2 Cool/2 Cola

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2 Cola
Abbreviation: ? Lol that's already taken by amnesia!
Group Numbers: Worldwide.
Leadership: CEOs J3D and Nallan
Goals: Overtake Coca-Cola as the world's most popular cola beverage
Recruitment Policy: Go buy one, motherfucker.
Contact: Contact on the talk page or email us here!


2 Cola was founded by two enterprising entrepreneurs in a small start up factory in what is now a long forgotten part of Eastonbrooke in the Summer of 1911. In August of the following year the now incorporated 2 Cool Inc which owned 2 Cola struck proverbial black gold when they created what is said to have been the perfect cola recipe. Unfortunately whilst celebrating their success with a night of drunken revelry the boys accidentally dropped a lit cigar onto the only hard copy of the recipe, sparking a huge fire which engulfed the factory and surrounding wastelands as well as spreading across the suburbs of Malton. Whether or not this was the start of the Great Fire of 1912 is unclear, as several other fires were seemingly started across the City at the same time.

During the tumultuous 1970's 2 Cola became the major sponsor of the Malton Girl on Girl Parade, creating a series of what could be conceived as lewd adverts in order to create an image that would be perceived as modern and 'down with the kids'. The campaign was hugely successful with sales of the drink exceeding supply for over 6 months leading to what is often known as the 'Great Cola drought of 1975'. For 2 Cola's main rival Pepsi Cola this was something of a boon as patrons, desperate for 2 Cola and whipped into a frenzy from the cocktail of addictive drugs in every delicious mouthful of 2-Cola were forced to purchase and subsequently consume Pepsi to fulfill their needs as supplies of 2 Cola ran out. Thanks largely to an aggressive expansion (you no doubt remember the 2-Cola television advertisements from the time, "A 2 Cola factory in every suburb") by 1976 2 Cola could be found in any self respecting vending machine in our fair city and many others.

Famous Adverts

One of the more controversial 2-Cola advertisements to come out of the 1970s. Notice the word 'cock' is partly visible to the left of the model.
A poster from the notorious Drew Barrymore 2-Cola campaign, it is rumoured Drew waived her usual $10,000,000 fee, stating "I was just thrilled to be able to work with 2 Cool!"
2 Cola in its Cola Wars livery. 2 Cola was forced to withdraw all products displaying this design after a landmark court case ruling in favour of 2 Cola's main rival, Pepsi.

Impact on Popular Cult-ure

Another satisfied fan of 2 Cola.

The impact of 2 Cola on popular culture could hardly be overstated, several quotes on the penetration of 2 Cola into the very concept of human identify are listen below, for your convenience of course:

  • "Travel where you will, anywhere in the world, and you will encounter 2-Cola -- on clothes, in signs, on packaging, in art -- everywhere." - Judith Evans, Redesigning Identity.
  • "Without a 2-Cola life is unthinkable." - Henry Miller, The Air-Conditioned Nightmare
  • "It's amazing how coke (popular slang for 2-Cola) encompasses everything in your life. Addicts cannot confront life because they only think of their next hit. It ruined life for my parents, my sister and all my friends." - Kirstie Alley
Oops! That's not the end for 2 Cola!

Do You Love the Delicious Taste of 2 Cola?

Simply place {{2cola}} on your user page to get this beautiful 2 Cola flagbox/template on your page!:

2cola22.JPG 2 Cola
This user loves the delicious taste of 2 Cola and loves their delicious advertisements even more.
Ahh, refreshing!

Hell you can even get it made into a fridge magnet, bumper sticker or wear your love of 2 Cola forever, as a tattoo!

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