The Evangelical Order of the Return to Eden

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The Evangelical Order of the Return to Eden
Abbreviation: The Returners
Group Numbers: Though we are so far FEW, we are ENTHUSIASTIC
Leadership: We follow our TEACHINGS, and so need follow NO leader
Goals: SPREAD WORD of the RETURN to all inhabitants of Malton
Recruitment Policy: Those who LOOK upon us shall KNOW us by our GROUP AFFILIATION in our PROFILES.
Contact: None

FRIENDS! Whether you be HUMAN or "ZOMBIE", a NEW AGE is upon us!

Malton is a dangerous place!
At any moment you may be revived!
At any moment you may die!
But it is never too late to follow our TEACHINGS!

We are on the verge of the next GREAT STEP UP the evolutionary LADDER, and this step is a step onto an ESCALATOR to a SHINING future.

Our SPECIES has undergone a GLORIOUS TRANSFORMATION that has enabled us not only to TRANSCEND DEATH, but to TRANSCEND LIFE as well! The effects of the EXALTED VIRUS have enabled our frail CORPOREAL vessels to be transformed into SACRED IMMORTAL BEINGS. And equally BLESSED, the NecroTech HOLY ELIXIR has bestowed upon us, in IMMORTAL form, the DIVINE gift of REBIRTH!

No longer will the CHAIN that links life to death BIND us! The chain has been BROKEN! The ETERNAL WHEEL has been forged! We have RETURNED to EDEN. Here, in this NEW EDEN, the GRAND CYCLE is that of DEATH and REBIRTH, and RE-DEATH and RE-REBIRTH!

We have become a NEW Life Form, with a LIFE CYCLE superior to all OTHERS! No more Fear! EMBRACE YOUR DESTINY! SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS!

Alleluia, friends! We are THE RIGHTEOUS! We SHALL prevail!


The Evangelical Order of the Return to Eden (The Returners) are an RPing Dual Natured group formed by Ornithopter after he got tired of not being able to edit the Church of New Eden's wikipage due to them being a historical group (though to be fair, he was inactive when it was marked as such). Because of these origins, The Returners have a great deal in common with the Church of New Eden, though they do continue to differ from them more as time goes on.

Those who wish to join are encouraged to do so, even if the group is inactive. The group has no leaders, so saying you're a member means you are. Edit the wiki pages! Kill some folks! Revive some others! But most importantly: spread the word!


Tuesday services at St. Lazarus's Church will go on hiatus in the near future, while The Returners go on a mission trip.

Services are usually CONDUCTED in St. Lazarus's Church in Gulsonside (71, 72) on TUESDAYS, the HOLIEST day of the week in NEW EDEN. Services may also be conducted whenever and whereever else a Returner FEELS MOVED to hold them. Returners are encouraged to keep the church barricade-free, so that any who wish may ATTEND our services! Returners who find themselves in their SACRED IMMORTAL form are additionally encouraged to ruin the church to prevent any of our well-meaning FRIENDS from rebarricading it!

Services, in addition to a BLESSED SERMON bringing THE WORD to our FRIENDS, may consist of any or all of the following rituals as well as any additional rituals invented by the Returner performing the service:

  • The CONSUMING of flesh
  • The RE-ENACTMENT of the delivery of the EXALTED VIRUS
  • The REBIRTH of our SACRED IMMORTAL brethren into mortal form

Members of the Order

In the interests of communication, Returners are encouraged to list themselves here. Additionally, Returners are welcome to BESTOW upon THEMSELVES any title they see FIT.

Sacristan AutoDestruct -


Dec. 23, 2009

After a long SLUMBER, we are awoken by KNOWLEDGE that our WORK in not yet DONE. TRULY is the CYCLE an ETERNAL one!

Apr. 24, 2008

Word has reached our ears of a grand gathering of revivers! Let the ETERNAL WHEEL be spun! All Returners are encouraged to join The Big Prick, and show our secular FRIENDS that we practice what we preach! This will be a great OPPORTUNITY to spread the GOOD NEWS, and so Returners are ADDITIONALLY encouraged to refrain from PUSHING members of The Big Prick along the DIVINE CIRCLE to their SACRED IMMORTAL FORMS as this often angers our unenlightened FRIENDS, making them disinclined to HEAR our teachings.

Feb. 18, 2008

Too long has it been since THE WORD was proclaimed! No longer! The Evangelical Order of the Return to Eden is formed from the remnants of the Church of New Eden! Let our FRIENDS once more know the TRUTH!


We have waited from time immemorial for THESE events to transpire. The Buddhists and Hindus in THE EAST have long recounted the DIVINE CIRCLE of life and death in their HOLY TEXTS. However, this SACRED KNOWLEDGE has been all but forgotten by the faiths of THE WEST. But NO MORE! As it has been foretold in the first book of the Torah (Old Testament) - revered by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike:

Genesis 3:
22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, 
   to know good and evil:  and now, lest he put forth his hand, 
   and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
23 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, 
   to till the ground from whence he was taken.
24 So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden 
   of Eden Cherubim, and a flaming sword which turned every way, 
   to keep the way of the tree of life.

FRIENDS, when we ate of the TREE OF KNOWLEDGE, we became SENTIENT and were cast from the GARDEN of EDEN. Now we have EATEN from the TREE OF LIFE! WE have eaten that we may LIVE FOREVER! We have RETURNED to the GARDEN, a NEW garden, a NEW EDEN. Alleluia, FRIENDS!

Malton is our NEW EDEN!

The BLESSED Glossary

CHAIN OF LIFE - The old dogma that DEATH follows LIFE and that they are inseparably bound together. Replaced by the DIVINE CIRCLE.


ETERNAL WHEEL (DIVINE CIRCLE, GRAND CYCLE) - The endless loop of revivification and death that has been gifted to all the inhabitants of Malton.

EXALTED VIRUS - The infectious blessing bestowed upon us that allows us to transform from HUMAN to IMMORTAL form.

FRIEND - The preferred form of address for any being regardless of current form or membership in the Order.

GLORIOUS TRANSFORMATION - Gaining the ability to be transformed from HUMAN to IMMORTAL to HUMAN again. This is not the end! This is the new beginning!


GOOD NEWS, THE (THE WORD) - The teachings of the Order of the Return. To accept and bask in the glory of the DIVINE CIRCLE.

HOLY ELIXIR - Referred to by the UNENLIGHTENED as 'revivification serum', the blessing bestowed upon us that transforms us from IMMORTAL to HUMAN form. Often found in syringes in NecroTech buildings.

NEW EDEN - Our paradise on Earth, formerly known as Malton.

REBIRTH - Commonly known as "revivification", the transformation from IMMORTAL back to HUMAN form.

SACRED IMMORTAL BEING - The form inhabitants of NEW EDEN assume after being FREED of their MORTALITY through death due to the effects of the EXALTED VIRUS.

TREE OF LIFE - That of which we have (figuratively) eaten to attain immortality. See Genesis 3:22-24


ZOMBIE - A disrespectful term for SACRED IMMORTAL BEINGS used by those who have not heard the GOOD NEWS.

The EXALTED Zamgrh Phrasebook

Be SURE to carry your PHRASEBOOK with you at all times, in order that, should you SUDDENLY find yourself in your SACRED IMMORTAL FORM, your ability to SPREAD the GOOD NEWS will not be hindered!