Tiny Calves

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Clock.png Inactive Group
Tiny Calves are no longer active. Its group page is preserved for archival purposes. Please do not edit this page. This group was reported inactive on 01:23, 24 January 2009 (UTC) Not Inactive?

Superior outline

Tiny Calves is a small (and useless?) survivor group operating in the area of Heytown and its neighbouring suburbs. We use our superiority and unnatural powers to protect ourselves and the citizens of Heytown. At the moment, we are not recruiting new members to our glorious brotherhood.
Our main plot is simple: Survival. Or at least to be manufactured into a nice calf leather wallet.

Founders (... And so far the only members.)

Tiny Calves
Vasikat unity jpg.jpg
Abbreviation: TC
Group Numbers: 2
Leadership: Dictatorship of CalfT & CalfJ
Goals: Peace and love. And hooves.
Recruitment Policy: Got hooves? No? I didn't think so.
Contact: Discussion page

To the Calfmobile!

Tiny Calves getting humiliated by Big Bash while Queer Jew decides to sit back and enjoy the show
A random calf searching for a proper midday snack

Tiny Calves try to help the survivors in Heytown as best as they can whenever possible. (And besides, killing zombies helps us too.) First Aid will be given for those who need it (when possible). Also the graveyards will be checked sometimes for revivification for those who need it. (Calves also like to kick down tombstones, which might be the reason why we visit cemeteries so often.) Player-Killing will not be tolerated (If it isn't committed by us, naturally), and reported PKers will be shot in sight.

"Holy crap, the Tiny Calves are in here." -Anonymous Mad Crasker

Though we are high above normal human beings - physically and spiritually - sometimes even Calves have to retreat if the enemy is stronger by it's size. That's the only chance though, our cunning usually beats the hell out of such things like PKers and zombie mobs smaller than 10 individuals... Never underestimate the power of a fire axe in skillful hooves.

Anyway, when (possibly, however unlikely) we sometimes seem to be screwed, we simply initiate our Plan B which never fails - wank ourselves to Pitneybank or other peaceful (or at least nearby) suburbs when the zombie-concentration gets too high.


The tiny Calf-chronicle

In some nights, when Tiny Calves are spreading chaos and destruction troughout Malton, the spirit of CalfG can be seen over the city, protecting his descendants


"One kills a man, one is an assassin; one kills millions, one is a conqueror; one kills everybody, one is a calf." -CalfG

At the dawn of the Earth, calves dominated the world with their unnatural powers, powers to tweak time and slay the huge carnivore capercaillies in northern Ostrobothnia. These ancient calves were led by their powerful and charismatic leader, CalfG (G is for grand). The extinction of dinosaurs wasn't caused by a giant meteor (as theorized). Instead, these ancient calves ate all the dinosaurs. After there was no more food at the Earth for the growing calf population, calves got bored and spiritualized. Before CalfG left this dimension, he laid two eggs at the core of Earth.

Millions of years later, these eggs hatched and the new generation of mutant calves raised upon Earth in form of two calves, who decided to call themselves as "CalfT" and "CalfJ". One day our fellow calves heard rumours of a big cannibal party at the city of Malton. Calves arrived at the city, partied quite too heavily and woke up in a nest of zombies in the next morning. Naturally, CalfT and CalfJ ate the zombies as a midday-snack and went outside to the city, wandered around killing everything that crossed their path. Nowadays these noble creatures have been reported to wander around in the area of Heytown. In night time, an inhabitant of Malton may notice two calves spreading chaos and see the mark left by the royal hooves.


A compression of theories, contributed by numerous archaeologists and paleonthologists:

  • Calves used to lay eggs and left their children to grow by themselves.
  • Dinosaurs were no threat for calf eggs, since the babies could break their hand trough the egg surface and pull the predator inside the egg, only to find itself to get eaten.
  • Although calves have always been highly outnumbered by the dinosaurs, calves have easily kept their dominance over the Earth due to the skillful use of their durable hooves.
  • Calves didn't really care if they were just 6-8 feet tall, dinosaurs didn't anyway have a chance in a battle, despite their large claws and sharp theeth. (Reason: See the section 3)



Endorsed groups

If Calves think you're group is an incarnation of manliness, attitude (and happen to be in Heytown or near it) and other that kind of stuff, you will find yourselves here.

  • Mad Craskers - Craskers have aided us in our endeavors and thus have our gratitude. May the Craske Triangle stand strong.
  • Queer Jew - Queer Jew are just all-around cool guys, and happen to be in Heytown.
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