, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Duping

Hello, I'd like to propose this suggestion, without even looking at suggestions up for voting.

Funny votes:  Nalikill  ^{TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI}  20:54, 3 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Duping

Hello, I'd like to propose this suggestion, without even looking at suggestions up for voting.

Funny votes:  Nalikill  ^{TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI}  20:54, 3 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Civility Policy

I was thinking about the desire to have more civility on this wiki, and I remembered something my mother told me when I was a child. Since my mother said it, it must be true. Everyone knows mothers are always correct.

Therefore my Civility Policy is as follows:

Rule 1: If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Funny votes: For. 'arm. 16:51, 27 September 2007 (BST)I always thought it was if you can't think of anything nice to say talk about the weather--Seventythree^Talk 17:00, 27 September 2007 (BST) Oh veeeery funny, looooool --WanYao 10:54, 4 October 2007 (BST) But Seventythree, what if the weather isn't nice? --Richardhg 01:39, 31 October 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Skepetic

The Skepetic is a member of the Science class, and therefore have access to the Science skill tree. The goal of the Skepetic is to restore sanity to the rest of the human population.

It seems that humans are attempting to riot and rebel and cause lots of misery. PKing, looting Cruficixes, barrciading buildings, and believing that there is an evil corporation known as NecroTech. The goal of the Skepetic Class is to go and save the human race from these obivous delusions, as well as saving the human race from the main delusion: That zombies do in fact exist. Once humanity realize that zombies do not exist, then Malton can finally start to recover from the earthquake that happened 2 years ago. (Yes, an earthquake happened 2 years ago. You thought these so-called "zombies" were the one that caused the lockdown? Of course not. It's the riots that caused the lockdown, after the terrible 10.0 Ricther Scale Earthquake that presumbly knocked down zero buildings.)

Extra skills that the Skepetic gains access to:

• Hoax Finder: Allows for the Skeptic to find flaws in all "sightings" of zombies. (As you can see, this radio broadcast of this military person screaming about zombies shows that the person is obivously disraugt and going insane. Therefore, this is clear and conclusive proof we should distrust what this military person says)
• Psychoteraphy Drugs: Allows the Skeptic to use a FAK to heal people of this delusion of zombies existing. Just apply the drug to the person, and they become a Skepetic as well. The drugs might wear off though, so constant re-application is needed.
• Call in Media: You can jury-rig access to the Outside World, which acts as clear proof that nothing bad is happening, that zombies cannot exist, and that everything is fine. Exposure to mind-numbing television programs can make it easy for the Psychotearphy drugs.

Funny votes: Heehee. 'arm. 16:46, 27 September 2007 (BST) Reminds me of myself! xD --Vkkhamul 03:43, 16 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Nah, nah, Zambahz ahgzarz!, Harmanz nah ahgzahz! --Richardhg 01:49, 31 October 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Z@MGZ!4MTTD WRNG!=

Lyke, peyple, kan I pwopose suggestion? Gigant nerf to swwrfvivors r zambah's? I, like, played once, and kant b-leave haw much it suks 2 be a n0)b. Plzhlpthxwtfomglolwtfbbq. User:Never taken an english class in his life

Funny votes: Yes, format's a joke. Nalikill 04:53, 15 September 2007 (BST)I thought my spelling was bad... --Seventythree 13:37, 15 September 2007 (BST) Z0MG T3H FUNNEH Sockem 05:38, 17 September 2007 (BST) ROFLWAFFLES --Darth Lumis^{T! A! E! FU!} 03:59, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

[edit] Humorous Suggestion Title

[edit] Katanas - ZOMG, finally!!

Everyone loves katanas!! So it's time for them finally to be implemented. And since the forts are sooooooo boring, this will give long-term fort denizens something to do -- other than post crappy, game-breaking suggestions on the wiki and then get viciously flamed -- which has the real probability of having the suggester develop (even more!) socially disruptive personality disorders as result of this scarring rejection. Consider this a benevolent community service. On more levels than one.

Encumbrance: 2% or 4% (negotiable)

Found: everywhere!!!

Katanas will have two in-game uses, and will only function in forts -- and only if the character has selected a trenchcoat as one of their clothing items. This is to ensure game balance.

Option #1 - Dueling Katanas

The first option for using a katana will be a button: "Compare Katanas". When this button is pressed you can select another player in the same building who is holding a katana. The two characters will then begin a duel. A duel cannot be refused: this is not unfair, because the code of the samurai requires all challenges to be met with honour.