User:Chief Seagull/Cometh the Axeman

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Cometh the Axeman

Tarquin Parrott (known to his prison buddies as Cometh the Axeman) – convicted murderer, legendary drunkard, and father of the infamous Cutey Snugglekins.

The bad news is he's escaped from his luxury padded cell.
Worse, he's escaped straight into the hellhole that is Malton.
Worse still, he's armed with his favourite fire axe.
Even worse than that, he's more than a wee bit sozzled (which would probably explain his choice of clothing).

Surrounded by dozens of zombies and with no police to stop him, he found himself right at home... but is it only a matter of time before he starts taking out his violent tendencies on the living? Or will the abundance of alcohol still flowing in the city simply lead to a one-man drunken rampage of vandalism, obscene graffiti and pools of vomit littering the streets?

Background

Parrott had been known to the authorities for many years for various drink-related incidents, such as assaulting a policeman then vomiting into his helmet. After years of counselling, he appeared to be getting his life back on track and he settled down in his home suburb of Yagoton with his wife Gladys and their young daughter Tabitha. Unfortunately, the abundance of alcohol in this area was too much of a temptation and he soon slipped back into his addiction. This caused untold strain on his marriage, which came to a head when he staggered back home to find his wife bumping uglies with their next-door neighbour.

EXTRA EXTRA! Pissed-up loony goes on the rampage! Read all abaaahht it!

This instantly sparked a vodka-fuelled rage. Grabbing a nearby fire axe (which he reportedly kept in a bedroom wardrobe "for protection against burglars"), he launched into a frenzied attack and severed his neighbour's arm. The bloodied neighbour was able to scramble out of the house and escape his attacker, raising the alarm at the nearest police station. Upon arriving at the scene, they found young Tabitha standing standing over his wife's dismembered corpse with a traumatised, spaced-out look in her eyes. She escaped from care that night, and it is believed that this trauma affected her psychologically as she has since become known for a number of killings herself.

Parrot meanwhile went on the run, evading capture for a number of days. The sheer brutality of the case attracted attention from the national media, and scores of reporters and paparazzi arrived to cover the manhunt. He was eventually cornered in an abandoned building and, after a brief tasering, Parrott was arrested. He was remanded in custody at Holsgrove Row Police Department, the only police station with padded cells and a tasteful line in straitjackets, to await his trial. Unfortunately, that trial never occurred due to a slight problem with dead people rising up and eating brains. He escaped his cell when the station was first attacked, grabbing his trusty axe from the evidence locker and once again going into hiding.

According to medical observers flying over the city with external military forces, he roamed the city, surfacing only to scavenge drinks from looted bars and take a few well-aimed swipes at unwitting zombies. It is theorised that this abundance of targets has helped to calm his violent urges, even when completely pissed out of his skull.

Latest reports indicate he has settled at the Bainton Hotel in Buttonville where he can usually be found sleeping off a hangover on an easy chair mounted the roof by his group's resident knife-wielding ape.

Toxicology report

Findings from a post-mortem conducted some months ago on a then-undead Axeman indicate that the sheer amount of alcohol and other unidentified chemicals in his blood causes a somewhat undesirable reaction to the infection carried by some zombies, in as such as when revived while still infected he will go on a wrecking spree. However, if not infected he is generally docile and will act as a constructive member of society. This effectively makes him a triple nature character, as opposed to a dual nature character.

If encountered outside of his home, citizens are strongly advised to administer first aid to him at the earliest opportunity, whether living or undead.

The following list is a document of known piñatas attributed to this sorry individual: -

# Building Suburb Time Evidence
1 McDonald Drive Fire Station Pegton 10:12, 30 August 2010 (BST) [1]
2 The Casely Building Starlingtown 21:16, 2 September 2010 (BST) [2]
3 The Donovan Motel Paynterton 19:40, 3 September 2010 (BST) [3]
4 Thorp Way Fire Station Paynterton 12:13, 4 September 2010 (BST) [4]
5 The Robbins Building Paynterton 07:15, 5 September 2010 (BST) [5]
6 Warehouse 84,65 Vinetown 09:08, 20 October 2010 (BST) [6]
7 The Owsley Building Houldenbank 14:45, 24 October 2010 (BST) [7]
8 Taswell Towers Vinetown 17:49, 25 October 2010 (BST) [8]
9 The Daniels Museum Vinetown 21:56, 29 October 2010 (BST) [9]
10 Sellek Way Fire Station Pegton 20:16, 31 October 2010 (UTC) [10]
11 The Hunter Building Pitneybank 14:09, 2 November 2010 (UTC) [11]
12 The Mechel Museum Buttonville 07:06, 7 November 2010 (UTC) [12]
13 The Pack Building Wyke Hills 09:25, 8 November 2010 (UTC) [13]
14 Feldstein Bank Kinch Heights 09:51, 16 December 2010 (UTC) [14]
15 The Allsop Building Whittenside 10:37, 21 September 2011 (BST) [15]
16 Corless Alley Police Department Pennville 10:57, 22 September 2011 (BST) [16]
17 The Creek Building Gulsonside 15:40, 23 September 2011 (BST) [17]
18 Titus General Hospital Kempsterbank 07:05, 30 September 2011 (BST) [18]
19 Winward Avenue Police Department Tollyton 09:57, 1 October 2011 (BST) [19]
20 Pyke Auto Repair Pegton 09:44, 4 October 2011 (BST) [20]
21 Pettyfer Towers Houldenbank 09:32, 5 October 2011 (BST) [21]
22 St Maurice's Hospital Houldenbank 18:11, 6 October 2011 (BST) [22]
23 The Osbourne Building Fryerbank 16:48, 16 October 2011 (BST) [23]
24 St. Odile's Hospital East Grayside 09:28, 19 October 2011 (BST) [24]
25 Bythesea Auto Repair West Grayside 18:50, 8 January 2012 (UTC) [25]
26 The Lodder Building Wyke Hills 07:45, 25 February 2012 (UTC) [26]
27 Rollason Towers North Blythville 17:49, 3 July 2012 (BST) [27][28]
28 The Travers Building North Blythville 07:06, 5 July 2012 (BST) [29]
29 The Copeland Building West Grayside 09:09, 25 July 2012 (BST) [30]
30 The Uncles Building Wray Heights 09:07, 26 July 2012 (BST) [31]
31 Wimbridge Boulevard Fire Station Tollyton 10:19, 27 July 2012 (BST) [32]
32 Guilford Avenue Fire Station Roftwood 09:12, 30 July 2012 (BST) [33]
33 Glanvile Towers Ridleybank 09:14, 31 July 2012 (BST)~ [34]
34 Tufton Auto Repair Randallbank 09:40, 4 August 2012 (BST) [35]
35 Ramsey Auto Repair Raines Hills 12:25, 5 August 2012 (BST) [36]
36 Cavendish Bank Millen Hills 11:17, 6 August 2012 (BST) [37]
37 Matraves Crescent Police Department Roachtown 16:14, 24 October 2012 (BST) [38]
38 Mockridge Cinema Foulkes Village 10:05, 9 February 2013 (UTC) [39]
39 The Pendell Arms Roftwood 11:40, 22 March 2013 (UTC) [40]
40 St Paschal's Hospital Peppardville 16:41, 23 March 2013 (UTC) [41]
41 The Brymer Building Peppardville 18:57, 25 March 2013 (UTC) [42]
42 St Vitalian's Church Randallbank 12:53, 27 March 2013 (UTC) [43]
43 Martin General Hospital Randallbank 08:11, 29 March 2013 (UTC) [44]
44 Club Dupe Peppardville 14:57, 1 April 2013 (BST) [45]
45 Fort Creedy Barracks Peppardville 15:50, 28 August 2013 (BST) [46]
46 Sage Way Railway Station Pitneybank 07:15, 1 September 2013 (BST) [47]
47 The Snygge Building Starlingtown 06:44, 6 September 2013 (BST) [48]
48 St Maurice's Hospital Houldenbank 08:39, 8 September 2013 (BST) [49]
49 Odo General Hospital Penny Heights 09:30, 13 September 2013 (BST) [50]
50 Hobson Place Police Department Fryerbank 21:38, 14 September 2013 (BST) [51]
51 Druce Row School Pennville 10:13, 16 September 2013 (BST) [52]
52 Ruddle Cinema Danversbank 06:42, 19 September 2013 (BST) [53]
53 Hutchin Bank Buttonville 12:26, 4 July 2016 (UTC) [54]
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