RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Main10102

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MHS: When the Bash started, the zombie:food ratio was only 35:65. Now, Escape is gone, downtown is secure, and Malton is currently mostly red, thanks to the Bash’s efforts. Are we witnessing a new era of Zombie dominance?

Aichon:Well, to be fair, it wasn't just the Bash that did it; we were merely the ones that helped to tip the scale. I'm of the opinion that having one extra horde in addition to the ones we currently have makes all the difference between merely holding our own and absolutely dominating. Coming into it, we all kinda knew that Big Bash 3 was going to tip the scale, but, if this game is meant to survive, zombies can't dominate forever any more than survivors should. We've had our fun, we've shown the harmanz what we can and will do if they push us too far or try to take too much for themselves, and now our time is at an end, as well it should be.

For at least awhile, zombies will have dominance. After that though, who knows? Here's hoping!

Bisfan:We can't take away from the efforts of the hordes of Malton. The Bash as an event has messed stuff up fantastically well, but it's the dedicated hordes of Malton that keep the city dangerous. Is this a new era of zambah dominance? Not really...we all know that in the end, only the zambahz can win anyway; sure, you can revive a zambah, but there is *no* cure. We may hit some speedhumps on the road to victory, periods where it feels like the harmanz are dominating, but every zambah knows that when that occurs, it just means there's more food...and more opportunities for glorious slaughter.

Will the current zambah dominant ratio continue? Only time will tell. But when the final reckoning has occurred, we all know that all flesh will have been eaten...

Amber:love your choice of words there. Lately I've taken to ordering humans to RAHN! GAHN, RAHN!

I'll let you in on a "secret" that a very old zombie once told me: This city has always been ruled by death. Humans just refuse to accept it. Whether it's one barn, Gr!gg, or some random bazaar, when a zombie tells you "-!Z ARHZ" you have a choice: you can either accept it, ambrahz Barhah and join in the feast with your undead overlords, or shuffle off and stand in line waiting for a needle like a wretched little mrh cow.

And I don't think there's any reason for zombies to humor this trenchcoated delusion that they're second class citizens. I mean, sure it's hard being a babah and getting to secured doors and not being able to open them but it's all part of the learning process. If survivors weren't spoon fed this ridiculous notion that a zombie apocalypse is supposed to be their chance to be a hero, maybe they'd learn to adapt like we had to in the early days of the outbreak. Sure we might look and smell offensive and drool a little on occasion, but we're physically and intellectually superior to humans. We don't need FAKtories. We don't need drugs or guns. And this concept of a "safe house" is just absurd. I'm not calling survivors dumb...but I don't think there's any reason to believe that a life of fear, frustration and anxiety is in any way superior to reveling in undeath. I mean if you're into that sort of thing, that's fine. But zombies just have more fun and clearly this is the more intelligent lifestyle choice in Malton.

Skoll:I'd say with the lower population number and the generally higher coordination amongst the zombie hordes needed to be effective, as well as the definite zombie bias in Urban Dead, theres no question of zombie dominance. Its never a matter of holding us back, its a matter of how long it takes us to eat you.

MHS: Now everyone knows what happens at a Big Bash party, stays at a Big Bash party. But…you can tell us at least one story? Right? Off the record?

Aichon: Honestly, it's kinda a haze. I think it's all the oxygenated blood I've been consuming. Beats the scraps I'm used to, but it does have a tendency to make the lights sparkle and noises sound like they're coming from inside a long tunnel.

Bisfan: Well, you didn't hear it from me, but let's just say Aichon, Moonie and Amber doing a scene perfect re-enactment of Zombie Strippers in the back room was something to behold...or did I just imagine that?

Amber: If you've got more booze...

Skoll: If I told you, I'd have to kill you. That and I don't need anymore charges brought against me.

MHS: Some so-called experts believe that harmanz are slowly being hunted to extinction, and that mega-hordes such as the Bash not only show a distinct lack of foresight with regard to responsible harvesting and resource management, but are a main reason for our dwindling food supply. As one of the Bash’s leaders, what do you think? Are we really running out of food?

Aichon: Ehh...yes and no. If the Bash had actually coordinated with the other mega-hordes in order to wipe out harmanz and had treated the game as serious business, I honestly do believe that we could have swung the ratio WAY over in our favor and wiped out most of the survivors. I really do. But that wasn't what the Bash was about.

Instead, we mostly just talked to the other hordes so that we wouldn't encroach on each other, and then we just did our own thing (i.e. goofed off). We never took it seriously, nor did we didn't make a big point of choosing routes that were designed to cause destruction. Even so, we did cause a good bit of damage, which we recognize, and so we're ending things while we're in our prime. These allegations of us showing a "lack of foresight" are unwarranted and untrue (and those harman "experts" can grab my manbagz).

Bisfan: In a nutshell, yes. But we're also running out of zambahz to eat the food. Events like the Bash artificially inflate zambah numbers as long somnolent zambahz shrug off sleep to get involved. But when the party ends, and things wind down, a fair portion of those zambahz go back to sleep and we return to a period of status quo.

And Malton is shrinking. This lockdown has been on for over five years now. The population is a shadow of its former glory, and it feels like forever since we woke up to the scattered street candy of times like Yahoomas. Will we run out of food? Inevitably yes, but every zambah knows attrition is the natural state of things.

Amber:Fore-siiight? Look, I'm no bureaucrat. I'm just one zombie who likes to party. I mean, sure I think about the future of Malton like every other zombie out there. But speculation is a bit like masturbation, isn't it? You satisfy yourself but did you actually accomplish anything? Just take each meal as it comes and be grateful for it. And if there's enough to share with your zetheren? Well, that's a little bash right there, isn't it?

Skoll: As long as there's trenchies, theres food.

MHS: Now that the Bash is winding down, what’s next?

Aichon: Well, as I mentioned, a big part of the Bash was showing feral zombies what it's like to be a part of something big. For them, there are plenty of things to do next. They could return to their lone feral ways, or they might choose to join up with one of the other hordes in the game and pursue things with them. I'm hopeful that the other hordes will see a boost in numbers following our close. I've also already been hearing whispers and rumors of Mall Tour '11...

Bisfan:That's a question for someone else. As the Bash winds down, I find myself feeling weary. Ennui has set in, and I will be going to sleep. It will be up to those who have stepped up during the Bash to determine what its legacy will be. For myself, it will be the sleep of the dead...

Amber: Maybe we'll all get revived and re-take the fort. That'd be really wild

Skoll:Conceivably, Mall Tour '11 will be next... Or maybe even another Naked Twister Party. Who knows? I'm sure 2011 will have some great things instore for Malton. BARHAH!

MHS: Well, thank you again for your time and helping show Malton the true spirit of Barhah. As always, it has been fun.

Editor's Note: To return to the main page, please go here.

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