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C4NT "Arrogant and Stupid" in Ridleybank

  • By Talunex

A senior Channel 4 News Team official has said that the C4NT has shown "arrogance and stupidity" in Ridleybank. The anonymous source has made the remarks during an interview with Talunex for the Malton Herald And Sun.

The C4NT says our source was quoted incorrectly - the Malton Herald And Sun experts say this senior official did indeed use those words. It comes after Ron Burgundy discussed changing tactics with top C4NT commanders to try to combat the unrest and subsequent beatings at the hand of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, Red Rum, The Feral Undead and the juggernaut known as ShackNews.

The senior source, a fluent zombese-speaker, who is director of public diplomacy in the C4NT'S Bureau of Central Malton Affairs, told the Malton Herald And Sun that the world was "witnessing failure in Ridleybank and Malton as a whole. That's not the failure of the C4NT alone, but it is a disaster for the region," he said. "I think there is great room for strong criticism, because without doubt, there was arrogance and stupidity by the by the C4NT and The Blackmore Bastard Brigade."

He also said that the C4NT was now willing to speak to any survivor group in an effort to reduce the bloodshed at the hands of the rejuvenated zombie hordes. "We are open to dialogue because we all know that, at the end of the day, the solution to the hell and the killings in Malton is linked to an effective Malton reconciliation. We must open dialogue to stop these maurading gangs of zombies before they're smashing our strongholds and ripping the flesh from our bones"

However, another C4NT spokesman Champ Kind said: "What he [name witheld] says is that it is not an accurate quote." Mr Kind also denied that the C4NT had been guilty of arrogance or stupidity saying that history would be the judge of C4NT actions in Ridleybank.

Mr Burgundy held a video conference on the new measures with top C4NT military commanders in Ackland Mall on Saturday against the backdrop of more survivor losses in Ridleybank and the surrounding suburbs - 7800 so far this month.

A new poll suggests two-thirds of Maltonians believe the C4NT is losing the war in Ridleybank and Malton as a whole, a proportion which analysts says could translate into a drubbing at the malls for Mr Burgundy's Channel 4 News Team in the upcoming 'Second Battle Of Blackmore.'

The Malton Herald And Sun's Murray Jay Suskind in Ridleybank says that while there is no official change in C4NT strategy, change is on everyone's lips.

But another report from the Zombie News Network (ZNN) stated that officials are drawing up a timetable for the C4NT to improve security. This has been denied by both Mr Burgundy C4NT officials.

On Sunday funerals were taking place for 17 people killed in an AU10 raid on Woodroffe Mall. Local survivor groups were quite vocal in their opinion that no exit strategy exists and that they've been abandoned by the Channel Four News Team in what appears to be their darkest hour.


By Exham

My name is Exham, and I've lived here in Malton all my life (and after). My memories of childhood are vague, but warming - a city that was safe, sunny, and friendly; a place to raise a family; a place where the people cared about community - and they always bring a tear to my one rotting, squishy eye. I remember peace on the streets of Malton.

Brothers and sisters, fellow Malton citizens, countrymen both warm-blooded and room-temperature, I am here to say that the fighting must end.

It's not the most popular stance in this city, but someone has to take it. Too long has Malton been a city at war with itself. One can hardly sleep here, either for fear of being attacked in the night, or simply because all the screaming is keeping you awake. Graffiti covers our once-pristine buildings. Life is a race for safe haven before the exertions of the day numb our clouded brains. Forget about living - we're too busy surviving. This town has gone to hell, and it's all because we can't learn to put aside our petty differences and make Malton whole.

This war has gotten out of hand, it's time to put a stop to it, and if the harmanz aren't going to do it, then I think I know who will. Ridleybank has long been an important battleground, both literally and in the civil rights movement. It was the birthplace of the Zombie Pride movement, and grew so quickly in its progressive ideals that it soon became a target, representing all that the more old-fashioned communities hated and feared. So synonymous with the progressive movement is Ridleybank, in fact, that it has even been dubbed the zombie "homeland." It has been the epicenter of the civil rights struggle in Malton since the beginning, and I think it only appropriate that Ridleybank be the community to step up to the plate and make the dream of peace come true.

Fellow Ridleys, we must serve as an example of what a truly great city Malton could be. If there is going to be peace in Malton, we cannot play the xenophobes, snubbing and repelling outsiders. We must go out of our way to extend our hands in brotherhood! We must break DOWN the barricades that separate us! We must EMBRACE the harmanz! I say we must embrace them, and share with them a great FEAST of brotherhood!

We must reach out and . . . touch somebody!

The Malton Peace Movement may be small now, but I have faith it will grow. To all zombies in Ridleybank who may see the truth in this message, let us show our solidarity! Let us gather at the Blackmore Building, our suburb's greatest symbol of diversity, and really reach out to the recent harman immigrants. Let's really make them feel like home, because who knows? Maybe if we do enough reaching out, we'll find that in the end, we're not that different after all.

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