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The Crabapples Legal Team are a crack bunch of rabid lawyers, responsible for keeping Lord Crabapple and several associates out of jail despite overwhelming evidence in their opposition.

Running out of funds provided by the Crabapples regarding their previous services, and limited to remote influence since they operate from outside of Malton, they are funded by relatives of The Crabapple Estate to work in their interests against terrorist propaganda and the apparent oppressive Stalinist regime groups of programmed servants of totalitarian causes are constantly trying to install in West Boundwood.

Never before have they felt so righteous!

Gavel.jpg Frakkin' Lawyer
In describing the legion members of the Crabapple Legal Team, all that can be said is that each is a lawyer and therefore believed to be damned.
"One lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a hundred guys with guns." -- Vito Corleone
The IUSS, MAF, Certified=Insane and Saromu each individually mistakenly believes they have a working grasp of the law.
Union Flag.png British
This user is British.
Martini.jpg Sobriety
The Crabapple Legal Team is currently and permanently semi-wasted on Tennents Super, Wild and White and Lambrini
Squad.jpg Firing Squad
This user thinks we should just shoot Elias Taylor and get it over with.

Major cases

Elias Taylor vs. The Crabapple Legal Team

An unpleasant case. Elias Taylor started an all out Nazi style history rewrite campaign, proclaiming the Crabapples to be a bunch of industrialists defeated by his MAF/IUSS chums. We put disclaimers on, which were relentlessly vandalised by Elias. We rewrote the history to be more accurate on several location pages. Elias viciously slandered a couple of associates of the Crabapple Estate and was heavily warned by judges, then put the same repellant history rewrites on a seperate page. We put disclaimers there too, which were deleted relentlessly (along with those on the IUSS/MAF anti-Crabapple propaganda page). We put a more likely-to-be-accurate history of Elias on the page... we went for a recommended arbitration, Elias didn't even turn up, presumably realizing he was completely in the wrong, and had blatantly displayed himself as a nasty little Stalinist slanderer.

The anti-Crabapple propaganda page was protected, with propaganda notices, then deleted, presumably because it was a work of miserable propaganda. The other page was deleted, and we removed our location page entries, which were no longer needed.

Case closed

Fireplay vs. The Crabapple Legal Team

A less unpleasant, if more political case. Fireplay changed the IUSS barricade plan to define Crabapple manor as a revive point, , and put notices in official areas that it is a walk in revive point. It was then further altered by Certified=insane to be shown to be unbarricaded. We deleted the revive point statements. Fireplay then put up a set of rules for the suburb, defined by the IUSS/MAF, and deleted Crabapple rejections of these and the barricade plans. We put warnings threatening arbitration/vandal banning should they continue to be deleted. A negotiation was invited, we proposed changes, the 'rules' were deleted by a judge, and the barricade plan amended with apology from another member of the IUSS. Fireplay insulted us and/or the Crabapples with fascist remarks, and everything subsided.

Case closed

Suspected M@F agent Pkers investigation by The Crabapple Legal Team

A rather embarrassing bungle on our part. After the appearance of the King Crabapple, who, rather than turning out to be a long lost relative turned out to be a grafitti propaganist echoing M@F concerns, a number of previously unknown Pkers arrived in the suburb, killing survivors while (in a manner similar to King Crabapple, if not extending to their names) identifying themselves as members of the Crabapples and I.U.S.S. Simultaneously, proclamations by MAF members proclaiming a war on the Crabapples appeared. As we began to compile evidence regarding M@F complicity in Pker assaults, and openly referred to them, M@F members prominently posted accusations of ourselves abusing the West Boundwood page.

Simultaneously, we began to periodically put some amiable insults on the Black Bloc (sub-group of M@F)discussion page, in a successful attempt to get a rise out of Black Bloc member Lorisdontas... his complaints to judges gained for us the wrath of a high judge, who then removed all recent edits from the main West Boundwood page, including any reference to Pkings whatsoever. Efforts for appeal were rejected. Rather than lose our licenses, we decided to essentially abandon any serious attempt at an investigation (which was becoming largely convoluted and unweildy anyway). We consider ourselves to have fallen for some rather obvious traps by enemies of the Crabapples, as well as possibly acting somewhat overconfidently.... maybe we should drink less! Or more?

Case abandoned

We should have stuck to accusing King Crabapple of being Elias Taylor, or perhaps Certified=Insane - so much less refutable!

The fight against the zombie invasion.... of the wiki!!!

A happy jaunt, defending not only our noble patrons, but, yes - EVERY LIVING PERSON IN MALTON - involved censoring the many zombie claims of winning the battle when the war was just begun! This largely revolved around our reinstating many groups on suburb pages where a self-righteous extinction zombie (Saromu) was determined to delete them whether he or his multitude of zombie alts knew they had wiped them out or not. Although the judges ruled a NOT GUILTY verdict regarding a sentence for his wanton abuse of information pages (a lengthy hearing was involved, and we did appeal), Saromu didn't push his luck by continuing to delete survivor groups from wiki pages after we had reinstated them, and group representation was maintained....

Case closed

Minor cases

West Boundwood description

As a part of the removal of the 'I.U.S.S. and M@F laws', other elements of the page were deleted, including the background. We constructed a new background with contributions from the I.U.S.S., which, in remaining, hopefully proves legal.

Real Estate acquisition

Realizing the growing needs of the Crabapple Estate, we decided to dabble in property. Oddly enough, property prices in Malton have fallen impressively since the infestation of the City by undead flesh eaters....

Spin doctor duties for the Crabapple Estate

Moving into politics seems such a natural development from law!

Litigatious action against libelous reporting

Covers most of our activities, but at one point in particular extended to minor anti-Crabapple propaganda on official location descriptions

More MAF being NAFF

The MAF had been putting in dodgy 'news reports' on the West Boundwood page again. We did the usual, and the whole thing was shipped to the talk page, where it belonged...

Fiddled with group identity

Blackboard, who can only be assumed to be the teacher (re: 'groomer') of the MAF, took it upon himself to keep shoving the Crabapples away from their rightful place at the top of the West Boundwood survivor group list, mostly into the pker list! After the usual lengthy resilience to communist propaganda followed, the fiddling was stopped