The Pretorians

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Clock.png Historical Group
This historical group is no longer active. However, its wiki page is preserved to reflect the group's significance in Urban Dead history.

The Pretorians
Abbreviation:
Group Numbers: 29
Leadership: unknown
Goals: unknown
Recruitment Policy: unknown
Contact: jointhepretorians at gmail dot com

The Pretorians are an organized group of survivor players. They were created as a lark by some users of Poynter Online, who saw the chance to prove that, as one player put it, "The ink-stained wretches would rule the city of the dead."

Historical Significance Section

Membership as of middle September 2005 stands at 29 Pretorians who have carefully been culled from more than a hundred Poynterians, and interested/qualified applicants, who have signed up for the game so far.

The Pretorians' Tagging sign is "--30--", and allegedly the reversed "--03--" is supposed to be an indication that an operation is about to begin in a particular place. The group uses operation titles that are intentionally silly but in the correct military format to appear more militaristic. Operation Windmill Scrotum, for instance, was the code name for the pre-emptive strike on a group of zombies from the Many before and after the attack on the Giddings Mall on September 7th, 2005.

Group Statements on their Operations

NOTE: The following are descriptions from the totally unbiased, absolutely neutral professional journalists who make up the Pretorians. As such, they should absolutely be taken as gospel, having been thoroughly documented by an extensive network of people who are really, really good at this sort of thing.

Operation Windmill Scrotum

NOTE: There is some dispute about this operation, see Operation Windmill Scrotum controversy for further details.

Operation Windmill Scrotum was a coordinated offensive in Malton and beyond by The Pretorians. It was actually a counteroffensive against The Many, who were known to be gathering to attack the heavily fortified Giddings Mall on the night of September 7th, 2005.

The Pretorians assisted in intelligence gathering and barricade preparation, and when approximately thirty zombies attacked, at least half of the Pretorians' total combat power was there to meet them (along with several dozen other humans, particularly the PA Rebel Alliance). However, the Pretorians were outnumbered by the PA Rebel Alliance, who had known of The Many's arrival.

The true scope of Operation Windmill Scrotum, however, only came to light the next day, as members of the unofficial Urban Dead Forum openly criticized The Many, spurred by Pretorian players who had emplaced themselves on the forum the day before.

In addition, Operations Golden Binder and Egyptian Stoplight were perpetrated in the wake of Windmill Scrotum.

Operation Golden Binder

"Operation Golden Binder" was a follow-up operation to Operation Windmill Scrotum, executed over several days by several groups (some unwittingly) and coordinated by the Pretorians.

Operation Golden Binder was an attempt to further reduce the numbers of the Many by revivifying large numbers of the zombie horde, but was largely frustrated by the tendency of hard-core Manyites to hurl themselves from the nearest building upon revivification. Nevertheless, it allowed many of the scientist members of the various groups to gain valuable XP, and it did convert at least a few members of the Many to humanity.

Operation Egyptian Stoplight

Operation Egyptian Stoplight was a multiple-front offensive in Malton, coordinated by The Pretorians and executed by a large number of diverse groups. It was a follow-up to the events of Operation Windmill Scrotum.

After The Many retreated from Giddings Mall, the zombies took up residence in several temporary safehouses. Through diligent and fast scouting, the Pretorians discovered the location of at least two of these safehouses and disseminated it across the area. Upon a timed signal, several high-powered Construction-wielding troops descended into the safehouses and barricaded them, thus trapping a small number of less experienced zombies inside their own safehouses, since they were stupidly attempting to escape by bashing the barricades and leaving by the main door instead of taking the side exit. Almost all of the experienced members of the horde managed to escape the trap without a problem, though, because it is impossible to trap zombies inside of buildings.

The total re-death count of Operation Egyptian Stoplight was claimed to be well over two dozen, most of which were Headshots on the few surviving XP-holding zombie survivors of the attack on the mall. However, all of the high-level zombies in the area survived, excepting three who were killed while out of action points.

Operation Melissa Etheridge

After a short and fruitful recruitment drive and ammo replenishment session at Giddings Mall, The Pretorians launched the operation in the early morning hours.

Operation Melissa Etheridge was a successful "kill, dump and barricade" project in the vicinity of the Tolman Power Station in Dentonside. The totality of the group moved over the next 24 hours into the area of the power station, engaging entrenched zombie forces in an area with little human presence.

While their home base of operations remains a secret, Pretorian kill teams radiated outward in a spiral fashion, dumping the bodies in the wake of Construction teams. All buildings in a five-block radius, including Tolman Power Station, were cleaned of zombies, barricaded to at least Very Strongly, and tagged as complete.

Operation leaders report the mission as a complete success, with no casualties and only very light injuries.

Operation Texas Memo

Following their first publication on the wiki, the Pretorians page became a battleground for edits. Following repeated edits of references to The Many attacking Giddings Mall being changed to 'a group of zombies', including edits by a former wiki moderator, the Pretorians launched Operation Texas Memo. In part due to Operation Texas Memo, the account of The Many's failed attack on Giddings Mall in conjunction with Operation Windmill Scrotum appears to have been established as history on the wiki.

Undertaken by the secretive Scholar guild of the Pretorians who were fed up at revisionist editing, Operation Texas Memo consisted of looking at historical references in forum postings and chat logs of services used by The Many to plan their attacks. Operation Texas Memo also interviewed participants in the attacks.

The Timeline Reconstruction (Highlights)

In The Many's private planning forum, poster 'moleman' gave the initial order to attack Giddings Mall at 00:040 GMT. [1] By 01:08 GMT, however, the poster 'Sankis' gave orders to cancel the attack: "CANCEL THE ATTACK ON THE MALL. CANCEL THE ATTACK They were waiting for us. RETREAT. WE CANNOT WIN THIS. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME. RETREAT Go back to the Cinema. They were up waiting for us. We need to do it another time GET BACK TO THE CINEMA! YOU WILL ONLY LOSE TIME AND EXP!" [2] The frustration at the magnitude of the debacle was expressed on the forums by such comments as "Got stuck outside the mall with no ap, horribly raped." [3].

[1] Attack post [2] Retreat post [3] Game Over, Man post

These links, however, are useless to anyone without a Something Awful forum account.


A Zombie Confession

In a shocking turn of events, one of The Many's zombie minions broke ranks after the trauma of the failed attack. The Zombie, LinoLLJK, offered his account of the attack to Pretorian investigators. The interview is syndicated on the September 22 broadcast of Voice of the Pretorians Radio, available from the iTunes Music Store or directly via the Voice of the Pretorians RSS feed.

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