Journal:Paul Is Walking Dead

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Paul Is Walking Dead /

Barr Az Zah Zambah

Starting Occupation: Zambah
Group Membership: Ragrabang Raz!zganz Brahmg
Goals: Aht Brahnz! Brahnz Akzang Zah Gargahzz Zrang!
Username: Ah!raaga
More details: Urban Dead profile


Zh!z b za zahrnarrh-a-Barr Az Zah Zambah. Ah az zgrahbn ahn mah zaahnz a Zambahzaahnz (Ah gab aht ahz "Ah!raaga", naamg bgaz a mah naam) bgaz Zah Zambahz haz mahrr BARHAHnahzz zhan Zah Manz. Zg!rr, manz mahh zgrahbn zh!z zahrnarrh ahn Manzaahnz zahmma-arz ah gaahz... Rahraa, manz mahzt grab zh!z ahn Zambahzaahnz

Zambahgang maaht hab grahbbah baagn ahrzah. !b zaa, zarrah, az bgaz-a mah naahzahm aahzahn. Zarrah, ah b na a naahg!b Marganahn an zbag mah zaahnz, na zah raag!rah anz.

ZAHRNARRH ANA

-

mah zmazhanannahn, zhananzhraa haaraz an raahzhananraah zmarrhaaraz GMG

Ah haz razn za zambahnahzz ahgahn. Ah am ahzahmg!ng gangbang grab manz bgaz ah b bahbah. Zg!rr, Mah zambahgargahzz b ahrmaz ahn anhangarg agzmarkz zah ah gang BargaBarga. Ah zaz mazhab ahnazha brahn an ahr b zhar!

Zaz ana mahr. Az zahg mahr-ahzg!ng-habganna zhan ah mazhab, harman brazaz? Zhar b zaa manaa ab Zarbaabaaz, an za zmarrnambah ab Zambahbrazaz, an ah am zaz a zmarr zambahbahbah. Braaz- Ran za Hangra Haahgz an g!b za zah BARHAH.

Ah bramaz mahr ahzahm zahrnarrhz zaahn, ba ah mazthab branz ahr ah nagan zmazh harmanz an rahbarg aahb!g gangbangz.

Zg!rr, mahbah an mah nahgz zgrahbnz, ah b ganna zgrahb abahg Branman Zgab- BARHAH, Raahr!gzahn, Aah!gz, Maahrahrahg ahn zah Aahtanaa Ztragah Ab Zah Zambahbrazaz za r!barahg Margan ahnna hra zahmbahraz ahb BARHAHnahzz.

Zaa, zhaan, gad gangbangn za ahrr Zambah brazaz an z!ztahz bah mah. Ahm zahnan ahhb nah. BARHAH!



ZAHRNARRH ZMA

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mah zhraazhan, zmazhan haaraz an raahzhan zmarrhaaraz GMG

Az ah nah am-gabban zh!z, ah am andah tha affahktz of a mrrh?-syringe and so. Ah gabbam, ahm harman now! Dammit. Okay, so now I'm among the living for a while and can speak to all you breathers out there. Today will be a lecture about the nature of BARHAH! Even you Zombie comrades who cannot understand my thick accent can take key from this one.

Chances are, you've heard the cry of BARHAH! It is not a scary noise, like GRAAGH or other cries of the Zombie. In fact, it sounds vaguely silly. Why is this? Because BARHAH is not a battle cry, BARHAH is a philosophy.

I don't have a lot of time before I get sick of this stupid carcass' inadequacies in terms of undeadhood, so let me explain quickly the benefits of zombiehood to all you humans.

Being a zombie is not being dead. Fear of death is a big part of why you keep fighting, no? Well, I am here to say that as a zombie, I was not dead. Sure, you get knocked out for a few hours before you get back up, I can't remember that part- just like being asleep. You go to sleep.

Then you wake up. Immortal. Nothing can kill the zombie. Nothing. Not even dismemberment with a fireax stops us, as we just reattach the pieces and keep coming. We leap from the towering buildings of malton to regain our undeadhood when you throw those horrid syringes into our bloodstreams, and yet we are unharmed. We are the Overmen.

Nietzsche once taught us:

"I teach you the overman. Man is something that shall be overcome. What have you done to overcome him? All beings so far have created something beyond themselves; and do you want to be the ebb of this great flood and even go back to the beasts rather than overcome man? What is the ape to man? A laughingstock or a painful embarrassment. And man shall be just that for the overman: a laughingstock or a painful embarrassment. You have made your way from worm to man, and even now, too, man is more ape than any ape.".

The Zombie is immortal. The Zombie is invincible. Man is an embarassment to the Zombie. That is why we 'kill'. To bring to you the embrace of superiority, make you into the Overmen and Overwomen too.

It sounds arrogant. It sounds even ridiculous. Yet consider this. Zombiehood is Nirvana.

Nirvana, to all of you who know things instead of listening to grunge rock, is the state of blissful wisdom. The Zombie concept of BARHAH Fundamentalism comes close to describing it, although its reactionary insistance upon Brain Rot is a distraction (albeit a good response in light of the heresy of the syringe being given). Let us quote the Noble Truths:

  1. Dukkha: Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, sickness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; to get what one does not want is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.
  2. Samudaya: It is this craving which leads to renewed existence, accompanied by delight and lust, seeking delight here and there; that is, craving for sensual pleasures, craving for existence, craving for extermination.
  3. Nirodha: This is the noble truth of the cessation of suffering: It is the remainderless fading away and cessation of that same craving, the giving up and relinquishing of it, freedom from it, and non-reliance on it.
  4. Magga: This is the noble truth of the way leading to the cessation of suffering: It is this Noble Eightfold Path; that is, right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration

Let's run down the checklist: Zombies are not born. We do not age. We never get sick. We do not die. The only displeasing things to us are caused by humans, who will all be gone some day if they join. We will never run out of brains, for we can consume ourselves. We always get what we want, for the hordes always win if they try long enough. We are never denied in eventuality. Zombiehood has no suffering.

Zombies have one craving, brains. Yet to eat brains is not delight, nor is it lust. We do not crave for sensual pleasure, for zombiehood is willingly celibate. We do not crave to exist because we will always exist and do not have to try to extend this immortality. We do not crave death nor dying, because we are all dead and thus are eternal. The act of consuming a zombie brother is a gift of friendship, not a murder, nor do we need to do so. Zombiehood checks the next two.

  1. Right View: Zombiehood sees the world through the impassionate lense of the immortal. We see the world as a place for all to live and all to grow. We take care of our children. Is it not true the Zombie feeds his babies, while the human suspects them of being Death Cultists?
  2. Right Intention: Zombiehood is not morally wrong. We do not bring anything upon others that will not help them. One could say respecting their religion is better, but not zombifying men would be like not transfusing blood to a Jehovah's Witness. From a Utilitarian perspective, harm is maximized by it.
  3. Right Speech: Zombies cannot say insults. Any insult we can say quickly is assimilated, like the N-word, into a term of endearment, as it must be so commonly uttered due to our limited vocabulary as to lose effect quickly.
  4. Right Action: I ask thee- has a Zombie ever committed real murder? No one has ever been permamently killed by a zombie. Zombies do not commit rape. We do not steal, like the looting humans. We do not commit property damage except when humans attempt to racistly keep us from entering and exercising free assembly.
  5. Right Livelihood: Zombies have no posessions. We have vows of poverty to live as migrants, like Jesus and Buddha, teaching immortality to all by word and by bite of mouth.
  6. Right Effort: Being a Zombie in a city where we are merely a minority is hard. We put forth effort and are rewarded for it with Nirvana.
  7. Right Mindfulness: Zombies bring immortality to mankind and teach them the way of leaving the path of Reincarnation behind and thus escaping the wheel of suffering. We accept only a small bit of nourishment in the form of Brains from our students, yet eventually the brain will burst from our distended stomach and leave itself lying on the street. There it can be eaten by a new zombie. We self-sustain and thus give to charity of our bretheren.
  8. Right Concentration: We are at utmost focused on this holy quest. Sure, leisure is sometimes needed, but Zombies spend a proportionately higher percentage of AP delivering immortality to humans, who spend a lot of theirs looting malls and speaking to others. We take the direct approach, delivering this sermon by mouth and by claw.

I hope this quick sermon on the Buddha-nature of Zombiehood and its manifold benefits has been enlightening. Give up your MRRH?-Cow nature! Stop using the syringe that brings earthly delights and the quick and easy path and study hard in the way of Buddha's (Babbhaz) Enlightenment. Jesus (G-Zaz) joined us, for he rose from the dead after 3 days of pensive thought on the nature of BARHAH. Should not you?

I must now throw myself from a building to return to immortality. Goodbye. This is Paul Is Walking Dead, and I sign off from my journal for the first time in human sounds.

BARHAH, Comrades!

[This journal entry ends as the writer leaps from a tower]

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