User:Amazing/Rosses Of Note

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Ross Gellar from "Friends".

Ross Gellar was a "Dinosaur Scientist" and brother of Monica Gellar on the hit television sitcom "Friends". Though socially awkward and prone to clumsiness, Ross was accomplished in his field and even went on to become a college professor.

Most notibly, he copulated with and successfully impregnated Jennifer Aniston. I forgot what her character's name was. Anyway, she was really hot and he was really dopey so nobody could have seen this coming.

Ross Gellar was also "Friends" with two guys from awful movies and a weird chick who was probably in something, too.


"Boom-Boom Betsy", as she was also known.

Betsy Ross was famous for knitting the American Flag out of Native American pelts. She was George Washington's wife and crossed the Atlantic with him in 1776 after she threw his favorite Dollar across and he wanted it back.

The American Flag, also known as Old Man Glory, went on to become famous while Betsy "Fighting Irish" Ross fell into relative obscurity. Only after discovering her skeletal remains, clutching knitting needles and an early revision of the flag, did her true contributions to mankind come to be known.


Sexy, knows it.

"Thunderbolt" Ross is best known for successfully killing and eating The Hulk. A decorated military man with several Medals of Honor under his belt, and a few above, Ross was chosen by Tony Stark (AKA Thor) to destroy the big green menace.

Unfortunately, upon digesting Bruce Banner's irradiated flesh, "Thunderbolt" Ross turned bright red and started to grow in size. He is now referred to as "The Red Hulk" and fights for abortion rights.


This guy was all the time crazy about woods.

The painted works of Bob Ross are celebrated throughout the world for their attention to detail and the general happiness of their trees. Half human and half 70s Exploitation Film Vampire, Ross inhereted the strengths of a Blackula (Invulnerability, Speed, Afro) while keeping the ability to walk in sunlight and get a bank loan.

During the Siege of the Louvre, Bob Ross was the first professional painter to fall before the might of massing Chrislamic armies intent on destroying works deemed "heretical". He is best remembered for his final war cry:

"Let's just put this sword right here. Riiiight here in this guy's guts. There we go. That'll be our little secret."


Insert coin.

Ross the Dancing Tramp is a homeless man who lives outside my apartment building. If you give him a quarter, he will do a dance of joy for you. Sometimes this jubilant expression of physical prowess will last up to an hour and a half. If you don't give him a quarter, he will do a dance of rage - and God help you.

One time I came outside and found Ross the Dancing Tramp sitting on the front steps, weeping softly. When I asked what was wrong, he said the Government was sending messages to him, and the last broadcast was particularly cruel and amounted to a personal attack. I offered to make the messages stop, and after a tearful acceptance, I set to work.

Long story short, I buried him under the basement floor.

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