The REAL Suggestion Guidelines

So, you’ve decided to dive head-first into the dangerous waters of the suggestions page, have you? And not as one of the keep/kill/spam/dupe gunners, mind you, but as one of the brave men and women who make the targets themselves: a Suggestor. Well, there’s a few things you need to know, especially if you haven’t been around for very long. Oh, you read the Suggestion Do's and Do Not's? And Frequently Suggested? That’s good. Now, forget everything. They’re not very accurate, and staying true to them will not be enough to keep your suggestions from being spammed into nonexistence. No, this is the guide that will help you to avoid having your suggestions spaminated.

Now, to begin with, we will quote a guideline from the suggestions page itself:

1. If your suggestion is a basic functionality improvement, it will probably be accepted.
2. If your suggestion redresses existing balance concerns, it will also probably be accepted.
3. If it makes characters, especially survivors, significantly more powerful, it will almost certainly be rejected.

Don’t be fooled by this trickery. Following this will only get you one or two keeps, if that. Your suggestion will still be spammed into oblivion. What you should become familiar with are these guidelines:

1. If your suggestion is a basic functionality improvement, it will probably be rejected.
2. If your suggestion redresses existing balance concerns, there is a slight chance it will be accepted, depending on whether or not the voters recognize the existing balance concern.
3. If it makes characters, especially survivors, significantly more powerful, it WILL be rejected.
4. If it’s been suggested before, it will be duped (duh).
5. If it modifies a game mechanic that doesn’t actually exist, it will either be spammed or removed as vandalism (again, duh).
6. If it’s clearly a humorous suggestion, expect it to be treated as vandalism if you put it on the wrong page.
7. If the suggestion is not formatted correctly, there is a good chance that it will be spammed.
8. If your suggestion is not complete or detailed enough (ie: not specifying the numbers/method), it will be rejected with the word “Incomplete” plastered over almost every vote.
9. If it modifies something that was just implemented/changed in the game, it will be rejected with many of the votes saying “It’s too soon to tell if this needs to be changed” (remember, if in the future the idea becomes necessary and was already submitted, all it takes is 3 dupe votes to get rid of it).
10. If even a single person THINKS it can possibly be abused by zergers and/or bots, it WILL be spammed. Yes, I know anything can be abused by zergers and bots; that’s one reason why making successful suggestions is so hard.
11. If your suggestion is a self-revive or otherwise lets survivors avoid becoming a zombie upon death, it will be spammed and you will most likely be flamed mercilessly.
12. If it retro-actively penalizes someone for having a character with a certain class, skill, item, etc it will be spammed.
13. If it plays around with a core game mechanic/concept, it will most likely not even get off the ground before it is shot down.
14. If it is a flavor change, it MAY be accepted.
15. If even a single person THINKS it will help or hurt PKers in even the smallest way, it WILL be spammed.
16. If it involves seeing people inside a building from outside or vice-versa, it WILL be spammed.
17. If it involves new weapons and/or classes, it will most likely be spammed.
18. If it even MENTIONS barricades, it will be spammed.
19. If it boosts zombie bites in any way, shape, or form (regardless of whether or not they actually need one), it WILL be spammed.
20. If it moves a character against their will, it will be spammed (except dumping bodies and feeding drag, of course, because they’re special).
21. If it is a tracking mechanic, it will be spammed (again, Scent Trail is special).
22. If it lets a character do something without wasting AP, it will be spammed, no matter what it is (yeah, I know there are already things like that in the game, but I don’t make the rules).
23. If it helps newbies and no one else, there’s a slight chance it will be accepted, depending on what it is.
24. If it tweaks Free Running, it will not be accepted.
25. If it involves using fuel cans and flare guns to create burning zombies, make sure you wear flameproof clothing to protect against the inevitable wildfire you are about to set. Oh, and expect a lot of spam votes, too.
26. If it’s a zombie headshot, don’t bother.
27. If it costs extra AP or XP to use, it will be spammed.
28. If it attacks through barricades, don’t bother.
29. If any of the following words are in it, it will most likely be spammed and/or duped: Sub-machine Gun, SMG, Assault Rifle, Rifle, Rocket Launcher, Grenade, Helicopter, Machine Gun, Automatic, Auto, Car, Motorcycle, PKers, PKing, GKing, GKers, RKers, RKing, X-Ray Vision, Exploding Zombies, Headshot, Barricades, Tracking, Vehicles.
30. If it involves Wire Fences, don’t bother.
31. If it makes things more believable but changes gameplay in any way, chances are that it will be spammed.
32. If you’re fixing something that the voters don’t think is broken (whether it really is or not is irrelevant), then it will be spammed.
33. If it lets individual zombies actually have a chance against survivors, then it WILL be spammed (remember, zombies have to be weaklings who can only hurt survivors in huge hordes, thus preventing them from ever being able to make a suburb dangerous without leaving another suburb mostly zombie-free and vulnerable).
34. If it boosts melee weapons, it will be spammed.
35. If it boosts firearms, it will be spammed (notice the trend here).
36. If it boosts malls, it WILL DEFINITELY be spammed.
37. If it puts unnecessary strain on the server and/or would be difficult to code, it will probably be rejected (now you see what I mean when I say that the standard guidelines are BS).
38. If it makes the almost-useless buildings even more useless, it will definitely be spammed.
39. If it allows blunt weapons to be wielded by zombies (or anyone else, for that matter) with ANY effectiveness whatsoever, it will be spammed.
40. If it boosts forts, it may be accepted.
41. If it doesn’t make any sense and/or your grammar sucks, it will be spammed.
42. If it involves giving boosts to people for having someone on their contacts list or vice versa, it will be spammed.
43. If it affects more than one target, it will be spammed.
44. If it gets rid of flavor items, it will be spammed.
45. If it adds flavor items, it will be spammed (apparently, a few useless items really make the game, but even one more would destroy it).
46. If it weakens something or makes it less crucial in the game even the slightest bit, it will be labeled as a nerf and spammed (yes, I know; under this line of logic shotguns nerf pistols and vice versa, axes nerf all other melee weapons, and anything that offers any balanced alternatives to doing a given task is a nerf).
47. If it involves magic, it WILL be spammed.
48. If it differentiates between classes, it will not be accepted.
49. If it requires several different components, it will not be accepted and people will tell you to submit them separately.
50. If it is a suggestion that has been split into different parts and submitted separately, it will not be accepted because the individual parts on their own will be overpowering without the balancing aspects that the other parts provided.
51. If it doesn’t benefit the player who has it, it will be spammed (first aid is yet another example of how these rules don’t apply to things already in the game).
52. If it can’t miss, then neither will the spam votes. Remember, only syringes, barricades, body dumping, feeding drag, and first aid kits (the last one if it’s used on the guy you’re attacking) are allowed to hurt you with a 100% success rate.
53. If it makes crucifixes useful, it will be spammed.
54. If it gives variety (ie, a new way to do an old thing without being more powerful), then it will be spammed.
55. If it involves vehicles, it will be spammed.
56. If it’s out of flavor (or what the voters define as out of flavor), it will be spammed.
57. If a voter THINKS it is a dupe, it will be duped, regardless of whether or not your suggestion actually is a dupe.
58. If it boosts search rates, it will be spammed.
59. If it decreases search rates, it will be spammed.
60. If it rewards communications spam, it will be spammed (yeah, yeah, I know; tagging already does that…).
61. If it complicates an already existing function in the game needlessly, it will be spammed.
62. If it is a ransack boost, don’t bother.
63. If it involves any sort of “hiding” mechanic (a la Nexus War), it will be spammed.
64. If it could POTENTIALLY result in more screen spam, it will be responded to with counter-spam.
65. If it allows rotters to unbuy brain rot (or otherwise get around the un-revivable-except-in-powered-NT effect that comes with it), it will be spammed.
66. If it makes zombies any less anonymous WHATSOEVER, it will be spammed (apparently, all zombies have exactly the same height, weight, skin tone, physical features, hair color, etc unless one has them on their contacts list).
67. If it gives XP for actions that don’t actually benefit your side’s cause, it will be spammed (but books and tagging are okay, of course, since they…uh…do something helpful that I can’t think of right now).
68. If it’s not balanced, it will be spammed for that very reason.
69. If it IS balanced, it will probably not be accepted because it won’t actually change anything and/or no one will use it.
70. If it weakens or helps GKers/RKers/other forms of griefers, it will probably be spammed.
71. If it involves nullifying someone else’s skills/hit %, it will be spammed.
72. If it attacks another player’s AP or XP, it will be spammed with a vengeance (headshot, barricades, first aid kits, running away from zombies, and body dumping are all exempt from this rule for reasons that have not yet been revealed to the public).
73. If it allows someone to attack/defend automatically, it will be ridiculed and spammed.
74. If it allows newbie zombies to gain XP faster than they would by ZKing, it will be spammed. Remember, any zombie that is in genre (ie, is not from a book, movie, comic, TV show, or game besides UD) is a cannibal by nature and only eats survivors because they are eventually taught to by society.
75. The more the voters like you, the more likely your suggestion is to be accepted.
76. If it involves stealing items or anything else that causes someone to lose something in their inventory, it will be spammed.
77. If it changes the map, it will probably be spammed.
78. If it’s an insta-kill, it will be spammed.
79. If the only balancing aspect is it’s rarity (be it due to search rates, only certain people being allowed to have it, etc), it will be spammed.

    And Finally...

80. If the voters don’t like it, it will be spammed, regardless of whether they have a reason or not and regardless of how much the game needs and/or would benefit from this suggestion. Even if it would single-handedly save the game and make it ten times as much fun, it will be spammed if the voters don’t like it.

And that does it for the Real Suggestion Guidelines. Hopefully now you’ve realized how frustrating the suggestions process is and become more supportive of authoritarian regimes everywhere, since those can at least get some things done.