Malton World Cup Committee
|Malton World Cup Committee|
|Leadership:||Swedes need not apply|
|Goals:||To be a real boy Mister Geppetto|
|Recruitment Policy:||Stand in line for the bathroom|
|Contact:||We'll call you|
July 3rd, 2006
The Malton World Cup Committee, despite the match officials being heavily biased towards the zombies and a player sent off for stomping on a zee head, achieved a 4-4 draw after phenomenal performances from What's Happened, Shiv Jones and Zumm Zero. Ev2 played the goalkeeping position, and made some excellent saves despite having an injured arm, including a penalty as time expired to deny the win.
Some team members planned to escape Clapton Stadium at halftime, but the squad chose to carry on with the game and face certain death against overwhelming odds to make a point. In a bold move at full time though, the team managed to escape amidst the confusion caused by the zombie riot on the field. The current whereabouts of the Malton World Cup Committee is currently unknown, but wherever there a dream of fighting oppression against insurmountable odds, possibly with a football, rest assured they'll be there.
June 28th, 2006
FIFA has deployed the elite STARS Hooligans unit to Clapton Stadium to assist in crowd control and ensure a smooth game on Saturday. The Malton World Cup Committee welcomes this dedicated unit of soldiers, and is looking forward to kicking some zombie heads round the stadium in celebration of the event.
June 28th, 2006
Speaking today at the Malton World Cup Committee's press conference in Clapton Stadium, holding midfielder Zumm Zero called the football campaign a success so far, and pointed to the teams resolve to win the title. "The boys are rested and are now in deep preperations for Saturday's game. We're facing a tough opponent, and are just putting the finishing touches to our set piece defence, tweeking our formation slightly to accommodate some new players and generally making sure we have all the right tools to progress through to the semi-finals." Speaking about the spate of injuries suffered since the win, mostly incurred at the post-match party, and the area in general, Zumm commented: "What's Happened has shrugged off his thigh injury and will be 100% for the game, he's already up and running, putting the time in the gym. Gondo Gondo will be a match day decision. As you've probably seen, ev2 and Brando One have been blasting them away on the practice pitch so, yeah, we're feeling really confident. The ground is looking fantastic, the groundsmen have been working on it for about 5 days straight now, and the guys have even been hanging out at Pole Mall for recreation. They're happy because they can walk around it without getting hassled by roudy fans. The competitions really starting to come together for us." There were no Zombies available for comment.
June 26th, 2006
The second stage of the World Cup took place at Clapton Stadium yesterday, with the Malton World Cup Committee moving through to the quarter finals quite comfortably. Experimenting with a new lone striker formation, defender Zumm Zero scored the lone goal, while What's Happened played a remarkable game as the lone striker. Ev2 held the defence together nicely while teen sensation Gondo Gondo was held out the lineup with a virus. Slight technical hitches meant the broadcast was shaky at best, but supporters are now eagerly anticipating next weekends quarter-final fixture. In other news the undeadites explanation for their conduct was rejected by the governing body as the zombies in question were all wearing 'team' uniforms and, if the statement was true, and they had been committed to a fair game, the undeadite would have helped clear the stadium.
June 23rd, 2006
Members of the Malton World Cup Committee laughed off suggestions of unfair play from the Undeadites as they took Clapton Stadium for some light training. Pointing to the fact that the z-boys regularly tried to field 20+ players despite strict FIFA regulations calling for a maximum of 11, MWCC members dismissed the undeads comments as pure bad sportsmanship. "Quite simply, we divided down the number of confirmed kills per side with the number of players and came up with a fair result," said an official for the tournemant. "As for the horde leaving on its own accord, thats open to debate, but we wish them all the best in their future ransacking endeavours."
Undeadite spokes-zombies point out that most of the 20+ zombies gathered in the stadium were not part of the Undeadite team. Some confusion appears to have arisen. Zombies fear that they must all look alike to survivors. Grumbles of discrimination are heard among the zombie populace who has asked that the survivors now call them the "differently-living" rather than the undead.
June 22nd, 2006
Malton World Cup Committee players are enjoying some down time before the next stage of the World Cup kicks off on Sunday at Clapton Stadium. Fans of the Undeadites have been rioting in the suburbs of Stanbury Village and Buttonville since they were unceremoniously dumped out of the competition in the group stages, blaming everything from betting scandals and refereeing decisions to timetable irregularities. "All we're hearing are unfounded and bitter excuses," said one source close to the MWCC, "but the fact of the matter is that they didn't have the pace, the flare or the experience to compete in such a quality competition."
Undeadite coaches responded to the MWCC insinuations that they were disqualified by saying "hrmmm haruhf nnfo".
June 20th, 2006:
Malton World Cup Committee1-0 Undead
The MWCC fielded a mixed side in this token fixture, with Zumm sitting the game out due to a yellow card and ev2 being replaced by Brando One in the side due to a slight hamstring injury. What's Happened was replaced just after half-time and Shiv Jones was replaced in the 80th minute as the MWCC headed to an otherwise uneventful victory.
Sources from inside the zombie camp have said that after 1 loss and a draw, the Undeadites their chances of making it through to the next stage of the World Cup had passed and chose to contraversially leave the tournament. The coach has been sacked, and the team will now join Saudi Arabia vying for worst team in the tournemant.
June 19th, 2006
The Undeadites opt to pull out of West Grayside and Game 3 of the World Cup. The horde feels that they should not participate due to the controversy surrounding the prior games as well as the alledge book-making operation. Residents of West Grayside, Clapton Stadium, and Pole Mall laughed collectively at the reasoning, and pointed to their horrendous onfield play as the real reason.
June 16th, 2006
Malton World Cup Committee win 3-1.
Unbelievable scenes at the stadium last night. Rumours of disharmony in the Undeadites camp were proved founded when the z-boys turned out late for the kick off. Malton World Cup Committee's strikers What's Happened (3kills) and Shiv Jones (4kills) were rampant the whole match, but the game goes to left winger and newcomer Gondo Gondo, who, despite not having much first team experience, stepped in and scored three clean kills. Central defender Zumm Zero hit one and played an exceptional role in keeping the undead out, while goalkeeper ev2 was untroubled all game, even finding time to conduct in-game interviews. Shiv Jones summed up the game for Soccer FM 26.21 - "We weren't at our best, but we got the win and thats all that counts. We know there's better to come, we know we can play better and its a matter of going back to camp and preparing for Tuesday's game". The captain What's Happened, who was later sighted celebrating in the The Younghusband Arms, hailed Gondo Gondo as the 'future': "What can I say, he's terrific. He's got the whole package; speed, firepower, his defence needs working on but that'll come with experience. Tonight he was in the thick of it and pulled their defence apart. He's the future of this team no doubt." The team is back in camp, resting, before next Tuesday's game, set for 1700GMT, at Clapton Stadium.
June 14th, 2006 Stadiums filling up, the players from the Malton World Cup Committee have arrived in a local hotel and are currently resting before the big game at 1700GMT tomorrow. What's Happened, speaking to Soccer FM after the final training session, commented 'It's going to be a bloodbath', while golden boot candidate, Shiv Jones, sporting new signature shoes was quick to support What's comment: "We're going out to rip some heads off. Coach expects a dominant performance, and the fans deserve no less." The Undeadites were, as always, unavailable for comment.
Football FM 26.21will be broadcasting the game live from the stadium tomorrow.
+++WHAT'S HAPPENED PRESS RELEASE+++
Having been caught in flagerant violation of the rules What's Happened has issued a full appology to fans.
"I would like to take this opportunity to appologise to my teammates, family and fans who have travelled to see us play. I didn't realise this was in direct violation of FIFA rules and will not participate in rule breaking again, cheating is a very serious matter that I would not knowingly participate in'.
The Malton World Cup Committe has since ruled that although he will not suffer a 1 match ban, his 2 kills will be stricken from the record, thereby declaring the opening game a 3-3 draw. Next match 15.06.06.
June 12th, 2006 Kick-off for the second game has been scheduled for 1700 GMT on June 15. The mighty Malton World Cup Committee (with returning striker What's Happened now clean and a match-fit Gondo Gondo) face off against the hometown 'zamba boys' Undeadites and their legions of followers. Pundits expect a tense, but exciting game after the events of the opening match.
June 12, 2006 Contrary to earlier reports the tournament's leading striker Shiv Jones was at the stadium and playing in the opening day (netting two glorious goals). Left winger Gondo Gondo was in fact the afforementioned Malton World Cup Committee squad member left behind due to a calf strain which kept him out the event. He is undergoing physio and is assured of a place at Thursday's game.
June 9th, 2006 Opening ceremony took place without a hitch, fireworks went up and the tournament is underway!!!! Stands are full and the Malton World Cup Committee celerbated the opening day with a splendid 5-2 victory over the Undeadites zombie horde. Leading scorer and central striker What's Happened hit two (including one in the opening five minutes), central midfielder Shiv Jones hit two and Malton's world defensive player of the year Zumm Zero hit a decisive header to round off the win. Players are reported to be pleased with the result, with What's Happened quoted as saying "It was a great start, their defence was a bit shambolic, but you know our movement was good and it all went according to plan". Zumm said "You know, errm, well it was a great game. We had the upper hand, and, you know, we took it to them. Great opponents, great support and we look forward to our next game later in the week." An Undeadites team spokesman denied blatantly dive attempts, and indicated that their lackluster performance was due to their confusion over reports that What's Happened played the entire game as a zombie, thus rendering the final score 4-3 in favor of the zombie squad. This explosive news, following so closely on the heels of the MWCC bookmaking scandal, should make this World Cup a memorable one indeed!
June 8th, 2006 The results of the Malton World Cup Committee's medical scans are in and the prognosis is good. Our players are now over 300% ready for the opening game, and practicing our celebration dance move, dubbed 'The Zombie' (see pic). Reports from inside the tournament favourite and main rival Undeadites camp are that a number of the players are injured following pre-tournament celebrations. Its coming home.
June 5th, 2006 Two members of the Malton World Cup Committee, ev2 and What's Happened, were eaten by zombies along with fifteen others today in a daring daylight raid on a warehouse in Kempsterbank. At this time it is unclear what they were doing inside the warehouse, but authorities speculate that the warehouse may have served as a front for an illegal bookmaking operation. It is hoped that the World Cup games will not be delayed while the investigation continues.
June 1st, 2006 Less than 10 days to go before kick off. Our first round opponents have been named. Malton World Cup Committee v Undeadites. We are currently completing a couple of friendlies in neighbouring suburbs (and practicing our robotics for the ultimate celebration) and despite a few minor injuries, will be at full strength the kick-off.
May 26, 2006 Sustained some serious injuries while playing a friendly. Results of x-rays are being awaited, and top surgeons are being consulted. Tense times for the Malton World Cup Committee...
May 25, 2006 Three days in Clapton Stadium without much trouble. Zee activity is starting to thin out and Pole Mall is usable.
May 23, 2006 Massive build up of zombies (40+ reported), but the resistance is holding nicely. Mall safe and ground barricaded strongly in all corners. Pre-tournament training is going well.
May 22, 2006 Game of two halves. We're back in the stadium and having a knock around as we speak.
May 21, 2006 Due to unfortunate, but not unforseen, construction issues, Clapton Stadium had to be evacuated, and a subsequent local venue found for pre-World Cup preperations. We will be proceeding as normal and re-entering Clapton Stadium early in the upcoming week. Local developments such as Pole Mall are being held nicely.
May 19, 2006 With 21 days to go, training is underway, the stadium has been finished and the pitch laid. Despite a couple of random hooligan incidents (where the offending parties were forcibly removed from the stadium), and 5 zombies queuing outside for tickets (We operate a strict no ticket, no entry policy – only people with official tournament tickets, with the ‘free running’ logo printed on them, will be allowed inside), we are currently organizing 2 friendly matches to warm us up for the World Cup proper.
The dates are: