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August 1st, 2008
So today, Fat Jimmy finally agreed to make good on a bet we made in our recent duel. Loser sings to St. Alex. It took some serious cajoling, but I got him in there.
Here's what went down:
- El Moco Diablo said "Hey; I just got revived. Anyone got a FAK?" (25 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "Stop shoving me Sarah" (6 minutes ago) ...and again.
- Jimmy Kimmel said "I told you I would do it" (6 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "I told you I would do it *mutters* stupid bet with a stupid cow" (6 minutes ago)
 I'm a fat teapot! Fat and FAT! - Sarah Silverman said "will now perform a short aria for your enjoyment. Please listen closely, as he gets breathless" (5 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "Ahem" (5 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "I'm a little teapot, short and stout *prances about the ward*" (5 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "Here is my handle, here is my spout *waves arms in the air" (4 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "When I get all steamed up, hear me shout" (4 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "Tip me over and pour me out *leans over and pinches Sarah in the ass*" (3 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "There, you bitch, I did it" (3 minutes ago)
- Sarah Silverman said "No second verse? Oh very well then. Now kill someone and I'll give you a five minute head start before I hunt your ass AGAIN." (2 minutes ago)
- Jimmy Kimmel said "I'd rather have the Mob eat my brains then be chased by you" (1 minute ago)
- Sarah Silverman said "Well wasn't that nice!" (35 seconds ago)
Then of course I killed El Moco Diablo. Dude, carry a FAK or two on you at all times. Being low HP and asking for heals is like painting a target on your head. Sucks for you that you'd just been revived - I hate it when that happens.
So then I walked into the mall, and sure enough, there's Jimmy totally hoping for an erotic zombie experience. Copycat. So I called out to my Militant Order of Barhah laaahvahs:
- "FAT SHIT ON SALE - CHEAP!"
- "Zombies Come and Get IT! Fat Shit on Special, with extra special sauce!!"
So hopefully they'll eat him. I assume they will. I didn't hang around because I got a case of the clap from that zombie yesterday that took medical attention to clear up. I'm used to cleaner deaths from firearms, this whole zombie sideshow to my killing sprees in this town is mostly a hassle. When the yuks wear off I'm gonna have to figure out where to go get ammo if they succeed at taking this mall. Not that I'm going to help of course...that's your job, survivor cattle! MOOO!
So, hopefully another fun day making your lives less dreary in the face of inevitable undeath. Until tomorrow: Kiss kiss!
Weekend Fury
Took a ammo loading day yesterday and today. The weekends are perfect for this kind of thing, aren't they? Getting those guns oiled, cleaned, loaded, ready for the next wave of mayhem?
I have to say again that I'm impressed that the Fat Shit did his little dance. I held my end of the bargain and gave him his little head start. It'll be fun picking up the hunt for him tomorrow or Monday. Who knows who I might run into along the way!? Maybe you! Keep those cards and letters coming folks.
It was nice seeing our friendly wild-life visiting Lockettside this week too, but I am ready for you to move along the trail now, rotting ones. Git 'along lil' zogeys! I've got me some deadly sins to carry out here!
Kiss kiss!
August 4th, 2008
 Phew! Three in one day makes a girl tired!
You say "Mad wench? That reminds me of Jimmy's mom. Sniff!"
Dead!
Then I saw elliotness. Huh - when was I thinking about Elliot Ness recently - OH YEAH!:
You say "Elliot - so fitting for the quote kicking off the Hell Hath No Fury tour on my wiki page! Kiss kiss!"
Deader!
Then I saw newbee - who is a Bounty Hunter - the most misguided profession in Malton, and even though I barely had enough energy left I risked it and got lucky. So let that be a lesson to you about your chosen occupation newbee, there are better ways to spend your post-quarantine life. I was too tired to say anything pithy to newbee.
Deadest!
I'm really starting to feel much better overall - like I'm in a good place, and maybe I'm ready to try new things. I didn't even THINK about Jimmy hardly at all today, it was killing for the pure fun of killing. Well, I guess I did a little bit, but it was in a much more abstract way. This Tour (which really hasn't taken me that far geographically speaking) has got me thinking maybe I should expand outward a little bit. See more of Malton. I'll have to think about that some more.
See you all tomorrow - probably back in Lockettside! Kiss kiss!
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