User:Jon D'oh

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Jon D'oh
Joined: 2006-09-08
Character class: Military
Favorite equipment: Shotgun
Character profile: Urban Dead profile
Current status: Alive
Character group: AlQilya
Character stats: 8 deaths, 8 revives, 3 ex-wives. Death before alimony (should be pronounced 'allhismoney')
Journal: The Diary for Jon D'oh
~160~ Hundreds 'SERVED'!
I slay zeds like McDonald's serves up burgers. Be part of the Holy Jihad!
Sucks! Neutrality Sucks!
This user or group thinks that there is no such thing as true article neutrality!
800px-Flag of the United States.svg.png American
This user is American.
Alqilya icon.gif The AlQilya Jihad
Proud member or supporter of AlQilya and their Jihad on the zombies of Malton.
Gun.jpg Trigger Happy
This user has guns. Do not cross them.
Boobs.gif Boobies!!
This user or group digs sweater puppies!
ZombieHand.gif Proud To Be A Zombie Hunter
This user is a Zombie Hunter and is probably off head shotting a zed right now.
Caiger Fething Mall Defiant Caiger Mall Defender
This user or group is dedicated to the defense of Caiger Fething Mall, and to maintaining its free flow of liquor at market prices.
Penguin-slap.gif WARNING!
This user or group knows how to lay the smack down.
Sgpicon1.gif Sacred Ground Policy Supporter
This user supports the Sacred Ground Policy.
RiverlogoS.gif Supporter of River Tactics
I flow into the void.
Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Lachryma has given John D'oh a rat for putting up with her Czarina ways.
KillpatheticBill.gif Hunt him down!
Pathetic Bill must be killed and sent back to hell, where he belongs!

Recent News

  • 28 Dec 06
After witnessing first hand the mentality of a significant number of denizens of Gulsonside, we have left the area in disgust, to go and take the war back to the zeds at Caiger Fething Mall.

  • 21 Dec 06
We're considering a little excursion / adventure down into the Whittenside area, to smash up some zeds that think they know something about being scary in Danversbank, and the neighboring Ft Perryn.

  • 18 Dec 06
A big shout out to Evil Spatula, the newest member of the AlQilya Jihad!!

  • 11 Dec 06
A big shout out to Reedrum, the newest member of the AlQilya Jihad!!


Jon D'oh joined the Corps after failing out of the police academy for being 'too aggressive', and has yet to learn to take it easy. No stranger to being shot at in anger, he has the scars, the attitude, and three ex-wives to show for his trouble.

He thought he'd landed a cherry gig when he got embassy orders to Malton, until the infection pandemic went well out of control. Having successfully escorted the ambasador out of the city and safely onto a transport back to safer shores, D'oh was going to do anything he could to get back into the city to be with his troops.

The Blackhawk insertion into Malton cost him his last favor with anybody that could help him. He's on a mission now to find the rest of his troops, and make sure they get through this, his most bizarre and deadly operation yet. The odds just aren't fair . . . for the zeds, that is.



D'oh, and the remaining survivors of his unit have taken their squad motto and callsign as their new unit name while operating in Malton.

AlQilya was first formed as a western-centric response to the militant islamic group known as AlQeada, holding American values and beliefs as their cornerstones. Their motto: 4Q, is their battlecry.

AlQilya has declared a Holy Jihad against the zombie infestation of Malton.


John Manning - (Profile)

Suparim - (Profile)

Reedrum - (Profile)

Sam Cork - (Profile)

Lachryma - (Profile)

Service Awards / Salad Bowl

Awards and Medals for Jon D'oh

AlQilyaMilitaryServiceRibbon.jpg AlQilya100Kills.jpg AlQilyaEngineerServiceRibbon.jpg
AlQilyaBlackmoreCampaign2.jpg AlQilyaCaigerCampaign2.jpg AlQilyaMedalofValor.jpg

Diary Archives

Diary Archives Here

In order to reduce the tremendous amount of scrolling which was starting to add up, I have broken the diary down into separate pages. Each month, I'll move the previous month's entries to their own page. Just click the link to get to the Diary Archives.


02 Jan 07

Zed Count: Quite a few less

Been here at Caiger for the better part of a week now. If those dimwits in Gulsonside want to see what real zombie activity is, they need to pull their heads out of their asses, and get a little closer to here. I've barely had time to sleep.

It's become obvious to everyone that the key to holding Caiger is to maintain control (and power) to the Necrotech building next door. Latrobe is the lynchpin of keeping the resistance up. The single best hope we have against the zeds is to keep a fresh and steady flow of Lazarus Syringes flowing into the hands of the survivors. So far we've been able to keep that pipeline pretty much open, but it hasn't been easy, and doesn't look to be getting any easier. The zed break-ins are as frequent as they are disruptive.

My personal Tasmanian Devil, a.k.a. John Manning has struck yet again. He wandered outside strapped to the gills with shotguns and ammo, and wandered back in a bit later covered in . . . well, use your imagination (all of it), out of ammo, having left 10 zeds sucking pavement. It's almost an art form to watch this man work. I swear, when this is all over, they need to make this an olympic event. He's like the Lance Armstrong of zed-busting. Bravo-Zulu, man.

05 Jan 07

Zed Count: 31(!)

Spent the day scrounging for ammo, and supplies. Doing alot of ducking in and out at Latrobe, making sure that there's no mickey-fickey with the 'cades. The zeds are outside beating the hell out of them, but so far we've done a pretty good job of holding the line. This group is seriously dedicated to holding Caiger. I wish those folks in Gulsonside could see what it's like around here on a daily basis. Their heads would explode. They're worried about an occassional feral zombie seeing the lights of a non-resource building from a few blocks away, and I can see over 200 *organized* zeds right outside the mall door.

Caught 3 zeds inside Latrobe yesterday. The might of my great and terrible shotguns cured that minor incursion in a hurry. Got the bodies chunked out, and the doors resealed before anybody really noticed, aside from the storm of my shotguns, that is :o) . . .

08 Jan 07

Zeds Count: 32(!)

Damn zeds are getting braver. I'm sure that it's more due to their sheer number rather any evolution of whatever it is that classifies as zombie psyche. The warriors in Latrobe are definately tougher than nails, and are doing an excellent job of staving back the ever-rising undead tide. The 500+ defenders physically inside Caiger also have quite a bit to say about that as well, I'd imagine.

Got an emergency call from our old friend the Sweeney Bldg, as they were being over-run by a mid-sized horde. I made my way over and did what I could. Two less zeds, and at least that many spared civilians added to the talley.

I think I could make a mint if I could start manufacturing shotgun shells in this city.

In other news, I haven't heard much from the Czarina lately, I sincerely hope it's more due to her flying below the radar than the alternative. I'm going to put a few calls about, and just check in on her.

D'oh out.

13 Jan 07

Zed Count: Lots and Lots

The tactic of stepping outside to reduce the zed numbers assaulting the building appear to be working. Everyday, I slip out unnoticed, drop as many pusbags as I can, and slip back in. I've put at least a dozen to rest in the last couple days, the difficult part about it all is keeping myself in ammunition. There hasn't been much time for sleep, between the sparrowing, and the constant search for ammo.

This mall is big. I keep hearing stories of the Czarina's fearless feats as a combat medic, but I haven't run across her in nearly a week. As long as she's ok, that's good enough for me. I think I'll whip out my little spray can, and leave her a note . . .

D'oh out.

16 Jan 07

Zed Count: Hundreds

It's snowing today. It's amazing the transition that takes place from the time the snowflake is formed, begins it's fall to Earth, and actually lands in the black ichor and grime of the street. The zeds have noticed it as well. Some bat at it wildly and try to eat it as it falls, others stare blindly at it, the way that a young child might behold a christmas tree for the first time. The rest ignore it completely as it settles upon them, accumulating and unmelting. We have alot in common with the snowflake, as we begin our fall from grace and innocence, ultimatly winding up stacked upon each other in the cold dark recesses of some God-forsaken place.

We've been reduced to building barricades from the bodies of the dead-dead. Hmm, more snowflake analogy. At least in the ice and cold they won't rot as quickly. The rats can smell that something is afoul, even they refuse to have anything to do with them. The quicklime helps, too, I suppose. I can't blame the rats, I don't want anything to do with the meat-bags, either, Undead or dead-dead.

The suicide rate is picking up around here, as well. It's not uncommon to find a fresh corpse outside, having recently projected themselves from the roof. Those are always fun, as there's usually enough left for them to . . . come back. Usually. Others are a little more final about it, and spray cherry pie on the walls with their shotguns. Thanks for the forethought of not requiring us to kill you over and over, but for God's sakes, please lay some plastic down or something, or figure out some other way to cleanup after yourselves.

Latrobe has become the focal point of the fight for Caiger. Both sides know that without the Lazarus syringes, the survivors don't stand a chance against the undead tide. However, even that may not be enough. We're finding more and more of the recently revived are completely insane. Some horribly psychopathic, others are completely vegetative. Either way the chips fall, the percentage is rising steadily, and alarmingly. If the world doesn't end with a bang or a whimper, it'll probably end in drool. Now there's a lovely thought to start your day.

Welcome one and all to the 4th siege of Caiger Mall.

25 Jan 07

Zed Count: 147 Outside

I don't know what drove me to this, but the ball is now in play, and I don't see any other choice but to run with it.

My formerly fleeting interest with the zombie condition has . . . evolved.

In order to defeat the enemy, you have to at least understand their motive, their drive, and their perspectives. I've drawn upon my past experiences in dealing with a determined enemy, and have begun my study.

For weeks now, I've watched them and documented their behaviors and their patterns. Noted how they react as individuals and as a group. I've written enough to fill several notebooks, and there's still mountains of theories and questions to be tested and answered, but, I knew ultimately what I had to do. My God, this is insanity.

And now, here I sit in a darkend corner in the basement of Latrobe.

Standing watch over my own personal zombie.

The first documented POW in this zed war.

27 Jan 2007

Zed Count: 151 Outside

If anything should happen to me, I feel that it is my duty to document my reasoning for this course of action, along with my research.

The Zombie, hereto referred to as Bob, was part of one of the many zed break-ins of the Latrobe building, specifically, breach #3 on 24 Jan, 07. During the confusion and bustle of activity, I noted a zed on on the floor, which had gone un-noticed, and was being trampled. I cannot explain my actions, nor do I understand specifically why I did what I did next. Before this moment, I had not fully committed to the idea of capturing an un-live zed for study. But, during the previously-mentioned ruckus, I draped my coat over it's head and shoulders, and drug it back out of the melee, further into the room. With the coat over it's upper torso, it wasn't immediately recognizable as a zed, aside from the odor.

With the zed still putting up resistance, I proceeded to drag it down the basement steps, amazingly still not noticed for anything more than pulling an injured survivor to safety by the others. Once I got it down the stairs, I proceeded to restrain it in one of the steel chairs in the room using a combination of duct-tape, and zip-ties.

This zed doesn't have alot of fight to it, compared to some of the others I've encountered. This specimen is a white male, of approximately 60 years of age. Given the level of decay, dramatically slowed as it is by the zombification process, I'd say this zombie has been dead for approximatly 7 - 8 months. Bob is alert and responsive to outside stimuli. Were he unrestrained, I'm sure he'd try to take a bite out of me.

Bob appears to have initially died of a bite-wound to the lower neck - shoulder area. Upon initial inspection, it is the only visible sign of trauma.

Although his eyes appear to be completely fogged by what I can best describe as advanced cataracts, his vision is sharp up to a distance of 20 feet, as this is all the room I have available to me to conduct my study. Bob appears to rely more on his sense of smell, than sight. Much like a dog, he leads with his nose. Bob's hearing is also at least as sharp as it was during life, I suspect. This much is only speculation, but he does hear as good as any normal 60ish year-old man would.

There's something funny about this room. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm not going to be able to put it out of my mind until I figure it out. More later.

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This user or group proudly wears the badge of the Blackmore Bastard Brigade.

8/18/06 - 10/13/06, 11/5/06 -

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