The Sertin Building

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the Sertin Building
(Phone Mast)

Stanbury Village [55,56]

Lacy Cinema Beacham Cinema the Dann Hotel
wasteland the Sertin Building
(Phone Mast)
Salvage Row
a cemetery Skemp Road a factory

Basic Info:



The Sertin Building
AntjieSomers (talk) 20:56, 19 January 2021 (UTC)


An excellent place from which to enjoy the view - or take a nose-dive!

A large yellow-stone building with a curved roof.

A dizzying ultramodern tower, looming over the Village and offering a vantage point across central Malton.

This building contains a Mobile Phone Mast, which landowner Willum J. Kersley insisted on being placed on top of the building. Keep it powered in order to provide mobile phone coverage for the suburb.


The Sertin Building was the administrative centre for multinational conglomerate SertinPharmaHealthInterNationalCorp(TerrestrialEnterprises)Reconsolidated, better known as SPHINCTER (as it was run by a$$holes).

Designed by renowned Lebanese architect Havin Al-Aaf, the building is quite out of keeping with the restrained, genteel architecture of Stanbury Village but nonetheless won dozens of awards for its overweening phallicism and imaginative use of concrete, glass, steel, and, er, more concrete and glass. And steel.

Sertin's major shareholders were delighted when the company announced its latest wonder drug, Prozagra, which would elevate men's moods and their flaccid organs with a single pill. Due to go on sale in early 2005, the drug was suddenly withdrawn when a spate of suicides occurred: users would inexplicably fling themselves from tall buildings, attack friends and colleagues, or start mumbling unintelligibly in their sleep about manbagz, gangbangz and - most disturbing of all - wanting to eat bran or grab bananaz. Unable to account for this sudden desire for high-fibre and fruit diets, the company's executives pulled the plug on the drug until they could figure out how to protect their profit margins and performance bonuses. Oh, and fix the drug too.

SPHINCTER was about to go out of business after the scandal broke, but the government generously agreed to pay its spiralling debts and maintain the Sertin executives' grossly inflated salaries by using taxpayers' money. Coincidentally, the following day the Malton Incident occurred and apparently enraged Villagers started eating the Sertin's executive occupants.

Barricade Policy

This building should be kept at EHB and powered in order to provide efficient telephone services to the residents of Stanbury Village.

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Current Status

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