Welcome to McCloud's
The Dalley Library and a former librarian / human.
Knock loudly or run quickly. Your call.
McCloud's is a cozy, offbeat bar where firearms and tensions are checked at the door – traded in for cold beer, hot food, and the occasional chuckle.
The welcome is always genuine, the first drink’s always free, and the regulars are always happy to offer a barstool to random visitors … be they living, dead,
or somewhere painfully in-between.
See, a white cross on blue is the Scottish flag, not a bullseye. Those are different.
Established in 2005, McCloud’s was a humble Havercroft tavern dedicated to battling back the chill of Malton’s first plague-infested winter. Founder Ada McCloud, a resolute, cheery Scot (all our pubs still fly the highland colors in her honor) always made sure the beer was flowing and the plates were heavy with food. Despite quickly making a name for itself in the many suburbs of Malton, McCloud’s still struggled (like many) to thrive in the dawn of the zombie apocalypse. We couldn’t have made it this far without friends – and so we thank Axes High, the MFD, and the many independents who started as customers but quickly became allies and regulars. Here’s to ya!
Three Locations, One Warm Welcome
What started as a single tavern has evolved into a chain. We now have three locations, each with its own regulars, menu and ambience. All are considered neutral ground, so please – check your guns, knives, claws, teeth, and attitude at the door.
McCloud's of Peppardville
McCloud’s West: The original. This fixed-up warehouse in Havercroft slowly expanded to include St. Eligius's Church (the brew works), Club Traves (we needed a dance floor), and a nearby cemetery/patio (for zombies who couldn’t control their appetites). After a historic run as Havercroft’s hottest hot spot, McCloud's West has returned to the quieter feel of its early days, the result of management moving the main branch to Peppardville in 2006. Still, the doors of McCloud’s West remain open (figuratively, of course; we’re not dumb), and visitors can expect a roaring fireplace, hot stew, and plenty of cheer on long winter nights.
McCloud’s Pub: The flagship. Built among the stacks of the refurbished Dalley Library, this Peppardville pub plays host to most of our more renowned guests and management. Regulars range from grizzled veterans of Fort Creedy drinking quietly at the bar to the more macabre denizens of Malton moaning madly at the sky. The “main” McCloud’s has expanded to take over most of the nearby storefronts, and today counts Swansborough Plaza as a patio, Marshment Place Police Department as a shooting club, The Maine Building as a needleworks, the west Factory as our brew works, Scorse and Sanson cinemas as backrooms and Whetcombe Auto Repair as our entry point (please keep VSB).
McCloud’s Lamport: The franchise. Our Lamport Hills location operates out of The Hollwey Arms – and despite the fact it’s our newest location, it nonetheless has a long history. Before hanging the McCloud’s shingle, the pub was run by The Lamport Brewmasters, one of the oldest groups in Lamport Hills. We’re honored to partner with them to bring McCloud’s legendary service to our neighbors in North Malton. (Update: This franchise is currently struggling. Please excuse the broken windows, ravaged booths and complete lack of customers. World economic downturn, and all that. We’ll be back on our feet soonish.)
Though often “on sabbatical” (or given to long bouts of disappearing into the wine cellar), Ada McCloud can still be found moving between all three McCloud’s locations, ensuring only the best for her many customers.
Care to join our ragtag group? Speak to Holyman, Dont Touch Me, or Ms. Ada herself.
Our Brewmasters are constantly on the lookout for new recipes. Thanks to their diligence – and twisted experimentation – McCloud's will often boast seasonal specials in addition to typical pub fare:
Peppardville Favorites (KRB Holyman, Brewmaster)
- Holyman's Summer Cerveza (5%) – This seasonal brew has an appearance similar to a Pilsner. Malt character is subdued.
- Connolly Park Apple Cider (5.4%) – Fermented apple cider brewed with cinnamon and cardamom.
Celebrate the holidays in Cheery Cherry style.
- Imperial Stout (9%) – A dark blend of roasted malts and barley, with a strong overtone of malt flavours and hints of dark fruits. Resembles a chocolate dessert.
- Sleepy Hollow Pumpkin Brew (6.1%) – Our most popular seasonal brew. Mild taste, with little to no bitterness; a malty backbone; hints of cinnamon and clove.
- Oranjebier (5.5%) – Citrus in Malton? Maybe. Maybe not. Holyman won’t tell.
- Topsy Turvy Tan & Black (?%) – A slick combination of two twisted minds, this Holyman/Stark concoction was brewed to celebrate the Fourth of July, 2010.
- Cheery Cherry Stout (7%) – A warm and woozy concoction of hops, cherries, and the fermented (and possibly mildly poisonous) juice of a few fallen mistletoe sprigs.
Lamport Favorites (Val Stark, Brewmaster)
These brews are specially made in Sanson Cinema by Brewmaster Stark, in accordance with The Lamport Brewmasters.
- Lamport Gold (4.8%) – Our golden Kolsch style ale is both crisp and refreshing. One of our most popular beers!
- Malton Brown (5.1%) – A rich English-style brown ale, inspired by a certain Food Network celebrity chef.
Imperial Stout: A True Havercroft Original
Zombies get an extra shot. Ha-ha.
Puts hair on your chest. Scottish hair.
- Headshot IPA (5.5%) – A surprisingly drinkable American style IPA. 1 AP to drink. 6 AP to stand.
- Three Pubs Tripel (9%) – A Belgian style Tripel. This beer is closely guarded and reserved for special customers and McCloud's Pub regulars.
- Red Shirt Ale (5.3%) – A well-balanced Amber. Fans of Arsenal tend to love it. Fans of Star Trek tend to avoid it.
Havercroft Bar Selections (Danella D, Bartender):
- Imperial Stout (9%) – Havercroft's most famous brew! This is the drink that put us on the map. Then the floor.
- Fruit Infused Liquor – Like the name says. And yes, figs are a fruit.
- Winter Kilt – Aged Scotch with cocoa bean infusion. Perfect for cold Malton winters! Limited availability.
From the Grill
Man can’t live on beer alone -– and zombies can’t live on man alone. Or maybe they can. In any event, McCloud’s also features a fairly hearty food menu. Assuming you think of rats as food. And sooner or later, you probably will.
Look, enough alcohol can make almost anything taste good. Almost.
Daily Specials from dtm and Danella:
- Spicy Grilled Rabbit – Freshly caught rabbit covered in curry dry rub. Served with a side of fauxtatoes® and fresh-ish fruit.
- Rat Burger – Best burger in Malton! Ground rat meat cooked to order, on your choice of bun, with the occasionally looted tomato.
- Curry spiced grilled vegetables – A seasonal blend of curried and grilled tomatoes, corn and zucchini. Can be served as a side.
- Stout Winter Stew – A seasonal special, whipped up by Danella D. And fortified, in no small part, from her reserve of Imperial Stout.
Specialty Items from Ada:
- Spam Sushi – We have a variety of recipes. Please ask about daily specials.
- Stuffed Jalapenos – Roasted Jalapenos stuffed with cheese, spam and spices.
- Tea and cake or death! – Courtesy of Jesus on Speed. Don’t ask.
Since the summer of 2008, McCloud’s has served as home base for The band styx.
While the band still gigs on a regular basis, in between tours you can usually find them reading adult periodicals in the Dalley magazine racks. Though the groupie-toting five piece humbly shuns the mantle of “McCloud’s house band,” they warmly embrace the title of “McCloud’s perpetually sold-out and super amazingest stadium band.” Swing by and make a request. If they’re sober, they may just honor it. (Note: Dennis DeYoung’s hair is highly Aqua-Netted® and awesomely flammable. Please use caution when approaching with flare guns.)
Can we play your middle guy?
In addition to live music, since August 2011 McClouds has hosted the only working Galaga® cabinet arcade game in all of Malton. Friday nights are High Score nights – all are welcome. Please, no slugs.
Also, we occasionally host the odd party, tour, race, seige or book club. In short, something fun is always happening. Usually. You never know.
Tips from Ms. McCloud
- Wipe your feet. It’s a dirty world out there.
- Weapons at the door, please. No PK'ing, RK'ing, GK'ing, or ZK'ing. All locations are neutral ground. Violations are grounds for immediate ejection.
- No need to be shy in my place. Just say hi. First drink is on the house.
- Look for us when the generator is on – that means we’ll have ice & freshly grilled food.
- Rain, shine or siege, our patio locations are always open. With regrets, we only serve zeds al fresco. Safety first, right?
Take it outside, bitey types.
“The power of Christ compels you! (Takes a sip) Because it pleases the Lord, I've transmogrified it into Zima.”
– Pope Corpse XVIII
“Of course we have tea. I found it in a junk shop one neighborhood over. I can't find any sugar, but there's whiskey for taste."
– Kari Mad
"If you see a shambler in the alleyway wearing a sombrero & little else, dancing a jig, that'll be me."
– EV Mitchell
"It’s yet another day in Malton. Beer, please."
– G Man 77
“What can we say? We’re rock stars. We’re not that smart.”
– The Band Styx
"I feel pine fresh and I'm lovin’ it."
"(The beaver slapped you with a newspaper.)"
– A shaved beaver
A McCloud's Timeline
2014 Jan 15 – The first of several appearances of don't touch me's PKing doppelgänger. It was funny before it got dumb.
2012 May 24 – McCloud's Peppardville unwittingly hosts a game of Malton Globetrotter murderball. To be fair, we didn't know the rules.
2012 Feb 8 – Massive McCloud's Wiki page update.
2011 Dec 25 – We celebrate Christmas with Holyman’s new Cheery Cherry Stout, which causes many of us to see colored lights.
2010 July 4 – Holyman and Val combine forces to introduce a new beer to the franchise: The Topsy-Turvy Black & Tan.
2010 May 28 – McCloud’s Peppardville hosts a rare “meeting of the pubs” with longtime regulars from Havercroft popping in for a drink.
2009 Sep 26 – The Lamport Brewmasters open McCloud's third pub in Lamport Hills.
2009 Mar 15 – McCloud's Peppardville once again opens its doors to the public.
2009 Mar 09 – McCloud's Peppardvile experiences unwanted renovations as The RRF strikes out in the 2009 leg of its Siege Tour.
2008 Oct 31 – McCloud's Annual Halloween Party and costume contest with our special guests, the Quartly Study Group.
2008 Oct 30 – In celebration of Devil's Night, we hold our Oranjebier brew keg tapping ceremony.
2008 Sep 05 – McCloud's welcomes Styx on the second leg of their Malton Malls tour.
2008 Apr 18 – Both McCloud's locations experience involuntary remodeling at this time.
2008 Mar 20 – McCloud's Peppardville welcomes FANNY for happy hour
2008 Mar 06 – McCloud's Peppardville has an involuntary zombie party
2008 Feb 24 – Blackout Party - Ooooh, glowing drinks!
2007 Dec 01 – McCloud's lets down their hair by de-’cading and partying with the QSG
2007 Aug 07 – Open House at McCloud's Havercroft
2007 Jun 26 – McCloud's Havercroft hosts the 1st stop on the Rambling Drunks bar crawl
2007 May 29 – A forum is launched!
2007 Apr 20 – McCloud's Peppardville welcomes the CDF for happy hour
2007 Apr 16 – Founder's Day
2007 Apr 02 – McCloud's Peppardville marks over 50 survivors inside
2007 Mar 17 – A Happy St. Pat's Party held at McCloud's Peppardville
2007 Feb 13 – McCloud's Peppardville welcomes NEDM
2007 Jan 24 – McCloud's Peppardville adds an official Game Room
2007 Jan 23 – Outdoor patio service reopened at both locations
2007 Jan 06 – New discussion board opened
2006 Dec 31 – Happy New Year's Eve Party in Peppardville
2006 Nov 19 – "McCloud's Pub" appears on the Game Stats page
2006 Nov 07 – McCloud's launches a Wiki page
2006 Oct 30 – McCloud's Peppardville welcomes the Quartly Study Group
2006 May 23 – Grand Opening of McCloud's (Peppardville)
2005 Nov 06 – Informal beginnings of McCloud's West (Havercroft)
Subject to change, death, intoxication, dismissal, and likely obsolescence.
Though hardly boasting the class menagerie of The Malton Zookeepers, McCloud's has nonetheless amassed a collection of furry friends. At present we host a llama, a beaver, an invisible bunny, the occasional garbage-eating monster and enough rats to keep the deep fryer busy for weeks on end.
Also, watch your step.
Many will enter. Few will win.
McCloud's would not be the same without our regulars. All those listed below are entitled to a complimentary shot and the privilege of using McCloud's Pub in their group name.
A Shaved Beaver, Agent Skye, An Invisible Bunny, b0seiju, Carrion Jack, Chevy Jackson, deathnut, dont touch me, Dorian Constantine, Drop Dead Sexy, Dylan Goodman, Hobo With A Fire Axe, Jason Quick, KRB Bagel, KRB Holyman, Matt Shannon, Mr Stik, NonDescriptScout, OnionDoc, Quinn Inuit, shaolin kung pao, SweetOne, TacticalWolf, The Band Styx, The Dalley Llama, William Wolfjager, xakthos
M.I.A., on sabbatical, or drunk in some distant corner:
Ada McCloud, Allysinnia, Andrea Aideen, Anna Jones, Ash Ketchup, Auggie Doodlehoffer, Bebe Everton, Big Toddo, Bodici22, Brainzog Nuttchoppah, Burly Bob, ccgrend, CloudStrife3361, Cobra Bubbles, Corporal T Wells, Dadarian11, Dan Devito, Danella D, Daramulun, Delilah Jane, Dian Cecht, d00g, Enoch the Watcher, Ethan Clien, EV Mitchell, EveDE, Firenze Templar, Frank Blackwell, Fuk Ewe, G Man 77, Gaschambergerhart, Gia Aliya, Gladius, godofodd, hanatauro, HardcoreWP, Heroic Nonsense, Hikari Kisugi, Holli Johnston, Ickle Susie, Ingrid Nuyland, IHTFP, Irisha, JustAxing, Jesus on Speed (JoS), Jimmyjunk, Johnsen, jurgen o brainy, kari mad, Kaylee Pastis, Kobobo Paleface, lanamin, Little Matchstick Girl (LMG), Masuhiro, Mojito Joe, MollieDE, Muuuurgh, Nicks, northlandspig, parratrooper, Piemancer, Red Hotpants, Rhaman, Reggie Boy, Roger Schmitt, rowan mayfair, Rufina Rum, s1ran07, Sammyslingblade, Skye666, Slash Wombat, Sparky Demented, Spastic Bastard, Sotalia, Stan Franknenstein, theaterzombie, tingsoon1, Tom Barclay, Thickaway, Vincent Montgomery, Volrak, Wolfe Tone 4.
Nominations for this list should be given to Ada, dtm or Holyman. No self-nominations, please.
Once a member, please be sure to update your profile group tag properly: McCloud's Pub. And if you have a wiki page, please consider adding the following badge: