User:Maggotbuffet

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Maggotbuffet: The Legend of the Zombie Scientist

The First Day

Back in the Long-Long-Ago, when the dead of Malton stayed dead, there was a young Necrotech scientist working in a lab in central Malton. He was fresh out of Grad school- the ink still wet on his diploma. It read: "The Board of Trustees of the University of Malton hereby grant to you the degree of Ph.D. may you go forth and further the advancement of your chosen field." He was so excited to work on a project that would make a difference for humankind! Unfortunately, he never got the chance. A few days after taking his postdoctoral position, Malton was plunged into chaos as the dead began to rise- and rise- and rise.

After the terrible occurrences that so ravaged the city, the young scientist found himself lying dead on the ground outside his old laboratory. Confused, he stood up realizing that he was both a disgusting Smorgasbord for pupating flies and entirely pantsless. Trying desperately to re-enter his place of work, he was amazed to discover that piles of furniture, coke machines and garbage piled high against the walls thwarted his efforts. He first tried to climb, but found that his disintegrating body would not respond to his commands. Neither could he easily dismantle the barricades through the holes in the wall, for his hideous discolored hands lacked the dexterity required. In a rage he smashed them down, but found that he still could not enter. His fingers could not seem to remember how to work the strange metal sphere near the doorjamb. He became more frustrated to find that all real memories of his previous life had vanished. All he could think of was the terrible hunger burning inside him. A hunger for something he could not place...

After a few hours of standing outside the unbarricaded Necrotech facility, He was awakened by the sound of the door slamming open. A scared man with a lab coat on ran screaming out of the building wielding a fire axe and shouting something about the "cades" being down. He was in such a hurry that left the door open behind him, pausing only to spray some graffiti on the wall. The ex-scientist took the opportunity to slip into the building.

Once inside he was surrounded by faces that he could scarcely remember. He thought these might have been his friends and coworkers.. but he couldn’t tell. He tried to greet them, but when he opened his mouth all that would come out were horrifying shouts of "Graaaaagh!" Without hesitation, the scientists swarmed him. One stabbed him with an instrument that recorded his DNA, others began attacking him. He thought it was odd that three people stood less than a meter from him and repeatedly missed with a fire axe- but was jarred from these musings when an axe head buried itself into his chest. He winced in the expectation of pain, but found none.

Enraged by the actions of his fellow comrades and fueled by the realization that he was free from pain (and pants) the zombie scientist unleashed his fury onto the weak and lowly scientists. Clawing and biting them, he brought them down. Those who did not die fled, their lab coats covered in the blood of their companions. With the head of his first kill between his hands, the zombie scientist knew instinctively what to do. Digging his rotten green fingers into the skull like an overripe tomato, he destroyed the human's head and feasted on the delicious brainz within. Once the sweet taste of grey matter hit his putrid lips, he knew there would be no other thing on this earth that would satisfy his hunger. Arms raised to the sky, the zombie scientist felt the urge to proclaim his emotions to the zombie heavens! The satisfied hunger, the dead humans... all of it culminated into this feeling that could only be expressed as...BARHAH!!!

Finding himself alone in the laboratory offered the zombie a chance to look around. Entering a bathroom and gazing at the mirror revealed the true extent of the infestation feasting on his flesh. He knew then what he was and swore an oath to renounce all things human. Embracing his current state and all the power it held he gave himself the apt name... Maggotbuffet!

Maggotbuffet hung around the laboratory for a long time after that. He tried to resume his old work in a new light- finding ways to better the existence of other zombies, and especially how to cure the disease of life. After many long nights over Bunsen burners (that ultimately burned the clumsy zombie's hands) and many failed experiments (trying to cure life by administration of a banana to the forehead at high velocity) Maggotbuffet came to the (obvious) conclusion that the best way to cure life was to kill harmanz! Renewed by this discovery, Maggotbuffet was intent on traveling around Malton bringing the good news to all zombies and bringing the cure to all harmanz.

New De(a)dication

It was many weeks he spent wandering aimlessly through the destroyed city. He was lone zombie with a burning desire to cure harmanz of the disease that makes them breathe- yet this was so difficult by himself.

Auxunit 10

It was while trying to cure harmanz inside Nichols mall that Maggotbuffet realized the true benefit of being a zombie! Cooperation! It is something that humans do not possess, for they are cowardly, selfish, and above all- unwilling to die for any cause. Maggotbuffet met up with the brave and wise Talunex, leader of the most fearsome strike team of the RRF- Auxunit 10. Maggotbuffet had heard legend of these mighty zombie warriors on his travels through Malton, and now was his chance to join them- and show harmanz once and for all that coordinated strike teams of zombies can easily defeat vastly larger numbers of well-equipped but selfish harmanz. If you happen to be a harman hiding in a safehouse and hear the shouts of "AHGZAN!H ZAN, HAMMAR AH BARHAH!", expect to wake up dead- for you have heard the warcry of Auxunit 10!

Maggotbuffet has been with Auxunit 10 since 22 Jan, 2007 and has been curing harmanz ever since.

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A Concerned (Undead) Citizen of Malton

During his exccursion through the city, Maggotbuffet saw firsthand the terrible effects of the addiction that has swept Malton. So many zombies- finally cured from the terrible disease of life- succumb to their addiction to revivification syringes. It is a heartbreaking scene to watch a fellow zombie- perhaps even one you personally went through the effort to cure- stand in long lines and sleep in dingy cemetaries waiting for a chance to taste the needle again. It is awful to walk through the aftermath of a so called "needle party" or "revivification point" knee deep in the slumped bodies of fellow zombies that now smell very strange, and to know that when they wake- they will be infected with life (and hopefully Zombie Infection too!) once more. They do damage not only to themselves, but to all other citizens of Malton when they perpetuate the disease of life through needle abuse. After witnessing this tragedy over and over again, Maggotbuffet promised to do everything in his power to stop the spread of addiction. Promote anti-drug propaganda, smash Necrotech facilities, clog revive points, ransack hospitals, destroy generators, and above all- Kill Harmanz!

Kick the habit.jpg


Brainrot.gif Zombie Dementia
This user is genetically predisposed to Zombie Dementia