The Headbangers of Malton/D.C.R. Transcript Archive
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Brought to you by The Headbangers of Malton, 28.97 on your Radio Dial!!
All Dead City Radio transcripts can be found here. If you don't see it here, I didn't broadcast it.Stickman 20:00, 31 March 2007 (BST)
Broadcast April 12, 2007
Stickman: B-JAM! You're listening to Dead City Radio, Malton's only all metal station. As always, I'm The Real Stickman, and it's time bang your heads! Tonight we're going to be talking Mosh Pit etiquette with non other than Malton's most heinous pain-in-the-ass, Neil the Scorpion. Say hi Neil!
NeilTheScorpion: Hi, Neil! Hyuk! What? That was funny!
S: Okay, so, just before we get things started, I have a request from LTC Johnny Lunchpail, he's dedicating this one to all the boys Alpha Platoon, USAI. This one's for you Alpha: The Dead Kennedys with Holiday in Cambodia!!
(discordant punk fills you with the power of anger)
S: We're back. So we're talking Mosh Pit Etiquette. Neil, how far is too far in a mosh?
NTS: Actually, Stickman, I can't say I've ever been in a mosh pit. But I'd say anyone who leaves their seat is asking for trouble.
S: Booooo! Neil, come on! You've never once gone to see your favourite band play and just gone general admission?
NTS: Sure I have, but you're not going to find a lot of moshing at a Melissa Ethridge concert.
S: I thought you liked heavy music...
NTS: Well, there are different levels of heavy. I think of Jewel's music as a pale rose drowned in tears...
S: Oh, I see. You're gay.
NTS: Exact- wait, no! I'm not gay! Can't I appreciate the female musical perspective without the labels?
S: I guess you could be a lesbian, but you'd be some fugly. And we have to take a break! But first, here's Voivod with Astronomy Domine!
(Metal imbues you with the gift of rockage)
S: And we're back. We were talking about Mosh Pit etiquette, until I found out Neil was in the closet.
NTS: Shut up! Just shut up! I don't have to sit here and take this.
S: Oh, Nancy the Scorpion's leaving. Bye Nancy! And that about wraps things up here. We'll see you next week. Dead City Radio, brought to you by the Headbangers of Malton, join us: http://tinyurl.com/2dnxty
We'll leave off with Anthrax and Metal Thrashing Mad!
(The shredding causes awesome to flow through you)
Broadcast April 5, 2007
Stickman: Buh-JAM! You have the distinct honour of being the first chicks and dicks to be listening to Dead City Radio, Malton's only all-metal radio station, 28.97 on your radio dial! I'm Stickman, the Real Stickman, and I am here to give The Metal back to the People! We're gonna start things off on a high note, here's Megadeth with "Mary Jane":
(awesome heavy metalage ensues)
Stickman: And we're back. Our guest tonight is a man who needs no introduction, the infamous Ron Burgundy! Hi Ron, welcome to Dead City Radio.
RB: Thanks, Stickman. But... infamous? That sounds a little too much like nefarious. I'm one of the good guys.
S: So I hear you like Scotch. Here ya go.
RB: Cheers! Say, uh, could you not smoke while I'm in here?
RB: Oookay.... Ugh! Christ, what kind of Scotch is this?
S: Well, it's mostly denatured ethanol and a bit of Pepsi. Scotch is hard to come by these days, but that ethanol'll sure get you blotto fast!! Thanks Necrotech!
RB: Gods, man! You can go blind drinking ethanol!
S: Wow, for an eleven foot tall demi-god you sure are a pussy.
RB: Okay, just stop that. I'm a serious reporter. I won't be dragged into a juvenile verbal confrontation on the air.
S: Arright, arright, pull the pickle outta your ass. If you don't want to drink it you don't have to.
RB: Thank you. Now I believe you asked me on so I could talk about my latest book: Ron Burgundy, a Manly Man's Man.
S: I mean, there was this pirate hooker, and she totally drank a 66-er and arm wrestled Chatty Annie, but if you prefer Scotch... well, no one's judging you.
RB: Gimme the bottle...
S: Oh, damn! He's slamming back the whole bottle! Let's give him some inspirational music, here's Sepultura with" Refuse/Resist" and Henry Rollins with "Another Life"
(And the rockage continues)
S: Welcome back to Dead City Radio. We're here with Ron Burgundy who has just chugged 66 ounces of denatured ethanol. All right, let's talk about your book: Ron Burgundy: a Manly Man's Man.
RB: The candy man can, thas who!! Whooooooooo!!!
S: Wha... you okay, Ron?
S: I think someone's had a little too much to drink.
RB: An I think... you're FAT! Gimme a smoke... who'z Chaffy Abbey anyway?
S: Chatty Annie, Ron. She's our-
RB: Thas whud I sed!!
S: She's our program director. Former zombie, no tongue, good kid.
RB: She's got a great ass... he he he he he!!
S: So Ron, about your book-
RB: Ah luv you maaaann....y'know..... frrrriends are impordent...
S: Okay, we're going to go to a commercial and we'll be right... oh, we don't have any commercials-
RB: Maaaaaaam-mo-ries, Chatty Annie's mammoriess...... soft and floppy doughy mamories, of the way we weeeeeere...
S: Are you crying?
RB: Watch this!
S: No Ron!!
S: Well, Ron Burgundy just tried to backflip off the mixing board... he landed on his back... and now he's sleeping. We'll just leave him be. And, we're just about out of time. We'll finish off the set with a little Iron Maiden and a track off their 1984 album "Powerslave". This is "Aces High"! Tune in next Thursday, April 15. We'll be discussing mosh pit ettiquitte with Neil the Scorpion and we'll be taking calls from some of his angry GK victims. Dead City Radio, brought to you by The Headbangers of Malton. Sign up today: visit http://tinyurl.com/2dnxty
Good Night Malton!!
(The sibilant guitars of Iron Maiden fill your head with the power of Metal)
Recruitment Page Backup
A human group with balls, H.o.M. doesn't concern itself with the rules too much. Although we are Pro-Human, politics mean nothing, so PK-ers and GK-ers alike are thrown directly into the mosh pit where they are dealt with like so many used beercups on a stadium floor. Procedures be damned, if you screw around with our shit, we will mess you up old school.
All players are welcome no matter what kind of skills they have. The only rule is that they adopt the H.o.M. philosophy and learn to play as a human. For more information on the group, follow this link: The Headbangers of Malton Direct link to the recruitment page on the D.C.R. forum: Accepting Applications
Newer Recruitment Backup