Middle Aged Furry Parkour and Crossbow Club
| The Middle Aged Furry Parkour and Crossbow Club | |
| |
| Abbreviation: | MAFPACC |
| Group Numbers: | Small, but Feisty! |
| Leadership: | Harold "Big Bear" Johnson (currently MIA.) |
| Goals: | Make Malton Critter-Friendly |
| Recruitment Policy: | Stand in line for the bathroom |
| Contact: | We'll call you |
The Middle Aged Furry Parkour and Crossbow Club Theme Song
In the lively streets of Malton in the middle of the night,
You get the funny feeling that something isn't right.
A figure overhead jumps from buldings up on high!
It's the coming of a crossbow-wielding furry parkour guy!
They stalk the city's rooftops hunting targets for big points,
But they're pushing 40 now, and they feel it in their joints,
That doesn't stop them dressing in a debonaire disguise!
Hooray for all the crossbow-wielding furry parkour guys!
So when the boredom strikes you and you don't know what to do,
Then Big Bear Johnson and his friends have just the thing for you.
Just find yourself a comfy, fuzzy costume in your size,
And come join us, the crossbow-wielding furry parkour guys!
Pre-Quarantine History
 |
Short-wave Radio Info |
| This group or location has a dedicated radio frequency.
Frequency: 26.40 MHz |
Founded by Harold "Big Bear" Johnson,The Middle Aged Furry Parkour and Crossbow Club (MAFPACC) began several years before the quarantine of Malton. As a public access cable show on Voller Cable's Channel 22, the members would film their illegal crossbow target competitions across various Malton building rooftops. The members would wear mascot costumes to remain anonymous, and the films of their misadventures and the resulting police foot chases quickly gathered a large cult following.
The program ran for almost 5 seasons and was a big hit, just edging out The Malton Sunflowers, an over 65 naturist program, for Channel 22's top ratings spot. The show came to an abrupt end when a time slot dispute with the Malton Sunflowers resulted in what has come to be known as "The McKracken Incident" and the arrest of Harold Johnson. The members of the club, their guiding light gone, disbanded and returned to their normal, costumeless lives.
The McKracken Incident
Named for the 72 year old host of the Malton Sunflowers, Berny McKracken, the McKracken Incident began when Berny ran over his allotted time taking calls for the upcoming Fun in the Sun Jamboree. After waiting impatiently for nearly ten minutes, Harold took matters into his own hands and attempted to remove Berny forcefully from the set. Onlookers and fans of both programs watched in amazement as a very awkward scuffle between the 72 year old, nude McKracken and the bear-costumed Johnson ensued. They wrestled and exchanged vulgarities for several minutes before Johnson's crossbow accidentally discharged into the elderly McKracken's buttocks. The police and fire departments arrived soon after, and McKracken was taken off to the hospital while Johnson was taken into custody by the police. Since then Johnson has been MIA.
Present Day
Operating from the Voller Towers, former offices and local studio for Voller Cable, the MAFPACCers seem to have primarily focused their efforts on the defense of the Malton Suburb of Pennville since the quarantine. While these activities seem to be perfectly benign, several urban legend and conspiracy theory web sites have speculated that the MAFPACCers are actually the result of a failed government super soldier program and further hypothesize that they were deployed to Malton for some unknown and perhaps sinister reason by the same high-ranking officials of the federal government's Homeland Security division responsible for the quarantine of Malton. These individuals cite "The McKracken Incident" as proof of their theories, claiming that Berny McKracken is an alias for Phil Upgood McKracken a supposedly high-ranking official in the Church of Scientology. Some within Malton feel that the ability of McKracken and his followers to move throughout the streets of the city unmolested by zombies is ironclad proof of these affiliations, but others have speculated that this is likely due to the fact that the senior citizen naturists are largely indistinguishable from the zombies themselves. Either way, McCracken has masterfully utilized this strange phenomenon to reorganize his flock into a sort of nude "Pony Express" messenger service within the confines of Malton referred to as the Sunflower Express.
MAFPACCers have been sighted throughout Malton, most frequently in malls and shops where they appear to be desperately searching for crossbows, bolts, and mascot costume cleanser (known for its unique ability to remove stains of all types including those caused by blood, undead residue, scritching, and yiffing). They appear to be slowly making their presence known through a tagging campaign that may be intended to locate new recruits. Those wishing to contact the MAFPACC are most likely to find them at their Voller Towers clubhouse, also affectionately referred to as "The Parkouring Lot".
2007
The first Parkours find their old costumes and, for old time's sake, try them on. Even though the members are spread throughout the city, the call goes out, and the individual members slowly make their way back to Voller Towers.
2008
After assisting in the reclamation of Fort Perryn, the Parkours make their presence known in lower Pennville and begin daily performances for grateful onlookers.
Revives
The Club semi-regularly revives friendlies at the semi-active revive point in the Whittenside cemetery [87, 90]. You can request a revival on our discussion page. Alternately, make sure that you ask for a revival in your profile, and you better not be a PKer.
shakes fist
No PKers!
Interviews
An Excerpt from the Final Interview with "Big Bear" Johnson by Babs Walters
Johnson: Many people think that we're just a bunch of crackpots.
*Silence*
Babs: ...But...
Johnson: I'm sorry?
Babs: People usually follow a statement like that with "but" and then a statement to the contrary.
*Awkward Silence*
Johnson: Really? I never noticed that. How interesting.
