Ackland Abattoir

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Ackland Abattoir
Abattoir.jpg
Abbreviation: None
Group Numbers: [At height, about 15, now 1]
Leadership: Mort Vulpis.
Goals: To Terrorize Havercroft ...and Impress the Ladies with Our Vocab
Recruitment Policy: See below
Contact: Use the forum threads or discussion page if anything is not explained below

On April 15, 2006, Ackland Mall was crushed by about 200 ferals along with the DOA, creating a slaughter so horrible that someone spraypainted "Ackland Abattoir" on the inside of the mall. We thought, "Damn, what a cool name, and what a fine suburb this is. Let's horderize!"

Ackland Abattoir is a horde dedicated to terrorizing Havercroft and showing off our sexy vocab. Put "Ackland Abattoir" in your profile, shamble on down to Havercroft and join the merry slaughter.

Abattoir Law

  • Kill all survivors within Havercroft. You don't need us to explain this one to you.
  • Destroy the survivor infrastructure. Without infrastructure, survivors are that much easier to slaugther. So rip down the barricades, smash the generators, maul those plastic trees, and ransack, ransack, RANSACK EVERYTHING!
  • No zerging. Zerging is for jerks. We must fight the survivor evil with tactical prowess AND the moral highground. Plus, we don't want to get banned.
  • No zombie spying or death culting. Although there is morally nothing wrong with this style of play, we're going to avoid it to prevent the Havercroft suvivors from crying "ZOMBEH SPY WAH WAH BITCH BITCH" when we slaughter them. Dontcha just hate it when survivors do that? The only exception to the ban of playing as a survivor is the next law.
  • Advertise! If some bastard combat revives you, take a moment to spraypaint "Terrorize Havercroft! Join the Ackland Abattoir!" But, you know, don't zombie spy. Put a link to this page (http://wiki.urbandead.com/index.php/Ackland_Abattoir) in both your human and zombie descriptions. When you grow strong enough to use death rattle shout "Aggranh Abbagarh!" (Ackland Abattoir!) to ensure humans know that their brains are about to be eaten by sophisticated, eloquent zombies of unimpeachable style.
  • Study your vocab. An ignorant zombie is no better than a survivor.

And that's about it. We're gonna try to keep it simple.

Join the Most Articulate Zombies in Malton!

We welcome all zombies to our group so long as you keep our simple Abattoir Law. However 10/10 zombies report that Better Organisation leads to more fun, faster development and UP TO 120% MORE BRAINS! So why not follow this whole 4 step plan?

  • Step 1: Put "Ackland Abattoir" in your profile, shamble on down to Havercroft (two suburbs west of Ridleybank) and join the merry slaughter.
  • Step 3: Add your name to the list at the bottom of this page. Remember to tell us why you're sexy. Now add all those other sexy people to your contacts list in the game.

Abattoir Operations

Currently the Abattoir are recruiting and are seriously undermanned for any push on the Ackland Mall...but if you want to join in the fun, just list your name down below, scream the battle cry and generally raise havoc in Havercroft. Mort Vulpis 08:55, 19 June 2008 (BST)

Abattoir News

Please put new reports at the top of the list.

  • 19th of June 2008: Things have calmed down, and for the most part this horde has disbanded...except for Mort Vulpis, who maintains a lonely watch on Ackland Mall and says hello to various Crimson Clan and AMS people. If you want to say hello, just say hello. *grin* Mort Vulpis 08:49, 19 June 2008 (BST)
  • 25th of July 2006: Since the Big Bash rolled through, its been slim pickings for brains. However, we'd like to thank the members of Team Respawn for dropping by and serving us a nice power lunch of brains. You guys don't have a wiki, but your brains are still tasty! Next time, though, don't stay at Club Maule. That's just tempting fate. --Cheese sdc 18:58, 25 July 2006 (BST)
  • 13th of June 2006: We begin Operation: Tear Down Barricades and Eat Brains. Coming soon to your safehouse!
  • 12th of June 2006: See above for an important operational announcement from the Abattoir.
  • 9th of June 2006: With 158 zombies standing and 174 zombies on the ground, it looks like the summer season is in full swing (or should I say squaredancing) at the Ackland Mall. Plenty of brains for everyone! Safehouses continually are cracked open for the sweet tasty brains inside. Just follow the groans to Havercroft!
  • 6th June 2006: We're proud to welcome a contingent from the Shining Ones to Ackland. If my tear ducts hadn't rotted away years ago I'm sure that my eyes would have watered at the idea of so many great hordes sending their representatives to our little party in Havercroft. A couple of human groups have turned up too so why not have an exquisite meal cooked Zh!n!ng style before whiling away the night with the legendary RRF squaredancing? --Davedavinson 23:01, 6 June 2006 (BST)
  • 4th June 2006: With 130 standing zombies and 150 more corpses ready to stand up and join the most stylish party in Malton survivor resistance is beginning to look a little frayed. Zombies are advised to come along while theres still plenty of brains and cocktails for all. Evening dress required. --Davedavinson 09:55, 4 June 2006 (BST)
  • 2nd June 2006: A new group of breathers the Malton Liberation Force has formed in Ackland. Apparently they wish to liberate humans from the oppression of the Channel 4 News Team which is a little bewildering to us simple zombies as we thought that the news team was oppressing us. Are you human? Are you tired of this kind of nonsense? Are you sick of PK'ers and spam? Then jump out a window and join Ackland Abattoir. We guarantee no politics, just 100% brain munching, stylish fun! --Davedavinson 20:52, 2 June 2006 (BST)
  • 29th May 2006: It saddens me to report that members of the Channel 4 News Team have been caught by Kevan zerging in the NW corner of the mall. This is a long way from classy behaviour and we had hoped that this group, unlike so many others, were above cheating. Update: Ron has made a public statement and apology here and assures us that the zerging, which was by a single member, has stopped. --Davedavinson 08:49, 29 May 2006 (BST)
  • 28th May 2006: The battle continues to be quite heated with a lack of organisation amongst the breathers undermining their superior numbers. The fact that the leaders of the Channel 4 News Team and the Malton Rangers are rumoured to be cowering in a completely different mall several suburbs away (while sending their troops to certain death) might have something to do with this. Not so classy after all. --Davedavinson 11:56, 28 May 2006 (BST)
  • 19th May 2006: With the assistance of the RRF and some DOA the abattoir is making more and more succesful assaults on the mall. The number of ferals outside has grown again and the number of harmanz is dropping. So much for the "survivor victory" of last week. -- Davedavinson 21:12, 19 May 2006 (BST)
  • 16th May 2006: Despite rather silly human propaganda to the contrary the battle for the mall continues. The tasty meatbags still outnumber the zombies around Ackland but several successfull assaults are being made each day by the Abattoir and RRF strike teams. Despite the claims of the Channel 4 News Team to have left the mall we found 2 of them in there today. Very tasty they were too. -- Davedavinson 22:41, 16 May 2006 (BST)
  • 13th May 2006: For the past week or so humans under the ever-classy leadership of Channel 4 News Team have completely overrun the mall. A (human) history of events can be found on the Battle of the Bear Pit page. In the current situation good organisation is all the more important so please sign up to our new forums by following the instructions in the above section. Remember: They can headshot our bodies but they can never headshot our Barhah! -- Davedavinson 13:01, 13 May 2006 (BST)

Abattoir Members

Put Down Your Name and Why You're Sexy (in alphabetical order too, please.)

-Current Members-

  • corre - Handmade repair stitches on every wound.
  • the goggles - Several dozen carbuncles, old pilot's goggles.

-Former Members-

  • Dace - Arrows fly, seas increase and fall again.
  • Demonax - Excessive Back Hair... and STDs...
  • whiteadder - Wonderful fashion sense and a great smile.
  • Yasur - Has thin and sexy legs due to large amounts of flesh missing, also has intelligent looking eyes.


  • Whipstitch - A Dark Order of Armageddon member, the horde that helped bring Ackland down and the Abattoir up. He seeks to find and follow the Abattoir, sharing the holy gospel with both his beloved zombie brethren and the poor, misguided survivors. After the services, he will join his kindred in eating brains and ransacking buildings with reckless abandon.
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