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Papa
Moloch


Executive Editor
Murray Jay Suskind


The Kids in the Hall
-BongoBrain
-DeathbyMoshpit
-Exham
-Foul Play
-Goolina
-Olam
-Prothero
-Talunex
-Zbmaniac
-BigJ

News In Brief

New Megahorde Given Name
Now to be called "Department of Zombie Management"

Monroeville Mall Falls
Most historic location in all of zombie lore is placed in the rightful hands of Monroeville's zombie hordes.


Special Edition

Better Know Malton

With the return of the Malton Herald & Sun to the streets of Malton, the staff has decided to take care of some long overdue interviews. While the backlog of zombies and harmanz to be interviewed isn't completely cleared, the four separate interviews conducted in the past week have lead us to our special interview edition... Better Know Malton

Better Know a Papa

Do I hear death from above? Death from below? Death from any way under the sun? It must be part II in our ongoing series, Better Know a Papa.

Papa Moloch, The Fightin' Moloch! Joining the RRF in June 2007, Moloch quickly rocketed up the ranks of the horde, impressing Goolina with his organizational skills and tactical acumen, and then the rest of the War Council after his skills and acumen were punished with a promotion. His focused strategic vision and brutal effectiveness made him an obvious choice for successor after the personality-driven reign of Papa Murray. Since becoming Papa in November 2007, the RRF has been neigh unstoppable. We recently had a chance to sit down with Papa Moloch, here's what he had to say.

MH&S: You're a Gore Corps member through and through. So I guess my first question is, what's the most memorable time you've been eaten by a member of the horde?

Moloch: I can only remember one instance of being eaten by a member of the horde, which came when I went to the SSZ conquest party in Breddy Park. I posted an alert on the DoHS forum to say that I was waiting in the park for someone to zombify me, but also specifically banning members of the War Council from doing it, so that needy young zambahs could get a free meal.

Who took all the fun and feeding?

Zoey Zarg and Murray Jay Suskind.

This is why we can't have nice things.

MH&S: I just took a bite out of you, got you nice and infected. Marinating for the horde. It was Zoey who couldn't resist eating you.

Moloch: It's the power. It has that effect on the ladies. I mean Hell, it happened to you too right? Goolina took your wang all the way to Buttonville.

MH&S: I'm still waiting for it back, to. It's a horrible way to abuse my rotting carcass. Anyway, who do you think was the Queen of Alternative Rock: Kim Gordon or Kim Deal?

Moloch: There are women musicians now? Come on! Seriously?

OK, I'll humour you. I'll go with whichever one is most attractive.

MH&S: So you're choosing the more experimental noise rock mileu of the Sonic Youth over the underappreciated but wildly influential "loud-quiet-loud" dynamic of the Pixies?

Moloch: Actually, I'm going to go with Melissa Auf Der Maur. I'd plough that all day, every day.

MH&S: I'd say that's a disturbing image, but like most people, I have no clue what you look like... speaking of which, you're infamous for your refusal to be photographed. This leads to me wonder... are you, in reality, the prophet Mohamed?


Moloch: ه] مرحبا, حسن أنا حاسوبك. أراد أنت يحبّ [كب وف تا]? أنا كنت صحيحة يجعل واحدة. أنا منشار أنّ [بروك] إلى الخلف جبل الأخرى يوم. بجدّيّة, ماذا ال [فوك] كان [ألّ ث] هرج و مرج حول. راعي بقر ر? هو كان يستعصي أن يجد مستقيمة واحدة, أنا يقدّم.

Translation: No.

MH&S: Does Team America know that you're a terrorist, sir?

Moloch: Please! Every fool knows that Zoey Zarg and Gus Thomas did 9/11. I was set up! Everyone always blames the Gore Corps.

MH&S: After that outburst, I can see why. Shifting gears for a moment, the RRF has been nigh unstoppable since you've become Papa. What do you ascribe this to?

Moloch: My genius! But seriously, we've had a lot of good things come together at once. We've had an influx of enthusiastic new metagamers come into the horde, which has resulted in our having a brand new strike team, Team America. When I took over, one of the first things that I did was put in place the Suskind Act, 2007, which guaranteed all strike teams immunity from 'Murray-Jaying', which is the cause of 97.3% of known strike team dissolutions. Team America were the first beneficiaries of this and they've helped a lot of our new zombies level up very quickly.

Another change is that we are far more cautious in our target selection now. Not to give away our operational secrets, but when we attack a location now we do so in the all-but certain knowledge that it will fall. We've also consolidated the horde into a single main group, as opposed to the endless sub-groups that have been used in the past. This simplifies the logistical processes of deploying a large horde.

There are other reasons, but I'd say that those are the main ones. Especially the one about my genius.

MH&S: I'll have you know that I was in on the ground floor of AU10. So that gives me a 1/4 success rate on starting up strike teams. That's a .250 average. Above the Mendoza line. That and I named Team America, so it's only a matter of time before they collapse.

Moloch: That counts as a confession of strike team murder. You're the Son of Sam of strike teams. Actually, more like the Jeffrey Dahmer. Don't pretend that you don't know why...

MH&S: Please, Dahmer was a breather until he got that broomstick upside his head. If anything, he'd have been a Gore Corpser. Now, you're clearly named after the Mortal Kombat character Moloch. Did your parents not like you very much?

Moloch: There's a story there.

Mum and Dad always had high hopes for me. Well, expectations really. Dad was evil, Mum was evil. They wanted me to be evil too, so they gave me the name of the ancient Phoenician God, Moloch, mostly because he is associated with infant sacrifices. Big stuff to live up to, right? Well, they put their money where their mouths are and sent me to the best schools that blood money can buy. Eventually I graduated with a first from Oxford, which is the UK's leading centre for evil education, and they really felt that I was in a great position to do real evil in this world. Me? Well, I just wanted to concentrate on my music.

Mum had always wanted me to become a doctor, like House, the Chief of Staff from Scrubs,or Mengele. Dad was more ambitious though. He dreamed of my becoming the next Stalin or Pol Pot, maybe even a Karl Rove! Yeah, that's pressure for you. So, the summer after I graduated he arranged for me to go to the States and really begin my evil training, with a year's paid internship at Disney Corp.

It started off OK but, over time, between the filing, the coffee-making and the feeding Bob Iger the still-beating hearts of virgins, it really started to get me down. After a couple of months I looked around and thought 'Moloch, this is LA! Where better to make a go of it with music?' So one day I just upped and quit. I knew what Mum and Dad would say, but this is my life and I need to do what's best for me. I decided not to call them. I mean, why worry them, right?

That said, I didn't abandon evil altogether. I formed a folk-alt-death metal band called 'The Heart of Corporate America' and at night I would work on my songs, but by day I was working for Blockbuster Video, editing the good bits out of films and adding subliminal pro-Bush propaganda. Hey, a guy's got to eat. We recorded a demo, and if you play it backwards it tells you to go out and kill children and shit. Y'know, good, old-fashioned, healthy rock music. I figured, yeah, sure, I wasn't doing really big evil and Mum and Dad would be hurt by that, but if I could just show them that music and evil could be one, maybe then they could accept that this was who I was.

We put the demo in all the right hands and we played as many shows as we could. We slept on friends' floors, in our van, anywhere we could really. Anything to help get the word out there. We thought we'd got the evil music thing down pat. Then the Pussycat Dolls broke through and we realised that we were just amateurs. We were doing songs about torture, rape, Starbucks, 4Chan, but really, how can you go toe-to-toe with real evil like the Dolls and all that American Idol stuff?

Those were the bad times. I started hitting the bottle pretty hard and the junk wasn't really recreational any more, no matter how many times I told myself it was. The band split up and I was just kind of lost. After a couple of months all I really wanted to do was go home, but I couldn't call my parents. Seriously, how could I tell them that I had failed; not just at evil or music, but at life? I got a loan from my Uncle and caught a plane back to Britain.

When I got back into town I got in touch with an old girlfriend. She'd moved cities, but she was happy for me to come and crash at her place for a few weeks while I got myself straightened out, so I took my guitar and my suitcase and hopped on a bus to her new town. Malton. The rest, as they say, is history.

After I became Papa of the RRF I called my parents to tell them. I said 'Mahm! Zahz! Ahv maIz Iz. Ahm r!ahl !vahr nah'. Dad tried to sound pleased for me, but you could just tell his heart wasn't in it. And Mum? She just cried.

We haven't really talked since that day.

MH&S: Okay, but what about the Mortal Kombat?

Moloch: It's Street Fighter II for arseholes.

MH&S: I see. What part of the harman body, besides the brainz, do you feel are the most nutritious?

Moloch: If you can get a pregnant woman you'll find the foetus to be seriously packed with nutrients.

What? Dude, what the fuck are you staring at?

MH&S: ...

Moloch: Come on! The bones are still soft, so they are really crunchy, but still edible.

MH&S: I'll just move on to the next question... you've played pretty much every side of this game in survivor, zombie, death cultist and PKer. Which do you find the most rewarding?

Moloch: Death-culting work is the most fun for me because it presents the most tactical flexibility. That and it makes me pretty much unstoppable. Shot? I'll take out your barricades. Combat revived? Oh boy, you guys are fucked now, etc.

MH&S: Alright, final question, Papa Moloch: Great Papa or Greatest Papa?

Moloch: Great Papa. No-one has surpassed Petro.

Yet.

MH&S: I'll just mark you down as saying Murray Jay's the greatest....

Moloch: Who?

Better Know an Ally

Barhah Fundamentalism: terroristic scourge, well-meant but too extreme ideology, or the one true path to BARHAH? Tonight's guest believes quite firmly in the latter.

The Militant Order of Barhah, The Fightin' MOB! Borne out of the great Gore Corps - Barhah Brigade drama of January 2007, the Militant Order of Barhah has been as successful eating brainz as any other horde around since its inception. Under their prophet, Jorm, the MOB takes the well-honed tactics of a strike team that never existed and applies them to a full horde. This has paid massive divdends as the MOB is every bit as effective as other, larger zombie hordes. We had a chance to sit down with the MOB's Father-Confessor Beauxdeigh, and here's what he had to say.

MH&S: The Militant Order of Barhah is known for its "Radical Barhah Fundamentalism." What is Radical Barhah Fundamentalism and how does one become a Radical Barhah Fundamentalist?

Beaux: Coming to a full understanding of True BARHAH and acting purely upon that knowledge has all too often caused those zomibes with lesser, weaker understandings to revile us and label us as extreme or radical. If only the breathing would treat their most skilled in the same fashion. If only they reviled the casual, destructive use of the needle as "Radical Survivalism." No. We are not delusional in our beliefs. We are not vile, hate-spewing monsters. We simply have fully accepted the undeniable truths that some of our zetheren refuse in ignorance:

In BARHAH, there is no Life. The ROT is purity in BARHAH.

You see, Murray, the message we bring is not one of hate, but of love. In BARHAH we come together to share the precious gift of death. So, once accepted, the warm embrace of death should be grasped jealously. You should never allow temptation to drive you apart from the clutches of BARHAH.

MH&S: Sorry, I just used the term "Radical Barhah Fundamentalist" because it was at one point self-applied. So is it safe to say that the MOB has moved from a radical past to a more conservative present?

Beaux: It is true that at first we, mistakenly, embraced the epithet that was being directed at us. Over time, however, it has become clear that the term 'Radical' has been used in an attempt to delegitimize our precepts. That can no longer stand. The Militant Order is the standard bearer for BARHAH. If someone finds us radical, it says more about them than it does about us.

So no, we haven't moved. BARHAH is not so pliable. The prophet, jorm, rattled it best, "BARHAH cares not for the ends, but for the means. One cannot be one with BARHAH if one strolls through barricades bearing weapons of steel and powder. True BARHAH is the joy of the ROT and of warm drippings of brains. BARHAH is not found in the barrel of a gun, nor the blade of an axe, but by tilling the earth of harmanity with your own claws and teeth, planting the seeds of their future BARHAH."

MH&S: "Radical Barhah Fundamentalist" is quite a long term. Do you mind if I just call you a "Fundy"?

Bodey: Since I reject the term "Radical" being applied to myself or those who follow the prophet, I reject any derivative. Truly, my sockets ooze sadly for those who have been lulled into the modern misinterpretation of zombie fellowship that your kind espouses, Murray.

MH&S: Okay, even without the radical part, "Barhah Fundamentalist" is a long term and is to this day self-applied. Come on... can't you guys put the fun in fundy?

Bodey: Creating and leading this horde is the most fun I have been a part of in this game, bar-none. Jorm, Sauth and the rest of us really did our best to carry over the strong sense of community and family, that the Barhah Brigade always had, into the MOB and I think that really shows among our long term members. Just the other day, one of our teams fed 18 kills to our youngest member. It was awe-inspiring and a riot. The MOB is fun. Those who we have worked with (and against) have been overwhelmingly pleased with the experience.

MH&S: I'll make sure to mention something about putting the "fun in fundy" somewhere. You're considered the Father Confessor of Barhah. Is it okay if I confess something to you?

Bo: Of course not.

MH&S: I see. What is the zombie equivalent of the Catholic Church that I may go to to confess my sins against Barhah? When I was a breather I was a Catholic and the guilt follows you even unto death. (Note: Murray Jay had recently received a rotter revive to speak at the Quartly Library.)

Bo: Confessor is title, much like Father was when I was with the RRF. I didn't tell anyone to ransack their rooms or finish their intestines then, I shouldn't be absolving guilt now. I suppose I could assign such tasks to our High Priestess, but then every horde member would be too busy fighting over their place in line to bring BARHAH to the poor lost breathers of Malton.

Alright, fine. Just this once: Say ten BANANA GANGBANGZ, tear down three barricades, and be forgiven. Go and breathe no more.

MH&S: Thank you, father. Anyway, I just asked Moloch who he thought the Queen of Alternative Rock was: Kim Gordon or Kim Deal. Do you think he answered the question correctly?

Beauxdey: I would suspect so. Considering the love for breathing he has embraced, it would be no surprise if he were fully familiar with the tastes and practices of the living.

MH&S: Actually, he was wrong. He decided to enter his own wrong choice and said Melissa Auf Der Maur. So does the MOB listen to any music, or is there a puritan streak in you that says that singing and dancing is evil?

Beauxdey: The MOB has no quarrel with music, dancing or art of any kind. The horde often dances in elation when we successfully bring the gift of death to the masses of living flesh we find (often cowering behind barricades smelling faintly of urine and smoky barbeque sauce). I would add, however, that I find that these things become glorious in BARHAH. Kim Deal would truly be an Alternative Rock Queen if she were to perform entirely in Death Rattle and then leap, claws and teeth bared, into an audience full of harmanz to feed.

MH&S: I'll be sure to pass that along the next time I see her. Now, you've been around UrbanDead since way before pretty much anyone else (Jorm excepted). Any fond memories of events / battles / personalities long since past that you wish to share?

Bodeigh: To be serious for a moment, I miss Petrosjko. I miss his charisma and his vision, which are needed (and too often absent) qualities in zombie leadership. I enjoyed being the DoHS Father while he was Papa. Mostly, though, I just miss the early days when we could all sit around and talk shit to each other behind the scenes. Petro was funny as hell, and that humor gave us all a good attitude when we got to work tearing Malton apart. I miss the friend I made.

MH&S: Yeah, I've always felt it was a shame that I never got to know Petro. He disappeared right around the time I showed up. It was weird leading his horde, not really knowing him. It was like I was carrying on in his footsteps even though I had no clue what he'd do in a given situation. Anyway, there isn't a question in all of that, so I'll ask... Did Jorm have Petro removed in a spectacular power play?

Bodeigh: No. We thought that's what Moloch did to you.

MH&S: Only if he somehow made my real life go insane for several months. But I wouldn't put it past him. Any other fond memories?

Bodeigh: There was also this one strike with the Brigade where we single-handedly ransacked the southwest corner of Buckley Mall. The RNG showed us some serious love that night and it was a lot of fun. That was back before the Randoms had a presence down there or the ruin update, though.

MH&S: Okay, time for a more serious question... if the MOB was a beer, what kind of beer would it be?

Beauxdeigh: Y'know, even when I'm not being the second-in-command of a pseudo-religious, highly organized and efficient zombie horde, I really don't drink much. When I have, I've not been a big fan of beer or wine. Given that, I would think the MOB to be some kind strong, dark, thick lager.

MH&S: So since you're not big into beer, if the MOB came in liquid form would you not be a Barhah Fundamentalist?

Beauxdeigh: I am certain the MOB would be the sweet exception to my usual distaste. If BARHAH was a narcotic, I would be an addict.

MH&S: Well, for your sake we better keep Jorm away from any home brewing kits. Your name clearly marks you as a person of Cajun descent. Is it okay if I refer to you as the "Rajun Cajun" from now on?

Rajun Cajun: I would be proud to be mistakenly identified as a Cajun. My love of good Cajun food, when I can get it in Malton, is only surpassed by my love for BARHAH.

MH&S: Do you have any good blackened Cajun brain recipes?

Rajun Cajun: They don't let me near fire since that last incident. I am quite enamored with grogh's 'Small Intestine Étouffée' when he can scrape together the ingredients. Stay away from Lucita's 'Blackened Malton Trenchcoat Oysters' though. Her presentation is excellent, but they're too salty and not very filling.

MH&S: I'll keep that in mind. One of the reasons the zombie hordes formed and got so organized is because originally the game was balanced against the zombie side. Do you think with the series of changes that have occurred since the change to Headshot that the "zombies as underdogs" rationale still holds water?

Beauxdeigh: Rajun Cajun: I do think the "underdog" status has become less prominent, and we are closer today to being a class that's fun to play on it's own merits than we ever have been. However, the development and reliance on meta-game tactics by the hordes is still crucial for the game. There just aren't as many dedicated zombie characters as there are full time survivors. Even now, a significant percentage of the walking dead in Malton are loitering at abandoned revive points and repeating "Mrh?" to anyone who will listen. If only they would embrace BARHAH and feast on blood and brains, they would be so much more content.

MH&S:I think that's somewhat borne out on the stats page. There are as many large zombie groups around as there are large harman groups. However, as you scroll down there are a shit-ton more small to medium sized harman groups but only a dozen or so such zombie groups. It kind of demonstrates that zombie hordes are more likely to take off and get the kind of numbers and coordination to be truly effective (at least percentage-wise), whereas harmanz can more easily play as the lone wolf or one of a smaller group and still have as much fun. So I guess my follow-up would be, is the greater sense of community amongst zombie players a part of BARHAH as you define it, or is it a consequence of BARHAH?

Beauxdeigh: Rajun Cajun: I'd say the former. The need to organize and communicate outside the game brought each horde closer together. At times, different hordes would join up and get a chance to merge memberships for a while. When they would separate, each horde almost always had new recruits. A horde would interact with a particularly fun survivor group and, once those survivors saw the quality of community the zombies had, they'd send recruits over. Despite the overwhelming and obvious zombie weaknesses of the early days of Malton, those that really wanted to be a part of something joined the undead. All rhetoric aside, that is BARHAH.

MH&S: Final Question... Murray Jay Suskind: Great interviewer or greatest interviewer?

BRC: You're no Johnny Carson. Who's shambling around Malton looking for Ed and Doc, by the way. His monologues are still pretty crappy.

MH&S: Damnit! I thought I'd escape his shadow once I ate him....

Better Know a Strike Team

America... Amerrriiicaaa... AMERRRIIICAAA! America: Fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah! That's right, we have a very special subject for this week's installment of Better Know a Strike Team.

Team America: The Fightin' Fuck Yeahs! Terrorists your game is through, because now you have to answer to the RRF's newest strike team. Formed just a few months ago when a group of American RRF'ers couldn't find a good strike time for themselves, Team America has been terrorizing Malton side-by-side with the Department of Homeland Security since it's inception. We recently had a chance to sit down with Team America's Second in Command Gus Thomas, here's what he had to say.

MH&S: I just asked Moloch who the Queen of Alternative Rock was, Kim Gordon or Kim Deal. I also just asked Beauxdeigh of Moloch got the question right or wrong without telling him what Moloch's answer was. What do you think Beauxdeigh's reaction will be?

GT: The cake is a lie!!

MH&S: Uh... that wasn't quite his reaction. Okay, Team America. You were in on the ground floor. What is the story of Team America?

GT: Toward the end of the Great War on Terror, the United States Government established Team America: World Police with the sole intent of stopping terrorists from performing evil deeds. As part of their investigation, they were sent to investigate Biological Weapons within the city of Malton. This biological weapon ultimately proved to be the zombie virus, and the whole team was infected during the Initial Outbreak.

In those early days the infected members behaved rather simply, just hunger crazed zombies thirsting for blood and brains. However, while I was wandering through the Zombie Homeland of Ridleybank, I had a calling. The full moon cracked open and from the chasm I heard the mighty voice of Papa Petrosjko, beckoning to me. He said that we fallen soldiers of Team America had a new role, that is to protect the zombie homeland.

I quickly joined the Ridleybank Resistance Front and became a trooper with the Department of Homeland Security. Although I started as a underling, I had my Vision, my purpose. After a few weeks I sent murmurs through the RRF War Council about establishing my fallen team as a strike force. Backed by the awesome zambah that is Petrosjko the War Council had no choice but to obey. Zoey Zarg stepped up and organized my fallen comrades into the mighty arm of Barhah that is today’s Team America (Fuck Yeah!)

MH&S: What's Team America's Theme Song?

GT: “amHAMZARZZa, ZRNMZZBG RAHAah!”

MH&S: One of the great unknowns in life is whether the Universe is finite or infinite. Some people feel that the Universe will eventually stop expanding and then, over billions of years, contract upon itself, in a reverse of the Big Bang. As an aspiring science teacher what do you think the impact of such of an event will be upon Malton?

GT: The Great Contraction you speak of is nothing more then a Headshot to the whole Universe. When the Universe garners enough AP, it will ?Rise again. Till then, harmanz will continue to feed our hungry bellys, during it there will be relative peace, and afterward we’ll be feasting again.

MH&S: That's good to know. You were recently punished for taking the initiative and creating a strike team by being given a seat on the War Council. Do you think Moloch is really in control of the horde, or is Murray Jay still pulling the strings behind the scenes?

GT: It is said that behind every Great Man there is a Great Woman that cooks for him. The question is, who can cook? I’m hungry.

MH&S: In my previous life I put myself through college working as a cook in a restraunt. Are you trying to signify some kind of misogynistic intent by calling me a woman?

GT: Not at all. I love women. I just love eating more. If I can find a man that can cook decently then gender wouldnt be a issue at all, at least as far as eating goes.

MH&S: Why should young, American zombies join Team America?

GT: *We are lead by the lovely Zoey Zarg

  • We have many of the fairer zambah’s on our Team (Disturbingly Cute, Pooky the Bear for starters) which means your eyes are in for a treat
  • If you are a new babah zambah we’ll kick the doors in and drag food out to you.
  • It’s American (Fuck Yeah!)
  • Your mom would want you to
  • The comradrie is second to none (that includes the Gore Corps)

MH&S: It's a good thing you said the Gore Corps instead of AU10, those would be fightin' words with this interviewer. Now would you consider yourself to be a Spottswoode figure or a Joe figure?

GT: Joe, hands down. I let Zoey do the heavy lifting, I sit back and watch the lovely curves at work.

MH&S: So what did Gary have to do to prove his loyalty to Team America? I mean, Zoey isn't equipped the same way as Spottswoode.

GT: One of the qualities of our team is our improvisation. The details are mildly explicit, but I will tell you this: a Banana was involved.

MH&S: Final Question... Papa Moloch: Great Papa or Greatest Papa?

GT: Seeing that he is a solid supporter of Team America and all the other Papa’s (without exception) failed to even groan approvingly, I will go with Greatest Papa.

MH&S: Oooh... no mention of Petro? You must be new in these parts. Anyway, I'll mark you down as saying Murray Jay was the greatest.

Better Know an Enemy

The largest harman community in the game is also one of it's most disparate and diverse, the Department of Emergency Management. Stationed throughout the city, DEM makes up for its lack of concentration with its pervasiveness and its use of what some call dubious alt policies and a certain scouting program. Controversy aside, I recently had the chance to sit down with Malton Fire Department head and lovely Brainstock admin Kristi of the Dead for an interview, here's what she had to say?

MH&S: I have recently asked several people the next question in a series of increasingly meta questions about who the Queen of Alternative Rock is: Kim Gordon or Kim Deal. Why do you think that is?

KOTD: I think it's clearly because you're out to steal Donita Sparks' thunder, that's why.

MH&S: You're the only person who I brought this up to that didn't mention someone who plays bass. Do you think guys have something for girls who play bass? Also, where would you put the members of Sleater-Kinney in the pantheon?

KOTD: I do. There's no other explaination for white zombie. Sleater-Kinney is just below just below Heavens to Betsy but just above Dance hall Crashers.

MH&S: Your name is Kristi of the Dead, even though you're pretty clearly alive. I can see you sitting in front of me right now, breathing. Shouldn't you truly live up to your name, throw yourself out the nearest window and start shambling around Malton?

KOTD: Actually currently (when I'm not being interviewed) I am dead somewhere in Malton and I am cracking cades and squaredancing. But you just wait till I get combat revived cause then you'll be in for it. But as far as the name goes all I can say is Kristi of the Trenchcoat was taken already when I signed up.

MH&S: That's a shame. Was she a member of FedCom?

KOTD: Shhh! Don't mention FedCom. They're out to take over the world you know.

MH&S: Oh, don't worry. The RRF will make sure to eat them when that day comes. Anyway, Malton's become increasingly dangerous in the past few weeks as hordes like the Big Bash, RRF and MOB have been doing their thing with the recent game change and a certain nameless megahorde have been thrown in on top of that. What's humble firefighter to do in such situations?

KOTD: Bob and weave man, bob and weave. Actually what I've been doing is tightening up with local survivors and focusing on coordinating with every survivor I can find. It's my hope that the survivor population can come together a bit more reliably in the light of so much danger in the city these days.

MH&S:I also think that'd be a good thing. From the zombie perspective, there's always been the small handful of truly coordinated survivor groups that either put up a serious stand (ala the Dribbling Beavers) or manage to regroup and rebuild everything the second you leave (ala The Randoms). However, they seem to be few and far between. Mostly it's hopeless groups that sit there and get run over and then take weeks to rebuild.

KOTD: I know what you mean. For a long time now I've been speaking about river tactics about how perhaps it isn't just "running away" but nobody ever really wanted to listen to me. Save a few special groups. In any event that's really one of the things that makes me happy about this new zombie turn of events. Survivors are now, as if by magic, much more willing to look at tactics and cooperation in a new light these days. That's awesome!

MH&S: The reason that many old-school zombie players started playing that side is that during the days of the old headshot, the game was clearly balanced against zombies and these players wanted to play the underdog. With all of the recent changes (except the Fort buff) either benefitting the zombies or being neutral on gameplay, do you think that the game is now balanced against survivors? Are survivors the true underdogs now?

KOTD: While I tend to think Survivors will be the next ones to get a buff from Kevan, I don't really think survivors are the underdogs over all. I think the stats regarding the living and the dead at the moment are a bit misleading. Lots of folks are waiting to get revived standing around as zombies and not really breaking down doors like a zombie of your stature would. Zombies still need more varied ways to gain experience in this city for them to truly attract large amounts of new players. Or perhaps to convince pro survivor players to play as a zombie for a bit once they're killed. I will say it's exciting and it reminds me of some of the first big zombie movements in the early days of the Mall tour and bash and all that. It's fun to have a challenge and the zombie hordes these days are certainly that. Though to be honest I don't believe much has changed in actuality in this city. Hordes of zombies have always been tough...it's just that there seems to be more of them these days.

MH&S: So it's the typical ebb and flow. You believe that as zombie players (particularly the ones in a certain megahorde) get bored and leave or overextend themselves, the survivors will swing the balance back into their favor?

KOTD: I think it will happen without fail. It will happen quicker once the big namless horde moves on. But to be honest I think it will happen no matter what. There's just not enough zombies to blanket the whole city like you would a suburb or two with a normal sized horde. So there's always gonna be someplace to regroup. though I have been wrong in the past so eh *shrug*.

MH&S: If I may get serious for a second... is it true that your middle name is Hussein?

KOTD: Well, that is a common misconception. My middle name is actually Saromu.

MH&S: My God...

KOTD: Shouldn't that be Pluto?

MH&S: My mistake, I'm pondering if I should end this interview, because I've already interviewed Sonny. But I'll press on anyway. There are rumors circulating that DEM is possessed by a Demon. Should I call a Catholic priest for you guys?

KOTD: Demons, imps, Labines and a whole lot of paper work and special titles for everyone. It's crazy here man crazy!

MH&S: I've heard of this Labine program that automatically responds to every post made on Brainstock, but what about the IMP tool / program?

KOTD: Well IMP is the actual Add on for Firefox that does the infamous scouting and what not for DEM member groups and their partner groups.

MH&S: Huh, I always thought that was DEMON. Does the Malton Fire Department have a theme song? If so, what is it?

KOTD: Yes we do. It used to be YMCA by the village people until we realized the only DEM member group not represented in the village people were the firemen. So we changed it to THIS.

MH&S: Did you just try to rickroll me?

KOTD: That would have been sweet. Man I need to hang out with you more often so I can get more devious. It was just a talking heads video...I swear!

MH&S: I'll have to get some kind of outside verification of that first. Anyway, final question... The RRF: Great group or greatest group?

KOTD: Petro + zombie elephants + cool open forums in the early days = greatest group.

MH&S: I'll just mark you down as saying... wait a second... you actually said greatest!

KOTD: Yep. I like the RRF alot. They helped shape alot of what I consider to be fair play in the UD game. When Petro was active he came to brainstock and hung out with us in a friendly way. He helped me understand that we're all just players playing a zombie game and trying to have fun. And that it was ok to like to person who plays your enemy in game. I liked that about him. I remember reading your old forums over on desense and thinking what a cool group you guys were and how it would be cool to lead a group that did battle with you.

MH&S: Well, thanks for the praise and thank you for your time.

KOTD: No problem... any idea were a gal can get a combat revive?

Good Night and Good Brains

From all of us at the RRF, we wish to bid you happy hunting and unsuccessful hiding.

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