Ridleybank Resistance Front/Red Guards

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Red Guards
Handandsicklezq1.jpg
Abbreviation: Reds
Group Numbers: 7
Leadership: Murray Jay Suskind
Goals: Rid Ridleybank of harman roaders
Recruitment Policy: RRF members may apply by private-messaging Murray Jay Suskind at the RRF Forums
Contact: Murray Jay Suskind

The Red Guards have formed a beneficient strike team within the RRF, dedicated to smashing harman resistance, re-education, spreading the word of the Little Book of Barhah! and, of course, square dancing.

Formed in November 2006 by Murray Jay Suskind the Red Guards were immediately dedicated to smashing the harman incursion of the 5th of November. With the collapse of that incursion, the Red Guards turned their attention to the KMT[1], and with their cowardly retreat, The Red Guards have headed closer to home. The Red Guards are currently conducting a mass re-education campaign in The Survivor Security Zone, where harmanity foolishly feels they can maintain a stronghold.

This strike team is no longer active. For more information on RRF strike teams visit here.

Recruiting

Harmanz! Are you tired of being cooped up inside? Are you tired of having your brains regularly eaten and being forced to wait at overcrowded revive points? Are you sick of constantly re-barricading buildings?

Zombahz! Do there never seem to be enough brains to eat? Are you looking to out-class Ron Burgundy? Tired of gnawing on too many barricades to only get one or two bites of brain? Are you alone and looking for companionship and camaraderie?

Join the Red Guards! One of the youngest and most quickly rising strike teams around Ridleybank, Red Guards are determined to break into the harmanz’ safehouses and resource buildings, re-educating harmanz, ransacking their equipment while gaining multiple Zombie skills every week.

Joining the Red Guards is a simple task. All you have to do is...

  • Be a member of the Ridleybank Resistance Front
  • Be able to participate in daily strikes (2 pm GMT)
  • Be able to check in on the forums at least once a day to receive strike information
  • Be ready for guts, glory, Barhah and square dancing

All zombahz are welcome and as a newer group we are looking for both senior leadership from more experienced zombahz and younger zombahz to help develop into ruthlessly efficient re-education machines. Just PM Murray Jay Suskind on the RRF Boards.

The Little Book of Barhah!

Join the Red Guards today!

The informal title of the book "Quotations from Chairman Suskind," the Red Guards constantly look to the Little Book of Barhah! for guidance, advice and inspiration. Red Guards have been known to immediately eat the brainz of any harman who is unable to immediately produce a copy of the Little Book of Barhah! from their person.

Some of the more memorable quotations...

  • The value of harman life is most overstated. They feel that for every one of their members that falls, ten zombies must be struck down. What they do not realize is that we can stand back up and continue to strike them down.
  • All harman interlopers are paper tigers. In appearance, the interlopers are terrifying, but in reality they are not so powerful. From a long-term point of view, it is not the harmanz but the zombahz who are really powerful. After all, we can simply stand back up.
  • The revolutionary war is a war of the horde; it can be waged only by mobilizing the horde and relying upon its members.
  • The imperialist harmanz are bullying us in such a way that we will have to deal with them seriously. Not only must we have a powerful regular army, we must also organize contingents of the RRF on a big scale. This will make it difficult for the imperialists to move a single inch in our suburb in the event of invasion.
  • This team has an indomitable spirit and is determined to vanquish all enemies and never to yield. No matter what the difficulties and hardships, so long as a single zombah remains, he will fight on.
  • Thousands upon thousands of martyrs have heroically laid down their lives for the horde; let us hold their banner high and march ahead along the path crimson with their blood!... Well, if zombies bled.
  • The same limitless creative energy of the horde is also visible in our strike team, in their fighting style and indomitable will.
  • It is the duty of the strike teams and the RRF to serve the zambahz. Without the zambahz' interests constantly at heart, their work is useless.

Re-Education

The ongoing efforts of the Red Guards have led to mass re-education of harmanz throughout Ridleybank. The way re-education works is that when a Red Guard finds a harman, they grab them, crush them and either eat their brains or present their brains to the horde. When the subject of the re-education session next stands up, they have been successfully re-educated. Sometimes it takes a great number of efforts to re-educate truly uneducated (revived) harmanz.

The Cultural Revolution

Let the Cultural Revolution Commence!

With the advent of the Survivor Security Zone, the Red Guards have now called for a cultural revolution in Malton, below is the speech given by Chairman Suskind kicking off the Revolution.

  • Despite our continuous efforts to eradicate the Capitalist Roaders in the Malls of Malton, the never-ending victories at Nichols Mall and the historic victories at Caiger Mall, Stickling Mall, and Giddings Mall, these bastions of decadent capitalism are still claimed as the "rightful home" of many survivors. Many of these consumerist dogs even claim the spirit of Josef Stalin and our Soviet brothers to be with them. Well, I say no more! The standing symbols of harman hubris known as Nichols Mall, Hildebrand Mall, Tynte Mall and Woodroffe Mall as well as their surrounding territory are mere paper tigers to be completely stripped of their pervasive bourgeois capitalist influence, and all opponents therein are to undergo thorough re-education. From the ashes of this cursed "Survivor Security Zone" shall rise a new revolution. A Cultural Revolution that will claim these lands for the great proletariat horde. Survivor blood shall fertilize the land, survivor brains shall nourish our bodies and survivor tears shall make the plant of our beautiful horde grow. Let us commence!

The Manifesto and State of Ridleybank Address

In recent weeks, copies of a short document entitled Red Guards Manifesto and State of Ridleybank Address have been taped to bricks and hurled through windows in the area of the Blackmore Building. The text reads as follows:

The Red Guards Manifesto

From each according to his body temperature; to each according to his hunger.

A spectre is haunting Malton -- the spectre of BARHAH. All the powers of old Malton have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: privates and medics, scientists and doctors, cops and consumers.

Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as evil by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of BARHAH, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?

Two things result from this fact:

  • BARHAH is already acknowledged by all Malton powers to be itself a power.
  • It is high time that zambahs should openly, in the face of the whole world, fight for their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the spectre of BARHAH with a strike team of their own - of their people, of their rights, of their party.

To this end, zambahs of various nationalities have assembled in Ridleybank to form the Red Guards, defending our way of unlife, fighting for our right and noble cause, and tirelessly striving to overthrow the petty harman elite!

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. Today in Malton, the old class system has been overthrown in turmoil, only to be replaced by an identical tyranny! The modern bourgeois society that has sprouted from the ruins of capitalistic society has not done away with class antagonisms. It has but established new classes, new conditions of oppression, new forms of struggle in place of the old ones. The bourgeois are now embodied by the harmanz; the long-struggling proletarians now represented by the teeming masses of unwashed, always-hungry zambahs.

The ZKers and harman spies among us struggle in vain!

The few have always oppressed the many, and it is the downtrodden Many who have historically played the revolutionary role.

Fellow zambahs, that means YOU.

Do you hunger to rise up and strike a blow in the name of your interests? Is your greatest wish to drag the harman oppressors from their ivory towers and devour them in the streets? Are you available around 2:00 pm GMT (9 am Eastern Time, 8 am Central Time in the US)?

Then join the RRF Red Guards today!

The State of Ridleybank Address

Neighbors, no one loves you like we do. Neighbors, your guards will triumph in finally making you a public fit for the 21st century. Never before has a strike team shown so much concern for re-education of its residents. Today we have insulated you from countless factions who threaten our suburb; such as the C4NT; the idealistic foreigners still clinging to their childish notions of harman life; why, you're even kept uninformed of useless propagandist journalism that reports alleged violations of harman rights (we all know that harmanz don't have any rights in Ridleybank). And who better to dispense such blatantly evident factoids but a self-appointed authority like our Dear Leader?

Harman Resistance is a thing of the past.... too many clashing groups, too little significance for our modern undead public, besides harman numbers are at an all-time low anyway, who needs those narrow minded barricaders? Too many brains to eat, hehe, and too much burden on the RRF! Who needs 'em here in the land of the free. Some other ass-backward suburb will give us what we need by exploiting its uneducated harman population anyway.

The Internet has expanded our ability to coordinate our advantages better than ever by offering fantastical adventures to every corner of Malton. Your home office is the window to Malton, and the heart of zombie resistance. Such behavior helps clear buildings and public works from overburden like harman existance and others who depend shamelessly on revivification syringes. Today you are freer than ever to do what you want, provided you're undead.

Remember, the first letter in RRF is the same first letter as Red! We have arrived, neighbors, we are the Red Guards.

Join or be conquered.

Previous Campaigns

Here is the record of the Red Guards re-education victories in the past. These include the Blackmore Campaign, the crushing of the KMT, mulitiple Nichols Mall reclamations and a clean-sweap of Ridleybank.

  • November 15, 2006 - Blomfield Grove PD: An invasion by the Red Guards was followed up by a powerful strike by the Red Groupies. Blomfield was ransacked and all of its occupants re-educated within a few hours.
  • November 16, 2006 - Boniface Library: The Red Guards stormed this safehouse, completely re-education its population, including a member of the cursed PTT.
  • November 18, 2006 - Halsey Auto Repair: In a joint strike with Auxunit 10, Chairman Suskind directed a tremendous ransack on the harmanz main fuel source.
  • November 22, 2006 - The Blackmore Building: While the Red Guards were ordered to Nichols Mall by Papa Patrucio himself, the spirit of re-education and the Red Guards was present as the Blackmore Building was ransacked. The harman incursion is now an utterly hopeless cause, even in their utterly clueless eyes.
  • November 22, 2006 - The Nichols Mall: On the same day that the Blackmore Building fell, the Red Guards saw the NE corner of the get completely re-educated. It is hoped that by the end of the day, or on Barhahgiving, the entire mall shall have received a thorough re-education, making a fantastic Barhahgiving feast for the Red Guards and the entire RRF.
  • November 23, 2006 - A Factory: The following day, the Red Guards began sweeping Ridleybank in the effort to completely re-educate the remnants of the 5th of November incursion. This factory hiding two foolish harmanz was ransacked by Chairman Suskind himself.
  • November 28, 2006 - Nisbet Building: One of the KMT's pivotal Necrotech buildings was smashed and ransacked by the Red Guards. This was the opening salvo in the liberation of Taiwan.
  • December 1, 2006 - McMahon Motel: One of the many safehouses in Shearbank, the Red Guards made the initial break-in only to be followed by the Red Groupies who promptly scored the ransack.
  • December 6, 2006 - Whippey Building: As one of the many groups attacking the Whippey Building -- the focal point of the battle against the KMT -- the Red Guards did much to help bring the building down. It was an evening attack by Shacknews and many ferals that ultimately took Whippey down, but the Red Guards and the substantial help of the Red Groupies were an integral part of the success.
  • December 9, 2006 - Stickling Mall: While the assault on Stickling began before the arrival of the Red Guards, Chairman Suskind personally ransacked the NW corner and feasted on two brains. The continued existence of the KMT is now in jeopardy. BARHAH!
  • December 10, 2006 - Newnam Motel: The motel was smashed and ransacked during a joint operation with Auxunit 10. One of the last barricaded buildings that remained in Shackbank.
  • December 11, 2006 - Solomon Lane PD: As a final fairwell to the Shackbank area, the Red Guards sacked this PD in Huntley Heights, as there were no remaining harmanz in Shackbank for the Guards to re-educate. Taiwan has been liberated.
  • December 15, 2006 - Nichols Mall: Harmanity swept out of Nichols Mall yet again.
  • December 16 - 18, 2006 - Ridleybank: Any and all harmanz or barricaded buildings were leveled by the Red Guards in a clean-sweep of the homeland.
  • December 20, 2006 - Nichols Mall: The continued obstinance of the harmanz in Nichols Mall have the Red Guards questioning if there are even brainz in their heads to re-educate.

Morning In America

Ronald Reagan.jpg

During the early recruiting push for the Red Guards, Chairman Suskind frequently explained to potential recruits that the Red Guards' strike time was "Morning In America." While the original statement was purely informational, someone quickly pointed out that this was the theme of Ronald Reagan's 1984 harman Presidential Campaign.

Always fans of irony, the Red Guards promptly have taken in the Cult of Ronald Reagan, legendary for having been an anti-Communist, and are treating his image as one of our own.

Random Threats Against the PTT

Of course, any good Red Guard takes it as a deeply personal obligation to re-educate the population of Taiwan. Right now, sitting across the straights of Roachtown is an entire suburb full of harmanz from Taiwan called Shearbank. In the true spirit of the Red Guards and Maoist China, the below space is reserved for boisterous threats against our cursed Nationalist enemies.

  • Shearbank is rightly a part of greater Ridleybank. In fact, we do not officially acknowledge the existence of Shearbank. Any harmanz claiming that our land across the straights of Roachtown is a seperate suburb called "Shearbank" will be re-educated in a most brutal fashion.
  • All claims of Shearbank as a safe haven for harmanz are resoundlingly ridiculous. This is merely a temporary condition that may well have to be remedied soon after the crushing of the November 5th incursion.
  • Taiwan has been liberated! The harmanz who occupied that land were paper tigers, crumbling at the first sign of adversity. Let the re-education commence!

Current Enlistment

Murray Jay Suskind -- Chairman, Dear Leader

Roddy A (Member in Abstentia) -- General and Great Mobilizer of Ridleybank Zombies

Exham -- The Great Architect of Zombie Unity

Gragh87 (Member in Abstentia) -- The Perfect Harmony of Swiftness and Power

King Romero I -- The Keeper of the Sacred Canon of George A. Romero

BellaMort -- The Siren of the Proletariate Horde.

Brain Eating Bob -- Fervant Re-Educater of the Population

Red Groupies

While the Red Guards are ruthlessly effective, their currently limited numbers makes them appear less effective than other strike teams. However, one thing that the harmanz always discount is the power of the Red Groupies.

Red Groupies are fellow zambahz - the workers, the zambah proletariat - who, inspired by the bold decisiveness of the Red Guards (and feeding groans), join in re-education efforts wherever the Red Guards are located. While the Red Guards usually do the dirty work of smashing the barricades and publicly announcing a new re-education session, they are proud to have the Red Groupies support them in their efforts. After all, the interests of the horde outweigh the glory of any one strike team.

Recently the Red Groupies were instrumental in the emptying and ransacking of Blomfield Grove Police Department. Without them, the strike may very well have ended in failure, and we welcome any wandering ferals to storm into any safehouse once we get the barricades down.


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