User:Skittles The Second/The Outbreak
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This story is part of the Malton Chronicles. This story is fan-made, and is not officially part of any background history for Urban Dead. |
Notes from the author
Please fix any spelling errors you may see, thanks. -Skittles The Second (February 13, 2007)
I am doing some research on Wiktionary, and increasing my adjective vocabulary, so the quality should go through a vast increase. -Skittles The Second (February 16, 2007)
Part One: Conference
My name is Justin "Skittles" Roberts, I am a representative of a large Nanotechnics company.
I could feel the wind from the helicopter blades throw my hair from side to side, as I was being airlifted to the city of Malton. As we approached the city, I could see its amazing skyline, dotted every few blocks with a tall shimmering skyscrapers, and a thin fog of pollution. We started lowering our altitude as we got closer to the region of Richmond Hills, a more suburban area of the city. I jumped down from the helicopter, and dust rose from where I landed, making me cough lightly, and I was asked by a suited figure on the roof to follow him.
We approached the door to the roof, and the door opened quickly, making very little sound. After the long trip down the stairs, passing many labelled, nearly incomprehensible signs, we arrived in a large white roof, very densely filled with hundreds of computers and monitors, along with many scientists running back and forth with paperwork and laptops in they gloved hands. We went through countless hallways, each looking like the last, finally after an exhausting walk we arrived in large, very chattery room with a very elevated roof, probably for hearing purposes, I looked to the left and saw a large computer terminal with a very large monitor. As we sat down at the large table in the middle of the room, I looked around and I saw well dressed people from every corner of the world, realising this was larger than I thought. Everyone sat down, I could hear the buzzing of computers and the grinding of clothes, then a man on the other side of the table stood up. His mouth opened and he started to speak, "I have called you all here, scientists from some of the greatest scientific groups from around the world, to tell you of a great and very real threat. In the genetics lab in the second floor basement, we were trying to develop a spore to revive a rat. This experiment was a great success, but there was a problem containing the spores. One of the spore containers fell of its stand and broke on the floor, and got the spores their way into our closed autopsy labs, and our special scopes say that the spores are effecting the corpses there."
All of the representatives and scientists at the table just broke out in chatter, some even ran away in fear, but then the man at the other end said, "There is no reason to panic, we can contain this and this can just be forgotten." But then the moniter lit up and the lights of the room went red, and a loud alarm went off. One of the 'big shot' scientists ran to the moniter and yelled, asking what the problem was. The moniter showed static, then a figure appeared with a garbled voice, the scientist adjusted the frequency, and a bloody man could be seen on the other end, his white coat dripping, and his arm severed off. The man said in a faint voice, "The spores adapted fast than we thought... ugh, they bodies have risen, they have bit me and it is likely I have been infected..." He fell over and the screen went to static again, and all that could be heard was gashing and screams.
The P.A went loud and clear with a shaken secratary saying, "There has been an out break in the basement, all of people in the building are to be advised to evacuate the building, the police are on their way here to sweep out the threat. if you are in the basement, we advise you secure a weapon, we have issued a lockdown for the floors below the lobby, that is all." Everyone was paniced and ran around wildly, like frenzied ants, but then I heard loud metal clanks. I yelled out, "Are we in the basement!?" and a lesser scientist in a regular voice, obviously keeping his cool replied with a yes. I paniced, I grabed my chair, and tore off two legs, to my luck they were sharp, and we heard sparse, wet footsteps coming from the hallways. We piled out chairs and anything we could find, against the doors, I could swear I saw a man e-mailing his family, but then his computer was taken to use for barricading just after he sent it.
I could clearly see the baricading was in vein when a group of decaying, and discolored bodys did great damage to them, smashing the piles down with ease, loud screaming could easily be heard, and the moniter shutdown, most likely from an overload. One of the slimmer zombies rushed in and dove on one of the scientists, biting into is neck while blood flowed outward. One of the buisnessmen in the room pushed the zombie over and kicked him, but then the zombie grabbed his ankle and ripped his foot off. I, without hesitation stabbed the zombie multiple times while it was feasting on its catch, then I realised more were coming! The lights started to flicker while poeple were fighting and dying all around me, I heard the sucking of the air duct and leaped for it, but a zombie leaped for my foot, I could feat its cold breath, while I tore of the sharp-edged grate and threw it at the zombie, sticking in its neck after it hit, but the persistent zombie kept going for my ankle, so I jumped down on the zombie, it fell over and I stomped on the grate in its neck, and decapitated the zombie.
Blood was on the floor, luckily none of it was mine. I climbed into the vent, feeling cool air flowing down my shirt. I kept going, I heard the comotion from the conference room and from openings below me, some with flickering lights, and some with none at all, I could smell smoke as I crawled, it seemed not far away, propably because of the fans in the vent. As I kept going the smell continued, when I finally reached it, I looked down, It was a very large, beige room with a loud roar of heavy machinery, I removed the grate below me and peered down to see trails of blood coming from the doors, and I saw very large machines. It was then I realised that it was the power room, I hung from the vent and fell the the cold tiled floor. I could smell rotted flesh while I ran to the generator, I did a quick overview of it finding that it was functioning properly.
I forgot about the situation while I was doing the overview, then I remembered the trails of blood, I looked behind me and there was a one-eyed zombie right behind me. I dove to my right and he walked slowly toward me, I grabbed my chair legs from my suitcase, and I stabbed one into his torso, but to a logical standpoint, it did not signifigantly effect him, so I jabbed the other one in his thigh, and he fell. So I lifted him and trew him into one of the large machine with a large wheel, and his infected blood sprayed from the wheel. But then I realised my big mistake, the machine grinded to a halt and the power went out, I just hope there is a back up generator. I looked around and found a small flashlight, and for some reason the groans seemed louder.
Part Two: Companionship
I searched for the switch for my flashlight, I was hoping it would turn on, I pushed the button, but no light came. I threw the flashlight on the ground, it made a loud bang on the cold floor, it rolled for a little bit and turned on. Suprised, I picked it up and went out the broken door, it was a dark grey color, badly cracked and torn as well as hanging from one hinge. I kept venturing down the hallway, I happened to be very paranoid, it was a quiet hall with cracked grey tiles lining the floor, with sharp dripping pipes hanging randomly from the ceiling.
I kept walking in the dark hallway, I reached a fork in the road, I could smell the smoke again, it was coming from the hallway that was inclined downward. Going by my instincts, I went towards the flame, my only point of reffernce was the smell, I could not see any smoke or it's light, just the mangled pipeline of the hallway, the blood streaked on the walls, and the vivid glow of my light. The hall seemed to repeat itself, There was a pipe dripping gas over my head, with a large puddle, with drops trailing to a turn in the hallway, I assumed it was the fuel of the fire, the smell seemed to get stronger now. The hallway seemed to come to an arbrupt end, with a slim metal door that had been badly dented in, mostly around the lock, it appeared to be caused by tools, meaning other survivors.
I looked at the floor and saw there was a orange glow coming from the inside, I pushed on the door but it appeared to be barricaded. I did not want to give my self away to any zombies so I grabbed my chair legs and pryed the door open. When the sight of the room reached my eyes, it was a dark, grown room witch bookcases against the walls, stacked to the ceiling, some piles of books were thrown off the shelf, most with pages torn out along with a bunch of broken chairs near the fire. I was amazed, there was three bloody, discolored bodys aong with a dead scientist with a huddle of three researchers in the corner, by the fire. I approached them slowly, they must have been to panicked to notice me or they were asleep, When I got close to them I asked, "What happened!?" One of the younger scientists jumped panicly, flinching at me and then catching his breath, he calmed down and said, "It was horrible, after they zombies got revived, the lock down took effect, we were close to one of the stairways, we heard the doors shut hard, so we decided to try and wait it out by camping out in here... But the zombies broke in and got to Harry over there..."
He pointed to the maimed body by the stack of zombies.
"He was setting up the barricades as we were starting the fire, the zombies just ran in and broke through the small barricade, it instantly leapt at him and grabbed his left forearm, it tore up his torso and vit off his hand, we ran to the zombie and killed him, but it was too late, the zombie cut up Harry's lungs."
I was suprised by his story's detail, so I said to him, "Well, we can't wait it out in here, the power is out and we are close to the Necro-ops lab, the power want out so the spore won't reach that room as fast, but when the spores get there we will be rushed by rigid zombies that have expirimented special testing, being prosthetics, or cybernetics, so we need to get out of here and most likely find a way out of this mess."
The shacken man standed up, and he brushed off his coat, and he said, "Sorry, I forgot to tell you my name is Jake, I am an executive researcher from Pheonix, my friends right by me here, they are alive but they have told me that they want to stay here, if we are 'gonna go, I advise you that we check up on these two when we get back."
I took a breath and grabbed some things that I needed, I looked around and found some fire materials, I grabbed a chair leg and ripped a sleve off of Harry's coat, I dipped it in the kerosine used to light the fire and tied it to my chair leg, and I started it on fire, just in case I needed it to ward off any Zombies. We set out for the hallway, we decided to go out the way we came, we went down the hallway, paying attention to all of the details I saw before. This time we took a different turn, the hallway was cold and it seemed quiet, for some reason, I could hear wet footprints.
Jake said, "Do you hear that," he pointed to a door with strips of paint peeling off on out right, "I hear wet footsteps coming from it, you should grab your chair leg!" I pulled it out slowly, I watched hi pull out a pistol and I had to ask, "How much ammo do you got left on that?" and he said, "I'm down to about a clip and a half, 14 bullets."
We went slowly to the door, we both took a side and I opened it slowly, I could smell gas on the inside, and we walked in and shone the flash light, there was a lot of blood on the floor, but the walls seemed to be untouched. and Jake said, "I hear breathing, be careful..." I shone the light on the medium height ceiling, I could not see anything, so we walked through the room, there was tall walls of cabinets, perhaps an archive, there were numerous scattered folders on the floor as well as broken drawers on the floor. The sound of the breathing would not be as bad if the lights were on, we walked to a large wall of cabinets, that went high to the ceiling. There was noticable scratches and a large hole in the ceiling.
I noticed that there was a thick smell of gas coming from the hole, and Jake and I quickly realised that the zombie was up there, we could also hear breathing. I said to Jake, "Okay, there is a zombie and a gas flow up there, I will throw the torch, but when you do it, run like hell!" He nodded, and backed up, I threw the torch up the hole and ran as fast as I could out of the room, then I remembered, there was gas outside of the room, so we ran as fast as we could. As we ran, a large explosion went off behind us, and it rocketed down the leaking hallways, there were explosions behind and above us, and then we saw a room with a blue sign by it, it was badly torn up but it appeared to be a restroom. We jumped in there without thinking, it was relatively clean apparently the zombies hadn't reached it yet.
Part Three: Confrontation
Jake and I noticed the bathroom was relatively clean, for being in a quarintined, zombie infested basement of a necrotechnics lab. Another thing that stuck out was the clean white walls and the blue stalls, there were some waterspots on the mirrors, and a few stains on the marble floor, but that is natural for a public bathroom. We decided to set up a sort of camp there, being relativly untouched, it wasn't as... uninviting as most other rooms should be, I through the wooden chair pieces on the floor and grabed some of the kerosine sleve I kept with me and started a fire with the matches. The warm light spread to the entire room, making a surreal orange glow on the walls and the polished steel stall doors, which I realised I would have to tear some down.
Jake broke the silence with, "At least we have a flow of water, and we could proably use the faucets as weapons, I just hope that we can get out of this, I don't think the police can do this, so we should expect the worse."
"What makes you say that?" I replied to his sort of, downed perspective.
He thought for a second and said, "Just think about it, a squad of undertrained voluntary men with guns, against an army of geneticly augmented undead warriors, who do you think would win, our best shot at living through this is just to fight back! We can die fighting or just helplessly wait in here and wait for death."
My realisation was clear after that, I had to inform him of my plan though, "Alright, we will find whatever we can find here, anything to burn or to fight with, we will barricade the room just long enough for us to rest, then we will go out and try to get out of this mess, so go over what your plan is and find what you think is needed, because I don't think of dying as a good escape from this mess, so I have to say..."
My words were ended abruptly as a sound of falling metal clanged in the distance, something was not right.
Jake asked startled "Wh-what was that?!"
I replied, "It sounded like a a falling vent grate or something, it was propably from the explosion, we shouldn't worry about it."
We continued for a while, he rounded up some materials, while I set up the barricade, after getting a few of the doors piled up against the door, I turned around and wiped the sweat of my face, I saw Jake holding a strange object and I raised my hand just to be interupted.
"What? Oh this? I forgot to tell you about my skill in inventing, I call it an L-Axe. It is composed of an iron chair leg handle tied to a set of melted down faucet parts, into a moderatly sized blade, making a sort of sturdy hand-axe. Oh I made you something to... just let me grab it,"
He reached for a strange blade shaped object, he handed it to me, "It is a short sword I made, it has a handle made from a hook shaped faucet head, and a sharpened 2-foot blade made from chizeled marble, and the parts were attached by a weld of iron, it is pretty sharp, so be careful.
The makeshift craftsmanship of the strange curved sword was astounding, I couldn't hold back saying thanks, his lightened face gave a warm grin, then I said, "If we get out of this, we could make a great team..."
His head turned to the door, I inquired, "What?"
He said in a serious voice, "I heard something, like wet foot steps, if it is a zombie, I would say it is just one." the sound is sort of quiet, but I sensed it was very close.
We prepared, and I was guessing he hoped it was not a cyborg from the special necrotech labs. One of the boards on the barricade fell off, and the whole thing began to shake, it was here, we prepared, getting ready for its figure to appear where the pile of junk, or my barricade used to be. The barricade fell down, and a disfigured corpse appeared, it had a very large gash in its arm, and a thin pipe through his chest, on top of that it was breathing very irregularly, as if it wasn't quite dead yet. The rest of the barricade fell, and it began walking in, trails of strange fluid behind it, it jumped after me and I moved out of the way, it fell flat on its face and quickly began to rise to its feet.
It was standing once again and swung with its gashed arm, I grabbed it and twisted it, but it did not twist normally, as if it was unjointed from the shoulder... It rose its other arm while I was all tied up, but Jake quickly sliced at it with his special axe, and sliced the zombies hand off, normally it wouldnt be much, but its swing fell just slightly short of my neck, but a very dark blood spewed from the open wound. The sudden change in its anatomy suprised its decayed brain, it just stood in its place for a second, swaying a bit, so I took advantage of the situation. I grabbed my surved balde and sliced at the corpses mid-section, the wound rippled and strange fluids poured out.
I went for a second slosh, it its left arm, it bent and fell to the floor, then the zombie regained its mind, and went for my arm with its mouth, I remembered my pocket knife and yanked it from my pocket and flung it open, I pushed in its neck to buy me some time. Its head was inching toward me, and I stabbed it in the eye, the fluids dripped out down its body, but it kept coming toward me, I thought it was over but Jake sliced his axe into the zombies back, the zombie fell backward, I yelled thanks as the bodys blood dripped on me, I was fine but just shaken up. The zombie layed curled up on the ground, and it started to rise once again.
I yelled out, "Why won't this fucker just die!" and I braced my sword and stabbed through his chest, through his legs and through into the floor. Blood sprayed and I stood on his arm and ripped the pipe out of him and smashed his head in with it, it finally was done. My sword was stuck pretty tightly into him, and was somewhat hard to pull out. blood sprayed out breifly after I pulled it out, and tossed the pipe aside, I picked up the bleeding remains and tossed it into the fire. It shreiked out a demented scream, followed by a death rattle, and I took a breath and said, "Whew."
Jake sat on the floor and said in awe, "Wow, you fight pretty well, sorry I could'nt help you much there, I was making this," he pulled out a set of jagged, white arrows."I made these from the toilets, they are a sort of throwing knife, they could be pretty useful, I made 12 of them, I will take 5 of them, you can have the rest."
They were pretty sharp, one pricked my finger, warm blood snuck its way out. I picked up my flashlight and handed him his gun, the fire went out and the body lie smouldering, we left the warm room to go out into the dark corridors of this god-forsaken hellhole. The halls seemed unnessicary, they seemed to repeat as well, large pipes lining the walls, cracked floors and a dash of blood on the walls. My flashlight lit the way just like before, and we happened to be very far from the bathroom, we went down plenty of sets of stairs, but with every floor we went down, things seemed to get even more strange, more blood and strange sounds, as if we walked down a slow trail to hell.
Part Four: Combat
As we kept walking, I couldn't avoid the fact that we kept walking away from the surface, but we want to stop the source of the threat, not just run cowardly away. The repetative sound of footsteps was ended by a mechanichal whirring, and then the lights went on, in relief, Jake sighed out, "Finally, the power is back on, that should take much of the scare out of this!"
I replied to his assuring words, "Yes, but it is propably a back-up generator, it will most likely be temporary, work for about a day or two, then give out..."
My words were quite assuring but I felt we would be in this hellhole for a long time. We walked past a white wall with a cracked plastic screen, behing it was a peice of vinyl with the floor plan of the bottom floors, it was fully legibly to my suprise.
I spoke up with, "Hmmm... we are in B17, if we keep going down there is the testing lab where the spores got out, if there is a steady stream of spores coming from there, we may be able to end this cataclysm!"
Jake said negativly, "Aww man, that is like, 20 floors down, we are gonna have to set up camp in a room soon... I am quite tired."
After about 3 floor I beileve (I lost track), we encountered a loosely hinged door, it was bent excessivly around the edges, there was a sign on it that read "Supply Closet". I, seeing the positives about situations, kicked down the door with ease, it fell down the floor sort of... quiet. The room was long with a tiled floor, it had white walls, and on the right there was a shelf heavily supplied with cleaning tools and chemichals. We spotted a crowbar, a set of wrenches and screw drivers, packs of nails, spare two by fours, a half stocked pantry of non-perishable foods, and a tank of gasoline.
"Wow, this should be useful, we could survive of of this for awhile!" Jake said, lightening my spirits.
I looked to the left and spotted a shotgun propped up against the wall, with a box of ammo opened next to it, along with a fire extinguisher and a hammer. We started the routine again, I built the barricade and he started the fire and assesed the situation, I pulled op the door and held it in place, then I took the boards and hammered them into the wall, I put countless boards in, making sure any zombies would not get in. I sat by the fire next to Jake, who was working franticly on something.
I had to ask, "What are you making now?"
He worked for a bit longer then looked at me, "Oh, I am sawing the stock off this shotgun, well I am breaking it off, and I am trying to chorten the barrel."
I asked, "Why would you do that?!"
"You don't know? Aww man, I am sawing of the stock so it is easier to hold in one hand, and shortening the barrel so it can be balanced with ease, making it more of a powerful pistol than a shotgun.."
Shavings of wood and metal lay on the ground, and Jake held the shotgun in his hand, not showing any trouble with balancing it, he pulled the trigger, but only heard a loud "Click!". He put two shells into it and cocked it, then placed it down gently and loaded his pistol.
He slid the shotgun towards me, "You can carry this, I have no need for a shotgun, it's not really my thing, I prefer my pistol."
Hours later, well, six hours later, I awoke, and Jake was standing in the corner of the room, "Heh, about time you woke up..."
I standed up and rubbed my eyes, "Well you decide this one here, we go out the door or through the vent, if we take the vent we can come back."
Jake replied, "Well I think we should take the vent," He held up a backpack, "look what I found, I packed it with everything we need..."
I noticed that most of the things in the room where gone, put into the backpack.
I walked towards the vent and pulled the grate off, "Well lets go..."
We ventured through the vent, pulling a heavy bad behind me didn't help. I saw a light coming up through the vent, I looked through the grate and I saw a bloody lab, complete with puddles of blood and broken objects. I am not that reckless, I kept crawling for a few minutes and I saw a beam of light coming from the side of the vent, I looked out it and what I saw took my breath away. Inside the room was a horde of what I could see, five zombies!
I Whispered to Jake, not to give myself away to the zombies, "Hey, hand me your gun!"
Jake, unagreeingly handed it to me, I aimed it through the grate and shot one of the zombies, it hit it right between the eyes. It let out a scream and fell over dead against a wall, spraying it with bits of tissue and bone. The zombies retaliated and ran franticly around the room, looking for me, but did not catch sight of me. I pushed down the grate and threw one of Jake's arrowheads at one of the zombies, it landed in its neck, rocketing blood outward, but regardless of the wound, It kept standing, it ripped out the arrowhead and threw it at the vent, I dodged out of the way just in time, but it did graze my arm.
I told Jake to get ready to fight, and we jumped from the vent, Jake was holding his pistol and his axe, and I had my shotgun and my sword, then the fight began. The undead came at us wildly, a zombie picked be up the the neck and began choking me, I stabbed my sword into its collarbone and stomped on it, blood erupted from the wound, and the zombie lost its grip. I decapitated the zombie, leaving blood to drip on the floor from its neck. Another zombie came from behind me and tried to bite me, I rolled out of the way and held up my shotgun, I shot the zombie in the face, brain matter, blood, and bits of bone flew everywhere, onto me and the other zombies. I looked behind my back, Jake had his axe duge into a zombies torso, and a body by his legs, with multiple gashes in its face. I flipped my bade over, it was upside down, I held it tight and ran over to the zombie, I thrusted my sword into its back, by the right kidney, and jumped as strongly as I could, the gigantic opening in the zombie sied leaned over, and fell to the ground, the wound was too great for the zombie to stand.
We stood standing, blood on the floor, walls, ceiling and us. I reached into my bag and searched for some disinfectant, I found some after feeling around, then I opened it and rubbed it on my open wound. Jake appeared fine, except a few tears in his clothes...
"Are you alright?!" I asked running over toward him, as he sat on the ground.
He replied warmly, "Hey, I should ask you the same."
Well it appeared to me then, we would save the city from this threat.
Part Five: Silence
Maimed bodys lie around us, some sliced open, others mangled randomly, but it was clear, we were safe, for now. I hadn't yet take notice of the room around me, the room was small, sort of cramped, and lightly stocked with computers. I ran up to one of the computers, I turned on the moniter, it showed a number of screens, some showing clean rooms, others showing ransacked and zombie infested rooms. One of the many displayed rooms caught my eye, but I am not sure why. In the room there was a zombie, siting on the floor, looking loosly at the camera on the ceiling, it must have been agitated by it, it picked up a beacker, and threw it very hard at the camera, then only a silent static was shown.
I turned to Jake, "You should see this, this is worse than I thought!"
He was looking around the room, he put his hand up, obviously signaling me to wait, he started franticly searching the floor and desks, for anything he may need. Only a knife was kind enough to be found by his wandering eyes.
He started toward me, "Alright, I'm comin', look, I found a pocket knife, it could propably be useful, that is if we find out way into another fight."
He gave a quick look at the screen, "Aww shit, this will be a bit harder than I thought, I was hoping saving a city would be easy..."
I appreciated his happy-go-lucky optimism, but he wasn't be cautious enough for my standards. We walked to the polished white door, I turned back, the room was very clean, with a waxed white floor, and maple boards on the walls, the light was a large chandalier, covered in large lightbulbs, every desk was made of top-notch cherrywood, and the room smelled of lemon, a rare sight in a place like this. The door opened smoothly, the hallway outside was like a whole different world, more of a war zone, than an inviting workspace. The smell of lemon was replaced by the scent of brackish water and leaking gas, a scent I was getting used to all too much.
The walls, seemed better than before, blood became uncommon, less gas leaks, and less tarnished doors. I hoped this would stay, but it was most likely not to be, we went up a small flight of stairs, and turned a corner, and to my suprise, an open elevator, siting still, casting a yellow light into the hallway, as if it was inviting us inside.
I walked in and exclaimed, "Wow, didn't expect that, I guess we should go in," I looked down the hallway, all that was there was a wall with a large hole in it, I could see the REBAR1 sticking out, "we have nowhere else to go, might as well keep going down.."
I presed the button for floor B24, the farthest it would go. The elevator shook then started descending slowly, I looked, and found out the side was made of safety glass, it reminded me of children's a movie I saw once, but I could not remember the name. After two floors I saw what looked like a large lobby, Jake was standing in the corner with his eyes closed, the lobby was lexpansive, it looked a bit like a mall, with sets of floors visible from the elevator, and a large floor at the bottom, where doors dotted the walls, and the middle was occupied by an expansive pillar, reaching to the ceiling. This floor may have been of a different building, sharing space with the lab.
The elevator slowed down, and eventually reached the floor and shook, startleing Jake. The doors opened at the start of a boop sound, like most elevators make. I stepped out, the room was dark, with little light, it must have been after-hours, we stepped out of the elevator, the footprints were not hollow, and they echoed through the entire building, making a sort of surreal surround-sound feeling. The room looked like a mall, so I guess I will have to refer to it as a mall, the place was lightly looted, some broken windows and, papers and other items were scattered across the floor. There was also a fountain on the floor, it was badly chipped and cracked, and the water had a bloody body in it, there must have been a fight here.
One of the buildings was labeled sporting goods, I could not resist.
Part Six: Scavengers
Jake and I walked into the sporting goods building, the whole building was heavily looted, I looked aruond, broken objects were scattered on the ground, I noticed the cash register was smashed in and emptied, but various coins were on the littered floor. I walked around the rows of goods, looking for any object of use, an object that caught my eye was an overturned lawnmower, blood appeared to be sprayed outward from its blades, as if somebody was caught in it, but that was just inferrance. Most shelves that were in the store were on the floor, their displayed items long gone from the store or broken on the floor along with various unidentifyable objects, and synthetic pine needles.
Jake in a different row, shouted, "Hey, John, get over here!"
I ran to the end of my current row and ran along the sides of all the other rows, looking for Jake. I ran to the last row, the one against the wall, it had a sort of green rug type thing that covered it. It appeared to be a vehicle section, I saw a broken off ski of a snowmobile (as if anyone would need one, it was only May!) on the floor, along with a broken bottle of grape flavored wine and some empty gasoline tanks.
Jake pointed at the the shelf, a red ATV layed on top of it, "You see that, it's an ATV! I am suprised that one is still here, it must be that corpse in the fountain, or something, and give me a hand with this would ya!"
We was holding up one of the wheels, his legs were trembling, obviously struggly to keep it off the ground, I sighed and grabbed the other wheel the red vehicle. It was heavier than I thought, as we started to roll it off it seemed to get heavier, and the small tire spikes started to dig into my hands, it was very, very uncomfortable, more so than cutting open a six foot walking corpse. We finally finished rolling it off, my hands seemed to be yelling in relief, Jake jumped on first and said, "I'll drive, 'aight, I have one of these at my house in Nevada, I ride it out in the fields every weekend."
He must of been bragging, but it did not get to me, so I took his word for it, it was suspicious that he knew how to hot-wire it. It was running, I jumbed on the back, and the vibration of the engine felt good. He was pretty good at driving it, but he seemed a bit reckless, we drove through the row with the lawnmower, and I reached out to grab it, "Oh, can't forget this!"
Jake yelled over the engine, "Why are you gonna grab that!?" I lously replied with, "Remember how you said you loved inventing? Well, we should attach the engine and blades of the lawnmower to the front of this ATV!"
He turned the ATV and hit the brakes, it tilted and fell back over on its wheels.
Jake, introuged by the idea said, "Thats a great idea! Just give me a sec!"
He pulled out a set of bolt cutters out of his pack, and quickly removed the handles and the shell of the blades, then tied the engine to the ATV. He started the engine. Then once again hotwired the ATV, the sound of the two engines sort of synched together, it was sort of odd. We took off out of the store, he drove the vehicle fast and ramped out of the window, I could see the rest of the store and the bloody fountain, and I saw a hand rise from the fountain!
I shouted urgently, "Jake! The fountain, the zombie is rising!"
He glanced at the fountain, then he grinned, "This should be fun!"
I pondered why he would say that, then I remembered my idea, I got ready for a big mess. He turned the atv towards the fountain, the zombie had fully crawled out, and began stumbling toward us, and Jake revved the engine. The engine roared as he left off the brakes, the tires screeched loudly, and the ATV speeded toward the zombie, I closed my eyes, for obvious reasons, and I could feel a sort of cold blood cover my body. The ATV came to a complete stop, I looked back, all that was left was a set of legs, a head and some mutilated insides scattered randomly accross the floor, that seemed to be easy.
Jake stood up and leat out a sort of victory cry, I could not help but have a feeling of triumph, even though it seemed sort of undeserved.
I spoke up, over the engine, "Well, there is only one place to go, down..."
Jake started driving toward the opposite end of the room...
Part Six - Cont'd: Destruction
The ATV sped toward the other end of the room, it was kinda bumpy because of the scattered debris. The rid seemed long for the size of the room, It was propably just the situation, time does not fly when you are in a zombie infested basement that is hundreds of feet undergound. As we neared the end of the room, I could hear a dripping, maybe a water main was broken, or it may have been a gas leak, but I did not know for sure. We, after seemingly a lifetime, reached the end, I could see a set of green doors, nothing strange but the handles were twisted together, this was not a problem, if I had superstrength, which I happened to be short on, sadly.
Jake cut the engine and looked back at me with smirk on his face, "Well, I guess there is only one way out of this!"
I looked at him, "No way man, you are getting way too reckless! Don't try it!"
"Reckless?! Me?! Hahahahaha, at least I don't jump out of a vent into a room and stab a zombie in the back!"
I stuttered, "T-th-that was different!"
He laughed and started up the engine again, and went in reverse, and accelerated toward the forcefully locked doors. He reached into his pocket and opened up a matchbox, he grabbed one of the larger, red headed matches and struck it on the side of the box.
"You better not be doing what I think you are doing!" I yelled at him.
He shouted, "Yup, gonna toss this in the gas tank of the lawnmower and ram the door, you better brace yourself for an explosion!"
I raised the hood of my custom made suit over my head, being a reprasentative was a high paying job. With the hood over my head, I dug my face in the seat and hung on tight, Jake sped up, about to hit the door, I could feel him getting down for an explosion. He threw the match and hung on to the side of the ATV. I hung on tight as I could feel the heat of the explosion, it made my clothes whip around, they would of ignited if they were not soaked with blood. The explosion was hot but breif, not long enough to burn me badly, I could feel bits of shrapnal-like shards of metal hit my suit, that was money well spent, they were not big enough to pierce my clothes. The experience was only a few seconds, but it seemed like hours.
I could no longer feel the explosion, I felt wind in my hair though, I looked in front of me, and jake was siting, slumped and bloody. I reached for the handlebars and hit the brakes, and I carried Jake off the ATV, I removed his coat and looked for nay wounds, I did not find any signifigant wounds, a few scrapes and bruises. I looked at his hand, there was a large cut going across the palm, it was deep and it was bleeding wildly. I reached for our pack, I felt around and found a first aid kit, I openned it and grabbed some styptic, I applied it to the wound and wiped the wound clean, the rate of bleeding had stopped. I put down the styptic and grabbed a bottle of disinfectant, untwisted the cap and poured some of it on the wound, the burn woke up Jake, let out a yelp. I could see anguish in his face.
I insured him it would be alright, "Just stay calm, I took a medical course, I know what I'm doing, so just don't move your hand, you are gonna be fine."
He grinned, and said to me, his voice slightly unsteady, "Alright, I will beleive you, well, it is good you disinfected it, dont want to be turning into a zombie any time soon..."
I told him, "Now stay still, I am gonna give you some stitches, if you wanna keep your hand, I reccomend you do not move."
I grabbed a suture kit from the first aid kit, Jake took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I threaded the suture and made a sereis of cross-stitches accross the wound, I opened his palm to test the suture, it was strong enough to last. To finish the job, I grabbed the bandages, the texture sort of massaged my fingers, I began wrapping it around his hand, I was sure to make it tight so it would not fall off, I made about six layers, hoping it would last long enough. I also gave him a syrine full of Epinephrine, to quicken a blood clot at the wound site.
"Well, Jake, you are gonna be fine." I smiled, telling him.
He opened his eyes, his voice sounded a bit better, "Thanks, I guess I owe you one then, I wonder if I can stand..."
He stood up, he stumbled a bit but he eventually stood properly, he looked at the door, I did in unison. The door frame had collpsed, and was on fire, and a support beam from the room behnd it fell on it and made a large hole in the wall, we propably won't be going back through there. We began walking down the hall way, it was a strange hallway, it looked much like the computer room from before, a marble floor, and maple accented walls. We began walking, not using the ATV, which happened to be on fire. I threw my hands behind my head, "Whew, one outrageous thing after another, this has got to be the climax of my life!"
Jake said, with his hand in front of his face, he must have been in pain, "Yeah, I just hope we can get out of this mess, I wonder what will happen to us, news stories, fame, glory! I just got to say man, out of all my life, you are my best friend, I don't think I have had a friend that saved my hand, and help me get out of a place like this," his voice was breaking up and he began to cry, "thanks man!"
I replied, "It's ok, you have helped me as well, with your high spirits in this sort of mess..."
We walked toward a door, I could smell decaying flesh behind it...
Part Seven: Cybernetics
The smell disgusted me, but it was very strong. We got to the door and I could see it in better deatail, the door was made of a green painted thick wood and it was perfectly intact, except for a few scratches. I saw a large white sign next to a keypad on the left of the door, the sign read Necro-cybernetics lab. My heart skipped a beat and I shuddered, but I regained control of myself.
I grabbed my pack, I opened it and grabbed a screwdriver, "Hmmm, I wonder if I can tweak this thing..."
I removed the two screws and took off the faceplate of the keypad, I looked at all the wires, and pulled out a select few and rerouted them, I shocked my fingers in the process, but I was okay. The door opened liek the one on the roof, it slid open verticly automaticly.
Jake exclaimed in amazement, "Wow, how did you do that!?"
"When you spend a lot of time on the internet, you learn a lot of things." I told him.
The light in the room turned on when I walked in, it must have been a motion sensor. I looked around, Strange computers were placed everywhere, along with a large amount of curved metal sheets and prothetics. There were large drawers in the walls, like a morgue, but they were cleaned, unlike before. I looked at the floor, it was cleanly cut granite tiles, no debris or anything, I guess in a place like this your standards get really low. I looked at the counters of the room, white marble tops, with small metalworking tools placed organized atop them. I could hear movement in one of the drawers, so I put the pack down and grabbed my sword and shotgun.
"Jake, look over there" I whispered.
He looked at the wall of drawers, one of them was moving, and was starting to move itself out. "Well, if I don't make it out of this, I want you to keep going."
He took out of the pack his axe and pistol, we both got ready for the worst, and like a falling hammer, the drawer slid out and a corpse rose out of it, it had a computerized leg and half of its face was reconstructed cyberneticly, about half of its body was cyberneticly augmented. I reached into my pocket for Jake's arrowheads, I grabbed 3, and threw them at the cyborg zombie in rapid succession, they dug into his neck, face, and arm, each one stayed in tight. It seemed unphased by the projectiles, and it sprinted towards take, he moved out of the way just in time and took his axe and slashed it in the back. The zombie fell to the floor, he put his foot on its lower back and pulled out the axe, he aimed his gun and fired two bullets into the back of its head, but it rose back up to its feet.
We backed up away from the zombie, it dashed toward me, I raised my shotgun to its face and pulled the trigger, the gun clicked, I forgot to reload! The zombie punched me in the face, it started punching me in the face, it was very powerful, I could feel my face bleeding, I reached into my pocket and grabbed my knife, and I stabbed it in the eye. It backed away, letting out a horrifying groan and holding its empty eye socket, whech had fluid seeping from it. It charged toward me again, I held out my sword, pointing it straight toward the cyborg, I could hear Jake shooting it, then he reloaded his gun, and I could see the bullets impacting on the corpse, but they did not seemed to affect it! I kept my sword out, it ran around my sword and lunged at me, luckily I rolled out of the way in time, it began rising to its feet, I ran at it and jumbed, I put my sword between my feet and used my body weight to drive my sword through its body, and I landed through it's thigh. I stood up and ripped my sword from the corpse, a few wires were stuck to it.
The gouge on the zombies leg was enormous, it almost spanned its entire thigh, I then reccognized the spot as a weak point. Jake ran toward the zombie, that was on its knee by then, and forced his axe into the zombies skull, many part of its head flew out in a spray once he removed his axe. The cyborg was standing now, it put out its arm, and it began shifting around, I grabbed Jake's arm and pulled him, "Get down!"
I heard a sort of rocket launching sound, and I dove, pulling on Jake, we fell behind a counter in the center of the room. An explosion went off on the other end of the room, smouldering debris and bits off glass landed right by us. I pulled him up, and looked at the zombie, which had its hand still up, I dove and pulled him back down. I started a volley of gunfire toward us, numerous bullets hit the counter above us, and the floor near us, I picked up my shotgun and relouded it. I inserted the two cartridges and cocked it, I put the gun over the counter, pointing it toward the zombie and I pulled the trigger. The bullets came to a stop, I standed up, and so did jake, the zombies hand was sparking, as if it overloaded, I guess a bullet went in there a way it was not meant to enter.
The zombie put its hand down, and it exploded, and it fell over, the weak leg and its hand, severed from the body. I climbed up onto the counter and jumed toward the zombie, blood pooled around it, and I landed on it. I could hear a snapping were I landed, I began slashing up the corpse, it did not rise like before, but it began struggling. I tossed my gun to Jake, and I yelled, "Finish the job Jake!"
He grinned and Put the shotgun right to the back of the zombies head, and he pulled the trigger, its head exploded, blood, muscle, chips of bone, and brain matter flew everywhere.
I could hear Jake say, "How you like me now bitch?"
I let out a sigh of releif, "They just seem to get stronger and stronger, well, we should move on"
I looked at the hole in wall, through it I could see another hallway, it was clean, and it had a floorplan on the wall, from what I could see.
Jake went through the hole first, then I climbed through, it appeared to be like the previous hallway, very high quality. I looked at the partly burned floor plan, just two more floors to go. We turned right frum the hole, and ventured down the hallway, we kept going, and we went down a very long ladder, while I was going down it, I could see a red glow at the bottom, maybe a blast furnace was at the bottom. When we reached the bottom of the ladder, I saw and expansive refinery, it was operational, although I do not know why, The room was unbeleivably hot, the room was hazy from the heat, and the floors had blood, trailing to a large metal door.
I wondered what was behind it.
Part Eight: Stunned
Jake and I were standing before the large door, there were a few dripping sounds coming from behind it, but other than that, it was pretty quiet. Jake was holding his hand in mild anguish, still feeling the sharp pain in his wounds, he looked at me.
"What do you think we should do? I say we go in there guns a blazin' It seems pretty safe." I gave a sigh, "I guess, there is no other way to go, unless you feel like diving in molten metal."
I was searching around for a handle to open the door, but there was none on the door, a switch was propably needed to open the door, Jake was looking around for any ammo.
I pounded against the door,
"Damnit! I can't seem to find a switch, I guess there is a terminal somewhere in here to open it."
Looking around the room, I saw a flight of stairs, "Jake, you stay down here, I am going to go up and see what I can find."
He nodded in acknowledgement, and I began running up the flight of stairs, a deep echoing behind every step. They were thin and slotted stairs, most likely to save money, there was a thick guard wall along it, to prevent any falling. The stairs ended at a level platform, just like the stairs, the same echos, but at the end was a sturdy door, very dark and full of rivets. I walked slowly toward the point of entry, it was connected to a box-like room, a few cameras on the outside of it, it looked more like a bunker than a control box.
My venturing toward the door was complete, I punched the door, it was very strong, and did not seem to want to move. Using the shotgun in my hand, I aimed it carefully at the doors hinges, I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger, I could hear a loud bang, and the hinges had been torn apart by the shot. I pumped my gun quickly, watching the empty shell fly to the ground, and roll around the slots, too big to fall through. I aimed at the last hinge, I pulled the trigger again and destroyed the other hinge, bits of shrapnel flying out from the blast, flying into the lava below, and into my leg, but not deep enough for me to truly care.
I yelled out, "Hey Jake, get up here!"
He did not reply, I ran over to the edge, he was hanging off right above the lava, about to be killed by another cybernetic zombie.
I reached to my pack, and unzipped the side pocket, I reached into it and grabbed one of Jakes arrowheads, I pulled it out and threw it at the zombie as hard as I could. The spike hit straight in the eye, yellow fluids sprayed out and the zombie stumbled backward. I cracked my shotgun open, and threw six shells inside of it, I closed it tightly and walked to the end of the platform. I sprinted toward the guard wall and jumped on it, with my foot on it, I jumped as far as my body would allow, I aimed my shotgun behind me briefly after the jump and fired behind me.
I was now flying through the air toward the zombie, it looked up and raised its arm at me, getting ready to fire, but it was too late, I had crashed into him, landing with my feet promptly on his torso, and he slid across the floor, leaving a trail of organic and mechanical material behind him. I kicked him in the jaw vigorously and jumped backward, I turned around and ran for the edge of the lava, where Jake was still holding on, I grabbed his arms and pulled him up, he was pretty heavy and the pull wore me out.
He was coughing when he crawled onto the warm plating of the floor, "Thanks again man, I was sortof stunned when I fell off, so I couldn't say anything..." "It's no problem, but we have to worry about killing this guy right now." I replied quickly.
I took my knife out of my pocket, and swiftly flung it open, I ran at the now slumped zombie and jumped, I held my knife tight and stabbed it firmly in the chest, it fell back to the floor. I stood up and kicked my knife, it went deep into the zombie, blood spraying from the wound, and infectious fluid. Preparing to jump off, the zombie flailed its right arm at me strongly, it caught me in the calf, and sent me flying across the room. I hit the floor and slid into the wall, my head impacted the surface hard and I began to black out, all I could see before I passed out was Jake shooting the zombie and pusing it into the scolding lava, he made sure to pull my knife out, I could see it bloody on the floor.
My head slowly fell to the floor and I passed out.
Part Nine: Preparation
I awoke to a painful sensation on my back, a smooth surface constantly rubbing against it, creating a very uncomfortable rugburn. I was still half-awake and delirious, but I knew I was being dragged, partially from the movement, and partially from the feeling of cold metal on my ankle. There was a loud dripping sound, each followed by echos, I must have been in the room behind the large door, but I could never be sure. The room had virtually no light, it was incredibly hard to see, I was unable to make out any details a foot or two away from me, so I could not see who, or what was pulling me.
Abruptly, disrupting my akward bliss, my head hit something hard on the floor, and I passed out once more.
I woke up, after being thrown against a wall. The wall seemed exceptionally hard, or so it felt before I began to slide down it, my head hit firmly against the ground and I slumped over, what the hell was going on? After I hit the floor, a faint light turned on in my room, and what I saw was horrifying...
The walls were spattered with dried blood, and blood was driping from the ceiling, around me were disfigured corpses, each apperently feasted upon. I wondered what room was, it must have been a feasting chamber, but if the zombies were organized, they must have been controlled by some force. A low ceiling caged me inside, the walls were plain white, disregarding the excessive blood, and a light was dangling lazily from the ceiling.
My pack was still on me, but my suit was torn in the back, ignoring it, I pulled my pack in front of me, after chuckling mildly for the stupidy of my assailants. Franticly rummaging through my equipment, waiting for a suprise, knowing that I never thoroughly examined the containments of the pack. With no luck searching, or from no textural recognitions from the inards, I dumped it out quickly on the floor, all falling out and rolling, or sliding into an undesignated posisition.
I knelt down to get a better look, I whiped the sweat trickling down my forehead and appraised my junkheap. The pile was loaded with things people would normally see as useless junk: A few makeshift arrowheads made from toilet porcelin, a marble sword, an almost full first aid kit, numerous boxes of ammunition, a shoddy crowbar, a blowtorch, a steel broomstick, lengths of rope, a side packed belt, a worn gun holster, a half empty pistol, a pocket knife, numerous empty bottles, a few articles of combat wear, and some face paint. How much stuff did Jake gather? That would have explained while the pack was so large and heavy.
I slid the belt on, and filled the side packs with as much ammunition as I could, using the rope I fashioned a harness for the shotgun, still at my side. I pulled the harness over my head and laid it on my shoulder, I made a seperate harness for the rod and did the same, making sure it would not touch the ground. I held up the handgun, it was a black Jericho 941F, I guess the internet proved useful again, I slipped the magazine out of the pistol, reached into my sidepack, and pressed a few rounds into it, and slid it back into the pistol, and I pushed it into it's holster. I openned the gun holseter and closed it up around my waist, then hung the crowbar on one of the leather hooks. I grabbed the pocket knife and forced it into my pocket, and I hooked the first aid kit to my belt, luckily it provided a few clamps for me to attatch it. I pulled off my weak suit pants, and quickly pulled on the thick, black denim pants from my pack, I also removed my shirt and pulled on a heavy leather jacket.
I slipped the rest of my materials back into the pack and threw it over my back, all of my equipment and accessories werent as heavy as I thought, especially since they were no longer concentrated, but spread out.
I could see a trembling, deformed shadow at the end of the hallway by the door to my room, and the sound of an irregular breathing came with it, I was ready for an assault.
Part Ten: Assault
The fatal, trembling shadow approached, the sillhouette comming in greater detail with every step. I reached slowly behind my back and grabbed my pole, and pulled it smoothly from its harness, and held it firmly, pointing it steadily toward the door way. I took a few steps back, to keep greater room between me and the approaching figure, as I stepped back, I saw the monster that wanted to kill me, it was a larger, grey skinned zombie, it appeared to have a rigid, leathery skin, with vivid red glowing eyes. It had a very large wound in its chest, and a knife sticking out of its back!
It was the cybernetic zombie from before! It had a cannon on the end of its wrist, as well as plenty of tubing and wires going to the back of its neck, and semi-robotic legs. A whine came from the legs and the zombie sped toward me at an alarming speed, it strafed just out of the way of my pole and swung his cannon arm, I jumped back just in time to avoid the blow, and swung my weapon strongly. My blunt staff bashed him on the side of the head, a large cracking sound accompanying the blow. The zombie's head tilted, and lost balance, falling to the blood caked wall. I dropped my pole, it bounced on the hard ground, creating a faint echo in the distance, and I pulled my shotgun from its harness, grasping the handle. I ran up to the zombie and kicked him toughly in the chin, I felt a hard snap, and blood and bony material flew out on the ground below.
I swiftly raised my shotgun, focusing it at the now wired-jaw of the zombie, and began to pull on the trigger, when I felt a breif tug on my ankle, I fired my shotgun in alarm, and it oa series of small holes in the ceiling. White cardboard like strips of fibers fell in me, and the zombie began to rise, while holding me down throughout. By the point he was standing, he was aiming his gun arm at me, getting ready to blast me with an unknown attack, but hesitated for too long, for I had pulled my pistol from my leather holster, and aligned my gun with the cannon. Still on the floor, I swung my body away, and fired up the barrel of the zombies arm. Sparks shot rampidly from the machinery, and began to smoke, I grasped my pocket knife and game a broad slice at the base of the zombies wrist, it yelped back in pain, holding the sizzling bomb on the end of his arm. Now free, I grasped my pole and shotgun, and fled from the room quickly.
Out of the room, the sound of the sizzlingg machinery was clear, and I dove as far as I could, hitting softly upon the hard ground, I braced myself. A loud explosion came from the room, sending many materials from the door, as well as a very tattered, smoking corspe of a zombie. Exluding a persistant ringing in my ear, it was now quiet, I stood up and brushed my shirt, the room was like a dungeon, with numerous cells, each with an either battered or unhinged door, and streaks of blood along the walls. In the distance I could hear a distant chatter, and I began to walk toward it, it was coming from one of the far away cells down the narrow hallway. It was hard to find my way, there were no lights, except a faint orange glow emerging from the room, and the sound of clanking wood. I reached to room, and peered into the room, it was a quaint little room, with a fire build it the middle of the room, and a couple of moniters rigged to the wall. There was a small group of three people in the room, each searching the room or trying to break apart the sparse furniture to construct a barricade.
I cleared my through to get their attention, one of the men, with short black hair, a tattered labcoat, and a bloody arm quickly aimed a white pistol at the doorway and fired. The shot startled me, I examined the steaming bullet hole and look back into the room.
I spoke up, "What the hell was that?"
He put his gun down, "Sorry about that.. uh, who are you?"
I relpied to him, "I am a survivor and nothing more."
"You should come in here, if you have seen the moniters, you would see that a large group of zombies was heading this way"
I jumped over a small pile of junk in the doorway, one of the men in the room had a bloody labcoat, with brown hair and glasses, and bandages on his hand. I immediatly recognized it was Jake, but I chose not to wake him. I walked toward the fire and sat down.
I looked at Jake and asked the man, "What is he doing here?!"
He replied, "A zombie was dragging him passed the room, we saved him from the zombie, but he was unconsience when he got here, and still is."
I let out a sigh of releif and inquired, "What is your name?" "Why must you know?"
"We are men not animals, what is your name?"
He gave a sigh and said, "Loyd, what is yours?"
"You may call me Justin, I was sent here to represent my company, but since I have not come back, they think that I am dead, and have propably removed me of my posistion, I invented the eversharp blade, and I don't even have one with me..."
"Do you have any supplies, Justin?"
"Oh, more than you could imagine!"
Part Eleven: Charisma
We were now sitting in the center of the room, huddled around the fire as it cacked softly, a sound that kept us sane in this hell. The floors were relatively clean, recently waxed, but covered with a light dusting of loose plaster and paint. It is suprising how fast everyting is undone in a disaster of this scale. I could now get a better look of the survivors who dwelled quantly in this chamber, aside from Jake and Loyd, there were two others, one was a semi toned woman wearing a red t-shirt and crisp blue jeans, she had shaggy black hair, going down to her shoulders, and had bandages around her forearm and hand. She was asleep.
To be continued
Feedback
If you have any feedback for my fanfiction/chronicle, please post in the expected format.
"Comment/Criticism"
-Name (Date/Time)
"Your story has a solid plot at its base, however I have a few suggestions. First, you need to fix the spelling and grammar errors. There are lots of them, and if you just pasted it into Word and ran a spell check you'd get a long way. That said, there are also quite a few instances of the wrong spelling of a word being used, all that too/two/to sort of thing. I think that the story would also benefit from being rearranged a bit, as its timeline is pretty mucha raw chronology. Switching it up so that you've got some flashbacks and stuff would make it much more interesting to read. Anyway that's just my opinion. But seriously, it's a very strong plot with some great action sequences, and you could polish it up into something really great."
-StoreBrandCola (011911APR07)
"Thanks for the feedback, I am going to do some continuation on this, had stuff going on, but now I have time, I will try to improve up what you have stated.
-SCfan7 AKA Skittles The Second
I think this starts out really great, but I agree on polishing the rest; it sort of goes downhill quality-wise. But I still enjoyed the entire thing. Asherah 02:24, 2 August 2007 (BST)
Statistics Words: Approx. 11400 Chapters: Ten Total Time Typing: 6 hours 35 minutes Comments: Zero Views: 300-500 Main Characters: Two
