From The Urban Dead Wiki

Contents 1 Funneh Ha Ha 1.1 Godly Moderator 1.2 Aristocracy of the Apocalypse 1.3 Elvis Impersonator 1.4 Everybody Hates Chavs 1.5 Old People 1.6 Grail Knight 1.7 Monkeys 1.8 Hippie 1.9 Ninjas and Pirates 1.10 Airport Baggage Attendant 1.11 Lumberjack 1.12 LARP Player 1.13 Super Zombie Hunter 1.14 Journalist 1.15 New Class: Total N00blet 1.16 IRS Agents 1.17 PKers 1.18 Evangelist Class 1.19 n00b 1.20 New Class: UD Wiki Member 1.21 Cynical Bastard 1.22 Milton Waddams 1.23 Kids 1.24 Nerds 1.25 Animals in the game 1.26 Babies, Kids, and Parenting 1.27 Necronet Item change and new character class 1.28 Class: Kevan 1.29 Class: Kevan Impersonator 1.30 Coffee Addict 1.31 Trenchcoater Class 1.32 CSI 2 Politely Ignored 2.1 Cheesemaker Skills 3 Tumbleweed 3.1 Ninja Centaur 3.2 Scotsman 3.3 Evil Self-Centered Jerk

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[edit] Funneh Ha Ha

[edit] Godly Moderator

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+9

Also called "Ruler of the universe" Godly Moderator Skill Tree

With some zed's and survivors chearting the is only one person who can stop them... GODLY MODERATOR!

• HOLY BAN HAMMER! - Instantly remove the victims presence from the Time and Space continum making everyone forget that they ever excisted
  • Saw III Flip book - Insatanly drowns the victim in blood
• The end - Destroys the world, Nuff Sed

Funny votes: {{{FunnyVotes}}}
Unfunny votes: {{{UnfunnyVotes}}}

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[edit] Aristocracy of the Apocalypse

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+8

Also called "Aristocracy of the Wasteland".

Aristocrat Survivor Skill Tree

Malton is a savage place, a lawless place, a place desperately in need of an aristocracy. This skill tree allows you to become a fine gentlemen with a plethora of noble skills.

• Sitting down to a nice cup of Tea - For every hour after 50 AP is gained you recover 1 Health Point, during that hours of 3:30 to 4:30 this is increased to 5 Health Point recovered +
  • Earl Grey Hot - Gives 20% chance that attacks between 3:30 and 4:30 will do 10 extra damage
  • Crumpets - Allows consumption of item by same name between 3:30 and 4:30 to gain 10 HP
• A Gentleman's Game - Player gets +20% to hit with a polo mallet (new item).
  • Sportsmanship - Player automatically says "Jolly good show, old chap!" when hit.
  • Queensbury Rules - Player gets +20% to hit, but only when wearing boxing gloves (new item).
• Fetching the Help - Player can summon other players by emitting a loud "I SAY! WEATHERBY! Dash it, man, where have you gotten to?" that can be heard for seven blocks.
• Indignant Outcry - Upon death there is a 20% chance to exclaim "OH POPPYCOCK!" and gain an immediate extra 10 hp.
• Dapper Gent - Player is hereby a dapper gent, allowing the use of top hats, canes, and monocles, and the hiring of a fine manservant to accompany him in his travels.
  • Indomitable Scrutiny - Player gets +25% chance to find an item when wearing a monocle (new item).
  • Damsel In Distress - Attractive female catches our hero's eye. Due to continual attempts to woo her, our hero often doesn't notice when he's being attacked. There is a 10% chance that any attacks visited upon our protagonist will just "miss".
  • Gentleman's Gentleman - Player has a faithful manservant who adds +10% chance to success for any attempted action. However, player is not allowed to use a Flak Jacket, as it clashes with his socks.
    • Jeeves - Servant has undergone extensive training at a premeire manservant academy and as such allows for an additional +5% to succeed at any action and an additional 25 inventory slots, however the player also loses the ability to use shotguns because they aren't "sporting."
• Sherpas - Upon hearing on the imminent zombie outbreak, foresighted peers imported laborers from Nepal, who carry around the heavy items needed to support adequate qualify of life on the run.
• Upperclass Twit - Player is hereby an upperclass twit.
  • Matchbox Jump - Player can leap into Heavily barricaded buildings (though not Very Heavily or Extremely Heavily).
    • Kicking the Beggar - +1 melee damage if your opponent is under half HP.
      • Hunt Ball Photograph - +10% to hit with a shotgun, 10% chance of the shotgun exploding in your face (lose 10 HP and the shotgun).
        • Wake Up Neighbour - Similar to Fetching the Help, except players within range will hear "I say, can't that twit keep it down?!?"
          • Insult the Waiter - Gains full experience from human-vs.-human attacks.
            • Shoot the Rabbit - Shotguns will now hold 3 shells each.
              • Unhook Bra - Player inflicts full damage on opponents wearing flak jackets.
                • Shoot Self - Player has the option to kill himself at any time and rise as a zombie.

Aristocrat Zombie Skill Tree

Aristocracy is not something lost with mere death, in fact, the undead aristocrat can look forward to a variety of other skills well suited to one with such a refined nature. In particular, the Gentleman's Gentleman skill is retained even while undead. After all, a good manservant stays with his employer even through the adversity of zombitude.

• Top Hat - If player has a top hat from his days among the living he may now wear it to protect him from up to 30XP of loss when headshot and allow him to say "Jolly Good!" in addition to the normal zombie sayings.

• A Little Nibble Before I Retire to Bed - Gives the gentleman zombie a +25% bonus to all biting attacks between the hours of 9 and 10PM

Items of the Aristocracy

• Monocle - Requires Dapper Gent and Indomitable Scrutiny to use.
• Polo Mallet - Melee weapon similar to the axe, does 4 damage. Found in mansions and stadiums.
• Boxing Gloves - Adds an extra +5% to hit for punching attacks, but half damage. "It's sporting!"
• Top Hat - Requires Dapper Gent to use. Worthless to the living but with the Top Hat skill can be a powerful item in the hands of the undead.
• Book by Rudyard Kipling - It's no longer the "white man's burden" but rather the "living man's burden", but the sentiment is close enough to assist in keeping a stiff upper lip.
• Elegant Walking Cane An elegant walking cane used to beat the poor and zombies alike. 3 damage with a 20% chance to hit.

Funny votes: Andrew McM ^W! 17:53, 10 April 2006 (BST), CthulhuFhtagn 22:18, 17 April 2006 (BST), Zombie. Pure comic gold. I say!, --Mawhrin Skel 17:31, 8 May 2006 (BST) HamsterNinja 03:30, 6 June 2006 (BST) You should add a skill that lets Aristocracy get a bonus on killing Chavs! Tsuyoi 00:21, 11 June 2006 (BST) -tsk- But what about the LADIES, man? --Kenny Matthews 06:38, 15 July 2006 (BST) Heck, I live in the USA and even I find it funny! Of course I stay up till two on friday nights watching british sitcoms... --Paradox244 ^{W! TJ!} 01:08, 22 August 2006 (BST) GuesssWho 09:57, 28 December 2006 (UTC)Upper Class Twit of the Year: another great Monty Python moment. Vkkhamul 02:06, 25 August 2007 (BST) Good laugh, wot wot! I haven't laughed this hard in a month. I would really like to have a servant in the game --SirArgo ^{MEDIC!| Zed} 05:28, 23 August 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Another "just funny if you live on the UK" humorous suggestion --Matthew Fahrenheit ^{YRC | T | W!} 06:01, 17 July 2006 (BST)

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[edit] Elvis Impersonator

Type:		Misc
Tally:		+6

A new Civilian class so obviously missing from a game about heroes, resurrections, madness and sheer bloody entertainment. The "Elvis" (plural Elvii) is a new breed of hero emerging onto the streets of Malton, inspired by their love of The King to fight evil and spread the gospel of Rock 'n' Roll. Elvii initially lack combat ability but have an inherent agility that increases their survivability in the face of zombie hordes.--Bfgsteve 22:55, 9 Dec 2005 (GMT)

Skills

• Elvis The Pelvis - The default starting skill of the Elvis is the ability to maniacally shake their hips, a skill which has proved useful in Malton for evading attacks. All Elvii reduce incoming attacks' chance to hit by 10%

• Vegas Elvis - Due to excessive Burger consumption, the Elvis is now a bloated, waddling version of The King. Increases maximum HP by 10 (cannot be combined with Bodybuilding), but reduces speed of the Elvis to that of a zombie (2AP per move). Burgers now heal 2HP each.

• Vegas Showmanship - The Elvis is now a master of the Microphone, gaining an additional 20% to hit with that weapon.

• A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action Please - The Elvis loses the ability to speak except for the standard phrases "Uh-huh-HUH!" and "Thanyoovrymush!", but increases their maximum AP to 51.
• Karate - Mainly for show, Elvis' version of Karate increases the punch chance to hit by 5% (useful if the Elvis loses his Microphone).
• Sing - Elvii don't start with this skill but can purchase it to open up a list of song sub-skills. The Sing skill has no effect until at least one of these songs is learned, at which point a "Sing" button becomes available under "Possible Actions" and the Elvis can perform one of the following from a drop-down list at a cost of 5AP; singing any song in a Pub earns the Elvis 1XP, singing in a Club earns 2XP, singing in a Stadium earns 4 XP:

• Amazing Grace - If sung in a Church, this song fills all humans present with a religious fervour, healing 1HP in each of them.
• Are You Lonesome Tonight - If sung in an open-air location, this song automatically moves all humans in adjacent locations to the same location as the Elvis. Less scrupulous Elvii use this song to provide themselves with human shields in a crisis.
• Heartbreak Hotel - If sung in a Hotel when no other Human is present, this song causes the Elvis to die instantly.
• Hound Dog - This song disables the Scent Fear skill tree in all zombies within a one-block radius for their next 50AP.
• It's Now Or Never - Inspires all humans in the same building to make an extra effort, endowing all of them with +1AP. Best used for mass escapes from safehouses when zombies break in.
• Jailhouse Rock - If sung in a Police Department, spurs all human occupants to reinforce the building, automatically adding +1 level to the barricades for every human in the building.
• Love Me Tender - If sung in a Hospital, instantly seduces all Doctors to lavish the Elvis with Tender Loving Care. The Elvis regains 1HP for every Doctor present in the building.
• Return To Sender - If sung inside a building, this song immediately forces all zombies present to move outside to a random adjacent block.
• Suspicious Minds - This song inspires guilt in PKers, and provides the Elvis with a result showing how many humans have been killed by each character in the same location as the Elvis.
• Burning Love When sung, it has a 15% chance to light every single zombie in the same square as the Elvis for 5 dmg.

Zombie Skills Zombie Elvii can purchase the following skills:

• Undying Quiff - The Zombie Elvis' hair has become hardened by repeated applications of Brylcreem, hairspray and dried blood. The Elvis is now immune to Headshot.
• 68 Comeback Special - When standing up, there is a 68% chance that the Elvis will stand up as a fully-healed human, not a zombie.

• Return Of The King - Increases chance of resurrection when standing up to 99%

Items

• Microphone - The Elvis' starting item is the Microphone which is spun bolas-like by it's cord before being whipped out to inflict 2HP damage at a basic 10% to hit. Microphones can be found in Mall Tech Stores, Stadiums and Clubs. Hand to Hand Combat skill increases to hit chance to 25%
• Burger - A special healing item usable only by or on an Elvis, the Burger can be found in Pubs, Clubs, Hotels and Parks (from abandoned burger stands). Using a burger restores 1 hit point.
• Blue Suede Shoes - Can be found in Museums. Subtracts another 10% from incoming melee attacks only ("Don't you step on my Blue Suede Shoes!"), only usable by Elvii.
• Rhinestone Suit - Can be found in Museums. Acts as a Flak Jacket usable only by Elvii.
• Guitar Adds bonuses to singing, can be used as a 10 dmg weapon. 75% chance to hit and 1 use only.
• DeTomaso Pantera No one can be a true Elvis Impersonator without this car! Basically a car that can run over zombies, although it has a 10% chance of not starting, and when it does not, the Elvis Impersonator automatically shoots it with a shotgun, or if one is not available, the car spontaneously explodes.

Funny votes: hagnat ^talk 01:51, 7 April 2006 (BST), Mattiator 23:35, 13 May 2006 (BST), Mia Kristos 23:46, 13 May 2006 (BST) AllStarZ 01:55, 14 September 2006 (BST) Waluigi Freak 99 22:58, 19 October 2006 (BST) Mainly because of the songs. -Mark 00:26, 15 December 2006 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Insert vote here

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[edit] Everybody Hates Chavs

(This suggestion was moved here by its author because, quite frankly, barely anyone reads all the way to the end of the fucking page and now people are adding their new suggestions to the top of the page rather than the bottom) Edit: my previous statement is now redundant due to the new page layout. --Lord of the Pies 18:49, 11 October 2006 (BST)

Type:		Survivor Class
Tally:		+7

Chavs are another Survivor character class, grouped under Civilians. They begin the game with a Baseball Bat and a Mobile Phone, and the Chavtastic skill. They are subject to the following limitations:

Alcohol Tolerance - Chavs are only able to drink 3 Bottles of Wine or Beer before they become drunk. Any further Bottles he or she drinks beyond this point will take away 1HP instead of healing 1HP. The Chav's tolerance for alcohol can be increased through certain skills.

Drunk - Chavs who drink more than their alcohol tolerance level in Bottles of Wine become drunk. Inebriated Chavs appear as Zombies on the map as they are indistinguishable from the shambling corpses. They take 2AP to move, suffer a -5% to hit modifier for any weapon, speak as if they have Death Rattle, cannot Free Run, Search or set up/fuel Generators. They can't Barricade and if they use an FAK they will deal 5, 10 or 15 (depending on skills) damage instead of healing it. Drunken Chavs may Sober Up for 10AP.

Cop-fearing - Chavs cannot attack Cop characters unless there is a 1:100 ratio of Cops to Chavs.

Immune to Zombification - becoming a mindless, brainless, rotting, swaying, walking corpse would be a step up for Chavs, and nobody ever heard of an intelligent Chav. Any Chav that is killed is assumed to have ran away. They may Come Out of Hiding and yell an insult at the cost of 10AP.

Chav Skills

Chavs may purchase Chav skills for 50XP. They may purchase skills from other skill trees for 1000XP. Other characters classes may not choose skills from the Chav skill tree.

• Chavtastic - Survivors gain standard XP for attacking any player with this skill. The character with this skill may also use Chav items, but they will not gain any of the bonuses unless they have the appropriate skills.
  • Hoody - Any Chav with this skill, wearing a Hoody will always appear at the bottom of the list of Survivors in a block and any attacks made by Fists against them suffer a -5% chance to hit. Chavs may not put on Hoodies while inside Malls, or enter Malls if they are already wearing one.
    • Burberry - Any Chav wearing Burberry becomes immune to standard Infections as Zombies cannot bite through it.
      • Baseball Cap and Hoody - Any Chav wearing a Baseball Cap and a Hoody counts as wearing a Flak Jacket.
  • "Innit!" - A Chav deals 1 point of damage to everyone Within Earshot whenever he or she speaks.
    • "Bruv!" - The Chav deals 3 points of damage when speaking, however every time they speak they lose 1HP as someone throws a rock/broken bottle/brick at their head.
      • "Wot you lookin' at?" - There is only a 75% chance that the Chav will lose 1HP when they speak.
  • Hard - If you poke a Chav with this skill, they will die.
    • Argos Jewellery - Chavs have a 100% chance to find cheap chains and rings when searching Argos Jewellery Counters. For every piece of jewellery being worn, enemies suffer a -1% penalty on their accuracy. However, if more than 10 pieces are being worn then the Chav takes 2AP to move.
    • "'Avin' a fag" - When behind Bike Sheds, Chavs may smoke cigarettes. This costs 1AP. The Chav then counts as Infected (and may be healed by an FAK). However, due to the dense, toxic clouds that are the result of smoking 100 (packs) a day, the Chav, whilst Infected from cigarettes, gains a special 'Cough' attack. This has 50% accuracy and deals 4 damage.
    • Underage Drinker - The Chav's Alcohol Tolerance raises to 5. They gain +10% to find Wine or Beer when searching in Arms.
      • Binge Drinker - The Chav's Alcohol Tolerance level raises to 10. They gain a +15% bonus (on top of the +10%) to find Wine or Beer when searching in Arms.
        • Ungodly - Chavs have no limit on their tolerance for alcohol. They gain +2HP and +1AP for each Bottle of Wine or Beer that they drink.
  • Uneducated Twat - Upon entering a School, a Chav with this skill will utter a loud "What the bloody fuck!", which can be heard up to 10 blocks away in any direction.
    • Literary Ignorance - Chavs do not gain XP from reading Books. All written information aside from Spraypaint appears as if written in Death Rattle.
    • Mathematical Ignorance - A Chav with this 'skill' cannot count. Any attacks made with their fists will randomly cause between 1 and 5 damage and the accuracy will always vary in fifths (20%, 40% etc.). The damage and accuracy are inversely proportional (e.g. if a Chav does 5 damage, they will only strike at 20% accuracy, if they do 4 damage they will strike at 40% accuracy, if they do 3 damage they will strike at 60% accuracy etc.).
    • Scientific Ignorance - A Chav cannot use NecroTech items, GPS Units or Generators, but can attack by using them as weapons. The weapon has a 10% chance to hit and does 2 damage.
  • TXT SPK - Any Chav with this skill does not lose AP for using Mobile Phones.
    • "PTY 2NT" - Requires a Mobile Phone. At the cost of 1AP, this sends a message to all Chavs with Mobile Phones in the suburb you are in, provided that there is a powered Phone Mast. The message reads "PTY 2NT [Insert your current block]".
  • Script Kiddie - The online version of a Chav, Script Kiddies may not use Necronet Terminals, but can hack random websites and put homosexual porn on the main page.
  • "Oi! Bruv!" - If a Chav with this skill is attacked in any way, the player who attacked them will receive the following message: "[Insert username here]'s gangly, paling, gaunt brother yells an indecipherable threat at you."
    • Chavette - If a Chav with this skill is successfully attacked in any way, the attacker will lose 2AP as the Chav attempts to fight back to impress his girlfriend. In addition, the attacker will receive a message that reads "[Insert username here]'s girlfriend makes a grotesquely deformed face at you. Briefly you ponder whether she actually does look like that."

Chav Items

• Burberry - An item of Burberry clothing. May be found in Clothes Stores in Malls. It takes 1AP to wear this.
• Hoody - A hoody. May be found in Clothes Stores in Malls. May not be worn in Malls. it takes 1AP to wear this.
• Baseball Cap - A baseball cap. May be found in Clothes Stores in Malls. It takes 1AP to wear this.
• Argos Jewellery - A cheap, probably plastic piece of jewellery, commonly a chain or ring. It costs 1AP to wear this item. A total of 20 pieces may be worn at the same time. If you are already wearing 20, you will receive a message that reads "You don't want to have back problems when you're 20, do you?", or occasionally "If you put on any more then you might cut the circulation to your [Insert fingers/head/hand]".

--Lord of the Pies 13:55, 7 April 2006 (BST)

Funny votes: Dickus Maximus 04:56, 7 April 2006 (BST), RCG Tiburon ^W! 03:50, 2 May 2006 (BST), Abi79 ^{The Abandoned} 18:08, 6 May 2006 (BST), --Mawhrin Skel 17:24, 8 May 2006 (BST) You make me LAWL!!! Tsuyoi 00:08, 11 June 2006 (BST) Yay hurting chavs is fun. This should be a serious skill--Brendoshi 20:49, 6 July 2006 (BST)made me laugh like hell--Mr yawn 07:20, 28 September 2006 (BST) Oh, so very much win contained here... --Zap 12:32, 13 December 2006 (UTC) But now we need Chav Hunter skills! hehe--Kaisuke 11:17, 4 April 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Only funny if you're from the UK. Brainzors 18:51, 9 July 2006 (BST) Yah, funny only on the UK. --Matthew Fahrenheit ^{YRC | T | W!} 05:54, 17 July 2006 (BST)Not funny and it's just pointless

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[edit] Old People

Type:		New survivor class Dickus Maximus 04:57, 7 April 2006 (BST)
Tally:		+6

Since Malton is a city, I guess there should be old people there. Old people have the following limitations:

1. • Oh my hip - Old people, since they are old and can’t move very fast, take 2 AP to walk.
   • I’ve fallen and I can’t get up - Take +5 AP to stand up.
   • Where did I put that thing? - lose 10% chance for all searches (because they can’t see well).
   • I’m not as young as I used to be - Always suffer +2 damage from any attack because old people are frail.
   • Medicare – If old people don’t take their meds once per 50 AP, they die.
   • Cannot be zombified – Old people already look like zombies, so you really can’t tell the difference.
   • Old people start with no skills since old people are worthless to society.
   • Attacking an old person yields full XP for survivors, since no one likes old people.

The following are additional skills that would be added for old people:

1. • Going to the optometrist for the first time in 50 years: Old person goes to the optometrist for the first time in forever. Coupled with Bifocals, the 10% penalty for searching is gone and old person gets +5% to search.
     • Plastic Hip: Old person gets a new plastic hip, combined with a cane, old person can move for 1 AP.
       • Back Surgery – Removes +5 AP to stand up penalty.
     • Taking a shot of whiskey before bed - If the old person uses wine or beer in their last turn before Aping out, they gain all of their HP back and cure infection. Based on the idea that really old people always have a drink of something before they go to bed.
   • Memories of War – Old person remembers fighting the Japs and the Krauts in “Da Big One.‿ +5% chance to hit with firearms.
     • This newfangled gun – Old person remembers when shotguns held 3 shells. This allows old people to put 3 shells into their gun at the 50% risk per attack that it will blow up in their face (because the dumbass loaded it wrong) and cause 10 damage per shell in the gun.
   • Yell at neighborhood kids – If anyone in the room says a curse word that is audible to the old person, the old person will yell “Godammit you kids and your rap music! Goddamn Snoopy Dog and 12 Pack!‿
     • Back in my day – Old people get an extra 1000 characters to talk so they can tell their long winded stories about how they walked to school in the snow and uphill both ways.
       • Shorts and Long Black Socks – Old men wear shorts that are hiked way the hell up and long ass black socks. Whoever tries to attack them laughs so hard at them that they lose 5% to hit.
   • Wrinkly skin – Old person’s appearance has become so distorted from their old, wrinkly, calloused skin that they are no longer identified by their name. Instead, there is a box that says “X Old People.‿ Old people stack the same as zombies.
   • Slow Ass Driving – Not really used for anything. Old people are just really slow fucking drivers.

New Items for old people:

1. • Cane – Found in hospitals and malls.
   • Bifocals – Found in malls.
   • Meds – If old people do not take these once per 50 AP used, they die. Found in hospitals and malls.

Funny votes: #Insert vote here--Gerien 02:49, 13 April 2006 (BST), Velkrin 07:55, 24 April 2006 (BST) --Teksura 07:14, 5 May 2006 (BST) Saromu 16:54, 6 May 2006 (BST) Bermudez 01:08, 9 May 2006 (BST) -- Kenny Matthews 06:52, 15 July 2006 (BST) Well, once again I find that some people in this place need to lighten up. It's no Black People, but it's still pretty darn funny! --Reaper with no name 19:50, 16 October 2006 (BST) Agent White is no fun at all BoboTalkClown 22:52, 13 August 2007 (BST) Old people can't be zombies because they're too crotchty to die. Trust me, I know!Pakopako 04:16, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Jenny D'Arc^{T[1] MPS} 14:19, 15 July 2006 (BST)Offensive--Agent White ^{WTF•W!•SGP•CMS-Meta•CMS} 05:02, 10 October 2006 (BST)

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[edit] Grail Knight

Type:		Survivor Class
Tally:		+4

A separate character class, the Grail Knight falls under the category of Civilian. Knights pay 100XP for their own skills and may not purchase other skills. Knights begin the game with a Sword and the Brave Sire Knight skill.

Grail Knight Skills

• Brave Sir Knight - All Grail Knights start with this skill. It allows them to Repress Peasants.
  • Swordfighting - The character gains a +20% bonus in accuracy when using Swords.
    • You Fight Bravely, Sir Knight! - The character gains a +15% bonus in accuracy when using swords, on top of the original bonus. They may also Parry enemy melee attacks (with the exception of Fists and Bites), reducing enemy sword accuracy by 10% and all other melee attack accuracy by 5%.
  • Let's Go to Camelot! - This skill enables the player to turn any building into Camelot. Camelot has invincible Light Barricades and may be searched to finds numerous special items. A building will remain as Camelot for the next 50 APs, after which it will revert to its original purpose. It will also revert back its normal status if the player turns another building into Camelot. Any survivor may enter Camelot.
    • We Eat Ham and Jam and Spam a Lot! - A character with this skill may, as the name suggests, eat ham and jam and spam a lot. They also gain the ability to sing the Camelot song if within three blocks of another Grail Knight, doing 4 damage to anyone Within Earshot for every AP they use singing.
      • On Second Thoughts, Let's Not... - A player may loses the benefits of the last two skills, but gains +5CSP (Common Sense Points) per AP spent from that point onwards. CSP is the only way to buy Crafty Plan skills and Logic skills at 100CSP per skill. Players with this skill may still enter Camelots of other players.
  • Giant Wooden Rabbit - Crafty Plan. The player may construct a large, wooden rabbit outside any building. There may only be a single rabbit outside a building at any given time, and only a single person inside the rabbit. Characters inside the building gain the option of Bringing the Rabbit Inside. The rabbit ceases to exist and the character inside it is transferred from the outside of the building to the inside. Giant Wooden Rabbits count as Quite Strong Barricades for the purposes of attacks and, if destroyed, the character inside will lose the benefits of it.
    • Giant Wooden Badger - Crafty Plan. A Giant Wooden Badger is essentially the same as a Giant Wooden Rabbit, except it may transport up to five players and counts as having Extremely Heavy Barricades (though survivor players may still enter).
  • A Witch! A Witch! Burn Her! - Logic. The character may Burn Witches, because they weigh the same as ducks, which float, and wood floats, and witches burn like wood. Any other player that attempts to deny this logic immediately loses all of their HP and AP.
    • What Else do we Burn? More Witches! - Logic. The character may Burn up to three Witches for every AP they spend Burning.
  • Peril - The Knight gains +50% XP from all damage that they do to other players.
    • You were in Great Peril! - If the character is under 10HP then all attacks made against them are made at -20% accuracy.
      • It's a Knight's Duty! - The character must sample as much peril as possible, and thus gains an AP every 20 minutes, instead of 30.
        • I Bet You're Gay... - The player gains normal XP for attacking other Knights who steal their kills.
  • It's Just a Flesh Wound! - A Knight with this skill will never become a zombie. Instead, if they are reduced to 0HP then they will need 2AP to move and may not use any Firearms or Melee Weapons. They may Bleed On other characters for 1AP. They gain a special attack: Bite Legs Off. This always hits and does 2HP of damage. A Knight will continue like this until they are healed beyond 0HP.
    • Come back here you Yellow Bastard! - If an enemy attacks the Knight while they have 0HP then they will receive a message stating that "The Knight yells back at you "Oh, I see, running away, eh?! You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's comin' to ya!"".
  • No More Spoilers - There are no more skills for Grail Knights.

Grail Knight Items

Sword - Does 3 damage at 20% accuracy. May be found by searching Camelot or Museums.

Shield - Reduces enemy damage by 1, unless it would render the enemy attack unable to harm the bearer of the shield. May be found by searching Camelot or Museums.

Silver-Painted Wool Armour - Improves maximum HP to 60HP while being worn, and reduces damage of enemy melee attacks by 50%. May be found by searching Camelot.

Ham - Heals 2HP when eaten. May be found by searching Camelot.

Jam - Heals 4HP when eaten. May be found by searching Camelot.

Spam - Heals 10HP when eaten. May be found by searching Camelot.

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch - Book of Armaments, Chapter 2, verses 9-21:

"And the Lord spake, saying, first shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, is counted, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

The Holy Hand Grenade always hits and is a one-use item. It deletes the player who it hits from the server and completely removes their character from existance. It may be found by searching Cathedrals.

Minstrels - Minstrels may be found by searching For the Holy Grail. On a 15% chance, a band of between 3 and 5 Minstrels will follow you around. You may eat them to recover HP: 1 Minstrel gives back 10HP. Any surviving Minstrels are removed after 72 hours as you, or any other nearby character, kill them for singing bloody annoying songs.

Holy Grail - The Holy Grail may be found only by players with the Brave Sir Knight skill. The Holy Grail may be used as a melee weapon, doing 5 damage at 30% accuracy. there is a 1% chance per attack that the Gold Foil may peel off. if it does then the player must spend 5APs fixing the Grail. If the Foil has been peeled off then the Grail may not be used as a weapon until it is reattached. The Holy Grail may be found by searching...

-Lord of the Pies 13:55, 7 April 2006 (BST)

Funny votes: The hand grenade is too powerful but otherwise that would be a good idea. Cyberbob240^CDF Biscuit 05:51, 9 May 2006 (BST) (grenade only) Mia 05:53, 9 May 2006 (BST) (Monty Python FTW) --Brendoshi 20:52, 13 June 2006 (BST) (you made me go get my dvd and watch it again) 343 ^U! 01:10, 21 June 2006 (BST) (Can a girl be a knight?)
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here Eh, the hand grenade ruined it for me. If it weren't for the nightmarish visual of having my character deleted from the world, I would probably find this very funny. --Reaper with no name 19:45, 16 October 2006 (BST)

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[edit] Monkeys

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+4

What game would be complete without monkeys as a playable character? Well probably all of them but imagine the potential of Monkeys in Urban Dead.
I propose 3 new classes to be added to the game:

• Monkey Marksman: This Monkey is basically a monkey version of the military class and starts with a pistol, 1 clip of ammuntion and basic firearms training.
• Monkey Medic: This Monkey is the monkey version of the scientist and starts with 3 first aid kits and the First Aid Skill.
• Monkey Milita: This monkey is the monkey version of the civilian class and starts with a fire axe, a mobile phone and axe proficiency.
  

All monkey classes start with free running as they have brilliant agility. They gain access to all survivor and zombie skills and can use all items. They also get access to a specialist skill tree called Monkey Skills which can be bought for 75XP each. These skills are:

• Tree Climbing: This skill allows monkeys to climb trees in parks and cemetaries. They are immune to hand to hand attacks from survivors and zombies but they can be shot at. The monkey also gains the ability to throw coconuts at people on the ground.
• Home Sweet Home: When in a zoo, the monkey gains a 25% accuracy bonus to all attacks.
  • Banana Split: When in a zoo the monkey gains a +5 damage bonus on all hand to hand attacks.
• Monkeying around: The monkey can throw poop at other players at a base damage of 2 and a base accuracy of 20%.
  

I hope you think this class should be added as much as I do.

Funny votes: Author Vote- Krazy Monkey ^W! 18:31, 19 July 2006 (BST) LOL --Desperado 20:25, 19 July 2006 (BST) MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY!!!! --DJSMITH^CDF 15:04, 26 July 2006 (BST) Do you think they could be radioactive? Would that be another class to have? Kaylee Hans 14:06, 11 August 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

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[edit] Hippie

Type:		Stereotype
Tally:		+4

Being stuck in a zombie-semi-apocalypse has taken its toll on some of the citizens of Malton.

They've seen their life flash before their eyes, and found that they liked what they saw.

New players would be given another option as their starting class: Hippie. Hippies would not be able to buy the normal skills.

Skills

• Tie-Dye: The colorful clothing of the hippies amuses survivors and confuses zombies, causing the hippie to gain a 10% dodge chance while on the street.

• Long Haired Freaky People: Hippies gain another 10% to dodge, but are unable to enter corporate owned buildings, such as banks and malls.
• Hemp: Hippies clothing is replaced by hemp, giving them the abilities of a flak jacket

Sing: Hippies can sing in an attempt to create harmony around them. This opens up a subset of skills.

• When Push Comes to Shove: There is a 30% chance that zombies in the same block as the hippie will heal him when they attack, instead of doing damage.
• War, what is it good for: There is a 15% chance that everyone in the same block as the singing hippie will lose the will to fight and be unable to attack until after they spend 10AP.

• Mellow Yellow: Increases chance to 30%

• Another Brick in the Wall: Gives survivors a 10% increase chance to successfully barricade.
• Yellow Submarine: Turns a building into a yellow submarine, which can then be driven around Malton for 1 AP/block. There is a 30% chance of the submarine 'sinking' and killing everyone in the building.

• Ship of Fools: Increases the chance of sinking to 50%.

• Manic Sexualized Dancing: There is a 70% chance of other hippies dancing when a hippie in the same block starts singing. The dancing hippies are immune to all attacks, but are unable to do anything until the singing hippie uses an AP for something other then singing, or they switch songs.

• Psychedelics: 'Medical' herbs heal the hippie for 15 HP.

• Special' brownie: Hippie gains ability to see who is inside a building, without entering the building. There is a 40% chance of people inside a building to be a figment of the hippie's imagination.

• Bad Trip: When 'medical' herbs are used there is a 20% chance of a drug induced coma. The hippie looks like a normal dead body until they stand up.

• Really Bad Trip: There is a 10% chance of seeing a drug induced coma monster while in the coma. When the hippie stands up, the coma monster will eat anyone in the same block, causing instant death, including those inside of buildings.

Zombie Hippie Skills

When a hippie becomes a zombie, there is a 50% chance that they won't notice and will continue on like a normal survivor. If they do notice, a small subset of skills opens up for them.

• Vegetarian: The Zombie Hippie will be unable to bite survivors and other zombies, but will gain 5 HP per AP spent in a park.

• Vegan: Zombie: Hippie's max HP increases by 10.

• Free Love: There is a 5% chance that a zombie hippie will be healed in full for every other hippe, or zombie hippie that enters the block they are in.

• Strange Additives: (Requires Really Bad Trip) Due to rampant drug use, the hippie's brain chemistry is so screwed up that there is a 15% chance of corrupting a syringe when used on the zombie. If the syringe is corrupted, it will summon Keith Richards, who will take half of the survivor's syringes, rounded up.

• Flower Power: When ever 'the man' (Cops, military survivor) attacks a zombie hippie, the zombie hippie puts a flower in their gun and walks away, moving 1 block away in a random direction. 'The man' may then give the flower to their special someone.

Items

'Medical' Herb: Increases the Hippie's HP by 5. There is a 25% chance of attracting Keith Richards whenever it is used. If he appears, he will borrow half of the herbs you have left, rounded up. Can be found in the city zoo, arms, clubs, motels, and schools.

Incense: Reduces chance of Keeth to 10% when using 'Medical' herbs. Can be found in wastelands, schools, towers, and junkyards.

Volkswagen Bus: Can be driven around by the player. Other zombie hippies may 'hitch a ride' onto the zombus, and get a free trip. Takes 2 AP to move, but it uses less gas then normal cars. Can be found in auto-repair shops. (

Funny votes: #Cecilia Green 7:01 AM, EST --Gerien 02:49, 13 April 2006 (BST) the part about the hippie not noticing they are a zombie and going on as usual cracks me up every time --Reaper with no name 21:34, 18 October 2006 (BST) Keith... Richards? I just imploded laughing... --Zap 12:45, 13 December 2006 (UTC) I like the Zombus! We should do a Zombus Malton toor 2008!--Valian 14:38, 21 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

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[edit] Ninjas and Pirates

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+2

Ninjas and pirates are mandatory for any game.

• Ninjitsu - Player becomes a ninja, takes .00000000001 AP to move a block, and gets a new Ubar Ninja Attack for 61HP, with 255% chance to hit. Player is also able to freerun into any building, even if standing outside, by jumping around and using ropes. Player also gets 200% chance to find a ninja stars item in schools and churches. The ninja star item can be throw across 5 blocks, and has an area effect, damaging any zombie in a 3 block radius by 20HP, and automatically decreasing all their XP to -20.

• Pirateship - Player just outright dies when he meets a player with the ninja skill.

• Pirate Crew - Player is assumed to be traveling with a murderous horde, as such, if he encounters a ninja the ninja falls victim to their biting muskets.

• Skill Arrghh - Player loses the ability to speak in any manner except Pirate. Any utterance of "Arrgh", "Matey" and "Shiver me timbers" gives a 5% cumulative hit chance reduction for the next attempted hit on the character, as the opponent is distracted and intimidated by the obvious pirate leetness thus displayed.

• Parrot All pirates must have a parrot, which will repeat dirty pirate pickup lines ("Arrh... you're like a fine seabass: I don't know whether to mount ye or eat ye.") Pirates with extra parrots take -5 damage from ninja wenches.

Funny votes: hagnat ^talk 01:26, 7 April 2006 (BST), HamsterNinja 03:15, 6 June 2006 (BST), Xoid 07:25, 13 June 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Biscuit 05:50, 9 May 2006 (BST) >_< —Hinoa talk.un 23:14, 13 August 2007 (BST)

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[edit] Airport Baggage Attendant

Type:		Survivor Class
Tally:		+2

Allows the player to reap all the benifits of being a baggage handler. Exclusive weapons included. Launching suitcases at zombies, psychotic rampages in baggage carts and of course the infamous in-flight meals which can be thrown at a zombie to infect it with something more deadly than some old zombie virus...

All Baggage Attendants have a -99% of finding anything that can be used as a weapon, such as pistols, shotgun shells, knives, ect. This reflects their real-life inability to find weapons. Nothing can ever offset this and there is no compensation for this loss.

20% chance of losing an item for each action, to reflect the real-life inability to get your luggage on the right damn plane!

Funny votes: LOL --Desperado 19:27, 14 July 2006 (BST) I like it. Sometimes it does feel like those people can't do anything right, as unfair of a statement as it is. --Reaper with no name 21:29, 18 October 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

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[edit] Lumberjack

Type:		Survivor Class
Tally:		+3

This class would replace Fireman, and start with Axe Proficiency, Bodybuilding, an axe, and a flannel shirt. The flannel shirt would function as a flak jacket, but it would absorb 40% damage instead of 20. It would not stack with the flak jacket.

• The Lumberjack Song Lumberjacks have a 10% chance for each AP used to start singing The Lumberjack Song by Monty Python.
  • Male Chorus When you get this skill, you receive the companionship of a male chorus of 10 mounties, who each have 60 hp and sing when you start singing. They also possess pistols, and basic pistol training.

Funny votes: If you don't know this song don't search it up.--Brendoshi 20:29, 13 June 2006 (BST) Jenny D'Arc 10:24, 28 June 2006 (BST) GuesssWho 10:09, 28 December 2006 (UTC)YAY! More MP goodness!
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

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[edit] LARP Player

Type:		Survivor Class, Items
Tally:		+3

A member of the countries elite LARP community and veteran of dozens of successful 'battles' when the zed hordes arrived you refused to leave Malton, donning your trusty Chainmail armour and weilding the sword and shield you took from the bedroom wall your self imposed quest is to rid Malton of the zombie scourge!

New items:

• chain mail armour basically a flack vest that reduces melee damage by 1 point and is not stackable with other armours.
• sword a modern reproduction of an ancient favourite, acts as a fire axeexcept flavor text added to successful hits so they will read "a nerd in shiny armour hits you for 3 damage; he yells 'DOUBLE' as he does so!"
• shield another modern reproduction this one probably looks like the 'really cool' one off Troy. it reduces melee attacks hit chance by 10%
• Stoning The person who suggested this idea will receive a barrage of 100 stones from the sky once a week. Each stone has a 15% of hitting, and doing 5 dmg. Each stone that hits also lands on your head and knocks away 10xp, although there is often nothing there to knock away.

Funny votes: Not only is this funny, but I could see it happening. Hell, tune it down and it might even make a good class! --Desperado 19:22, 14 July 2006 (BST) I'd do it.. .I mean.... Ummm... I wouldn't... yeah...--Agent White 02:29, 12 August 2006 (BST) Mostly just for the last skill. --Reaper with no name 21:23, 25 October 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

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[edit] Super Zombie Hunter

Type:		Game Improvement, Survivor Über Skillz
Tally:		+2

For all the UD powergamers who have no concept of balance whatsoever and far too much XP.

• Pistol Supremacy: An extra +35% to Pistol hit chance. Cost: 2,000 XP

• Shotgun Supremacy: An extra +35% to Shotgun hit chance. Cost: 2,000 XP

• Superior Searching: Guaranteed to find something on every search attempt. Cost: 10,000 XP

• Battle Master: 100 extra HP, +2 extra damage with all weapons. Cost, 15,000 XP

• I AM GOD: Congratulations! You've played Urban Dead for several years just accumulating XP for this. Here's your reward. 3 AP every half hour, 150 max AP, invisible to all players, 150 max items carried, attack with two weapons at the same time, inflict Headshot on humans, instantly barricade buildings to Very Strongly with one barricade attempt and Extremely Heavily with two, 1/2 AP movement cost, reload automatically with no AP cost, and are able to throw Fuel Cans into zombie hordes to do 60 damage to every single one. Congratulations. You're now the undisputed, reigning lord of a completely broken game. Cost: 100,000 XP

Funny votes: #Insert vote here Ah, this has got to be one of my favorites. --Reaper with no name 21:28, 18 October 2006 (BST) I took one look at this and though OMG this is just soo funny I can't stop laughing.. --Matt 13:44, 14 February 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

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[edit] Journalist

Type:		Survivor Class
Tally:		+1

I know that everyone likes to complain about Newspapers and Wirecutters. So I was sitting here this morning, thinking to myself, "What could I do to make these things useful?" Well, frankly, I don't really care about Wirecutters, because you firefighters get axes too anyway. But papers! What a lot of rubbish. Therefore, I propose the following new Survivor class: Journalists.

Starting Items

Newspaper

The pen is mightier than the sword, as they say. We don't have swords, unfortunately, but you can still do some damage with this. It is functionally the same as getting beat with a crowbar due to papercut potential and general weight. (All Newspapers in the game are henceforth understood to be rolled-up Sunday Editions so as to provide this heft and smacking power.) Info is as follows:

• Damage: 2 points

• Base Accuracy: 5%

• Locations: Mall bookstores; NecroTech buildings; Hospitals; Pubs; Auto Repair Shops; Schools

• With Advanced Paperboying Skill: 25% Accuracy

• Additional Info: They will have an inherent "ammo" quality to them called "smacks". After ten smacks, all the adverts and classifieds have fallen out of your paper and become too damaged to cause further anguish to the target, requiring you to have another newspaper on hand to keep attacking with.

Plastic Strap

• Locations: Mall Hardware stores; Schools; Junkyards; Auto Repair shops

• Additional Info: Useless on its own. May be combined with ten Newspapers to form a Paperweight if Journalist has Refill Newsstand skill.

Items That Require Finding

Printing Press

• Locations: Schools; Junkyards

• Additional Info: Used inside Schools in conjunction with fuel cans to have an easier time of getting ahold of Newspapers (not that they're hard to find anyway). Think of them like highly-specialized Generators, sorta.

Combination Item

Paperweight

After ten Newspapers have been bound by a Plastic Strap, you have a massively heavy bound bunch of paper--or, a paperweight! Ahaha, puns. Anyway, when thrown, these can cause fairly decent crush-based damage.

• Damage: 10 points (Jackets do not protect from crush!)

• Base accuracy: 5%

• Capacity: One-Use Only

• Locations: Can only be made by those with appropriate skill and supplies.

• With Extra! Extra! Skill: 20% Accuracy

• With Accurate Slinging Skill: 10% chance 1 extra damage point.

Skill Set

• Printing (STARTING SKILL): When a School has a Printing Press set up and fuelled, a Journalist may attempt to use it to create Newspapers at 1 AP a try. He has a 20% chance of getting a Newspaper from using this.
  • Copy Editing: The Journalist has got a bit more experience under his belt and this will increase his chances to 30% of printing a Newspaper.
    • Media Bias: The Journalist is so determined to take the printed fight directly to the zombies that he has a 3% chance of getting 2 Newspapers instead of just 1 on a successful print run.

• Advanced Paperboying: Your days of practice with aiming for roofs, mud puddles, and the neighborhood pets mean you are quite a bit more skilled. Your accuracy with a single Newspaper rises 20%.

• Refill Newsstand: With your boss having become a zombie, you'll need to know how to supply the world with Paperweights yourself. This will let you combine 10 Newspapers and a Plastic Strap to make a Paperweight.
  • Extra! Extra!: Why make yourself a target for zombies by standing there and loading up a machine? "Take the news directly to the masses" for a 15% accuracy jump on Paperweights due to aiming for the target's face.
    • Accurate Slinging: You have gotten exceptionally good at throwing Paperweights--so good that you can do it to where the Strap snaps on impact, showering the target in a flurry of paper and causing 1 extra damage point due to massive amounts of papercuts.

Funny votes: #Insert vote here Smacking with newspapers...just that alone makes this deserving. --Reaper with no name 19:57, 16 October 2006 (BST) This pwnz BoboTalkClown 18:17, 14 August 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

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[edit] New Class: Total N00blet

Type:		New Class/Satire
Tally:		+3

A new kind of evil has emerged...

Several players already complain about being nerfed, dying, being PKed, etc. Why not give them their own class?

Nooblets are considered zombies with Brain Rot, (since, ya know, they are all brain dead in some form or another) but they have their own skill tree, and can use items:

13375P34K: similar to Death Rattle, except limitations are that they can use any letter as long as there are no letters next to it (ex. T@1K but not 74lk) (STARTING SKILL)

• Whiney Voice: Causes sonic damage equal to the number of exclamation points beyond three to all who can hear it.
  • OMGWTFBBQLOL: Strings of capitalized lingo add +3 damage for each individual lingo
• Begging: Begs for money, causing 1 damage for every AP, until one leaves or reminds the nooblet that there is no money by killing him

l33t H4x: Enables the use of basic hacks, such as a HP boost and damage reduction

• Aimbot: Causes 100% hit rate, but has a 0.1% chance of getting banned from the game
• X-Ray Mod: Can see inside buildings, outside buildings, through ground, etc. In fact, sees through everything, giving the n00blet a blank map and takes 2AP to move (because he keeps running into stuff)
• SuPrAfOrCe C4NN0N: creates a super-modified gun that will kill anything in one hit. Due to tacky modification, though, the bullet object's spawn point has a 60% chance to be behind the player's head, killing him instead.

Healz plz: commands a player to heal the nooblet. If they do not have a FAK or heal someone who needs it more, they are infected by WTFD00D, which spams the players notices with about 10 messages saying things such as OMGWTFFAG, or D00DZIT3HDIEZ!! every action until FAK'ed.

SpamWitch: Gets 1xp for every Stupid Pointless Annoying Message shouted to a person

• PoliceSpammer: Gets 5xp for every spam message on a radio station

OMG I T3H SI LOL FUNE NO????//slash

Funny votes: Impulse 11:02, 3 October 2006 (BST) Lol... BoboTalkClown 23:04, 13 August 2007 (BST) nice... Yeeth 05:50, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

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[edit] IRS Agents

Type:		Survivor Class
Tally:		+3

Now, IRS agents exist in Malton as a class for survivors.

An IRS Agents' only attack is their fists. They also have the ability to squeeze blood out of turnips, but no turnips have been found as of yet in Malton. Survivors and zombies can recognize an IRS agent by his suit.

IRS Agent skills include . . .

• Tax Collection: A survivor starting as an IRS agent begins with this skill. This allows the IRS agent to take 10% of all XP from a survivor. Each survivor can be taxed only once by each IRS agent.
  • Taxation of Undead: Zombies can now be taxed by the IRS agent.
  • Income Tax: The IRS agent takes 25% of all XP from the survivor.
• Repossession: The IRS agent can repossess buildings, clearing them of all survivors, zombies, and ransack damage. This also extremely heavily barricades the building.
• Casual Friday: On Fridays, an IRS agent loses the suit and wears casual clothes, allowing him to blend with other survivors.
• Identification: This IRS agent has an ID card which prevents him from being taxed. The ID card can be recognized by other IRS agents.
  • ID Plus: This IRS agent cannot be moved out of a building even when it is repossessed.

Funny votes: = Author vote, Waluigi Freak 99 00:45, 14 October 2006 (BST). BoboTalkClown 23:06, 13 August 2007 (BST). Yeeth 05:52, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

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[edit] PKers

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+1

With the new class of PK you will receive the following 1337 skillz Each skill will cost diffrently

1.Killing someone in their sleep(100XP)- as PKers do often, you will now be able to create uber pwnage if the victim has not been active for more than 30 minutes. As result you have to waste time listening to them rant on and on about how you're 'gai'

2. Rouge Listing(75XP)- You're listed as a PK. People fear you but your mom is yelling for you to come to dinner. Every move costs an extra 2 AP and you loose XP for every night you spend on the computer not having a life. Needed for the Pathetic Bill skill

2A.Pathetic Bill impersination (100XP)- with this people will crap their pants when you walk into a room, causing them 2 damage from embarassment, but everyone in the room has a +15% chance of hitting you with anything.

3. Zerging (150XP)- People have a decrease of 25% when trying to hit you because you have so many copies. needed for self revive

3A. Self- Revive(300XP)- You can revive yourself if you have a syringe, for your 'zergs' come to rez you. --Ralain 06:50, 20 January 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes: FUNNY - Yes, I think you've covered all the bases. --Uncle Bill 06:32, 23 January 2007 (UTC) Captures the PKer spirit well --Agent White ^{W!•SGP•CMS-Meta•CMS} 03:19, 24 January 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: The idea isn't bad, but work on delivery. Jenny D'Arc^{T MPSU!} 14:48, 20 January 2007 (UTC)

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[edit] Evangelist Class

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+3

Author Note: Would people please stop assuming this an attack on religion, christian or otherwise? This is poking fun at evangelists and what they would be like in the game, due to the lack of there being any sort of magic in the game.

With so many churches around, where are the evangelists? Apparently, they all ran away. But with Malton's faith waning, they have no choice but to return.

Evangelists can't get survivor or zombie skills; only their own special skills. Also, they automatically die if they don't have a crucifix on their person when they run out of AP. But since that's never going to happen, they don't have to worry.

Evangelist Skills:

• Immunity to Logic and Reason----Evangelist cannot become a zombie, as there isn't really a practical difference between the two anyway. (Starts with this skill)
• Faith----Evangelist can find bibles and crucifixes everywhere at a 20% search rate.
  • Conversion----Evangelist can give bibles to other survivors. If the survivor doesn't have enough inventory space for it, then the Evangelist will start yelling about how the survivor is going to go to hell and stuff like that. If they try to give it to zombies, they will stare at it for a few seconds and then bite it. The Evangelist will then go ballistic and take the ruined bible back, slapping the zombie with it for 1 damage. The zombie then gets mad and recieves a +1 damage bonus to all attacks against the Evangelist until the loud-mouthed harman finally dies.
• Religious Ranting----Evangelist can spout religious nonsense at survivors and zombies. When zombies hear this ranting, there is a 50% chance that they will ignore them and not be able to attack the Evangelist for 3 turns. But there is also a 50% chance that they will become so annoyed with the Evangelist that they will automatically attempt to slap some sense into them for 3 damage with 100% accuracy at no AP cost to themselves.
• Tithe----If in a church, Evangelist can order everyone to give a donation to the church. Other survivors then have the option of surrendering the first 5 items of their inventory. If they don't give it to the Evangelist, they will call them a heathen and hold a crucifix in front of themselves (or their fingers in a cross shape, if by some cosmic misfortune they don't have one). If the Evangelist gets enough items that they can't carry them all, they will then give the excess to the church.
  • Television Ad----Evangelist can order people to give donations anywhere.
• Preaching----Evangelist has the option of annoying survivors and zombies with religious teachings, causing them to suffer a 10% decrease in accuracy for the next 3 turns. There is a 5% chance that someone will throw a random object at the Evangelist, cauing 2 damage to them. The Evangelist will, of course, respond to this by telling the thrower about how they are going to hell.
• Exorcism----Evangelist can throw crucifixes at zombies and survivors (heathens). The crucifixes have no effect, but the Evangelist will insist that the zombie/heathen is taking 20 damage from them due to the power of christ.
• Spiritual Healing----The Evangelist can heal the wounded through the power of the Lord. The affected regain 5 HP, but lose it again automatically the next time they perform an action, since it was really just the endorphins and adrenaline making them feel better. The Evangelist will conveniently ignore this.
• Raising the dead----The Evangelist will prove to the world just how powerful the Lord is by raising a dead survivor from the grave. They will sprinkle some holy water on them (found in churches at a 10% search rate) and wake up the survivor. The survivor comes back to life. Unfortunately, they are no longer survivors, and the new zombie proceeds to automatically maul the Evangelist for 4 damage at no AP cost to themself.

Funny votes: I've actually been thinking about this one for a while now, and I just figured it was time to stop thinking and just submit. --Reaper with no name 16:59, 30 October 2006 (UTC) When someone makes fun of Muslims, it's all right for you Agent White, but when someone goes in and makes fun of Christians, you have to get all offended and huffy about it. Lighten up, it's only fair that if you can insult another religion freely that you can handle yours being insulted freely. Lighten up and handle insults to your own religion. It's only fair. This one I find funny because Christians are a bunch of hypocrits when it comes to religions being insulted, which makes it funnier when they come in to say they are offended Kaylee Hans 07:54, 3 November 2006 (UTC) This is hilarious. I agree with every word of it, in fact, Kevan should put this in the game. It would make it more realistic. I don't see what problem the unfunnies down there have, though. If they can't handle having their religion insulted, then they can just not read this.--SteelVortex2 11:28, 13 November 2006 (EST) Not religion bashing, and the last skill is pure gold. --Zap 13:06, 13 December 2006 (UTC) yeah, kevan definetly should put this in the game. it's funny, and realistic! --AlexanderRM 5:21, 26 December 2006 (EST) GuesssWho 04:30, 29 December 2006 (UTC) I love you I love you I love you!!! God, I hate those guys . . . Why do these people KEEP BOTHERING US! Just move to pluto, or something... BoboTalkClown 23:08, 13 August 2007 (BST). Ah, someone who captured the essence of it all... Yeeth 05:55, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: I don't condone any religion bashing, Christianity, Islam, anything. We can be funny without offending someone.Waluigi Freak 99 22:06, 1 November 2006 (UTC) Er, no... -Mark 22:15, 1 November 2006 (UTC)BAH I hate this wiki christian bashing. SHUT UP--Agent White ^{WTF•W!•SGP•CMS-Meta•CMS} 03:22, 2 November 2006 (UTC) What's with the religion bashing?--Grigori 23:07, 4 November 2006 (UTC) Agreed with all of the above. This hits ME PERSONALLY, as I am a Southern Baptist, and an ardent believer in soulwinning. Nalikill 19:59, 3 June 2007 (BST)

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[edit] n00b

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+4

Survivors can now choose to be n00bs (or, n00blets, n00bers, or n00bn00bs).

Limitations:

• Human n00bs have a form of communication similar to regular zombies; they can only use the following voice commands:
  • LOL!
  • PWN!
  • ROFL!
  • AWESOME!!!!!!1111SHIFTSHIFT!!!
  • I'm a stupid n00b!
• n00bs cannot do anything except annoy other users and punch stuff, because they don't understand the concept of Action Points, searching for things, barricades, XP and skills, and basic game ettiquete.
• Killing a n00b earns you 100 XP. You also get 10 XP every time that n00b complains to someone that you cheated, and 1000 XP if they e-mail Kevan to cry because you're unfair.

If a n00b can scrounge up enough XP to purchase a skill, they can purchase the following . . .

• This skill doesn't do anything but i bought it anyway cause i have no idea what im doing lololololol! - Title says all.
  • Better punching stuff - The n00b's punching skill now has 20% accuracy, capable of dealing 2 damage points.
    • Get stuff - The n00b can now search buildings, or, as they call it, get stuff.
      • Go to the buildings i couldn't get in b4- The n00b can now use what we experienced gamers call Free Running.
        • it's too hard i always die!!1 i want more HP - The n00b now has 60 HP.
          • i wanna talk! - the n00b can now speak
            • i dont wanna be a n00b - The n00b is now a regular player of Urban Dead. This skill cannot be purchased until every other skill is purchased.

Funny votes: Author Vote- Waluigi Freak 99 01:26, 20 October 2006 (BST) You forgot "OMG!!!"--Grigori 04:38, 20 October 2006 (BST) I think this sort of thing has been done before, not not in this way. I like it. But why do you get so much XP for killing a n00b? Shouldn't you get, like, less? I mean, it's so easy... --Reaper with no name 22:51, 21 October 2006 (BST) Death to really pathetic n00bs! And you forgot LMAO, WTF, and OMG! --Axe Hack 00:16, 22 October 2006 (BST) You forgot zombie n00bs. Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? Mrh? BoboTalkClown 23:11, 13 August 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

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[edit] New Class: UD Wiki Member

Type:		New Class, Satire
Tally:		+15

Author Note (11/03): I made some huge additions to this one, mainly the troll skills. Anyone who wishes to change their votes may do so (though I can't see why you would want to, since they're only additions and nothing was actually removed...).

Yep, this is you and me. The members of the UD Wiki community.

The UD Wiki member plays like a survivor in most respects, but differs in some key areas.

Instead of punches, UD Wiki members attack with Comments. Each Comment does 1 damage and has a 10% chance to hit, simulating how many people often just don't listen to reason.

When killed, UD wiki members don't become zombies, but Trolls. And not the kind of troll that makes you pay a toll on a bridge. Despite that, however, they play almost exactly the same as zombies, since it's so hard to tell the difference anyway (more on this later).

Another difference between UD Wiki members and standard survivors is the items. Standard items cannot be found by UD wiki members. Instead, they can only find these 7 items: Good Suggestions, Bad Suggestions, Dupe Suggestions, Humorous Suggestions, Warnings, Messages, and Templates.

Warnings can be found in NecroTech buildings, malls (many disagreements and arguments start over the issue of whether or not they are too powerful, making warnings very common here), and hospitals. They have a 10% search rate. When a character uses one on a troll, they might be revived and become a contributing member of the UD wiki. As one might guess, convincing a troll to give up their ways is not an easy thing to do, and so costs 5 AP. Of course, this still only has a 15% chance of success, since trolls often don't listen or just make alt accounts.

Good suggestions can be found in forts (they are breeding grounds for many good suggestions), hospitals, police stations (they're under heavy guard, you know), schools (good education equals better suggestions!), and NecroTech buildings. They have a 10% search rate.

Bad suggestions, on the other hand, are everywhere. They have a 15% search rate at every building and even outside of them (the reach of bad suggestions knows no bounds).

Dupe suggestions can also be found everywhere, but have a 10% search rate everywhere except cemeteries ("let's give the zombies something to do here!"), power stations (many a powering-the-city suggestion have come from these, failures though they were), churches (wherever there are crucifixes there are tried-and-failed ideas), and junkyards (it appears suggestors are incapable of understanding the basic principles of wire fence construction, as they continually attempt to repair the damaged ones only to fail each and every time). The aforementioned buildings have a 15% search rate for dupe suggestions.

Humorous Suggestions can be found in libraries (hey, boredom breeds humor!), schools (where do you think this suggestion came from?), mansions (Let's try sliding down the stair rail at high speeds!), and churches (hey, why not? The places need to loosen up a bit) at a 17% search rate. Why 17? I don't know. It's just a funny number.

Message items are unique in that they aren't found in any particular building type, per se, but they can be found in any building that has a mobile phone mast on it at a 15% rate. This is mainly due to the fact that roughly 90% of the spam (a key ingredient in most messages) people recieve these days comes through phone communication in the form of e-mail, pop-up ads, and telemarketers.

Templates can be found anywhere at a 5% search rate. What do they do, you wonder? Absolutely nothing. But you gotta admit, they look pretty cool.

Now that the items are out of the way, let's get to the skills that UD Wiki members can look forward to rather than those boring survivor skills:

UD Wiki Member Skills

• Intelligent Commenter----This member has learned how to make decent comments, increasing the accuracy of their Comment attack by 20%. Of course, since this is something anyone with half a brain can do, it's the starting skill for UD wiki members.

• Keep Vote----Can use the "Vote Keep" command to restore 5 HP and cure infection. Uses up one "good suggestion" item.
  • Revision----Can now restore 5 extra HP with "good suggestion" item.

• Kill Vote----Can use the "Vote Kill" attack. 5 Dmg, 50% Accuracy, Uses up one "bad suggestion" item
  • Spam Vote----Replaces "Vote Kill" attack with "Vote Spam" attack. 5 Dmg, 50% Accuracy, causes instant death to opponent if it hits 7 times in one day, uses up one "bad suggestion" item

• Dupe Vote----Can use the "Vote Dupe" attack. 5 Dmg, 5% Accuracy, causes infection (Dupe votes are very infectious), causes instant death to opponents if it hits 3 times in a day, uses up one "dupe suggestion" item.
  • Longtime Member----Accuracy of "Vote Dupe" attack becomes 15%, because the member has been around so long they remember and can quickly pinpoint a large number of duplicate suggestions that have been made in the past.

• Humorous Suggestion----Can use the "humorous suggestion" item (has a 10% chance of getting 1 XP).
  • Funny Vote----10% chance of getting 5 HP when using a "humorous suggestion" item.
  • Unfunny Vote----5% chance of getting a "bad suggestion" item when using a "humorous suggestion" item.

• Idea----Can use the "Make Suggestion" command for 20 AP (15% chance of getting a "good suggestion", 30% chance of getting a "dupe suggestion", 30% chance of getting a "bad suggestion", 5% chance of getting a "humorous Suggestion", and 20% chance of failing to come up with anything).
  • Suggestion Experience----Member has become very good at making suggestions and puts well thought-out counter-arguments into their suggestions before they even submit them. It guarantees that many hostile votes will not be cast and functions suspiciously like barricades. But they have to make sure not to put in too many or else other players might deem it too long to read and skip to the next one.
  • Frequent Suggestor----Member tends to make a lot of suggestions in rapid succession, many of which end up being pretty bad. Making a suggestion only costs 10 AP, and there is a +5% chance of making a bad suggestion. There is also a corresponding -5% chance to not come up with anything, as they're always full of new (if bad) ideas. And in addition to all this, there is also a 3% chance that every time another player makes an action, they will read the member's name as "Mr. Aushvitz", "Reaper with no name", or the name of some other person who makes way too many bad suggestions in a short time period.
  • Discussion Page----+10% chance of making a good suggestion (and a corresponding -10% chance of failing to come up with anything, as the Discussion page is full of ideas that never went anywhere).
  • Sense of Humor----+5% chance of making a humorous suggestion, plus a corresponding -5% chance of failing to come up with anything.

• Maturity----Member is not a noob. As a result, it is a lot harder to turn them into a Troll (Max 60 HP instead of 50).

• Reply----This member will not give up in the face of negative votes, using replies in an attempt to persuade the voter that they are correct. As a result of this, there is chance that whenever someone attempts to vote negatively on their suggestion they will end up being convinced that the suggestor is right and change their vote to keep, healing the suggestor instead of damaging them. Of course, the chance of this succeeding is only 2%, since replies almost never convince people to change their votes.

• Talk Page----This member leaves messages on talk pages. It works a lot like graffiti, now that I think about it, right down to the number of uses per message and XP...

• Previous Days Voter----After going through the Current Day's suggestions, this user will jump to the suggestions of the previous days and vote on them too. It works a lot like free running, only it's more like page running, or something like that...

• Overcommunicator----This member has too much to say and not enough space to say it, especially when they're voting. So to make room for all the things they have to say, this member gets to have twice as many characters for speaking.

• Moderator (must be level 10 or above)----Is immune to becoming a Troll. Any moderator who is "killed" is assumed to have gotten so tired of dealing with you and your noobish ways that they have decided to leave you alone and let someone else deal with it. Either that, or they're busy planning to have you banned. Hopefully it's the former.
  • Warning from Mods----When some average UD wiki member tells you that you need to shape up, chances are you'll just laugh in their face (or at least you would if internet accounts HAD faces). The warnings of moderators, however, carry a bit more weight. Warnings from them have a 50% chance of success instead of 15%.
  • Ban----Banning is a act that one doesn't recover from easily. But even the almighty ban can't keep trolls down forever, since they tend to have several different accounts in case of just such an occassion. But at least the mods can inconvenience the trolls a bit by forcing them to use another 5 AP to get up after being killed.
  • Deleting Crap----This mod just loves deleting pointless pages. In fact, they often go a little overboard and "accidentally" destroy a random item in a person's inventory when they kill them. Ah well, democracy's better without all that pesky democracy anyway.

Troll Skills

As mentioned a while ago, UD wiki members become Trolls when killed. Trolls are unaffected by revivification syringes, and can instead only be brought back to UD Wiki memberhood by a "Warning" item. Talking doesn't cost trolls any AP, as they're always ready to say something stupid.

Other than the differences listed above, the only differences between Trolls and zombies are merely labels. For example, Their attacks are re-named "Vandalize" (replacing Claw attacks, because vandalism is such ugly handiwork) and "Invalid Voting" (replacing Bite attacks, because these can be infectious). Players who wish to start as Trolls select the "Vandal" class. Finally, the skills a Troll can acquire have been renamed as well:

• Scent Frustration----Troll is able to sense when a member has just about had enough of them. Naturally, this is like a big neon sign telling the troll to continue bothering them (Identical to Scent Fear).
  • Scent Annoyance----Through subtle cues the Troll is able to sense just how annoyed a person is with them (Identical to Scent Blood).
  • Scent Target----Troll is adept at finding targets they have lost or previously attacked. After all, it's so much more effectice to annoy someone continuously than to just do it once (Identical to Scent Trail).
  • Scent Troll----Troll is able to recognize their own kind, and those whose spirits have been crushed to the point that they have given up the noble causes of trolling and vandalism (Equivalent to Scent Death).

• Attention Whore----The troll not only loves attention, but thrives on it. They will do anything to get it, no matter how obnoxious (Same as Digestion).
  • Irrelevancy----Once of the best ways to affect the voting of a suggestion is to mislead the other voters. This can be done by mentioning what the Troll refers to as "reasoning" (non-trolls tend to call it bullshit) or by attempting to interpet the suggestion to mean something that it isn't. In either case, this troll has become a master (same as Infectious Bite).

• Font Abuse----Trolls love attention. And there is little else that grabs attention like typing in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Or all bold letters. Or all italics. OR ALL THREE AT ONCE (Identical to Vigour Mortis and the starting skill for the Vandal class).
  • Invalid Reply----This troll loves to make replies, even when it's not appropriate. Whether it's a "re" to someone else's "re" or a reply to a voter's comment when they're not the author, it makes no difference to the troll, just as long as they get to type those two perticular letters over and over again (Identical to Neck Lurch).
  • Over-editing----This troll will edit anything. It doesn't matter if it's an already submitted suggestion, another person's comment, or even another person's page. They're not real particular about it, as long as it's annoying (Identical to Death Grip).
  • Offensive Content----Few things stir up trouble (and attention) like inappropriate pictures. Anything over an R rating is guarranteed to get you some attention and a strong response. (Same as Rend Flesh).
  • Mountains of Text----In general, people don't like to have to read more than they have to. So one of the best ways to annoy them is to edit one of their favorite pages and smother it with random text like "OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!!!1!one!". Especially if that page happens to be their talk page. Continued harassment makes this all the more effective. Just remember: the more text, the better! (Identical to Tangling Grasp)
  • Flamebait----Making people angry is a troll's purpose in life. A great way to do that is to bring up a touchy subject when they're weak. Chances are, you won't even have to do anything geniunely annoying before they start flaming you. And that's when you bring out the barbecue sauce, cuz they're in your house now, and it's ON! (Same as Feeding Drag)

• Memories of Intelligence----The troll remembers a happier time of their life, back when they actually had one. A time when they were courteous and understanding of other people. A time when they were bored as heck. Oh well, maybe they can use this knowledge for something? (same as Memories of Life)
  • Inane Babbling----Troll has no concept of the words "grammar" or "spelling". But they've discovered that by expanding their "vocabulary" past the mundane emotes they usually use to aggravate people, they can annoy people and attract others like them at the same time! (Same as Death Rattle)
  • Cry For Attention----Sometimes, Trolls are so desperate for attention that they will even seek it from rejects just like themselves. (Same as Feeding Groan)
  • Breaking Format----Nothing throws a suggestion's votes into disarray like a vote that ignores said formatting. With a little work, you can get kills in the spam section, spams in the keep section, and keeps that are outside the voting section itself! (Identical to Ransack)
  • Misleading Links----UD wiki members and trolls alike are curious creatures. Point them towards a particular site, and there's a good chance they'll go there. Sure, they might not go to a site about prostate health if you mention that in the link text, but label that same link as "Caiger Mall's been taken over!" and the results might be very different. Just sit back and enjoy the horrified responses (Same as Flailing Gestures).

• Frantic Typer----Faster typing means more time for vandalism and more mistakes. And more mistakes mean more pissed-off grammar nazis, so it's always a good idea for trolls to type things as fast as they can, without even checking what they type for mistakes (Identical to Lurching Gait).
  • Alt Accounts----If nothing else, trolls are prepared. Well, also annoying, but that's not important right now. What is important is that in the rare occassional case where the troll gets banned or killed, the quickest way for them to get back to their chosen occupation is to always have an alternate account ready to go (Same as Ankle Grab).

• Utter Stupidity----This troll's mind has degenerated so much that there is absolutely no hope whatsoever that they will ever again be able to do anything requiring more intelligence than that which is required to beat a goldfish at Checkers (equivalent to Brain Rot).

Funny votes: Author Vote - This idea came to me like magic a couple days ago, and was just begging to be put up. --Reaper with no name 00:46, 18 October 2006 (BST) Keep - Don't forget the Drama Llama, or the Vandal class.--Canuhearmenow ^Hunt! 01:36, 18 October 2006 (BST) Hilarious - He he, nice job. Now only if Kevan would implement it =P - Jedaz - 21:20/28/08/2008 01:54, 18 October 2006 (BST) Heh --Funt Solo 08:29, 18 October 2006 (BST) I'll bet this is going on the all-time funniest list. Nice job. -Mark 15:37, 18 October 2006 (BST) Awesome! - Just plain freaking awesome! Kaylee Hans 07:33, 19 October 2006 (BST) Very nicely executed suggestion - Humorous.Waluigi Freak 99 22:58, 19 October 2006 (BST)Well done--Agent White ^{WTF•W!•SGP•CMS-Meta•CMS} 21:14, 22 October 2006 (BST) Just reading this made me laugh so hard that I feel off my seat! Now all we need is the Vandal class.... --Axe Hack 21:53, 22 October 2006 (BST) As the admin of a large forum elsewhere, I can vouch for just how much WIN this is, applied to any Internet setting. --Zap 13:00, 13 December 2006 (UTC) I have to admit this is well thought out and very funny... thou some do have to admit that spelling mistakes happen.. not all of us have A-level English certifacates. But still this is a classic worth reading again. :) --Matt 14:38, 14 February 2007 (UTC) I love this. Made me laugh so hard! --_Ducis ^Dux_Sloth^Talk 14:56, 15 September 2007 (BST)--LMAO nice one man! --Darth Lumis^{T! A! E! FU! U} 01:21, 2 November 2007 (UTC)Teh funneh awesomeness! --Darth Lumis^{T! A! E! FU! U} 01:21, 2 November 2007 (UTC) I'd pick this class in a heartbeat!Pakopako 04:14, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

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[edit] Cynical Bastard

Type:		New Class
Tally:		+5

I personally feel that us cynics aren't represented at all within Urban Dead. Really, with so many morons wandering around (given that it's on the internet that was inevitable) I'm surprised at the lack of attention given to cynics.

Well, actually, no I'm not.

But anyway, here be the Cynical Bastard character class. There are certain restrictions and benefits involved in choosing the Cynical Bastard character class:

Everyone is an Idiot - everyone else is an idiot. That is a plain fact. Of course, naive people will say that this view only leads to depression and hostility, but fuck them all. They're just a bunch of idiots, after all. As such, Cynical Bastards gain full XP when attacking Survivors from other classes. Additionally, they gain double the full XP if they attack any survivor with any of the following words in their profile: 'trenchcoat', 'katana', 'badass', 'psycho', 'awesome', 'assault rifle' (it's two words, but hey) or 'shades'. There is no XP bonus in killing zombies.

Why do People like this Shit? - a Cynical Bastard's basic attack is not to punch other players but it is instead to Criticise them. The Criticism attack does damage based on several factors; if it is aimed at a Survivor it does 2 damage at 20% accuracy. However, if the Survivor has 0AP left they will be unable to listen and so the attack will do 1 damage at 10% accuracy. When used against Zombies it does 1 damage at 10% accuracy due to the fact that they're so stupid that they can't even comprehend how stupid they are.

Amnesia - when a Cynical Bastard's HP is reduced to 0 they won't die, but will instead suffer a temporary bout of amnesia. As a result, they will instead become peace-loving, optimistic pacifists; they will see all other players as 'Happy Fun Guys' and other players will see them as 'Creepy Happy Guy'. As if that wasn't bad enough, they will lose all of their attack options; these will instead be replaced by the option to either 'Hug' another player, doing no damage but making them feel better, or 'Smile for no Fucking Reason' which will just plain scare the shit out of people. The item 'Rose Tinted Glasses' are added to the Cynical Bastard's inventory; these may only be broken by another Cynic (see below). If a Creepy Happy Guy dies they will simply rise again as a Creepy Happy Guy. Tenacious bastards.

Huh? Antisthenes? - there is a 10% chance that, if a Cynical bastard reads a Book and gains XP from it, they will somehow learn about classical Greek Cynicism. This will greatly confuse them and as such they will lose the book and any XP gained from it, as well as wondering just what the hell 'virtue is happiness' means. This pondering will preocuppy them, using 5AP. However, they will eventually realise that their world view is a twisted version of a school of philosophy.

Cynical Bastards may purchase their own skills for 100XP and skills from other skill trees for 150XP.

Cynical Bastard Skills

• Critic - Grants the Criticism attack. All Cynical Bastards begin with this skill.
  • Perceptive - Criticism attacks gain a +15% bonus to accuracy. Alternatively named 'Emos are too easy to make fun of'.
    • Sarcasm - Criticism attacks gain a +25% bonus to accuracy due to large quantities of sarcasm and misleading remarks drawing the dumbasses in before insulting them.
  • Scathing - Criticism attacks gain +1 damage due to harsh insults.
    • It's Personal - Criticism attacks Personally Offend players hit. This reduces that player's HP by 1 for every action they perform until they attack the Cynical Bastard back.
  • Apathetic - The Cynical Bastard is so bored and apathetic that they have a 20% chance of keeping the AP that would have been lost if their Criticism attack fails to hit the enemy, because they just couldn't give a shit, really.
• Bitterness - The Cynical Bastard is so bitter and annoyed that there is a 50% chance that they will not suffer from Amnesia if their HP is reduced to 0; in this event, regain all of their HP.
  • Misanthropy - The Cynical Bastard hates the human race so much that they will not suffer Amnesia when reduced to 0HP; they will instead regain all HP and punch that bastard in the face, automatically dealing 3 damage to the enemy that dealt the final blow.
• Religion? The Hell? - The Cynical Bastard cannot enter a Church without laughing hysterically. As a result, they become oblivious to goings-on in reality. When in Churches enemy attacks lose 1 damage. However, they cannot hear other people speak when in Churches. Not that they'd want to.
  • Imaginary Friends! - The Cynical Bastard now has an Imaginary Friend called Bob. Bob created the world in seven days. Go figure. Bob protects the player from harm by reducing the accuracy of enemy attacks by 10%. This effect can reduce the accuracy of an attack to 0% or less, in which case the attack is rendered useless. Again, go figure.
    • Iconoclast - The Cynical Bastard gains no benefit from carrying or using a Crucifix. Oh, wait...

Cynical Bastard Items

Rose Tinted Glasses - not actually an item for Cynical Bastards as such. Cynical Bastards receive a pair if they suffer from Amnesia. They may only be broken by a fellow Cynical Bastard, to whom the option would be presented to 'Break Rose Tinted Glasses'. This is the only way that a Creepy Happy Guy may return to being a Cynical Bastard.

Pen - the pen is mightier than the sword, especially considering that there are no swords in Urban Dead and therefore the sword doesn't even exist. However, the surrogate for swords in Urban Dead is the Knife. As a result, the Pen has better statistics than the Knife; whatever the statistics a Knife would have when used by the Cynical bastard, the Pen will do 1 more damage and will have a +10% accuracy bonus.

Middle Finger - all Cynical Bastards begin with this weapon. It does no damage but the enemy receives 20 identical messages of 'FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE' on their screen, making it extra hard for them to find important news. Middle Fingers may only be used against non-Cynical Bastard Survivor classes.

Il Principe - there is a 10% chance that, should a Cynical Bastard find a Book, it will be a copy of Il Principe. Please ignore the fact that this makes no sense. If they read it then they will become a Machiavellian Bastard for the next 10APs; this grants them the ability to coerce other Survivors into giving them random items from that Survivor's inventory, as well as the ability to change their name and character type until the 10AP period ends (this allows them to replace their name with 'A Zombie' or 'Creepy Happy Guy', for example).

The Devil's Dictionary - self-explanatory, really.

EDIT: sorted out the items section.

--Lord of the Pies 22:36, 30 October 2006 (UTC)

Funny votes: Not the best I've ever heard, but decent. --Reaper with no name 17:39, 1 November 2006 (UTC) Pretty good most of the way through, but then you hit the Middle Finger, and I can't stop laughing over that one... --Zap 13:08, 13 December 2006 (UTC) GuesssWho 04:27, 29 December 2006 (UTC) We need more thinkers! I don't care if this hasn't been voted for in like, forever, but the 'FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE' just put me in fucking stitches. Good job. Tryce of Thunder 19:27, 19 April 2007 (BST) Middle Finger gets my vote.Pakopako
Unfunny votes:

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[edit] Milton Waddams

Type:

New Class -- Kaylee Hans 09:04, 14 No