Humorous Suggestions/Game Mechanics

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Funneh Ha Ha

Flavor Text Change

Type: Satire
Tally: +16

Survivors aren't quite aware of just how much we zombies really do love them. Survivors do nothing but run from us and shoot us. I propose, then, to show that we really are just misunderstood, the flavor text when a zombie "attacks" be changed. Currently it reads:

  • A zombie attacked you for x damage.

It should be changed to:

  • A zombie hugged you lovingly. They accidentally did 3 damage.
  • A zombie smooched you lovingly. They accidentally did 4 damage and gave you cooties.

Funny votes: Mia K (sotss), Craw (I still hate the humorous suggestions system, it sucks the funniness out of every suggestion), Undeadinator (HOLY SHIT MY VOTE IS SHRIIIIIIIINKIIIIIIIIIIING), MaulMachine 19:35, 30 April 2006 (BST), Rather amusing wouldn't you say my good chaps? AllStarZ 04:45, 3 May 2006 (BST), Mookiemookie 15:31, 24 May 2006 (BST), Paradox244 22:43, 24 May 2006 (BST), Xoid 20:43, 4 June 2006 (BST), Bob Hammero 21:07, 4 June 2006 (BST),Tsuyoi 22:20, 10 June 2006 (BST) So true. Malton is secretly a romantic comedy and Kevan's just hiding it from usHamsterNinja 03:09, 6 June 2006 (BST) Awww. We had no clue you cared...--Labine50 MHG|MalTel 20:36, 17 June 2006 (BST) Oh no, now we have to fight off hordes of loving hippie zombies! More of a reason to fear them! Actually, i think you should move this into the actual Suggestions page, as an option check box.--Gold Blade 23:08, 29 July 2006 (BST) I laugh. --Kenny Matthews 06:34, 15 July 2006 (BST) Just funny --Matthew Fahrenheit YRC | T | W! 06:00, 17 July 2006 (BST) So true. --«Scrapped» 23:29, 27 August 2006 (BST) Why didn't you say you cared? I'm sure we would have gotten drunck with all the beer and wine! --Axe Hack 22:10, 22 October 2006 (BST) Funny stuff. --Ducis DuxSlothTalk 14:54, 15 September 2007 (BST) oh noes zombie hugs!!!--anti gorefest5 02:17, 17 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: I vote this is unfunny simply because survivors don't get the same option. A civillian is bounding toward you with her arms open and a look of curiousity on her face... But then trips and fires two rounds in your skull. If only she had aimed for your heart. Or Someone in a lab-coat is trying to clean your wounds, but accidentally uses a fire-axe. You suffer 3 damage and your arm can now bend both ways.Pakopako 04:02, 11 November 2007 (UTC)

Whining Willie

Type: Assisting our valued bitchers and whiners
Tally: +13

I propose that a new skill tree be added that is accessable by both humans and zombies. Call it the Whining Willie skill tree, with each skill costing 75 exp. It is structured as follows:

  • Bitch
    • Whine
      • Complain
        • Moan
    • Counter Whine

Suggested news item for implimentation: The fourth wall has been shattered, people may now complain about updates in game. Officially.

Purchasing the Bitch skill grants the player a new button, the Bitch button, which remains for a week after a new update. It is associated with a drop down menu containing a list of the most recent changes. You pick an update from the dropdown, hit bitch, and pre generated bitching will be thrown out. An Example:

OMG! Ruin so totally biases the game against the humans! Kevan hates us! OMG!


Ra!n.Zagz Ba!!z, !g ha!gz harmanz maar zan Zambahz!!! (Ruin sucks balls, it helps humans more than Zombies)

Naturally, there would be a list of responses, and not all of them make sense.

Purchasing the Whine skill removes the time limit from the button. You can now complain about the previous update at any time.

The Complain skill opens up all the previous changes in the games history. So now you can moan about the Syringe buff at Caiger 1, or the fact that Infectious bite and Ankle grab completely unbalance the game.

The Moan skill allows you to create four custom moans that can be accessed by bitching. Must contain the phrase "isn't like in the good old days". These are selected from the bitch menu as normal, and are edited in your profile options screen.

The Counter Whine skill comes in handy when you hear a member of the opposite side hits his bitch button. It allows you to call him a "n00b", a "whiner", "l3rn 2 play!", and a "retard", among others. The specific insult is random, and you affect the most recent person to Bitch.

This suggestion is made in recognition of all those who bitch and whine about updates, and recognizes the vast amounts of time they put in to say that the latest update sucks, because it helps the other side and we haven't had a buff in ages. This suggestion aims to aid these vital members of our community by enabling them to voice their opinion without using their keyboard, because it is ever so hard to form coherent sentences these days, especially when complaining.

Funny votes: Because im the damned author. --The Grimch U! 18:42, 7 September 2007 (BST) This is teh lulz. Nalikill 20:27, 7 September 2007 (BST) Brilliant. It could do with a couple more skills though: Start Wiki Petition to Kevan and Make Ridiculously Partisan Suggestion. -- Pavluk A! 22:11, 9 September 2007 (BST)OMG! This suggestion, like, totaly ruins it for all us survivors!--Seventythree 22:15, 9 September 2007 (BST) I personally admire your Counter-Whine skills, Grim S. (And yes, this isn't meant to be an insult, I really do like hearing what you say, and I like this suggestion)--ShadowScope 23:43, 10 September 2007 (BST); No way man... this nerfs the Civility Policies!!! :P --WanYao 03:10, 14 September 2007 (BST) HaHaHaHa! but you forgot "Bitch Slap" auto kills the last bitcher :) --Honestmistake 17:59, 14 September 2007 (BST), "Purchasing the Whine skill removes the time limit from the button. You can now complain about the previous update at any time" Hahahaha --ObiFireFighter 18:26, 26 September 2007 At least it's not about a mongoose.--Karekmaps?! 23:27, 26 September 2007 (BST) Hilarious. And why not let everyone in the building hear what you're saying? --Lh778 14:52, 22 November 2007 (UTC) "<The_Grimch> VOTE! <The_Grimch> And now akule will accuse me of meatpuppetry :P" ... yay my Grim meatpuppet vote counters my Akule meatpuppet vote! MCGRUBER!!! BOOM--THE Godfather of Яesensitized, Anime Sucks Yalk | W! U! WMM| CC CPFOAS DORISFlag.jpg LOE ZHU | Яezzens 14:56, 22 November 2007 (UTC)This is definitely one of the greats. --Reaper with no name TJ! 03:39, 19 December 2007 (UTC)---Scout talk Click! 23:27, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Game Rot

Type: New skill
Tally: +11

Currently, zombies can choose not to play as survivors by purchasing Brain Rot. So why are things so unfair for survivors? With Game Rot, they wouldn't be.

Game Rot would be a skill, purchasable by level 10+ survivors just as with Brain Rot, that would have a similar effect. Any survivor with Game Rot would be unable to be killed, except while in a powered NecroTech building by a zombie with NecroNet Access. Attempting to kill the survivor elsewhere or by a less skilled character would just give the message "You flail helplessly at the survivor and think about quitting the game."

I think this would make the game much more exciting and interesting, since the survivors would finally win and there would be no zombies left. Then there would really be a point to playing.

Funny votes: Author Keep - I think this is a great idea. –Bob Hammero TW!P! 20:19, 4 June 2006 (BST) Keep. It's already headed that way, why stop the trainwreck now? –Xoid 20:41, 4 June 2006 (BST) Keep - Finally, a fix for this broken game. --Jimbo Bob ASSU! 20:43, 4 June 2006 (BST)All_hail_cale Nerfs barricades --Karloth vois RR 18:03, 5 October 2006 (BST) -- The title 'Game Rot' does make it funny. Jenny D'ArcT 19:06, 5 July 2006 (BST) Like Jenny D'Arc said, the title is what makes this joke. --Desperado 19:18, 14 July 2006 (BST) I like it. --Kenny Matthews 06:31, 15 July 2006 (BST) Zombie drama apart, this is FUNNY! --Matthew Fahrenheit YRC | T | W! 05:50, 17 July 2006 (BST) How cool would it be to be attacked by someone, and when you reach 1HP, they "flail helplessly" and then you pull out your shotgn, go to blow their head off, but you "flail helplessly" at them and keep doing this. That'd be great and funny! But it would encourage others to leave NT buildings and encourage rotters not ot smash generators in NT buildings Kaylee Hans 07:56, 12 August 2006 (BST) Touche. -Mark 00:46, 13 October 2006 (BST) Please PLEASE tell me that Nimbalo (below, voted unfunny) is just so damn good at irony that I only THINK he/she's an idiot. -Jack Grudge 14:46, 1 November 2006 (BST) -- Liked it, and I just HAVE to make up for the unfunny votes below... --Lord Evans 05:36, 28 May 2007 (BST) Teeheeehee. Vault 21:48, 28 June 2007 (BST) -- Hehehehe, very funny ... --ObiFireFighter 18:23, 28 September 2007
Unfunny votes: Meh, not that funny to me... Qhiiyr 06:06, 25 June 2006 (BST) You think this game is unfair to zombies? Obviously you haven't looked at statistics, or tried to be zombie because the game is already tipped in the survivor's favour. WAY too stupid to be funny. I mean how would YOU feel if you get this guy down to one health, then all you can do is "flail helplessly" then he blows your head off with a shotgun. This is nothing to joke about. --Nimbalo 20:56, 1 July 2006 (BST) Ohhh nooeeesss The poor zombies, wont somebody think of the zombies!!!11 --Boxy 14:57, 3 July 2006 (BST)

True Realism

Type: Satire
Tally: +7

There is one problem in all of Urban Dead. The game just isn't realistic. Between the survivors not climbing over the walls and getting the hell out of there, and the people who seem to be able to talk mentally through forums, or the lights not being covered by curtains, there is one major glaring problem. THE ZOMBIES. The zombies are too unrealistic for a modern setting game. Therefore in the interests of realism, zombies should be taken from the game.

Funny votes: (Author vote) Agent White 02:18, 12 August 2006 (BST), I agree. Zombies are ruining the realism of the Zombie Apocalypse game genre! Kaylee Hans 07:42, 12 August 2006 (BST) What do you need stupid useless zombies for anyway? (by the way, this is making an unfunny thing funny!)--Gold Blade 03:03, 15 August 2006 (BST) About time someone came up with a fix for this game --Paradox244 W! TJ! 01:01, 22 August 2006 (BST) LOL!!! then itd just be all PKering, which is fine by me lol Tito 01:06, 22 August 2006 (BST) lol, nice. - Jedaz - 19:21/18/08/2022 09:03, 18 September 2006 (BST) It's funny because of all the people offering ridiculous suggestions in the name of "realism", saying that the very premise of the game is unrealistic. Come on, use your head. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 01:55, 11 June 2007 (BST) Zombies in a zombie based game just doesn't sound right. In fact, I'm quitting Urban Dead for being too unrealistic. Vault 21:47, 28 June 2007 (BST) Damn liberal zombie hordes! Italus 19:37, 30 July 2007 (BST) ---Scout talk Click! 23:37, 26 July 2010 (BST) agreed if u create a zombie appocolpse game take the zombies out to make it more real —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Zombieman 11 (talkcontribs) at an unknown time.
Unfunny votes: This is funny how?Waluigi Freak 99 20:38, 5 November 2006 (UTC) ^What he said.^--Agentbbs191 20:50, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

The Barricade of Doorknobs

Type: Game Mechanics
Tally: +0

Survivors raid a local hardware store, snatching up every doorknob they can find, and use them to construct a barricade. This barricade is equivalent to "Very Loosely Barricaded", so that any survivor n00b can enter, but it cannot be attacked and is impenetrable by zombies, due to the confusion field generated by the massed quantities of doorknobs.

The Barricade of DoorknobsTM can only be constructed by having three players of level 10, each with Construction Skill, present in the building at the same time.

Funny votes: Jenny D'ArcT MPS 17:42, 18 July 2006 (BST) Toejam 22:00, 11 December 2006 (UTC) IQpierce 15:45, 21 August 2007 (BST) It's teh funny. --Ms.Panes 01:54, 19 December 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: How is this funny?Waluigi Freak 99 20:39, 5 November 2006 (UTC) You are kidding me, right?--Gage 21:13, 5 November 2006 (UTC)

Black People

Type: Starting Character Optional Selection
Tally: +15 approx

Black People

Notice/thing - This isn't my suggestion, and I don't particularly find it funny, but for the love of God, will the people calling this racist actually go out and watch some damn horror movies? --Lord of the Pies 09:02, 13 August 2006 (BST)

For all new starting characters, I suggest there be 2 button choices 1 is Black the other is Not-so-black. (This will add to the "fun" of people making new characters).

What this means/does.. is keeping congruent with most horror films where the "black" guy usually gets killed sooner, your character has this tendancy to attract active zombies. But the payoff for this is you gain some bonus XP for the final kill on zombies (it is assumed you say something just a little more interesting than the other characters like "Yeah.. how you like that sucka!" etc).

Game Mechanics If you selected "not-so-black" your charactcer has the "normal" starting statistics, gear, etc.

If you selected "black", If you are black, top of the stack! what this means, is zombies who have a choice of characters at a location will see your name at the top of the list this does not guarantee zombies will always go after you.. but if you're in a mall.. expect every zombie who just made it through the door to look at you first.

The benefit: Every time your character kills a zombie (final blow) you gain an additional 5 bonus XP for the kill! This is your payoff for being such a target, the comedic retort when you gak a zombie means you learn fast.. cuz you have to.

  • This is not a skill but a starting statistic, it only affects you in human form, has no effect when you are a zombie.

Funny votes: AUTHOR KEEP - My sinceire apologies for not making one LAST suggestion before I quit the game... but it's a good one is it not? You are more than welcome to save it under humourous suggestions if you like. (One last, sexy stab at the minds on my critics, hee hee..) MrAushvitz 00:55, 18 July 2006 (BST), Keep - But only if preexisting characters get the chance to choose. Zombies too. --Darth Sensitive talkW! 01:00, 18 July 2006 (BST), Keep - Ving Rhames FTW Sonny Corleone WTF 01:03, 18 July 2006 (BST), Keep - It's like Hardcore mode, except more Racial! -- Tirion529 01:10, 18 July 2006 (BST) kill i would not want this in the game cos pretty much everyone with a sense of humour and a craving for free xp would play a black fireman (no big chopper jokes please!) every zombie film i have evr seen has a black character and he is always the hardest meanest guy in the film, he also always gets it in the neck! this is not racist its blacksploitation and funny too!--Honestmistake 12:14, 22 July 2006 (BST) keep not racist at all, its pointing out racism in movies. if everyone who pointed out racism in something was in turn called a racist, where would we be?? you guys below dont get it John Teabags 20:54, 25 July 2006 (BST), Keep The fact that this was meant as a joke voids any chance it's racist, also freespeech. EMAG TRESNI 18:34, 3 August 2006 (BST) Keep - So... People playing Urban Dead have never seen a Geroge Ramero movie, or a typical horror movie for that matter? I'm confused... - Bango Skank 06:59, 8 August 2006 (BST) Come on, this is freaking HILARIOUS. Racist? Jeeze, get a life. The great thing about this country is the right to point at something wrong with the world and laugh our ASSES off. --Craer 06:56, 30 August 2006 (BST)This si funny, it points out the fact that in every single film that's horror, the black guy is amazing, but somehow he dies first!So that stupid little white guy can get off with the other white girl. SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR -Why do people assume something is racist when it points out a legitimate difference between the way society views and/or portrays two respective ethnic groups? This isn't racist, it's funny! Pull the sticks out of your a$$es, people! --Reaper with no name 20:04, 9 October 2006 (BST) Funny - Ha ha, points out good trend in horror movies. Anyone suggesting this is racist should do the following things: 1. Pull the stick out of your a$$. 2. Learn to take a joke, people! 3. Learn that not everything featuring derogatory ideas about races is racist. This points out and satirizes an obvious and common event in horror movies. It is not in itself racist.--J Muller 00:54, 13 October 2006 (BST) You people must think that Martin Luther King and Malcolm X were racists . . . GuesssWho 04:56, 29 December 2006 (UTC) The trend is clear, and time-honored. Though I might note that the black guy dies last in Night of the Living Dead. --MordredMalTel 18:36, 15 January 2007 (UTC) You should read the comic in The Boondocks where Huey reviews The Matrix: Reloaded. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 01:58, 11 June 2007 (BST) It's Hollywood that's racist, people! You should make it so the black guy can't die until he does something useful. And then he dies in the next scene/block. 'arm. 01:32, 4 July 2007 (BST) Who submited this thing? *grabs torch* --Matthew Fahrenheit YRC | T | W! 02:06, 18 July 2006 (BST) -- This racist... and funny!!! Now seriously, its not that racist, niggas cant take a joke. --ObiFireFighter Not necessarily racist but it offers bonuses to racist zombies.Studoku 12:18, 15 October 2007 (BST) FUNNY! I don't think too many people know what racism is anymore. Racism is saying one race is better than the other (for example, racists think that white people are better than black people) this is not racist, and is very funny! Unfortunately, also true in horror movies. The black guy is always the coolest guy in the horror movie. --ToastrlordT TSA 18:16, 16 February 2008 (BST) "A zombie accidentally messes with (name)'s afro, and loses 46 hp with a scathing insult to his mother." --KevinDubrow Lol. It does point out those trends. And you missed out there must be at least ONE bald black man, as there is always one in a horror movie. I dont really see this as racist.--Obamacain 22:27, 3 May 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Spam - asinine, moronic and racist-- 01:08, 18 July 2006 (BST), Spam - This suggestion is offensive, rude, and less than worthless. –Bob Hammero ModTP! 01:10, 18 July 2006 (BST) Not funny. Not even a close approximation. Jenny D'ArcT MPS 02:10, 18 July 2006 (BST) You racist Pig.--Paradox244 02:38, 18 July 2006 (BST) Do we not have rules against racist suggestions? If not, there should be Jonny12 W! 14:08, 18 July 2006 (BST) While this suggestion just isn't funny at all, I sincerely hope that everyone accusing this suggestion of being racist is just being sarcastic...the suggestion itself isn't racist, but the underlying trend it points out in some horror movies is. --Lord of the Pies 23:30, 18 July 2006 (BST) Kill This - Get a life. Sorry, but this IS Racist. --HighlandZHunter I.U.S.S 12:11, 24 July 2006 (BST) RACIST!!!! -- Krazy Monkey W! 15:18, 29 July 2006 (BST) Who has the time to think of such stupid things like this one? Kaylee Hans 14:08, 11 August 2006 (BST) Messed up-Dude, thats messed up.--Rpgfan 22:49, 27 August 2006 (BST) Racist much? Vault 21:50, 28 June 2007 (BST)

No More Auto-attacks!

Type: Satire
Tally: +2

Auto-attacks are bad. Attacks that have a 100% success rate are bad. Most people will agree with me on these. Any suggestion that does damage automatically is shot down before it can even spread its wings. Same with any attack that can't fail. But why stop there? There are already several auto-attacks in the game! Why not get rid of them, too?

Now, in order to understand what the auto-attacks are, we have to understand a few things first. The first is just what constitutes an auto-attack. Quite simply, it is something that attacks a player automatically. Simple? I thought so. Now, the next thing that we need to understand is just how one "wins" Urban Dead. For survivors, Hp is what matters. They "lose" if they run out of HP. But the rules work a little differently for zombies. Who cares if a zombie runs out of HP? They can replenish their HP simply by using some of their AP. So the way zombies "lose" is by running out of AP before their opponent.

Is the puzzle coming together yet? For zombies, a true auto-attack would be something that targets their AP, since that's what really matters. But what game mechanics can survivors use to force zombies to waste AP? Why, barricades and doors, of course! Zombies have to waste precious AP breaking through barricades erected by survivors, wasting their "health"(or "unhealth", as the case may be), getting no XP or anything for their trouble. And then if the zombies do manage to get through the barricades, they have to waste another AP just to open the door and enter. These attacks don't have to be instigated by survivors in real time. All they have to do is push a button to activate them and wait for zombies to try and attack them, much like buying an auto-attack skill, as in so many failed suggestions.

But what about attacks with 100% accuracy? Well, since we already know that anything which forces a zombie to waste AP is actually an attack against them, then there are many "attacks" which have 100% accuracy. Consider first-aid kits. With these, survivors can heal themselves faster than zombies can do damage, effectively wasting more of the zombie's AP. Revivification is another 100% accuracy attack, as long as the zombie doesn't have brain rot. Sure, it takes tons of AP for a survivor to do it, making combat revives impractical, but that doesn't change the fact that it forces zombies to waste AP and has 100% accuracy, making it unfair against zombies. And let's not even consider all the AP zombies have to waste if the survivors run away. And the previously mentioned doors also have a 100% success rate when being closed.

All of these seemingly benign game mechanics are in fact diabolically clever attacks targeting the AP of zombies. All of these should be removed or reworked. It is the only way to completely remove auto-attacks and 100% accuracy attacks from the game.

Funny votes: Author Vote --Reaper with no name 15:18, 9 October 2006 (BST) I think this pretty much points out the hypocrisy inherent in all those people who hate "auto-attacks" and 100% accuracy attacks but have no problems with barricades (which are really the ultimate auto-attack). Unlike others who say "OMG too long! Won't read it as it's unfunny" I find it quite good. Well explained out and funny! I say we remove or rework barricades ans doors and remove thost auto-attacks! Kaylee Hans 09:22, 10 October 2006 (BST) GuesssWho 04:58, 29 December 2006 (UTC) You forgot about the 2 AP to move.---Scout talk Click! 23:44, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: no suggestion, just a rant--Agent White WTFW!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 08:04, 14 October 2006 (BST)

Divine Intervention

Type: Satire
Tally: +2

Whenever someone makes a suggestion about making the Crucifix holy or in any way magical, Zeus should come in and smite down the suggester with a lightning bolt, with a 100% chance to hit, and causes 100HP damage, regardless of Flak Jacket and costs the suggester 200AP to stand up (yes, it goes into negatives) because they just got a jolt from Zeus, not an easy thing to get up from. So to sum it up, if a person makes a suggestion about making the crucifix more than a flavour item, Zeus should come in and cause 100HP damage with a lightning bolt and it costs the hit person 200AP to stand up. Oh and if anyone votes Keep on those suggestions before it's Spaminated, they also suffer the same effects as the suggester for being that stupid

Funny votes: Author Vote-That'll stuff up those Crucifix suggesters and Keep voters for them. Is that a bit too offensive or do you like the idea of Zeus smiting em? Kaylee Hans 07:01, 16 October 2006 (BST), Offensive how? I chuckled. Blue Command Vic DvB 17:58, 30 October 2006 (UTC), This must be implemented. Now. –Xoid 14:27, 31 October 2006 (UTC), LAWL, ITS SO FUNNAY--Thari TжFedCom is BFI! 15:33, 31 October 2006 (UTC) , I agree, this MUST be done. But make it so that it also bans them from the wiki, and from that point on, any attack will have a 100% chance of hitting themselves, because if they believe there's anything special about a cross of wood, they can't be smart enough to use a gun correctly. SteelVortex2 11:38, 13 November 2006 (EST)---Scout talk Click! 23:44, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Offensive. Annoying. Blah. --Agent White WTFW!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 05:03, 23 October 2006 (BST) Eh, not quite. A little too short and rushed. It has potential though. --Reaper with no name 20:44, 25 October 2006 (BST) What the last guy said. Put in some more thought, and it'll be funny. --Zap 12:55, 13 December 2006 (UTC)


Type: 'Cade nerf
Tally: +3

i think we shood nerf 'cades becuz zombes arnt going to b hapy til we do and th game is heding that way anyway.

Funny votes: I'm only voting because I can.--Labine50 MH|ME|P 01:20, 25 November 2006 (UTC)I know this is not funny...but the way this is writen is! Learn to spell you stupid n00b(whoever that may be...) --Axe Hack 04:31, 25 November 2006 (UTC) We need the 'cades nerfed. Who uses them anyway? Barricades are like Surgery, waste of time and not needed Kaylee Hans 09:16, 26 November 2006 (UTC) I think the n00bish grammar is supposed to be part of the joke, in that it's something a zombie n00blet would suggest. If this is true, then it's actually quite funny. --Zap 13:23, 13 December 2006 (UTC) He-he! That'sa funny! HE talks like me! - - Scalene's Lollipop.jpg Lil' 'alene Widley 09:20, 24 December 2006 (UTC) It's freekin obvious that the muey horrible grammar employed by the steryotype zombie-nub is part of the joke, and makes it funnier. Italus 19:43, 30 July 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Thanks for wasting 5 seconds of my life.Waluigi Freak 99 22:49, 25 November 2006 (UTC) I like the concept (in fact I've been trying to think of a way to do this), but the delivery sucks. I know you can do better than that. Especially when it comes to your spelling. --Reaper with no name TJ! 18:08, 28 November 2006 (UTC)

Protect Zombie Anonymity

Type: Satire. Mark 23:54, 8 December 2006 (UTC)
Tally: +5

I noticed something, lately. Zombies are supposed to be anonymous, but they aren’t. For example, when a zombie attacks you, it shows their profile! And you can see zombies that are on your contacts! (Of course, how you are still wearing contacts without them drying out or losing them in Malton is beyond me.) Anyway, we should change a few things. For example, instead of:

A zombie attacked you for 3 damage. “

It should be:

“A zombie which you have NO IDEA who it was, and who wants to remain anonymous, so it won’t be attacked in return, attacked you for 3 damage.”

Also, there should be a change for when you see a zombie on your contact list.

“Among them, you DO NOT recognize any zombie, and NONE of them are on your contact list, even though it, er, NONE has the red coloring that you designated for a zombie that has brain rot. Yeah. In fact, there aren’t ANY zombies here, because zombies are so anonymous that you can’t even see them. So just turn around and walk away. Yeah.”

Ah, it feels so good to finally get that off my chest.

Funny votes: The zombie Witness Protection Program. --Uncle Bill 05:01, 10 December 2006 (UTC) Yeah! If the zombies can't be assured of their anonymity, how can we expect them to continue trying to eat us and give the game purpose? --Reaper with no name TJ! 23:55, 11 December 2006 (UTC) Those poor, modest zombies. They don't want any attention at all...--Lachryma 04:08, 16 December 2006 (UTC)--Scout talk Click! 23:49, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Don't mess with zombie annonimity even as a joke it just isn't funny. don't you know that zombies get killed everyday just because some selfish survivor has a gun and a grudge against having his arms gnawed off... so there!!!--Honestmistake 23:58, 8 December 2006 (UTC)

Get These Motherfucking Zombies Out Of Our Motherfucking City

Type: Satire
Tally: +2---Scout talk Click! 22:53, 27 July 2010 (BST)

Survivors get bonus XP if they shout "We have to put a barrier between us and the zombies!" while building barricades. Zombies get bonus XP if they bite a survivor's genitals while hiding in a toilet. PKers and Survivors with stupid names go blue when bitten by a zombie. Zombies occasionally try to mate with a tree because of like... pheromones, or something.

Funny votes: Funny. Alpha 001 19:05, 12 November 2006 (UTC) I find it funny. Must be pheremones or something.--Cap'n Silly 10:31, 16 January 2007 (UTC) You forgot to make the Samuel L. Jackson class available as a new starter. Italus 19:45, 30 July 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not funny.Waluigi Freak 99 20:40, 5 November 2006 (UTC)

Replace Zombies with Cows

Type: Improvement
Tally: +1

The virus affecting Malton's dead takes a strange turn when bovines become infected from accidentally devouring zombie meat. Now whenever a cow bites a human being, they will become a corpse -- then rise as a cow themselves.

All players currently playing zombies will still be allowed to remain as such, but once they are revived and die again, they will become cows. Zombies with brain rot will forever remain human zombies, but will be able to selectively BECOME a cow if injected with a special syrum containing mostly lactose.


Related Items:

  • Cow Prod - When humans wield this weapon, it kills cows instantly, zombie or otherwise. Also works on zombies and humans as well, but mostly as entertainment.

Cow Skills:

  • Stampede - When a Cow is among a Herd, it will spend 0 AP to move as long as at least 5 other Cows are moving with it.
  • Sour Milk - When a Cow lands a successful Udder attack, survivor loses 1 HP per movement until vomitting is successfully induced.
    • 4 Stomach Digestion - When a Cow lands a successful bite attack, it recieves 4 HP.
  • Mad Cow Disease - Cow can never be converted back to a Human. DNA extractors explode on contact.

Funny votes: #Toejam 21:58, 11 December 2006 (UTC) #Great idea, now go watch Black Sheep! Urgggggggh 02:42, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: #
Insert vote here

PKing Ban

Type: Satire
Tally: +2

NOTE: Please note that this is just a satire, and I really hope this does not offend anyone.

Due to the massive amount of griefing that is being done by PKers, with many people being forced to spend AP to stand up and get revived after being so randomly killed (wasting valuable time that could be spent playing the game, as well as making people mad), I decide that there must be a way that will stop this griefing. After all, this is not a game about Player Killing.

Since PKing is such a scourge, we will have to ban every single PK that ever happen. If anyone PK, they spend 1 AP and get the message, "You are not allowed to do that. Player Killing is wrong. You receive such a sick sense of humor attacking people, but do you know of the harm you are doing? Do not do such a thing, do not kill innocent Players. Just return and barricade, search, and have fun, without, of course, making other people not have fun."

This means that all Humans vs. Humans attacks, all Zombie vs. Zombie attacks, and all Human vs. Zombie attacks. After all, Zombies are players too, and why grief them with headshots and just by killing them? The AP they are losing should be better spent playing the game, after all.

Funny votes: OMG!!! So what about Zombie Vs. Human attacks? Are they banned because it's PKing? Harman Hambargers are players too, and the zombies could use that 1 AP doing something useful like er.... moving around and smashing 'cades, but then again, 'cades are built by players, and taking away people's hard earned AP they used to build them is PKing too, they're causing damage, so they should be banned too! Kaylee Hans 09:25, 26 December 2006 (UTC) I disagree that killing those of your own side is the same as killing those of the opposite side, but I do agree that the game wouldn't be nearly as fun if PKing were to outright be banned (fortunately, it will never happen). It's a good, funny suggestion. --Reaper with no name TJ! 21:59, 30 December 2006 (UTC)---Scout talk Click! 23:05, 27 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: PKer whining as far as I can tell--which isn't far, considering I didn't read the first line.Agent White W!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 05:28, 30 December 2006 (UTC) Re: I am breaking several rules here, but WHY DO PEOPLE NOT READ THE FIRST LINE!!!!! BoboTalkClown 20:58, 8 August 2007 (BST)

Realistic Zombie Simulation

Type: Satire
Tally: +4

As many of you know, Urban Dead suffers from this game not being very realistic. Therefore, some changes are to be added, to remedy this problem. Because if a game is not realistic, then why bother even playing?

  • A new Zombie Hunter skill called "Commander" would exist. This person would have access to a wide variety of weapons of mass destruction to be used against the zombies. Airstrikes, naplam, nuclear bombs, you name it, they have it. It would basically destroy both suriviors and zombies, automatically killing them. Zombies would be able to stand up for 1/10 AP after being killed, and do not get any Headshot penalty. The "Commander" would be able to use these weapons of mass destruction repeatly until the British Army runs out of money or realizes that they cannot kill a which case, the Commander skill is now useless. You may also be recalled by the British government, and may face a hearing and a possible demotion and discharge from the Military for your incompentence in fighting the Zombie threat.
  • Revive points are out of flavor. If you are a zombie, then the effects of the virus makes you want to eat brains, not go and sway waiting for someone to stab you with the revive drug. So, basically, ban revive points, for realism purposes.
  • On second thought, get rid of revives. If one can easily recover after getting a very dangerous zombie virus, then it really is not really a very dangerous zombie virus? Great way to ensure realism.
  • Limit Resources. It is not really realistic for to have people camping on one location and gaining an infinite amount of resources, like guns, medpacks, etc. Therefore, all resources in all buildings are now...gone. It can be assumed realistically that the Survivors has looted everything in the past 2 years.
  • Do not worry however, as aid shipments can come in periodically. These aid shipments has supplies, and the way the survivors can live is to intercept these aid shipments. All aid shipments shall be dropped in areas where there is a huge concentration of people outside, as to make sure that the shipment be used rather quickly. This means, that most aid shipments will be dropped usually into a zombie horde.
  • Surivior PKing may become rampant during these tough times. But there must be a realistic reason for it other than for griefing. Therefore, you can realistically loot other people bodies after you kill them so you can gain their resources and live to fight another day. Note that people can immediately loot the body as soon as you kill them, but this is intentional, as you can then PK them in revenge and to steal back the items that you intend to steal. Note though that you can be killed and looted right after you loot someone.
  • Survivors may only carry 10 items. Really, carrying around 25 shotguns? Come on! Trenchcoats can't hold that many shotguns. You can however store items in safehouses, in secret caches so that you can return back there and theorically get it. Realistically, by the time you come back, the secret cache would have already been looted.
  • Zombies may attempt to attack and destroy the Border in order to find new sources of brains as well as to spread the zombie plague. It will be a harsh fight going through trenches, military forces, and mines. If, however, a Zombie manages to break through the Border and arrive in another city or area, then the game map expands, and players can go into those new areas.

Some people may complain of these changes as being anti-surivior. But I disagree (see the first point to see my pro-surivior implementation, which is surely balanced, just as the rest of these suggestions). All of these suggestions want to make the game more realistic, since realism=fun. And in a realistic zombie apoc...the zombies always win.

Funny votes: Nice. But we need to put more realism in that! Have the military drop down heavy weapons like machine guns and grenades! Think of some of the weapons in Resident Evil. Don't forget that you can't sit in a building all day shooting zombies without going to the toilet or more importantly having at least something to eat! I mean come on, you got to put that in! Kaylee Hans 22:57, 10 January 2007 (UTC) Add to that the fact that zombies don't get to stand up after taking a head shot. --Uncle Bill 03:17, 11 January 2007 (UTC) Most funnah! --Cap'n Silly 03:45, 12 January 2007 That last sentence brought tears to my eyes; both from happiness and hilarity! --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:48, 30 January 2007 (UTC) This sounds awesome. Make this game now please. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 02:03, 11 June 2007 (BST) Excellent satire of both clueless people who want to nerf one side and therefore destroy the entire purpose of the game, and also of 'realism' fools who don't realize that realism is relative in a game about a zombpocalypse. Italus 19:50, 30 July 2007 (BST) You forgot the heavy assault weapons. And the removal of AP. --BoboTalkClown 21:21, 10 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Eh. --MordredMalTel 18:22, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

Fixing the Game

Type: Satire
Tally: +4

As we all know, this game doesn't fit very well into the genre. I mean, how many zombie movies have you seen where the survivors outnumber the zombies? Moreover, how many of them have you seen where the zombies are smarter than the survivors, as is clearly the case with UD? Not too many, I'll bet. But this is exactly what is going on. I mean, let's be honest here. Half the zombie population is Mrh? Cows waiting to be revived, survivors are more afraid of each other than they are of the zombies, and the zombies win battles by huge, expertly-coordinated strikes. It is almost the exact opposite of what a zombie game should be.

So, how do we fix it? Well, it's actually pretty easy! It is generally assumed by most survivor players (we're going to ignore the racial divide here between survivors and zombies for the moment) that the game is balanced. Of course, some of them have been thinking that since before headshot was changed, but that's irrelevant. What is relevant is that if we follow the logic of this assumption to it's end, we come to the conclusion that the game balance wouldn't change if everyone switched places. So, that's exactly what should be done. Everyone in the game that is currently a survivor should be turned into a zombie, and everyone in the game that is currently a zombie should be turned into a survivor. Everyone's skills will be exchanged for an equivalent skill from the other side's tree to keep things fair.

Of course, things won't stay this way for long unless we have a way to enforce the new policy. This will be done by prohibiting the switching of sides. All former survivors will be given brain rot, which will now be immune to any sort of revivification, as reversing zombification is very out of genre. Survivors who fall to the zombie's claws will be assumed by other survivors to have been eaten. However, all survivors in the game will also be understood to fall under the stereotypical "Guy who seems to die but miraculously survives and comes back" category of character, and will be allowed to return to the game after about 20 minutes.

Some other things will also have to be modified in order to accomodate this sudden adherence to genre. Radios, radio transmitters, and mobile phones will have to be removed from the game, as the ability to send communications over long distances takes away from the sense of fear and hopelessness. Flare guns, too, will have to be removed. Not only can they used for distance communication, but they make things go boom. And in a zombie movie, there aren't supposed to be weapons that make things go boom.

Infections will also require some re-working. Since zombie infections aren't supposed to be curable, first aid kits will no longer get rid of them. But since the survivors in the game are comparable to main characters in a zombie movie that are destined to miraculously survive, it will be assumed whenever a zombie successfully lands an infectious bite that no zombie pathogens make it into the survivor's bloodstream. However, the survivor still has to waste time wiping the yucky infectious saliva off the wound, so infectious bites will do 1 AP damage.

But wait! There's still more to fix! According to the suggestion do's and do not's (the breaking of which is a sin unless it is done by Kevan; in which case it is retroactively classified as a "cool addition to the game"), you can't make someone's skills less effective by any amount, no matter how small. We shall conveniently ignore the fact that this is impossible due to the fact that every change affects the whole of the game and instead focus on how we can address the sudden uselessness of Lab Experience and Radio Operation. Lab experience is fairly easy to fix. We'll just make the syringes contain drugs. These could be used to get high, and while high a survivor is indistinguishable from a zombie except to zombies with memories of life (hey, they did it in Shawn of The Dead, and you can't get much closer to a genre than a parody of said genre).

"But what about Radio Operation?", you may be wondering. "Doesn't that have to do something?" Actually, no it doesn't! It is now a flavor skill! As we all know, having useless items and buildings in the game is vital to maintaining the fun factor (who doesn't love dropping 20 crucifixes?). So if useless items are fun, just imagine how much fun a useless skill would be! And it's not like it's the first time, either (CoughNecroNetCough), so we already know it's a great idea!

Finally, Urban Dead will be what it should have always been: an in-genre game about a few smart survivors struggling to survive against an army of dumb, lazy zombies.

Funny votes: Author Funny - It's about time this game was set right. --Reaper with no name TJ! 21:20, 30 January 2007 (UTC) Well, I was about to type something similar to this. I once brought this up in an RRF chatroom once, and I used the example: "You have been headshot by a Human Hunter! You need to spend 5 AP to stand up!" Headshot, after all, is just a cooler way of saying your brain got eaten. "Infection" can very well be "suriviors" injecting the 'revive' drug into "zombies", causing the zombies to slowly waste away and become a human until it gets a First Aid Kit (aka, Brains rations). "Zombies" that has been "combat-revived" by "Suriviors" can head to "death points" where they are injected with "Zombie Virus Syrignes"...that is mysteriously found in NecroTech- Lol HAHAHA Mattiator 04:59, 28 March 2007 (BST) -ShadowScope 03:05, 31 January 2007 (UTC) I hate those goddamned cows. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 02:07, 11 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:


Type: New Use for the Useless
Tally: +5

I'm sick of finding newspapers, I'm sick of wasting IP hits dropping the damned things. Come to think of it, I'm sick of dropping baseball bats, flares, knives, radios and all the crap I pick up. Malton is being turned into one huge litter bin. A zombie apocalypse is just no longer a good enough reason to litter. From now on, anyone dropping items in a junkyard gets 1XP for each item he or she drops. Anyone caught littering will lose 1XP for being an irresponsible and inconsiderate resident of Malton. Only you can keep our Parks clean, if not Zombie Free.

Funny votes: Good idea. In fact, I'd almost vote for this as a serious suggestion. --Uncle Bill 18:11, 12 February 2007 (UTC) (Except for dropping empty guns in a PD or mall. That's not littering, hat's putting your toys away. --Uncle Bill 18:15, 12 February 2007 (UTC)Heh, I like it. --Reaper with no name TJ! 20:45, 13 February 2007 (UTC)Quite funny indeed. Actually I really think it SHOULD be a suggestion. ~Rohaneanew —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Rohaneanew (talkcontribs) at an unknown time. Beautiful. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 02:08, 11 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Give them some Brains!

Type: Satire, skill change
Tally: +7

As we all know, zombie players are leaving the game at a frightening rate. Many zombies claim that this is due to frustration as a result of being underpowered. Many survivors believe that this is not the case, claiming that the zombies are actually winning and that the problem is that zombies just aren't much fun to play as.

Now, for the purposes of this suggestion we shall ignore the fact that if zombies were actually "winning" they would by definition have to be killing survivors faster than revives can be administered to them (which would increase the zombie population) and instead assume that the survivor players are right in their claim that zombie players are leaving out of boredom rather than frustration.

Now, how do we remedy this problem? Well, we have to ask ourselves: "What is it that zombies want?". The answer to this question is, of course: "BRA!NZ!".

Yes, brains. That magical delicacy that drives zombie taste buds wild and the pursuit of it is exactly what makes being a zombie so desirable. But unfortunately, there aren't a lot of brains to be had in Malton. As a wise zombie once put it, "It's a few brave zombies against hordes of mindless humans." Survivors win battles by sheer numbers, and zombies win battles by intelligently-planned, coordinated strikes. According to a recent study, the average Maltonian zombie has an IQ twice as high as that of the average Maltonian survivor (which is especially astonishing once we consider the fact that the test administered was a written one). And how many survivors have had their brain eaten by a zombie? A recent survey asked survivors just that, and the results were intriguing. A whopping 50% claimed that they had never been killed by a zombie bite, let alone from having their brain eaten. Of the other 50%, half of them were non-English speakers who could not understand the question (the conductors of the survey, unfortunately, were not fluent in n00b), a quarter of them refused to answer for fear of wasting an AP they could have spent shooting a Mrh? Cow, and the last quarter of them responded to the question by killing the surveyors.

The most logical conclusion that we can draw from these bits and pieces of information is that survivors do not, in fact, have any brains. A strange assertion, to be certain, but the more we consider the implications of this discovery, the more convinced we become of it's accuracy. After all, how else can we explain the superior intelligence and tactical prowess displayed by the zombies? It's very difficult to consistently outsmart someone while suffering daily head injuries unless you have a lot more brain cells than they do to begin with. And while we're on the subject of headshot, why else would it affect zombies and not survivors? And how else can we possibly explain the fact that the quickest and easiest method for a zombie to gain XP is to take a bite out of his own bretheren?

So clearly, the lack of brains in Malton for zombies to eat is a problem. But how do we fix it? Simple; give the survivors brains. With their newfound intelligence, survivors will begin to work together and create intelligent defensive (and offensive) strategies to use against the zombies. The zombies, of course, will relish the challenge, as well as the brains that they can finally devour.

Of course, survivors finally having brains will have it's downsides as well. Smart survivors will finally start shooting at zombies from the rooftops and windows of their safehouses, which isn't so great for zombies. And survivors won't be too crazy about having to spend extra AP standing up every time they get their brain eaten or blown out of their skull. And syringes will probably also have to be changed again due to the added function of reverting brain matter to normal, which will inevitably make them harder to find as a result. However, the benefits (for both sides) of survivors getting brains would far outweigh the negatives. Let's stop starving the zombies and give them the love (ie, frontal lobes, which are very tasty, you know) they deserve. Don't be a Pain; Get a Brain!

Funny votes: Author Vote - I think this one came out even better than I planned. --Reaper with no name TJ! 21:33, 19 February 2007 (UTC) The surveying part made me fall off my seat laughing like hell! Now if those survivors could just get a brain transplant...whoops...I forgot...the brain would reject them. --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 18:08, 20 February 2007 (UTC) that was so funny --Template:Usr:YU 337/sig Wahahahaha >.> --Forlorad 19:16, 19 March 2007 (UTC) Survivors being capable of having brains is a prerequisite, unfortunately. --Juranas MFU! 12:21, 28 March 2007 (UTC) I will say that brains make a great motivator for any zombie or cannibal. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 02:10, 11 June 2007 (BST)--Scout talk Click! 17:26, 28 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

A Way to Finally Promote Fair Play/No Cheating

Type: Satire
Tally: +3

Urban Dead is suffering from a lack of "fair play". By fair play, I mean that of zergers. They are people who continutally make characters, using them as meatshields, to target enemies, and to, overall, just cause griefing. Zergers are a bane to UD. But why?

The answer is simple. Because not everyone zergs. They don't have the time to zerg. They want to play the game fair, and because of that, zergers are ruining the fun.

Since it is so easy to zerg, and Kevan's policies can easily be bypassed with a router, we need to deal with Zergers once and for all.

Therefore, we legalize it. That way, we no longer have to worry about zergers "cheating", since if it's legal, they can't be cheating. The problem is that not many people want to spend time, we just need some simple code.

Players are hereby given an ACCOUNT. With that account, they are able to create an unlimited number of accounts. Suriviors, zombies, PKers, ZKers, whatever. Since one account is needed to create an unlimited number of accounts, it's not really necessary to create other accounts, so no zerger will do such a thing.

All the accounts will help out a certian "cause". Wheter it is to defend the Blackmore Bridage, retake Caiger Mall, or whatever, these accounts will be focused on that goal. You can contorl each character indivudally, but of course, that would not be fun, as what if you have 1000 accounts, all defending a mall? It will be hard to contorl all of them, so we put in an "AUTO-CONTORL" feature. You click on this button, and the game AI will handle the game for you. You can cancel AUTO-CONTORL and hop into one character to contorl it, and see how the rest of your zergers are doing, and thereby have fun. A person is more effective if he contorls the character than if the game AI does it for you, but of course, so be it.

Zergs after all are expendable units that are generated and sent in large hordes in order to destroy the enemy. Just like the Zergs in StarCraft. What's inherently wrong about them? Zerg Rushes are a legitmiante part of RTS, and if so, they should be a legit part of UD. And judging from the fact that zombies would do zerg rushes in movies, and the British military would need to do zerg rushes as well in order to try and kill off as many zeds as possible and free the is obivous that allowing for Zergs will cause for a richer experience, and overall, a richer game.

With this new change, we also get the added bonus of placing BRAND NEW realistic changes, changes that would aid the game.

1) Insta-kills. You get eaten by a zed, the surivior dies. You get headshot by a harman, the zed dies. Insta-kills are realistic, and realism=fun. In the past, we could not do such a thing, since the character would be destroyed. HOWEVER, now that a player can make an unlimited amount of characters, who cares about death? You can easily just create a new meatshield. Just keep track of how many characters bite the dust.

2) Properganda. You know those newspapers, those graffti signs, the radio spam, etc.? The ones that many people just ignore? Well, if you let one of your characters go into "AUTO-CONTORL", the game AI suddenly pay attention to properganda. It will suddenly listen to the merits of suriviors dying and then eating brains, or the "Don't Overbarricade" or the "Just Do It!" slogan of a PKer. If an AI hears properganda, it will attempt to resist, and stay with your Player account, to help out with your "cause". Enough properganda, however, and the Character will crack. The game AI immeadily transfers your Character from your Player Account to another Player Account, and then will full-hearthly suppose that cause.

EXAMPLE: Someone sprays the slogan, "Join Red Rum Today!" A Character who is currently in Bale Mall Defense Bridage (currently in Auto-Contorl) sees this properganda while barricading the building up to EHB, and then immeadily roll for willpower. If this was his first time, he would shrug off the slogan, but now...since he has seen that slogan for the millionth time, the Character finally gives into the desire. "Alright, I'll join Red Rum!" The Character immeadily get transferred from the Player who is allied to Bale Mall Defense Bridage to the Player who spraypainted the "Join Red Rum Today!" This Player then suddenly pulls out the guns that is supposed to be used to kill Zombies and turn it on his fellow Players, to go out with a big bang!

Such a change would be realistic, and fun. What would be more fun then giving radios, spraypainting, and newspapers big boosts? And since anyone can create an infinite amount of characters, nobody would really notice if a Player loses one character or not to Properganda. Plus, people can create Properganda Alts, to help defend their other Characters from falling to enemy Properganda...while at the same time getting other Characters to join their Player.

3) Different modes of Playing. We can go and have Auto-Contorl represent the full variety of playing styles: PKers, GKers, Overbarricaders, Underbarricaderse, Healers, Headshoters, Book Readers, DNA Scanners, Spammers, and much, much more! You wouldn't be able to tell if a person is being contorlled by Auto-Contorl or not, that's how good it is!

4) More donations. With perma-death being possible, and with all new characters starting off at Level 1, it seems terrible that not many people will actually be able to level up. This is where Kevan comes in. If you donate $5, Kevan can give you infinite XP so that any new (or old) Characters being produced can buy all skills immeadily. This will help the Player who is playing the Game to have fun, while supporting UD in the effort.

Overall, this is a great change that will benieft everyone. Now that we fix the problem concering zergers, we can add in more changes that will help out zombies and suriviors, without fear of cheaters using loopholes. I mean, it won't break the game at all. Really, it won't.

Funny votes: Heh, I like this one. So logical and yet so ridiculous at the same time; just as all humorous suggestions should be. --Reaper with no name TJ! 18:58, 19 March 2007 (UTC) Hah, awesome. Vault 19:46, 4 July 2007 (BST) AWESOME. Yeeth 12:56, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Counter Attack Fix

Type: Game Mechanic Change
Tally: +3

In order to make the game fairer for idle players (and to help stem the flow of counter attack suggestions) we have come up with a 'revolutionary' new game mechanic detailed below.

Around Malton, Zombies and Survivors alike have become tired of sneaking up on their enemies at opportune times and instead have taken to the practice of honoring ones wishes to sleep. Both Zombies and Survivors have been seen admiring, coddling and even tucking in their sleep-eyed enemies

This will affect anyone who attempts to attack players who are not online at the time, instead of dealing damage a flavour message will appear and their AP returned to them, some flavour messages that have been seen so far are:

"A Zombie admires JohnnyXXX as they sleep." "Timothy Hansenson places a newspaper on you and tucks you in while you sleep." "SuperKillDeathGoku gently wipes the drool hanging from A Zombies mouth and coos lovingly"

Funny votes: I do that already! --Uncle Bill 03:12, 15 March 2007 (UTC) Lol! --Specialist290 03:18, 15 March 2007 (UTC) Aw, that's so cute! --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:15, 19 March 2007 (UTC) ADD THIS NAO. --Drugsanimudongs 14:31, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Spontaneous Combustion

Type: Game Mechanic
Tally: +5

You know, over the course of the wiki's history, there have been a lot of suggestions for exploding zombies. Fortunately, none of them have gotten off the ground. One of the main reasons for it (besides the flavor tasting like cow dung) is that it just doesn't make any sense. Why would zombies just explode for no apparent reason? They wouldn't. But do you know who would explode suddenly for no apparent reason? Survivors, that's who. With the tons of spontaneous combustion cases out there, how can we not put spontaneous combustion into the game? Ok, ok, so there's only been a couple (albeit unconfirmed) cases of spontaneous combustion, but c'mon! The presence of thousands of people in Malton who can jump from roof to roof clearly demonstrates that Malton is immune to the laws of statistics. Therefore, the point still remains that spontaneous combustion needs to be added to the game, since so many suggestors in the past have wanted to see it in the game (albeit in zombie form).

Anyway, the spontaneous combustion will work as thus: At any given minute of any day there will be a 00.000001% probability (or 1 in a million chance) that a survivor will spontaneously combust, resulting in instant death, loss of all items, and an AP penalty similar to headshot only multiplied by a factor of 10 (because exploding tends to do a lot more damage than being shot in the head) for a 51 AP stand up cost that guarantees a spontaneous combustion victim will stand up with negative AP. This is not only a fair penalty (their whole body did just explode, you know), but also has the added benefit of finally giving zombies an action that puts their AP into the negatives (like reviving and syringe manufacture currently do for survivors). Fortunately, like scientists, former survivors who have just exploded are spared the fate of having to wonder just how it is that their energy can be in the negatives; in this case due to the fact that their brains were blown apart during the ordeal. And because their brains were blown apart, the new zombie also doesn't have to wonder about how it stood up without a body or was able to retain it's memories/skills.

As you can see, this spontaneous combustion mechanic would be a great addition to the game. Unfortunately, it won't happen often enough to truly be enjoyed. Now, we could try changing the numbers, but that would be too easy and simple. Therefore, we will instead introduce a way for zombies to forcibly make survivors explode. How will they do this? Why, with dynamite of course! A new skill called "Pyromaniacal Undead" will allow zombies to search wastelands and junkyards for sticks of dynamite at a 3% search rate. When a zombie uses one of these sticks of dynamite on a survivor, there will be a 50% chance that the dynamite will remind the zombie of a banana and cause it to employ it's instinctive knowledge of bananas to forcibly insert the dynamite into the target survivor's rectum. The dynamite will then spontaneously combust, affecting the survivor as if they had been the one to explode.

Now, I am well aware that this suggestion will result in a large amount of forced conversions to the cause of BARHAH as well as daily showers of survivor blood and body parts, but at the same time it cannot be denied that these steps are necessary in order to finally bring some exploding characters into the game. After all, who doesn't love seeing random people explode?

Funny votes: Wow, this one came out a lot longer than I planned. Sorry about that. --Reaper with no name TJ! 18:31, 22 March 2007 (UTC) Ah, but did you multiply by a million? That's one a day. I don't care thought, its funny. -- Dance Emot.gifTheDavibob T 18:44, 22 March 2007 (UTC) Hehehe, I can see it now: JohnnyFourFingers Randomly Explodes; You Laugh. --Sipex 3:39PM, 22 March 2007 (EST) 17:44, 27 March 2007 (EST) Wow this is different. I think this is something to consider because people explode everyday. Especially if they have dynamite in their ass. [1]--Riot act
Unfunny votes:

Cellphone games!!

Type: New functions for an item
Tally: +2

Aren't you tired of looting hardware stores looking for portable generators during a zombie apocalypse? Messaging your friends with your virtually useless cellphone about how many zombies you killed last night? Well, this can be changed. Imagine being trapped in a loosely barricaded hospital while zombies are banging at the door. Not funny, is it? Well, now imagine the same scenario but playing Tetris in your cellphone!!! Much better, don't you think? I hereby suggest to add games to our cellphones. Simple yet entertaining games like the previously mentioned Tetris, Snake, or any mobile version of Super Pretendo games... Or even the mobile version of Urbandead!!!

Funny votes: Ha! Playing a zombie game about zombies while you're playing a zombie-themed zombie game. Out-freaking-standing! --Uncle Bill 03:25, 2 May 2007 (BST) Hey! No recursion! Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Zombie Rehab

Type: Satire
Tally: +1

Everyone who's been killed has experienced the frustration of waiting for days on end at a "revive point." A zombie rehab program would allow zombies to become humans again without having to wait for a revive (at a cost of course) The Program would obviously be a long and difficult one. Zombies need to go though speech training, fine motor skills rehab, behavior modification, group therapy sessions, making peace with your god, ect. All this would require at least 40 AP, as zombification is not an easy cure. Programs could take place at schools (after all, don't most of these rehab groups meet in schools?) with a counselor survivor with the skill "ZA (Zombies Anonymous) sponsor"

Funny votes: Works just about as well as a revive point, but it's funnier. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST) Haha, "Hi I'm Tommy Zed and I'm *sniff* dead!" Brilliant~!
Unfunny votes:

Zombie Catapults

Type: Amazing Shit
Tally: +4

The survivors have carpentry skillz and have built large medieval catapults in the forts, in, like, every square. If you're in a square of a fort (like, outside, man), you can LOAD CATAPULT WITH DEAD BODY for 1AP and then choose a direction, like with binoculars, right? Anyway, once you choose a direction - FTWANGGGGG - off goes that dead body, with a random chance of going off course, and maybe it'll land 2 squares away, maybe 1 - maybe TEN!!! Who knows, dude? That's the joy of, like, random shit. Yeah - the catapult can be, like, ransacked and repaired and shit. Just in case you were going to Spam me, man!

Funny votes: Short and sweet. Funt knows how to make forts fun! --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:00, 9 May 2007 (BST) Remind me again why we don't have these in game yet? --Uncle Bill 14:04, 13 May 2007 (BST) FTWANGGGGG!!!.--Bluish wolf 06:02, 24 May 2007 (BST) Because all carpenters have the power to build medieval siege weaponry. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST) Hahaha. Reminds me of Monty Python. "Your mother was a hamster!" --User:? I'd have laughed more if I hadn't already bust a gut laughing at the Human Cannon. --Richardhg 02:34, 31 October 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Tooth Decay

Type: Game mechanic
Tally: +3

You know, I’ll bet that the majority of zombies in Malton suffer from poor dental hygiene. I mean, all that biting through flesh and muscle day after day has just got to be murder on the poor zombies’ pearly whites. And have you ever looked in a zombie’s mouth? There’s more bacteria and filth in there than in the mouths of all the dogs in the world! And let’s not forget that their gums are, in fact, rotting. It’s almost enough to make you feel sorry for the poor things.

Nevertheless, this under-publicized aspect of zombie outbreaks is an important part of any zombie apocalypse, and should therefore be included in the game.

Each zombie will start with 24 teeth. Every time a zombie bites a victim, there will be a 20% chance that the zombie will lose a tooth. In addition, if they go 2 whole days without losing a tooth, they will automatically lose one. For every 6 teeth the zombies loses, the strength of their bite attack is reduced by 1 point. The more mathematically inclined readers will take note of the fact that a zombie who has lost all his teeth will now do 0 damage when they bite. However, it’s not like the zombie will mind, since the only reason they bite anyone in the first place is to infect; an ability they will still possess thanks to that yucky saliva of theirs.

However, just in case there are zombies out there who try to stay true to tradition by actually biting people after infecting them, there will be a method for zombies to halt the decay of their teeth.

Zombies who purchase the “Memories of Root Canal” Skill will be able to search hospitals for toothbrushes (10% odds, 2% encumbrance), toothpaste (30% odds, 2% encumbrance, 10 uses), and floss (10% odds, 2% encumbrance, 10 uses). The zombie will then be able to use the toothbrush (provided they have toothpaste). This will prevent them from losing any teeth for two days. If they have floss when they use the toothbrush, then the floss is used as well, and the “tooth-ful” period is extended to three days.

Zombies who have lost all their teeth do not grow any new ones, but they can search junkyards to find wooden dentures (3% rate, 2% encumbrance). When used, they get put into the zombie’s mouth and function like the zombie’s regular teeth. Unfortunately, upon logging out, the dentures automatically get lost as the zombie takes them out to sleep.

Now, the one thing some of the readers are probably worried about is how this new mechanic will affect survivors. Well, it won’t. Survivor teeth don’t rot or fall out. Why, you ask? Because it wouldn’t be fair to nerf them, that’s why! Haven’t you heard about how they’re getting their asses kicked all over Malton? Nevermind that the zombies are only winning because of their superior coordination; we can’t nerf the side that’s losing!

Funny votes: I figured the zombies needed to be taught the value of good dental hygiene. --Reaper with no name TJ! 00:07, 29 May 2007 (BST) Take good care of your teeth, or they'll take care of you. --Uncle Bill 03:50, 29 May 2007 (BST) This mechanic is superb! Add it! --JudeMaverick W! TJ! Talk Zzz... P! 07:09, 29 May 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Survivor Suicides

Type: Improvement, mostly for flavour.
Tally: +1

This is essentially a way for those survivors that want to change into zombies a fun little way of crossing over. First off, the only ways to die in this game so far are to be eaten by zombies, PKed by PKers, or by jumping out a window. However, jumping out a window would break your legs, wouldn't it? What I'm suggesting is a large group of new ways to kill yourself. One would be to use a weapon to kill youself. It would act like you were to attack someone, only you be attacking yourself. When you die, you fall down dead and have to stand up. Secondly, there would be "suicide items" that allow you to kill yourself. One could be a noose, (thanks to Werewolf32 for how this started (Length of Rope)). By making a noose, you can hang yourself on a tree branch or street lamp. The noose would break, but everyone would see you as a zombie "with a broken noose around its neck". This could also be used with the new clothing update. A noose could become a neck piece!

There could be other "suicide items", but as I doubt anyone would want to throw a toaster into a bathtub, or fall down a flight of stairs, or slit their wrists with a fire axe (Owwww!), this may take a while to find out which ones would work correctly in this game.

However, as a base rule, you cannot kill yourself inside. This is to prevent a whole group of "survivors" entering a heavily barricaded building, only to group suicide inside and zombie-smite all those within. Weapon using would bring up the message of "you don't want to hit anyone else", and hanging would bring up "you can't reach the rafters here".

So now all you survivors who need to become zombies quickly can do so without having to wait an hour outside or have to waste AP looking for a tall enough building. All you have to do is go outside and use a rope or a bullet.

Funny votes: Ciaossu. This is Zed Ed's suggestion. I think the reasons why you can't kill yourself with other people around are funny.--Bluish wolf 13:34, 4 June 2007 (BST) Call me twisted, but this is F***ing hilarious... --Charley C. 16:41, 4 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: How very... morbid... Laura Juranas 19:08, 10 December 2007 (UTC)

Politely Ignored

Nature's Beauty

Type: change to everything
Tally: 0

Has anyone else noticed a shortage of nature in the game? I resolve to fix this, by turning the city of Malton into the Malton Nature Preserve! All we must do is destroy anything in-game, meaning all accounts will be deleted. Now that that is over with, we now make the new character classes!

  • Boy Scout: Starts out with a pocket knife and the skill wilderness survival.
  • Girl Scout: Same as above, but female.
  • Ranger: Starts out with a can of pepper spray and the skill kick out of park.
  • Careless Patron: Starts out with garbage and the skill litter.

Now, we add locations!

  • Ranger Station: Starting points for any ranger. Items found here include sunglasses, confiscated shotgun, flares, and pepper spray.
  • Meadow: Great place for picking flowers. Please note that this is grounds for getting kicked out.
  • Mountain: Elevated land, great for rock climbing.
  • Forest: Makes up the majority of the park.
  • Gift Shop: Useless little building that has only souveniers, wich are useless.

Now, we add skills!

  • Wilderness Survival: Allows you to go rock climbing.
  • Kick Out Of Park: Allows you to kick someone out, deleting their account.
  • Litter: Allows you to throw garbage on the ground.

Now, we add items!

  • Pepper Spray: Allows you to spray someone in the eyes. When sprayed, a victim will yell out, "AHHH! My eyes!", "It burns, it burns!", "Help me! My eyes are burning!", "Oh God, it burns!", "AHHHHHHH!", and "GAH!" at random until they commit suicide because they are so miserable.
  • Sunglasses: Protect from pepper spray.
  • Souveniers: Useless junk.
  • Garbage: Used with litter skill to contaminate the enviorment.
  • Confiscated Shotgun-The only fire arm in the game. Unfortunately, the shotgun has a 100% chance of exploding when fired, killing the shooter.

Ok, now for new game mechanics and stuff! First off, the name of the game will now be Rural Alive. There will also be no zombies, and dying will result in account deletion. Also, to fully appreciate nature, we will have sattelite images instead of text.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:


Added Realism

Type: Satire
Tally: -1

Urban dead is very unrealistic game. For example, you only play for about five minutes before you run out of action points. You then sleep for a day before you use action points again. I propose that you be able to move, AP cost free for 18 hours a day, because in a world with real zombies you would never spend a full night sleeping, let alone a full day. I also propose that we have cutting-edge 3D graphics, as text just isn't good enough.

Funny votes: Why, that's true! We should sue Kevan! And while we're at it we'll have to make him add an M249! -Mark 16:47, 17 October 2006 (BST) OMG AP SUKZ WHY DON'T WE HAVE A M-4!!! --BoboTalkClown 21:17, 10 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not really funny.Waluigi Freak 99 01:06, 20 October 2006 (BST)Agreed, not funny enough --Agent White WTFW!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 19:20, 27 October 2006 (BST) Tries, but not really funny. --Zap 12:57, 13 December 2006 (UTC)

Ultimate Realism

Type: Satire, Game Mechanics.
Tally: -1

We should implement more changes to make Urban Dead as realistic as possible.

First, DNA scanners. The flavor text should change. “You successfully scanned the zombie. Please return to a powered NecroTech building and wait forty-six hours for processing.”

Then, after the wait, there is a fifty-five percent chance of returning, “The subject’s DNA does not match to any in our database.”

Also, there should be changes to those without Basic Firearms Training. If you try to operate a pistol, there is a 40% chance of failing to fire, since the person doesn’t know how to work it. There is also a 10% chance of shooting theirself. With a shotgun, there is a 65% chance of shooting (since shotguns are generally easier to operate), but a 20% chance of shooting theirself in the foot. Also, pistols take 3 AP to load, since they don’t know how they work, and shotguns take 2, since they spend extra time making sure it’s in.

(Yes, the first part of the DNA extractor was "borrowed." I changed it slightly, however.)

Funny votes: Funneh! --Ishmael Davenwood 01:46, 25 July 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I don't really see anything in this that is actually funny. --Reaper with no name TJ! 17:47, 22 March 2007 (UTC) Not funny. At all. --SteelVortex2 12:59, March 28 2007 (EST)


Type: Minor feature
Tally: -1

As it stands, Malton is suffering from a severe Grue deficiency. I propose that an additional space be added on the border of Malton. Anyone crossing onto that block is likely to be eaten by a Grue. However, if the player possesses the 'Torch' item (found in Hardware stores at 2%) the Grue instead self-combusts violently. The resultant explosion also kills the player. --Lord of the Pies 17:30, 18 April 2007 (BST)

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: If you are going to plagrize from Zork, at least do so correctly. Play the game first.--ShadowScope 00:58, 21 April 2007 (BST)

Make Zombies More Powerful

Type: Zombie Satisfaction
Tally: -3

Aren't we all wondering why zombies are whining that they are underpowered? Simple, my dear. They are correct! Therefore, we should make it so that anytime you get infected, you die instantly. We should also allow them to destroy the barricades in one hit, spend only 1 AP for getting up from a headshot, use guns, have free running, and use fire axes. Not only that, but we should also kill all survivors currently in the game, making the revive process come to a screeching halt until some newbies manage to get lab experience.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: Would have been funnier if it was less extreme but still oddly unbalanced. For instance, "Infection now works twice as fast and if you die of infection, you don't have to stand up to become a zombie. Also, if there are any humans present, you automatically attack them if you just died (to simulate the instant bloodlust that a new zombie feels)." --Uncle Bill 05:48, 15 May 2007 (BST) I want to like this one; I really do. It's an angle that is rarely explored. However, this just wasn't done well. --Reaper with no name TJ! 23:59, 28 May 2007 (BST) Could have added more random stuff :( --JudeMaverick W! TJ! Talk Zzz... P! Nuts! 12:16, 1 June 2007 (BST)