The Malton Observer

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The Malton Observer

The Malton Observer is a DEM-based newspaper started in late May 2008. The first issue came out on June 10th 2008.


The Malton Observer Archive - 2008
The Malton Observer Archive - 2009
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Current Issue

Malton Observer Staff

  • PakoPako - Temporary Co-Editor
  • Choppers McGee - Temporary Co-Editor
  • Dr. Wolf - Reporting
  • Hardcore Rockabilly - Reporting
  • Labine50 - Editor (Retired), Reporting
  • Seryna - Surveys
  • Tonyay163 - Fun Corner
  • Jayefex - Crossword (On Temporary Hiatus)
    • Humanstyle - "Malton Observer" banner.
    • William Told - Editor (Retired)
    • Ferrum Leo - Reporter (Retired)
    • Watchman - Reporter (Retired)
    • The Chardons - Q&A column (Retired)
    • ridleysoul - Reporting (Retired)

Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009

The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:

  • eBay - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
  • Brute - How else will you learn?
  • MEMS - We need more people to give a FAK
News at a Glance
Letter from the Editor
An Interview with Al Bundy
The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy
Fun Corner

The Last Several Months at a Glance

  • DORIS Declares War on AZS - DEM to send aid to allies.
  • DORIS Ends War on AZS - That kind of sucked.
  • PKA Disbands - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
  • Labine50 Retires from DEM - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I know this is joke."
  • John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief - It was nice working with you.
  • McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
  • Urban Dead Dead? - Several plays unable to connect.
  • Urban Dead Back Up - Take that, real life.
  • Fort Perryn To Be Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
  • Fort Perryn Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
  • Fort Perryn Falls - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
  • Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return - Not this again...
  • The Blackmore Building retaken! - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
  • The Blackmore Building falls! - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
  • Tom Chardon Steps Down - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
  • First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
  • DORIS Declares War on TZH - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
  • DORIS Forgets About War on TZH - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Banned - ...wait, what?
  • Sonny Banned - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
  • DEM to Discuss Reforms - Cool sigbars for all!
  • McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief - Good luck out there!
  • Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
  • Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections - Voter turnout expected to be low.
  • The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue - No, seriously.
  • Brainstock Moves - Update those URLs!
  • Sonny Not Banned - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.

Letter from the Editor

...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!

Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)

On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -Labine50

Interview with Al Bundy

Malton Observer: What's your character name?

Al Bundy: Al Bundy.

MO: Time in the UD?

AB: A few days

MO: Your history here; some information of your character.

AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman

MO: What about "No Ma'am"?

AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.

MO: You are the leader of that group?

AB: I am the leader.

MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?

AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see

MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?

AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful

MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?

AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.

MO: What can do the womens to stop that?

AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.

MO: You love "Married With Children," no?

AB: I love that show.

--Lt. Mesa

Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate

Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.

The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.

All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.


Fun Corner

Zombie Pickup Lines:

  • What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
  • I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
  • I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
  • Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
  • I love you for your brain.


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