User:Devorac/Megadodo Publications/The Guide/Malton

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TheGuide.png Malton


Malton is a very strange place.

The reasons that Malton are strange are many.

  1. It happens to be partially populated by the living dead.
  2. It violates the law of conservation of energy in such away that any sensible judge would have Malton labeled as a sex offender.
  3. There seem to be limitless resources available to each individual, yet trade seems to be held to a standstill.
  4. The average Maltonian can take between 10 and 12 bullets to the chest before suffering any ill affects.
  5. The undead have no greater durability than the living.
  6. Nearly all living individuals have the ability to briefly skip out the material world and move a short distance through both space and time.
  7. There appears to be no need for food, water, or sanitation.
  8. Etc... Etc...

However Malton's many residents live with the eccentric laws of nature as well as the strange company day by day. The strangest part of malton though is that the reasons for the living to remain living -or in many cases their reasons for remaining non-living- are nearly as bad as the vacation that the conventional laws of physics seem to have taken. To illustrate this point we have the basic day to day activities of a standard survivor military chap.

Eric Ritt's Journal

To do,

  1. Kill zombie
  2. Repair building
  3. Build Barricades
  4. Power Building
  5. Install Radio Transmitter

As you can see this is a good solid day of work for him, a day that he can feel proud of. It is however largely pointless when another zombie realizes it has been shot, rises, rips open the barricades, kills Eric, destroys the generator, ruins the building, and finally obliterates the transmitter. That is Malton's typical cycle, it can be slowed down or even brought to a standstill by sufficient resistance from either side but it is in the end quite inevitable. There is no building in Malton that has never been ruined, and no person that has never been killed.

However that is only relevant if you consider getting your feet into the normal humdrum cycle of things, and this guide was not written for normal humdrum people with to do lists and a desire to "Win" Malton for either side. The following articles should be of a great deal more use to the stranded Hitchhiker.

What is the best way to catch a lift in Malton


It appears that there are no working vehicles of any kind inside the city, and nor are there people with enough brains to repair an existing broken vehicle. The complete lack of ground based vehicles has eliminated a very large chunk of hitchhiking, many a bewildered traveler has attempted to wait for a vehicle to flag down in the streets of Malton only to be eaten be roving zombies.

Getting back into space is difficult, largely because Malton appears to exist in a plural zone and its current position in reality correlates to a large number of frightful interstellar battles which shut down almost all space travel in that sector. Some hitchhikers have been waiting for years for the merest hope of a ship to flag down.

How to have fun in Malton

That depends entirely on your definition of fun, several categories have been created for your viewing pleasure.

Where to get a stiff drink in Malton

There are more than 250 bars in Malton, the problem is that they only serve two different types of alcohol, beer and wine, the good news is that the drink is so very invigorating that it will actually heal you! After drinking fifteen bottles of Lawrie arms beer your wounds will feel as though they had been treated by a master surgeon. Still the lack of variety has been known to wear on some Hitchhikers.

Where to have a good Party

There are exactly 235 clubs in Malton, while they are dreary and often filled with dead bodies when unlit they are remarkably nice places when people have the decency to plug in a generator. There is music, dancing, and of course more magical healing alcohol. However a great deal of murderers like clubs to remain un-powered simply so they can skulk quietly with the dead bodies. Thus it is important to make sure that when powering buildings you make sure that all the murderers inside are fun loving people that will enjoy a good dance and bottle of beer as much as you will.

Where to find a good Book

There are 219 Libraries in Malton, 20 malls with two to four bookstores each and more than 233 schools. There are a variety of books in Malton, and by odd coincidence a large number of them relate to survival in one form or another. This is known because of survivors barricading themselves in libraries for months on end and then suddenly emerging knowing how to shoot straight, access necro-net, revive zombies, and perform surgery. Malton also had a large poetry convention which pushed a very large number poetry books into the system. What is more curious is that they all contain the same poetry, and once read cover to cover you now know all of what every poetry book contains.

Where to get something to eat in Malton

You can't.

We are terribly sorry for the trouble but it seems that there is no food for the living to be had in all Malton, unless you count stale candy but that is still highly limited. The good news is that you don't have to eat at all, and working out will still make you buff even though there is no additional system input that would normally allow this.

Where to find something to shoot in Malton

This is particularly easy, Malton as has been aforementioned is full of zombies, most of these are not too upset about being shot. A large portion of the time they merely find it amusing that some person or another has chosen to waste their time by attempting to kill something that is already dead. Guns are easy enough to find and ammunition is plentiful, the only real trouble is finding a good place to hunker down after you decide to put a few holes in a zombie. Yes they may find it amusing, however it is also amusing to them for your brains to be on what is commonly considered to be the wrong side of your skull.

It is generally regarded as a bad idea to shoot other breathing people, it is also true though that a number of people derive all of their entertainment from shooting other breathing people.

Where can I see a good movie in Malton

There are 233 Cinemas in Malton, and one thing that Malton had prior to the outbreak was an annual movie convention of stupendous size. The problem is that, like clubs, cinemas are rather dark when un-powered making them common lurking places for murders and the differently dead. So check your audience before you plug in that generator and grab some popcorn, they might be less than appreciative of the display. For a current list of the movies playing at your local cinema see here.