The Faggots

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The Faggots are no longer active. Its group page is preserved for archival purposes. Please do not edit this page. This group was reported inactive on 10:27, 6 January 2009 (UTC) Not Inactive?

The Faggots
Abbreviation: The Faggots, the toughest street gang in Malton.
Group Numbers: 5
Leadership: Scinfaxi
Goals: To cover Malton's survivors from behind
Recruitment Policy: Ask on Scinfaxi on his talk page
Contact:

The Faggots, a history of the toughest (skinhead) street gang in Malton

"A lone stick can be broken with ease, but when the same stick is bound with others, they are unbreakable. That is truly... A faggot... A skinhead faggot..." - jjames, after witnessing someone attempt to break off a faggot in a public park. Template:Operation White Storm

Our proud white heritage

Hooray for whitey! Scinfaxi 23:52, 18 July 2006 (BST)

The Begining

Borne out of fire and brimstone, these tough badasses don't take shit from anyone. They grew up hard on Malton's upper-north side with nothing but rocks and shit to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Their leader, Scinfaxi was always getting beaten up by his dad and forced to make his own clothes out of newspapers. This is believed to have influenced his views on public nudity and groin protection. Anyways, jjames grew up as a poor hispanic child and as a result developed some crazy ideas about the motivations of the Texas revolution. After years on the street, stealing bread and TV's, they decided to go to Vegas as street performers. All that was cut short, however, by the zombie apocalypse which started at the bus station when they were trying to leave Malton forever (because Malton sucks ass).

More of a begining

After surviving for a few days in drainage ditches, they immerged to discover an even more disturbing trend than a zombie armageddon. It was... SURVIVOR DOUCHEBAGGERY! That's right, and it all started with assholes not letting these poor children sleep in a police station. Vowing to unleash all of their creative fury formerly reserved for their street performances, they took to the hills and began a guerilla campaign against the Crossman Defense Force. After those hostilities were settled, Scinfaxi tried to start a new life away from all the killing and wildly hilarious accusations. However, Scinfaxi soon realized (after about three days) the dream of street performance was dead and decided to return to Darvall Heights to exact revenge on the Warseers because one of their members made a rude comment to him several months earlier and he didn't like how it made him feel. After arriving however, he was cruelly shot in the back by some unnamed person who didn't appreciate his long record of public service. This entire time jjames had still been wandering around aimlessly killing celebrities for some unknown (but stupid) reason.

A begining (of sorts)

Scinfaxi soon became bored with killing the Warseers and decided to make the journey to Bale Mall to see what he could do to help the human resistance there. What a fabulous journey it was, with elves, children, petting zoos, brothels, and the finest whores in all of Malton. That, however, is a story for another section. After arriving at the mall Scinfaxi discovered that it's residents were operating dangerously unsafe generators and noisy radio equipment (which as Ron Burgundy can tell you, attracts bears). Scinfaxi quickly dispatched these safety hazards with his trusty pistole'. He then proceded to turn off radios so that the weary defenders could sleep without being disturbed. Satisfied with his work, Scinfaxi headed down to the closest NecroTech to make sure it was up to code as well. Sadly, these residents too were creating safety hazards and both their radio and generator was destroyed when Scinfaxi urinated on them. After searching some nearby warehouses and bringing them up to code, Scinfaxi skipped over to the local cell phone tower and shut it down (cell phones give you brain tumors). It was a long day and Scinfaxi was exhausted but proud of all the work he'd done to help Bale Mall. He quickly washed down a few well deserved hydrocodone tablets with some watermelon flavored Smirnoff he found lying next to a dead homeless man. After a good cry, he curled up in a nice warm gutter and fell soundly to sleep.

Generators destroyed during this story: 13

Radios silenced during this story: 6

Hearts broken: Too many to count.

No more beginings

After several nights foraging and creating an energy crisis in Bale Mall Scinfaxi decided it was time to pay a visit to the St. Matthew's hospital to cheer up the patients in the burn ward (and stock up on supplies to get pill fucked, as jjames would say). However, upon his arrival he was immediately caught in a hail of gunfire from several unappreciative hospital staff members. Thinking on his feet, Scinfaxi immediately took cover behind some unused geriatric patients. However, his trusty pistole' was empty because he wasted his ammo shooting cans in some alley (by cans I mean other players). After taking cover, the smell of the elderly combined with a general lack of interest in Urban Dead caused Scinfaxi to fall asleep. He woke up cold, alone, and zombified. That sucks ass.

Admission

Our current recruiting station and headquarters in the Crossman Grove PD. Simply head over to Darval and look for Scinfaxi (normally huddled in the PD's bathroom on a soiled mattress). The admission ceremony will then proceed as follows (in no particular order):

  1. Let Scinfaxi shoot you.
  2. Vandalise the PD with spraypaint.
  3. Threaten people currently in the PD.

Membership

  1. Scinfaxi: President and founder. He is known for his frequent displays of public nudity.
  2. jjames: Right hand man and founder. Wants to be a fireman when he grows up. Gets kicked in the balls frequently by Scinfaxi.
  3. Hrimfaxi: New gang member, knows where Scinfaxi ripped his name off of.
  4. Engidu: Obviously, this member's character in literature is NOT a homosexual. You learned that shit wrong.

Charter

"If you fuck us, we will fuck you, to the bone!" - Scinfaxi at the Faggots commencement ceremony.

Likes

Stick ball, soda pop, sausage, chimneys, robbery, player killing, radios, the white race, barricades, black trench coats that extend for over a mile, katanas, pornography (lots of it), Calvert Mall, and the Crossman Grove Police Department.

Dislikes

Zombies, calling zombies "zeds", gun control, decency laws, pigs, and constructive ideas.

Affiliations

  1. GANKBUS - A now defunct group of hardcore killers who weren't afraid to kill children in order to protect them.
  2. Assault on Stupid Survivors - Intellectuals who execute the less intelligent through hilarious means.

Enemies

Crossman Defense Force

Lokijester: In addition to having a totally lame name, this asshole allied with the CDF and then had the NERVE to politely ask us to leave him out of any beef with them. The CDF has sworn to destroy The Faggots and so all their members are fair game. Until the CDF calls off its unjust war with us and issues a formal apology, we will defend ourself by killing anyone in the CDF. We start with the crybabys.

Lokijester kills so far: 11

Announcements

The Faggots are interested in holding a White Pride Rally. This will not be a racist rally. We do not hold that whites are superior, we just are proud of them in their own unique way. All races are encouraged to participate in showing their pride for the white race. Details to be announced.Jjames 19:07, 26 July 2006 (BST)

They did invent the cure for polio. Scinfaxi 07:36, 7 August 2006 (BST)

Operation White Storm was a white pride rally held at the Crossman Grove Police Department in Darvall Heights during August 15th. It was be hosted by the Faggots and designed to raise the awareness of the white community. Scinfaxi was inspired to host this event by strong social issues facing the white community in Malton. The Faggots themselves believe that the only way for the white community of Malton to truly rise up and overcome is to gather in a large building and talk about their problems, triumphs, and glorious history. Operation White Storm included speakers from the white community, a social issues conference, an awards dinner, a film festival, golf tournament, death matches (maybe), open bar, AND a spooky dress-up party.

OWS concluded with spectacular success. We thank all of the thousands of people who participated in the rally. Except for the unprovoked attack by the Crossman Defense Force, which was quickly repelled thanks to the Assault on Stupid Survivors, the event was peaceful. We can only hope the next adventure for the Faggots will be as well executed as this one. Curiously absent from all this were the planned counter events. We can only assume they were too slow to react or thought it unwise to fight with Scinfaxi and his trusty pistole'. We'll work on a summary later. Scinfaxi 03:12, 16 August 2006 (BST)

Thousands? More like millions my friend. I was a little disappointed by the lack of minorities there though. It reminds me of the MLK quote "I dream one day the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will join one another in brotherhood". Well, I've tried plenty of times telling the sons of former slaves that I'm the son of a former slave owner and that we should hug or something. They have yet to take me up on my offer. I guess some people aren't ready to move foward. On the bright side, I did see a couple of Asians there.Jjames 03:48, 16 August 2006 (BST)
Those weren't asians, they were just tired. Scinfaxi 06:54, 16 August 2006 (BST)

Michael Richards Fan Club

We believe that Michael Richards is hilarious and is being targeted unfairly. Blacks have a long history of Anti-Semitism. We are going to strive to see justice done in his name.Jjames 22:53, 21 November 2006 (UTC)

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