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The time has come for a new breed of Valkyrie to rise from the ashes of the now defunct and never-to-be-historical previous incarnation. The Valkyrie is a noble and important warrior symbol, whose image must be restored by members willing to practice the arts of conflict as originally envisioned by Freja and Thor. Valkyries do not sue for peace, they take no prisoners.
With the disappearance of the Zerger Zoomy, Sarah Silverman, formerly of the Late Night TV Crue has answered the cries from Lockettside for a new force of destruction within St. Alexanders Hospital. The New Lockettside Valkyries shall usher in a new era of pain and misery for the residents of southwestern Malton.
[edit] The New Valks Show Olympic Solidarity!
So, yesterday and today we, the true and only real and verifiable Valkyries visited our headquarters again, in an attempt to kill as many birds with one stone as possible.
First, we wanted to celebrate teh awesomest event to hit the Malton Player Killer community EVAH! The Games of the 2008 Inaugural Player Killer Olympiad start this week, and we wanted to join in the fun by accepting the honor of running the Olympic Torch through our home town of Lockettside.
Also, we've heard that fire is a great way to get rid of vermin. Really gets in those corners and roots out the slimy and fetid things that hide within, you know? Sadly, the Zoomy was already lying dead outside. Has been for days actually - must be in one of her "I'm quitting if you won't let me zerg!" snits. I heard through the grapevine that her minions were giving her a hard time for killing Stephen the other day, and for the dangerously close proximity of her zergy-zerg zerg Rika Nonaka.
So anyway - Jimmy, Stephen, Sheila and I visited our Hospital yesterday. I think I heard the Baby went by earlier - maybe it was the Baby that kilt Izumi, though I suspect it was really shame. We were new at the whole 'dousing-your-target-with-gas-then-shooting-them-with-a-flare" thing, but we learned as we went, and managed to light up Dragon Fang and Chillpill. We killed a couple others, and took a few friendly shots at our favorite Nurse Southwesty, just so she knows we care. Luv you N.S.!!
Sheila really worked it hard today. She gets the New Lockettside Valkyrie game ball for this one. Nice work Sheila! Kiss kiss!
I went back today and killed Fang again the same way, because I hadn't personally lit anyone on fire, and you know, those effing flares take forever to find, and Krissy Kringle got all uppity when I was just standing in the same damn Fire Station day after day thinking she was tough for finding me when I wasn't hiding. So there you go. Three human torches running through the streets.
You really should have seen Fang all burny-burn like. He let out this high pitched squeal and ran like the little bitch he is all over the ICU. He tried to douse himself with water, but accidentally grabbed rubbing alcohol. Man! We laughed and laughed as his skin melted off his face! The smell was a little bit off - I'd always heard that burning bodies smelled 'sickly sweet.' Not Fang! He kinda smelled like burning cow pies. I know it's a quarantine dude, but there ARE showers around her, and still plenty of toilet paper!
Chill burnt amazingly quickly - like the flash in pan that he is. He just sort of... winked out all fast and insignificantly.
GO OLYMPICS!! So if you're a PK'er, you should do some Olympic stuff. It's gonna be fun, and all you have to do is what you normally do anyway. I hope some bounty hunters form a team or two for the group events - I'd like to show them how to have a little fun without being all trenchy self-righteous.
I'll try to get the pictures up of our Personalized Olympic Ceremony later.
[edit] Too good not to share
Hey - Sarah here! I was killed today in the following manner:
- Beck Ass+ shot you with a shotgun for 10 damage. (2 hours and 39 minutes ago) ...and again.
- Beck Ass+ said "Don't ever pk again you fucking scum!! I will send the hole tompson after you!!!" (2 hours and 38 minutes ago)
- Beck Ass+ shot you with a shotgun for 10 damage. (2 hours and 38 minutes ago)
- You were killed by Beck Ass+. (2 hours and 38 minutes ago)
- Beck Ass+ dumped your body out onto the street. (2 hours and 37 minutes ago)
Where is the hole tompson? Is that like the Tartarus pit? Will Chronos consume me to get me to stop PK'ing? Sigh, where are the Profile Police when you need them? Even the most efficient bounty hunters I've ever seen don't actually believe that what they are doing will change any dedicated PK'ers MO...
Hasn't the WHOLE Tompson been after me for more than a year now? Good job guys, you really suck at emptying out your 'hole' - it's ok though, I'll make you a few new ones to relieve that 'not-so-fresh' uncomfortable feeling. Beck Ass talking about hole... Beck Ass...about hole... Beck Asshole!
Here is Beck Ass' profile in case you want to kill him for any reason: Beck Ass
Here's his glorious profile statement:
CSI Detective Beck Ass was investigating a series of unexplained murders when the quarantine took place! Now hatred and sadness defines his gaze as he looks at you through his round transparent sunglasses.. Everything changed, now he is gonna survive
OK, I'm glad the glasses are round, because those triangular sunglasses really don't do shit when it comes to keeping out the sunshine. Unfortunately, neither do 'transparent sunglasses.' Aren't transparent sunglasses...glasses? There's nothing sunny about them if they're transparent! Love the odd exclamation point on the first sentence too, two periods after sunglasses, and the absolute lack of punctuation on the last sentence, which is also a fragment. Also, try right now to look both sad and filled with hate. Pretty hard to do both at once I think.
At least he was tidy and dumped me into the street. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson will find me and chain me to his radiator so I can see the error of my ways.
Anyway, HA! Kill me moar!
Kiss kiss!
[edit] It Has Begun
Today we New Valkyries began cleaning out the vermin currently infesting our headquarters St. Alexander's Hospital. They are persistent cockroaches, and we lost one of our number temporarily in the fight.
Today we exterminated:
- Chillpill1
- Izumi Orimoto
- Dragon Fang
- Ryan Quicksilver
- Doc Koska
- BlizZombie
- Major Dick
There remain more to sweep from the cracks and crevices of this fine edifice. Those that change their group name to "The New Lockettside Valkyries" and swear fealty to our new group will not be harmed. It is time to set aside childish things, abandon the failures of the past and embrace a new hospital order.
Also, in other news, you may be interested to know that Zoomy is still at her rule breaking ways - she's had at least 5 wiki sock puppets banned in the past few days, and still refuses to grasp that she ever did anything wrong. Here is some exciting reading: GRIMCHIE PWNS THE SOCK PUPPETEER
So, in light of this news, our jaws are even more firmly set, our hearts steeled to the coming battle for supremacy in St. Alexander's. No more shall we allow the namby pamby forces of wishy-washdom command what is rightfully ours. Now is not a time for talk, it is a time for action, and today was just our opening salvo.
Don't forget to show your solidarity for our efforts by changing your group name to the New Lockettside Valkyries for the next month!
HUZZAH!
Thanks to Vigeous for the format of this page
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