User:Red Hawk One/Writing Contest

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History of Barhah 101

Listen buddy, I'm an engineer.

That means I solve problems.

Not problems like, "What is Barhah?" because that would fall into your conumdrums of philosophy.

No, I solve practical problems. Problems like, "What to do if some bug mean mother-eatin' zombie wants to tear me a structurally superflous new stomach cavity?"

The answer? A gun. And is that don't work? then I use this here 429 word discourse on the history of their metatheological belief system.

Essentially, I answer, "What is Barhah?" So what if I lied earlier; I've got a gun.

Well, to put it in layman's terms, Barhah means "Brotherhood." The roots of this here movement can be traced back to the Great Zombie Revolution of 1916. See, most of them zombie clans was engaged in a great big land battle over the available brain supply (most of the brains were locked away in universities, which had High-Energy Metabolism Segregators to keep the zombies out). Anyways one day, while chewin' on some Russky's cranium, one of the clan leaders, I think his name was "Garl Marghz" or somethin', anyways, this zombie came up with the idea to share the brains and unite against us humans. He went around gatherin' up like minded zombies, which wasn' too hard, considerin' most of the brains up for eatin' in that area belonged to them damn commies, and conquered most of them zombie clans under the banner of "Barhah an Bra!nz." There was alotta panikin' and brain eatin', and stuff looked purty dire, when, by a stroke a genius, my great gran-daddy, Augustus Hawk Sr., invented the Global High-Energy Metabolism Segregator and blasted all them crazy commie zobies into oblivion.

Now, I guess the few survivin' zombies musta swore revenge or somethin' cause when them dummies over at Necrotech shut off the Segregator, they came back with a fury. They all went down to Ridleybank University, where the Global High-Energy Metabolism Segregator was located, and tore the place down. They then tried to impose their communist "Barhah" on the city. Course, us freedom-lovin' survivors wouldn't have none a that and fought their barhah with our bare-han's (and guns).

'Course I reckon that's where them mrh? cows an' death cultists come from. The Cultists must be some sorta communist-hippie group, and the mrh? cows are really... er, the opposite of communist-hippie groups.

So, see, Barhah means Brotherhood. Which is just an uppity way of sayin' Barhah means Communism.

Alrighty then class, that just about wraps up my lecture. Your assignment tonight is to read the first five chapters of Marghz's The BARHAH/BRA!NZ Manifesto.

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City Tour

Summer of 2010, I break from my dry routine of micromanagement in Rhodenbank (it's a long story, involving hordes and greifers) and decide to see what's going on in the rest of the city. This'll be the cronicle of what I saw- once I get the time to actually write it up. Until then, brief notes.


Head all the way out East to Dakerstown so I can watch AHMH3. While there, I camp out in a warehouse and act as a "fight medic." I see alot of the competitors (dead), and even get stalked by a certain J.S.

August 7-17

I decide to pay the Big Prick a visit. Unfortunately, I catch them right before a brief sabbatical. With nothing better to do, I barricade strafe Raines Hills and Millen Hills, which were kinda ghost towns. On the 17, I get caught in a dark bank by a zombie.

August 18

Find out that the pricks are participating in POLNGOAK. With nothing better to do, i shamble down to the Blackmore to see how things turn out. Hey, maybe I'll even get to witness a RRF strike firsthand!

August 19

get revived, and witness a RRF strike first hand- Within 5 minutes of each other. Talk about lousy timing!


Planning on visiting CORAM to watch the MMA ceremony in early September. After that, I'll either check out 404 or the Knights.