Malton Rangers/News Archive

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Old News:

25 December After many battles the Malton Rangers are currently regrouping and deciding upon their next course of action. All Rangers should check the forums for details.

7 December After a glorious battle against The Second Big Bash at the Angerstein Building with their NMC brethren the Malton Rangers have decided to take a short break. They are now partying with their friends at the Quartly Library.

28 November Growing tired of waiting for the Second Big Bash in the safety of Fort Perryn the Malton Rangers staged a glorious last minute charge on Buckley Mall which was being sieged by the Bash. Due to little planning and the last minute nature of the operation the Rangers were slaughtered, but it was fun as hell. They are now regrouping and preparing for future assaults on the Bash.

18 November The Malton Rangers along with the glorious members of the NMC have set out to defend Fort Perryn and the surrounding area from hostile hordes. All Rangers are to report to the area immediately.

6 November The Malton Rangers have begun the campaign to clean up Scarletwood along with their NMC allies. All Rangers should report to the area immediately.

22 October The Rangers have begun operations in the Penny Heights/Fryerbank area and have already reclaimed Joachim Mall. All Rangers are to report to the area immediately.

16 October The Malton Rangers have moved into Central Malton in search of glorious battle. We're currently kicking ass in Roftwood and the surrounding area. Feel free to drop by and join in on the fun.

2 October After the glorious re-take of Calvert Mall and the burning and pillaging of all nearby zombies, the Rangers have re-set their sights onto the party in Dakerstown/Roywood. Come along and join the fun!

27 September The Rangers are currently re-inforcing control of Gatcombe, Calvert Mall and the surrounding infrastucture.

13 September The Rangers have struck at Calvert Mall and have retaken it. The shops are now open for everyones use.

22 August With North West Malton now in utter ruins the Rangers have been forced to retreat and regroup. After a quick resupply and a few beers they will head out again into glorious battle.

16 August With LUE having ruined nearly all of Yagoton the Rangers have decided to follow their path of devastation to Caiger Mall. All Malton Rangers are to proceed to Caiger Mall immediately to help in the defense against LUE.

7 August All Rangers are to proceed to Yagoton to help in the battle for the suburb.

13 July REGROUP! All Rangers regroup. Head to Shearbank immediately. - Ranger Command

05 July ALERT! ALERT! All Rangers are ordered to restock and immediately make your best speed for Nichols_Mall. Check out our forum for updated orders. - Ranger Command

27 June The Rangers help retake Ackland_Mall!!
25 June All active Rangers re-stock and move into the Ackland Area immediately. - Ranger Command

4 June All Rangers should head to Central Malton immediately. - Ranger Command

1 June Flaming june is upon us and the rangers are strengthening positions in the NW of malton, all new members are welcome in preperation for the summer offensive.

21 May Dunell Hills proper has now been secured and stabilized. The Malton Rangers along with other classy allies are now spreading out into surrounding suburbs in an attempt to reclaim the entirety of North West Malton. Operation: Nut Kick has begun. Please refer to your squad forums for details.

11 May With Yagoton and Caiger Mall firmly in survivor hands the Malton Rangers have decided to head for the hills and help out their ever classy allies the DHPD.

05 May The battle of Yagoton is won! thanks to our gracious, and quite attractive, allies the mission was a roaring success. We are supporting caiger mall for the moment though new orders will be released soon.

14 April As The Malton Rangers start Divide and Conquer, Deaths Embrace has called in their allies and they have stepped up their attacks on the Whatmore building Rangers should make it a priority to check the revive areas for any dead Rangers and get them back up as soon as possible.

13 April The Malton Rangers begin Operation Divide and Conquer. Members should refer to their squad forums for orders.

11 April Well Bale Mall has fallen due to the lack of local survivor presence. However the hugely attractive Padre Romero has led us on a new offensive at the whatmore building. Survivors now hold several key buildings inside yagoton and the Zombies are on the run!

6 April Bale Mall is ours!!!!

5 April Third time lucky. The Rangers prepare themselves, silently with skills born from the endless battle with the hordes the teams move into position awaiting the signal to strike.

4 april Gadzukes but this battle is taking its time. The rangers have made some headway in eastboundwood as a launching point for its third assault into yagoton. Several new faces in the rangers this past week which is always good to see, why don't you join yourself?

'28 march The rangers are still battling on inside yagoton, the fight is hard and long but where theres battle the rangers are happy! Come join us on attacks on bale mall and the style NT if you want to help or come onto the forum where a new face is always welcomed.

15 March

Charge!! are the words that rang around the safehouse, waking hungover rangers and making zombies flee. Yes a new battle has begun! the entire NMC is moving to yagoton to fight the zombies, drink the mead and to steal a local sculpture. So come along and join the party and don't forget to join the rangers right away!

8 March

Well i dont have much else to do so we're still fighting the good fight in the hills with the DHPD at our side. If your in or near dunnel hills why not join the rangers and help attack with co-ordinated and effective strikes!

6 March

The rangers are still fighting away in dunnel hills, pop down to west becktown for a safehouse; you might just see a ranger although those classy guys spend most of their time neck deep in zombies so are hard to spot.

22 February

After over a month of fighting Mall Tour 07 Finally bested us tonight. For shame, it was a good fight, with the survivors holding off tremendously well co-ordinated assaults until the PKers arrived. The Rangers are now off to fight in Dunell Hills with the DHPD. Check the board for details.

20 January

The rangers are off to do battle with MT07. Head on up to bale mall. We'll fight them until we break them! Give Em Hell!

16 January

Sounding the mighty war siren the Rangers are charging into Ridleybank as I type, we urge our allies, friends and fellow survivors to join us in this glorious charge! To Ridleybank my friends, to Ridleybank.

14 January 2007

After routing the EF the Rangers have moved into Nichols Mall to aide the USSR in their efforts to hold it.

8 January 2007

To usher in the new year the Rangers left the new found safety of Caiger Mall to assault the suburb of Eastonwood. The battle has picked up recently with Eastonwood Ferals joining the fight. We have sent a detachment to watch over Caiger Mall along with the C4NT and other members of the NMC.

26 December 2006 ANNOUNCEMENT: There has recently been a rise in people impersonating themselves as members of the Malton Rangers and griefing in the Caiger area. To make it clear, we DO NOT engage in such activity (come on, we worked our ass off to get the mall too, why the hell would we be griefing?) and if you spot ANY individual destroying generators and such inside a mall bearing the flag of the Malton Rangers, you have permission to kill them. It is recommended you add them to your contacts so you know to NOT revive them if they end up as a zombie, or even better, headshot them while they're waiting in the revive line.

25 December 2006

Campaign: Holiday Cheer (Operaton: Mall Santa) has just recieved its first major victory, and a glorious one it was indeed. The Rangers (along with DHPD, C4NT, CMS, and U.S. ARMY INFANTRY) liberated Caiger Mall after weeks of a guerilla offensive against the zombie scourge, and what a great day it was for Malton, just in time for Christmas. It couldn't have been better unless Jesus and Santa were there. Survivors in the area rapidly repopulated the mall and began to open presents beneath the Christmas Trees. In other news reports: The Mossad gave DickholeGuy three hundred swift kicks to the crotch for Christmas. December 25th will be the day where zombies attacking a mall is a thing of the past, remember, remember the 25th of December! Boy do my nuts Hurt! --General Lee A. Dickhole Malton Rangers 03:40, 25 December 2006 (UTC)

18th December 2006

Dickholeguy has announced formations of squads within the Rangers to keep the group as a whole more organized.

In recent news, sexual harrison has kicked dickholeguy in the nuts.

12th December 2006

As the opening to our Holiday Cheer Campaign, the Malton Rangers have successfuly secured the suburb of Yagoton and captured and held Bale Mall until it was sufficient enough for survivors in the district to repopulate the mall. As part of our creed, we are nomadic and do not have an HQ or hold territory. Operation Bail Out Bale is a success and Yagoton is safe once again (apart from a few ferals); the Rangers are pulling out of Yagoton and working on the ongoing Holiday Cheer Campaign.

10th December 2006

After losing nearly half the rangers in shearbank a general re-call has been called. Details of our new objective will be released soon, watch this space! or you could register on our forums, post on the rangers board if you are one or in the conference room if your there just for the fun and lederhosen.

26th November 2006

New Subgroup, the Power Rangers has been launched!

18 november 2006

Ridleybanks fun aint it? the blackmore and about half of the other buildings are in our hands and the others are hotly contested. come lend a hand if you feel like it, theres enough camp fire songs and free mead to kill a buffalo.

12 november 2006

We're helping the Quarlty Study Group take back there library aswell as sticking it to the zombies in the blackmore building. all new rangers come onto the forum!

08 november 2006

Congratulations on reaching 21 members! we're still fighting in the blackmore building and help is always appreciated. Nichols mall reeks of desire, always a calling point for rangers, if you dont fancy ridleybank help us in the mall!

03 november 2006

Life in ridleybank sure is fun, come down and join the rangers in a strike on the blackmore NT if your feeling brave! If your new to the rangers or we havent seen you for awihle pop onto the forum and we'll tell you where we're staying.

24 october 2006

Ackland Mall is in survivor hands but still suffers from breakins and the occasional rendition of walking on sunshine by the more liberal defenders. any help fighting here is dearly appreciated, if you join up now you'll be ready to fight by the time we go back to ridelybank!

22 october 2006

taking the fight to ackland mall! stay low in the surrounding buildings and barricade the mall whenever you have the AP. we will move in en masse as soon as a sufficient safety level is reached.

18 october 2006

Currently moving towards roachtown to help stabalise the situation in central malton. And to show our newer members how we fight in the rangers! if you want to come along, feel free. There'll be zombie brains and hotdogs for everyone!

NEWS UPDATE-- 6:56 AM, 12 July 2006 (EST) The Malton Mirror is spreading around their newest issue, get it at our distribution point ["Here at the MM HQ!"]-click-

27 June 2006 - The New Colossus!

ell, the coalition finally has a name - the New Malton Colossus - membership is growing and word is spreading. With the coalitions' high profile actions in Barrville, the snowball may really get rolling.

12 June 2006 - Catching Up

With the overwhelmingly successful liberation and defense of Ackland Mall finally winding down (see Battle of the Bear Pit), it's time the Rangers set their sights on a new target. The Rangers, along with their Allies at the Malton Rangers/C4NT joint forum and new friends found over the course of Bear Pits I & II, have formed a Coalition of a kind Malton has never seen - Over a dozen groups of the most hardened and experienced survivors, all with a track record of taking the fight right to the enemy.

The Malton Rangers are going around Malton spreading Holiday Cheer--robohomophobe Malton Rangers 12:38, 12 December 2006 (UTC)
okay xmas is over take this down like the xmas tree! --SexualharrisonMalton Rangers 05:05, 29 December 2006 (UTC)


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the malls,

Sexual Harrison was awake, ready to kick Dickholeguy in the balls.

The entrances were barricaded strongly with care,

In hopes that the undead would not show up there.

The Rangers were napping all drunk on the floor,

While Ron Burgundy wandered off to raid a liquor store.

With Shacknews over in Giddings and Caiger Mall totally fucked,

The sign leading into Malton now says, “Welcome to the suck.”

When behind the mall, I heard some commotion,

I sprang from the floor in one lightning quick motion,

Up to the glass door I scrambled to see,

An incredible spectacle, like seeing a sober Ron Burgundy.

The generator inside the building had the fuel running low

In order to power the mall with a vibrant yellow glow.

When, what next appeared before my eyes,

Eight flying reindeer, and this fat dude in the sky.

I recognized the man who sat in the back,

He looked like Kevan, except big, bald, and fat.

Faster than F-18’s those reindeers came,

As a festively plump version of Kevan called them out by name:

“Now Ebert! now, Roeper! Now, Gore and Clinton!

On, Edwards! On, Kerry! On Bush and on Nixon!

Away you zombies, pests and witches!

I’ll headshot you all, cause barhah is for bitches!”

Like crap through a goose the fat man arrived,

Everything was surreal I thought it was contrived.

Above the rooftops, Santa waved his shotgun in the air,

To bring down the hammer of a New Malton Colossus affair.

And then, with a thud, I heard through the ceiling

Santa bringing supplies for reviving and healing.

In admiration I gave out a low whistle,

As Santa head shot a zombie and then reload his pistol.

His eyes, how they twinked!

His chest was so hairy,

His cheeks were like roses, his noise like a cherry!

He carried a flask of scotch, perhaps for good luck,

And told me profanely about how much Pathetic Bill sucks.

The stump of a cigarette he held with his lips,

As he brought out axes with new and improved handle grips

He had a 12 gauge shotgun and many shells a plenty,

Guess how many zombies he killed before he came here, one hundred and twenty.

He was tough and loaded, a jolly old man who battled hell

He told the Rangers that he was a Caiger Mall fan before it fell;

After pouring concrete over the barricades, Santa turned to the Rangers and said,

“If no one else can free run into here, then they’re pretty much dead.”

He freeran to the roof after what he just did,

As Vito Don in the corner giggled like a five year old kid,

I looked out the window as Santa gave the zombies a farewell,

Multiple head shots and a rain of shotgun shells.

He hopped into his sleigh and flew off into the night

As quick as lightning, he was completely out of sight.

Above in the darkness, citizens of Maltons heard Santa shout:

“Merry Christmas everybody! Don’t let the zombies put the lights out!”

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