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Zombie looks to win Congressional Seat


By Murray Jay Suskind

New Mexico's fourth Congressional district is noted for its striking desert scenery, majestic mountains and its long border with Mexico. And it shall soon be known for something else, electing only the 42nd zombah to the United States House of Representatives.

Bra!nz! stares at Miller's head during a recent debate.

Grragh Barhah! Bra!nz! currently holds a commanding 73%-19% lead over his opponent, Andrew Miller, in their race for the open seat. Right now Mr. Bra!nz!'s platform seems to largely revolve around bringing competent leadership to Washington, DC.

"When I asked him how we were going to resolve the situation in Iraq, he talked about getting more brains," explained prospective voter Tami Sanderson. "I think it's so refreshing to hear someone talk about bringing intelligent leadership to Washington."

This doesn't sit well with Mr. Miller, though. "All he does is bellow 'more brains!' More brains is not a platform and it is not an option! He's also not doing enough to keep the foreigners out of our country."

In fact, Mr. Bra!nz!'s stance on immigration has not been an impediment to his juggernaut candidacy, even though he controversially started tearing into a section of border fence on a campaign visit. When asked about the border fence, Mr. Bra!nz! was quite passionate, shouting, "Rahm urr barr!cahds!"

Furthermore, while Mr. Miller has tried to paint Mr. Bra!nz! as a liberal out of touch with Southwestern US values, Mr. Bra!nz! has been able to counter these charges with tough law and order stances. When asked about the death penalty, Mr. Bra!nz! enthusiastically said, "Kill harmanz! Kill harmanz!"

In addition to his stances on the issues issues, Mr. Bra!nz! seems to have something else over Mr. Miller: personality.

"I'm sorry, but Andrew Miller is just a boring, politics-as-usual kind of guy," explained Bra!nz! for Congress spokeswoman Jennifer Reed. "He doesn't have the charisma, the energy or the youthful appearence of Grragh Barhah! Bra!nz!."

This personality has animated itself in many ways. Bra!nz! will playfully bite babies, grasp people he meets by the shoulders and brings them in for "Bra!nz! hug," and let out loud, threatening groans when he enters a room full of people. This is directly contrasted by Mr. Miller who is considered by some to be distant, aloof and uncomfortable around harmanz.

Perhaps it was summed up best by Caledonia resident Barney Peterson when he said, "Frankly, I thought it was this Miller fellow who wasn't even alive."



24 Hours of Pure Barhah


Blackmore and Nichols ransacked on the eve of Barhahgiving

A day to truly give Barhah for all of our gifts.

The survivor efforts at the Blackmore Building and Nichols Mall, as well as the entire 5th of November incursion were utterly smashed at the hands of the RRF, Minions of the Apocalypse, Feral Undead and other zombie allies. What's more remarkable is that this sea-change took place in less than 24 hours.

While many survivors claim the brief occupation worked to de-mythologize the RRF, the fact that this incursion lasted for a much shorter time than the first Battle of Blackmore as well as the fact that the Shacknews horde was not needed to rid the zombie homeland of this plague is indicative of an RRF Renaissance. The power of the Group 0 and Group H hordes was prominently displayed and the RRF's strike teams showed a great level of coordination in bringing down both Blackmore and Nichols.

The combined might of the 5th of November coaltion, the NMC and the PTT were not enough to hold off the RRF and their allies.

With the RRF resurrgent and hundreds of harmanz desperately fleeing Ridleybank, various aspects of the RRF have undertaken new projects.

"I want all of central Malton leveled," Papa Patrucio was overheard as saying. "We need to round up and get rid of any harman presence remaining anywhere near our homeland."

In addition, Group 0 has regrouped under the new leadership of the Malton Herald & Sun's own Deathbymoshpit. Mr. Moshpit was unavailable to comment on his current plans, but is currently rumored to still be in central Malton.

Finally, Murray Jay Suskind, the leader of the Red Guards, ramped up his rhetoric to the denziens of Shearbank. "The KMT must be smashed! The citizens of this so-called Shearbank re-educated! We shall march through Stickling Mall victorious!


Better Know a Strike Team: The Red Guards


By Goolina

From intrepid reporter to RRF strike-team leader to brand-new Malton Ranger...this rising star of Urban Dead is known to many, and respected (or feared) by most. The Malton Herald & Sun's own Murray Jay Suskind recently took time out from his varied activities, washed the blood and brainz off of his hands, and sat down to talk to me for this exclusive interview.

MH&S: Murray, how did you get involved with the RRF and the strike teams?

MJS: Well, I started off with AU10 because I asked about strike teams when I got on the boards, and Silent Sister was the first one to get back to me. From there things really took off. While I really enjoy being a strike team leader now, and while I have a good crew in the Red Guards, I'm still an AU10 member at heart. The camaraderie and the eclectic mix of people with overlapping talents is pretty amazing. That and they're quite good at killing people, getting up to almost GMT levels of good.

MH&S: Tell our readers more about your current strike team, The Red Guards, and their efforts at reeducating the harmanz of Malton.

MJS: With the Red Guards I just took the fascination I have with Mao's China and redirected it into a strike team. The real Red Guards were taught to disregard everything, including human life, in their veneration of Chairman Mao and opposition to "capitalist roaders." Well, I decided to apply the same principles and disregard for harman life to a new strike team. And we've got a great group. I'd love to see us grow a little more, but our handful of members are very enthusiastic and are great to play the game with.

MH&S: You seem to be a rising star in the RRF. How does it feel to have the admiration of so many of your zethren, yet the animosity of so many obviously jealous harmanz?

Fanatical devotion to the Horde is the only way to not be subjegated to re-education.

MJS: Well, I'm only a rising star in the RRF because anyone is given a chance to rise in the RRF. We're a very open community, and that combined with the fact that I have a lot of free time on my hands allowed me to rise quickly. However, a lot of the credit has to go to Silent Sister and Patrucio; they've fostered many of my insane ideas and have let Murray Jay Suskind grow into the harman killing monster that he is.

MH&S: What prompted you to start up the Malton Herald & Sun again? Some of that free time you spoke of, or something deeper?

MJS: Patrucio was asking for people to start up the Malton Herald & Sun again. I suppose it's something where the deeper I got into the meta-gaming the more fun it got. I've always fancied myself a decent writer so I took a crack at it. As I got people to start working with me, then the paper really took off and became truly fun. Again, meta-gaming and camaraderie. The Malton Herald & Sun is probably the most fun part of the game for me, except when it comes to posting it on the wiki page. Posting stuff on the wiki page sucks.

MH&S: What does the future hold for zambah news sources in Ridleybank?

MJS: The future holds good things for zombie media. As long as there is an Urban Dead, and as long as a lone feral zombie is hamstrung by the way the game is set up, there will have to be metagaming. Zombie news is a great way to metagame, get your name out there and to coordinate.

MH&S: You recently interviewed the formidably classy Ron Burgundy. What was that experience like?

MJS: It was great. He's a really nice person and, of course, has a great sense of humor mixed with perfect hair. Since RRF utterly devastated the NMC at Blackmore and Nichols, I suspect we won't be seeing him in battle for a while, but he's definitely a worthy foe.

MH&S: Do you have any plans to interview other notable harmanz? If so, which one would you most like to interview?

MJS: Well, I did interview Dickhole Guy, but most of the questions were about Blackmore and then it fell making what we were talking about irrelevant, so I had to interview him again. But I have all sorts of ambitious plans. I'd like to talk to the past Papas, Jorm, some of allies like The Minions of the Apocalypse and Shacknews, as well as other harmanz like Padre Romero, Vito the Don [Editor's Note: See below] and maybe Imperial Red Dragon. I like what IRD has done with his new Power Rangers group. Not as good as my Ivan Drago Death Squad suggestion, but it's still a good theme.

MH&S: Many of us have heard rumors of a "bet" with The Malton Rangers' Dickhole Guy. Care to tell your readers about this bet?

MJS: Oh, after he told me that the RRF couldn't get the survivors out of Blackmore without the help of Shacknews, I bet him. The terms I laid out were if we won DHG would have to be a dedicated Red Guard for a month, if he won Murray Jay Suskind would have to be a dedicated Malton Ranger for a month. He backed out of the bet shortly before the fall of Blackmore.

MH&S: However, I noticed that you and DHG did make good on the bet later on. Please elaborate on what your alt is doing now, plus the idea of Life Cults kicking around on the NMC boards.

MJS: Walter Sobchak is fighting to take back Caiger right now, fighting what he insists are anti-semetic nihilists. I'm pushing this life cultist thing hard because I think it sounds like a lot of fun (I always prefer being a zombie) and I still make good on having an alt that actually helps the survivors. Although Walter needs to pick up some XP before going life cultist -- he has no zombie skills.

MH&S: Now Murray Jay, there's general knowledge of the Red Guards' link to Jack Abramoff. What few people know about, however, is your link with Britney Spears. Any comment on her recent split with K-Fed?

MJS: First of all, I never took money from Jack Abramoff. He just put me up in a nice hotel, paid for my flights and my meals and took me golfing at a resort. That's all. Secondly, it's fairly obvious that Britney's a zombie. I mean her brains were eaten when she was very young. Now what happened with K-Fed was that she mistook someone with rather severe mental handicaps for another zombie. It's really tragic, when you think about it. Anyway, it couldn't last, the harman / zombie relationship. The world isn't ready for it yet.

MH&S: Back to serious topics. Caiger, Blackmore and Stickling are all in zambah hands. Is this the beginning of a new zambah renaissance? Or will the PTT recover from the humiliating defeat in Shearbank and pull off a Hail Mary at Giddings?

MJS: I'd say it is a zombie renaissance. My big concern at this point is that the survivors will get some new nerf right as Shacknews is leaving. But as the game stands right now, the various zombie groups are working together in a much better fashion than the survivor groups and we're routing them because of it.

MH&S: Final question. Papa Patrucio: Great Papa or Greatest Papa?

MJS: Well, I wasn't around for Papa Petro or Papa Sonny. Patrucio is most definitely great, but I'm not qualified to say whether or not he's the greatest.

MH&S: Oh, no way are you getting off easy on this one. Your choices are "great papa" or "greatest papa."

MJS: *sigh* Okay, just put me down as saying "greatest."


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