|Queer Jew are no longer active. Its group page is preserved for archival purposes. Please do not edit this page. This group was reported inactive on 01:49, 24 January December 2010 (UTC) Not Inactive?|
|Group Numbers:||28 and growing|
|Goals:||zombie destruction innit|
|Recruitment Policy:||We're not fussy|
|Contact:||See Public Comment at bottom of page|
Important news for visitors to Chaffey Alley PD
Queer Jew welcomes all of our guests at Chaffey Alley Police Department, but we respectfully ask that those enjoying our hospitality remain mindful that we do not expect or allow any murdering within our cultural and spiritual home. Any PKer or PK-hunting groups should refrain from shedding blood while they stay with us.
Please note the member known as "Not" has now been ejected from Queer Jews, he has started his own splinter group called Queer Jew Renegades
Back to the page
Protect me, O God, for I place my trust in thee. (Psalms 134:3; 8:10; 16:1.)
Malton, present day:
Dawn is called in by the groans of a cursed city. SuXX0r1978 slowly rises from his sidewalk deathbed. 10 APs to haul the level one zed to a barely vertical position. A pair of wire cutters and a fire axe hang ineffectually from his arms like morbid toys on an infant's mobile. The faraway chugging of a generator causes synapses to misfire through the sluggish corridors of a once keen intellect.
Two days ago, there was a fireman. There was a lone zombie, and there was a battle. A bite and an infection. Suxx0r1978 had crawled into the musty security of a warehouse, only to find himself without the strength to close the doors that could have saved him. As darkness fell, there was a choked prayer.
These memories are now locked within a vault, buried deep within the desert of a disintegrating memory. Dying eyes stare blankly at the tools from a past life. The drone of the generator is the sound of sustenance, the compelling notes of a siren's ballad. Without comprehension or resolve, the first spastic steps are taken, and the corpse jerks into motion as if starring in a cheap animated movie.
A shadow flickers behind the creaking remnants of SuXX0r1978
Metal cuts into the air as it swings towards purification. Another rotten head explodes onto the rancid streets of Malton. The brains trickle along the kerb, and join the unholy soup that swills deep in the sewers. One less zed bastard to chow down on the Children of Israel.
"Honey, let me know when you're through kashering that corpse?"
The shadow retreats, and dissolves into the sickly morning sunlight. Just another Queer Jew day.
The Moon Gang
At the heart of Queer Jew is the Moon Gang, the raggle-taggle posse of psychotic zombie-rapers that gives the group its edge. Led by the unflinchingly ruthless matriarch, Nana Moon, the Moon Gang are living proof that the family that slays together stays together.
Nana Moon, earlier today
Nana Moon is viciously protective of her brood and they, in turn, are fiercely loyal to their Nana.
"Remember, killing a queer jew is both anti-semitic and homophobic."
"It's a Queer Jew thang... you wouldn't understand."
"Queer Jew: putting the 'men' back in Menorah."
"I was just another lost survivor, wandering the streets, being killed and revived, no idea where my next AP was coming from. It was a cold, lonely, brain-destroying existence, believe you me. There were times I thought of going over to the other side, eating a few innocent citizens, playing barricades like conga drums and generally booking my ticket to Hell. But everything changed when I joined Queer Jew: now I'm not allowed to eat bacon!" (Neil, age 21, The Younghusband Arms, West Grayside)
"All my life I wanted to be a driving instructor. When a level 20 Zombie ate my examiner's face up during the Mobile Hazard Avoidance section of my IAM advanced driving test, I never thought I would recover. Then I met Queer Jew's John Fish, who taught me that filleting the undead with a rusty fire axe can be just as rewarding as advanced skid work or receiving fellatio from a man named Goldstein. Also, I now control Hollywood." (Alberto, aged 9, A Warehouse, Yagoton)
|Queer Jews||The Moon Gang|
Queer Jew are currently seeking out a suitable suburb for a base of operations, until then members have been reported cottaging at the following locations:
- Spreat Alley School [52, 72] - Kempsterbank (NO RECENT CONFIRMED QJ PRESENCE)--Not 16:28, 24 Jan 2006 (GMT)
- Sabine Towers [47, 75] - Tapton (NO RECENT CONFIRMED QJ PRESENCE)--Not 16:28, 24 Jan 2006 (GMT)
- Chaffey Alley Police Dept [74, 32] - Heytown
- Sanson Cinema [76, 42] (Revive Point) in Peppardville(CLOSING DOWN)
- Harnap Cinema [82, 38] (New Revive Point) in Spracklington (CURRENTLY DESERTED)--Not 16:24, 31 Jan 2006 (GMT)
Wanted... Dead preferably
Sworn Enemies of QJ, yeah, you hit one of us and the whole posse gonna whip yo' ass. We're like the Hell's Angels in that regard. Actually, similar beards too now I come to think of it.
- Hank Wimbleton - killed Susan Sarandon as she slept in Ackland Mall
- Test Subject 5646 murdered Threenines as he slept (not sure where; Threenines likes a Scotch or two)
- fernandoalonso attacked Hubba Moon as he slept after a valiant and prolonged zombie battle in Galbraith Hills
- p4s70r PKed Skeeter Moon when he weren't doin' nuthin'. Shoot on sight.
- Pastepot Pete PKed General Apathy for no apparent reason. Kill the scumbag.
- Palmer1 Foolish enough to tangle with Skeeter and got a fistful of caps in his ass. Take him down.
- Gray Katern - Had a pop at Flymetothe Moon, and was duly assasinated. Don't fuck with Jews good with colours!
- Z KILLA449 - Killed Mac Moon - use of unnessecary violence in murdering this shitehawk has been aprooved.
- Ahri - high level named zombie with infectious bite, don't get stuck in a room with him, he bit Hubba Fett who was holed up in a VSB safehouse. Meatnog is another similar.
- Sawney Bean - Attacked Treenines outside a PD in Havercroft. After Treenines had killed one zed and hacked a second down to 1AP to save the PD. Kill the fucker on sight.
- zKavenja - Attacked not when he was gallantly saving him from zombie death, and then legged it. At Rawkins plaza just outside Chaffey Alley. "Member" of the Scavengers. Definately deserves a slap if you see him.
- uvalkyrie - Killed froopyscot when he was standing outside Chaffey. Cnut.
I am not aware of any such member in our group Names Zkavenja. We'll be sure to give him a giant fucking lump if we see him too. I have a full list of our members, and he's not on it. Ive conferred with armadox and we're with you on this one. We dont know who he is. If we see him, we'll ice him, and notify you of his location so you can ice his zombie ass shitloads of times, rev him, then ice his ass again. -Kaein
Actually he's currently residing in Chaffey Alley - I was sleeping and when I woke up he'd stuck his axe into me many times but failed to finish the job. Naturally I was slightly annoyed. I popped a few caps in his fat arse as a warning and then stopped to see his reaction - which so far has been to patch up his wounds and pout. The only reason he hasn't been offed so far is because of my respect for the alliance between our two groups. In light of this news, today may be a fun day. --Not 10:01, 23 Jan 2006 (GMT)
Hehe, go Dr. Not! -Kaein
Added some profile links of the unlinked ones--HVLD 03:01, 25 April 2006 (BST)
Any QJ's still rockin Chaffey? I suggest we regroup to get an idea of numbers. the benway 21:44 08 May 2006 [BST]
Any member of the community may post comments and/or requests here. Please include timestamp, UD username and link to your profile... if you want or alternatively don't
- Greetings! I am interested in meeting up and joining your group. I'm currently in Chaffey police department, and would like to chat with a representative! If thats ok? - User: Capeking, 14:)1 GMT, 16 Dec 07
- Hi guys. You guys have been on my 'to meet' list for quite a while because quite franctly, I like your group name and you have style. Meeting and chatting to the Moon Gang should be a hoot. I hope I get to see you folks in times to come. DanceDanceRevolution 12:47, 22 September 2007 (BST)
- One of your members Skeeter Moon PK'd me in Santlerville yesterday, no reason given. It would appear that you aren't a PKer group so an explanation is required. You have to know a revenge kill is coming - an unprovoked attack can not go unpunished. Krayzee, The Dribbling Beavers 29 Aug 2006
- To whom this may concern, My name is Armadox Lazardi Xmachina, Butcher of Heytown, Leader of the Scavengers. I have been waiting in the Chaffey Alley Police Dept, for a representative of your guild. I will wait for one week (ending Sunday, March 26,2006), please send someone to negotiate a plan of action. I will not allow what happened during the mall tour to happen again to MY suburb.
- My humble apologies for posting on your page, but we of The Legion have been trying to contact your honorable group for the longest time to no avail. If you are interested in opening a dialogue, please post in our Public Comment section on our Wiki page. Apologies again for this edit, I vow this will not occur again. -SCOS OJ, Legion Consul for Life
- Our Legion is honored that Queer Jew has chosen to add a Public Comment section like ours. We invite any and all Queer Jew members to join The Legion in Santlerville, where we are presently organized and operating in. We further invite a member of Queer Jew with the authority to conclude agreements on behalf of Queer Jew to enter into a dialogue with The Legion in order to establish formal relations between our organizations with the aim of an eventual cooperation agreement or other compact. SCOS OJ, Legion Consul for Life, 1037 GMT, December 8, 2005.
- As per our previous communication, The Legion can 'enter into a dialogue' with Queer Jew by emailing Queerjewhq@hotmail.com.
- I left an appeal on your discussion page --Grim s 03:55, 22 Dec 2005 (GMT)
- This is the most beautiful group I've ever seen, oh yes. -V Cent 21:37, 21 Jan 2006 (GMT)
- I'd like to thank Queer Jew for the revive. I have joined your group, and serve at the pleasure of your leader. kovax :-)
- How does one go about joining the Queer Jews? I'm very much interested in being part of such a noble group. P.S. Is zombie meat kosher? -- rolandofthewhite 08:04, 29 Jan 2006 (CST)
- "Queer Jew" was the name suggested by |John Lennon, when asked what Brian Epstein should title his autobiography.
- Alright Rolando? First change your group in your profile to Queer Jew. Then I recommend you get yourself over to the Chaffey PD in Heytown. You should see some of our members there. Introduce yourself, hang out with us, make yourself useful. Add your character name to this wiki page in the members section. I'll add you to my contacts list and keep an eye out for ya.--Not 11:09, 31 Jan 2006 (GMT)
- So Skeeter Moon destroys Generators. Destroys the hopes of humans trying to survuve ans bring their loved ones back from undeath. Is that the view of all of you? If I kill Skeeter Moon is that an attack on all of you or is he a secret Zed ally? Oh and by the way, if the Jew thing means anything to you chaverim, Masada is not dead but I don't think you are its defenders!
- I'm a Jew, man, but I ain't no queer. I just help them out when they're busy. That out of the way, I'm gay for joining up with all you bearded bastards and showing the closet Gentiles the three Jewish S's. (Stealing, shunning, and Sarah Silverman.) Jacob Cohen, out by Heytown alright--just left the Caffey PD, funny coincidence. Anywho, I'll try to sidle me way back in tomorrow and have a word with one of yas sometime tomorrow.
- I heartily endorse Queer Jew - until someone comes up with a group for wheelchair-bound Mormon lesbians. --Cal 10:09, 7 Feb 2006 (GMT)
- We call that group "Democrats". Oh snap!
- Hello, this is Saromu, former Councilor, leader of the Renegades, member of PARA, and co-founder of the Alliance of Giddings. The Queer Jews have fought bravely and hard at Giddings Mall in January and we'd like to know if you're interested in joining us. Thank you.
- How does a young up and coming soldier join 'Queer Jews' - I'm not queer or Jewish but have an insatiable appetite for bagels, chicken soup, and slingback sandals - can you help? --Big Ian 2 14:06, 15 Feb 2006 (GMT)
- Anybody holed up in the Chaffey Alley PD should know that it's been breached. I've done what I can, but there's still 3 zombies left (one with a flak jacket and 4 hp) and I only managed to get the barricades back up to lightly. Be warned. 22:56, 16 Feb 2006 (GMT)
- Update: Chaffey has been smashed, no barricades and 17 zombies inside. Avoid it. 21:13, 17 February 2006 (GMT)
- Has Chaffey been retaken? It's at very strongly barricaded right now... And I happen to be a corpse. If you guys are in there, I'm at St. Onuphrius' Church, and a revive would be very much appreciated. Thanks! --- Jocelyn Kazlov
- Mosoltov! I am Moses Mcclaine http://www.urbandead.com/profile.cgi?id=769893, I'm here to smite the fear of Solomon into these dirty god damn zeds, I'd like to join you guys in your fight. 23:05 21/02/07 GMT
- Hey QJs, are you guys still active in Heytown? I left a message on your talk page a few weeks ago, but never got a reply. --Sexy Rexy Grossman 19:06, 4 March 2007 (UTC)
- Same question as above: are you and your group active? The NW of Heytown is currently crawling with Zombies coming across from Huntley Heights and Randallbank. Zombie "outreach" runs happen from St. Matthew's Hospital (Santlerville) but it really would take a group of your size to bring the danger levels of the surrounding suburbs down.--Sunil 01:04, 4 April 2007 (BST)