Commander Tarumigan Gistarai
I rose to prominence in the Second Age of Burgundy (a far longer epoch than the better-known Third Age, known also as the Reckoning of Mantooth). My career can be summed up thusly:
- I worked for Darnell Heights Police and found plenty of zombies to battle, but no beer.
- I worked for Club Kick as a bouncer and found plenty of beer, but no zombies to battle.
- I broke into Ackland Mall Security's office and stole their beer and battled their zombies.
- On my way out of the Mall, celestial trumpets sounded, and an angelic host descended from the heavens bearing lances of flame to purge the zombie threat and to gift me with the very hammer of Thor Himself.
- Unfortunately, the Hammer of Thor was stolen by fel minions of the wretched Mantooth...I had imbibed too much beer at the time.
On that day, I established the Creed, the law by which any upstanding citizen of Malton should live and die. Thus speaks Tarumigan:
- Mantooth has defiled the Hammer of Thor. For this arrogance he shall be delivered unto the mercy of the Gods and endure an age of torment at the hands of Xyxzyix, the Insane Haunter of the Forbidden Word with A Thousand Thousand Spawn and Infinite Hands. I have spoken.
- The Hammer shall be purified in the blood of the zombie, wretched spawn of Mantooth, and then shall be returned to its' rightful place on the Holy Tool Rack of Ackland Mall. I have spoken.
- The beer shall flow. I have spoken.
- There is no such thing as too much beer. I have spoken.
- Suffer not the zombie. I have spoken.
- The zombie must never, ever be suffered. There are no exceptions. I have spoken.
- If the zombie is amusing, then it may be suffered. I have spoken.
- Those who would aid in the return of the Hammer of Thor shall find absolution in Glorious Combat. I have spoken.
- The path to enlightenment is paved with Ever-Greater Feats of Combat.
- Conversely, those who would serve Mantooth shall share his torment at the hands of Xyxzyix, the Insane Haunter of the Forbidden yadda yadda yadda...
|Tarumigan Gistarai is a member of the MM.|
|Friend of the Octopope|
|We stand by the Octopope. May his dark and holy ink blind our foes.|
You shall venerate the warriors of the Octopope, for his ink shall blind your enemies and his hat is cool. So too shall you honor the Channel 4 News Team, your brothers in battle who are filled with Odin's love, mead, and hatred for zombie-kind.
LOCATION UNKNOWN 5/18/2011- Right now, Tarumigan is doing his best to avoid being wrecked as The Dead rampage all around the city. Ever-Greater Feats of Combat need to take a backseat to actual survival, for once.
Taru's an awesome guy, it's a shame about the whole AMS issues. --Dr Stiles 19:00, 12 September 2007 (BST)
- agreed. miss you Taru. You taught me well. le bourreau 13:15, 23 February 2008
Taru's a former member of AMS, and worth rival to LUE
You and me are like Brothers in arms.--Doctor Oberman 22:53, 22 March 2008 (UTC)
For he's a jolly good fellow. --Zambargh the Ravener 13:33, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
Ptarmigan is a medium sized ground-nesting bird generally found in arctic or subarctic climates. --Riseabove 20:55, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
TARU GOOD HARMAN, GOT BIG MANBAGZ--Vrag Naroda 14:49, 8 June 2008 (BST)