The Horner Monument
|the Horner Monument
Huntley Heights [60,25]
The Horner Monument
|This location is on the list of Amusing Locations in Malton|
The Horner Monument is located at coordinates 60, 25.
Humans and zombies alike will see the following (permanent) description when standing in front of the monument:
"You are at the Horner Monument, a grey stone statue with a crack running across it."
This monument is in honor of Johann Friedrich Horner (27 March 1831 - 20 December 1886). James Horner, a Swiss ophthalmologist is credited with discovering ' Horner's syndrome ', a disorder of the sympathetic nervous system in 1869. Horner published approximately 40 papers concerning eye disorders, many of then are unreadable in Malton because nobody is alive who still speaks Romansh, an obscure language only spoken by 0.9% of Switzerland's 7.5 million inhabitants.
The statue is constantly vandalized by fans of the popular American television show ' The Simpsons ', because from afar the letters in Horner can easily be mistaken for Homer, who is a popular character. The most infamous incident was when local Pornstar/Town Selectman Scotw drilled into the head of the monument and installed a speaker system into the interior of the monument. A constant loop of Dental plan! Lisa needs braces could be heard several blocks away for months while community leaders argued over whether to spend tax dollars to repair an obscure monument dedicated to a Swiss ophthalmologist.
Intoxicated patrons from nearby Club Robson would come to the monument after closing time and spontaneously sing Simpsons songs, some sessions lasting for several hours. It all came to an end on September 12 2000 when the pastor at the local St. Herman's Church in Shearbank had a sermon interrupted by a loud rendition of the song ' Monorail '. Enraged, the pastor drove his book mobile into the statue, damaging the sound system. Soon after a barb wire fence, which still stands today was put into place to deter any future incident of vandalism. For the next several years workers for the Huntley Heights Department of Public Works constantly had to wash this monument from all of the yellow paint being thrown at it.
Further reading on Johann Friedrich Horner