Minions of the Apocalypse/Archive 2

Liber Mortis (Book of the Dead Part 2, intense scenes involving fighting your own hand)

• July 27: The morning attack was wasted on the Morrish Building [84,43] in Pitneybank, but the breathers inside were so fast with the barricades rumor has it Bob Vila himself was inside coordinating the efforts. "Today we're going to show you how to keep out a zombie horde, using bar stools and simple plywood." Hopefully soon we will be able to show audiences how to remove Mr Vila's brains using our patented "grab and scoop" method using simple fingernails and teeth. Evening attack hit the Dewell Building [85,39] in Spracklingbank and thought we could clear it until the big brother of every player in the building showed up and decided to do the old rebarricade, heal and headshot routine.

• July 26: Helped in the storming of Brendan General Hospital [90,45] in Starlingtown. We hit a Factory [89,44] in Pitneybank and cleared it, unfortunately found out too late it was a Meth Lab. This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs, this is your brain on drugs that I ate. We're still coming down. Only you can keep zombies off drugs, because we're going to eat you anyway. Still spirits were high as our leader Tymbrwlf joined in the fray.

• July 25: The early crew hit the Monck Auto Repair [88,60] in Vinetown, the Hanne Arms, the Downes Building and cleared all. Phlegm found a rare beermat while enjoying a pint of A+. The late crew checked out at the Durban Library [90,57] just across the Dentonside border,only 2 breathers inside. We felt foolish, we honestly thought people read more. Then exhausted and nearly out of AP's we went to the fashionable Parkhouse Towers. Come for the brains, stay for the headshots!

Minions of the Apocalypse are now celebrating Tymbrwlf Appreciation Days. Check out the forum and join in the fun!

• July 24: Today the Minions attacked the Shyar Cinema and Club Threadgould in Vinetown, but trust me, these were mercy killings folks, the Cinema was showing "Cool as Ice" and some gangster wannabe human group called MDK was eating it up. So we ate them up and moved on. For the night attack we dragged some of Vinetown's finest out into the street at Goodford Road Police Dept (Fuzzlet loves a man in uniform) and then did some art appreciation at the Daniels Museum.

• July 23: Sorry for the lack of updates! The Minions have been VERY busy with The Big Bash. Lately helped with the fall of Hildebrand Mall and the surrounding areas in Roftwood. Huge debate raging on whether employees of Cinnabon taste better than employees of Great American Cookie. Register at the Minions Forum and vote today! This past weekend we moved East to Edgecombe and helped clear multiple buildings, rejoining The Big Bash as juicy targets present themselves.

• July 14-17: Took our sweet time with Nichols Mall. Keith got sick because he accidentally ate an entire Victoria's Secret mannequin. The rest of us spent our time trying to figure out what the "Secret" ingredient is in the Secret 6 that makes them so delicious!
• July 5-7: Spent some time at Marven Mall. We split up at the Mall Directory and met back in an hour, some of us put our own human toppings on the Sbarro (no clue how to pronounce it) pizza under the heat lamps, some tasted the latest scents by eating the wrists of the perfume ladies, and some came back with a bunch of shoes.
• July 3: Hit Thompson Mall with several other groups. Highlights include taking the entire tray of sausage & cheese along with the right arm of the Hickory Farms guy.

August 2006

• August 31: Stopping at the Bradnam Arms for an end-of-the month celebration with some braintinis and mindgaritas, the MotA hold an impromptu celebration of zombie pride, complete with traditional undead games like 'Pull The Spine Off the Harman' or 'Severed Limb Twister'. There are no survivors...

• August 30: After loitering on the railway platform at Edge Alley Railway Station for hours, we slowly realized no one was going to come and give us a ride to Brainworld (the rumored Zombie Amusement Park said to exist at the end of the line, thought by most to be an Undead Urban Legend at this point) and devour our fellow transit patrons in a rage. Shuffling out in a deep funk, the zombies smash up Oram Walk PD along with a feral gang just to work out some frustrations.

• August 29: Still shambling a bit slowly from their gorging at the PD, Minion zombies shamble mindlessly into the Smethurst Motel in response to old memories demanding sleep and surprise the dismayed guests already resting there. Uggles, horribly enough, is alive due to some irresponsible scientist, and takes the opportunity to ridicule the humans fluently in their own vile tongue.

• August 28: Chippet Grove PD is the target of the hungry and enraged zombies who were denied proper feeding yesterday... You thought those humans in Day of the Dead died hard? Even hardened zombies are slightly shocked by the unprecedented violence levels of the massacre, and take notes eagerly.

• August 27: A miserable day of hunger and starvation - Club Humphries and Crump Cinema in Starlingtown yield only a single human to be torn apart between Minions. Much moaning and lamentation results...

• August 26: Billet Road Fire Station falls to an early raid by MotA Horsemen Slopface and JediColt, who lead a hungry horde of local feral to a tasty snack inside.

• August 25: Our bite the blue campaign continues at Halberry Boulevard Police Dept [87, 44] in Pitneybank. I know, I know, the rapper Ice-T called and mentioned that we were just too darn rough on police officers, but this time there's an excuse. See when our Ranger mentioned the target, we thought he said the Halle Berry Police Dept, imagine our surprise when we cracked it open and there was no Halle!! Oh well, maybe this will tide us over until we find her our intended victim

• August 24: After raiding The Whicher Building, Chaning Auto Repair AND The Ludwell Building in the course of our travels, today's meal had not only several guest menu items from the Creedy Defense Force but also the one and only Mandalorian badass Boba Fett. Trying to bite through the full-head helmet was a bit tricky at first, but fortunately longtime rockabilly star and old-school Minion Sammy Sweetmeat came up with an industrial sized can opener that did the job in no time at all! Apparently, what the Sarlacc Pit can't digest is just a light snack for the MotA.

• August 23: A tip from our insatiably hungry Ranger, Barmolech, notifies the Minions that a brain bonanza is being held at the Veryard Necrotech Building in Starlingtown. Sure enough, a full house of meaty and ripe noggins are found once the doors are torn down and a few loud groans quickly brings in dozens of undead from the Big Bash mobs to crack the eggheads. Later, not satisfied with halting the progress of science, Horseman of Death JediColt personally leads a late raid on Brendan General Hospital with the stated purpose of 'helping reduce the number of wounded' and is awarded our highest honors for bravery in the face of dinner.

• August 22: After a disappointing morning raid at The Meatyard Building (how could it possibly not have a meal?) the Horde hits the jackpot at Cowing Way Police Department in the evening. An all-night zombie block party results, and a fine time is had by all once the struggling is all over... Guests remark on the festivities include "Barhah z!ah harmanz! Ah am ganna graaaaaahn, an zambahz ganna grab bra!nz!!!!" as well as "BARHAH HARMANZBARGARZ!!!!!" and an eloquent after-dinner speech by a survivor: Fudd Man said "You guys are toast! Sorry."

• August 21: Our for a morning shamble, the Minions are dismayed to see new and ugly graffiti tags reading 'Phoenix Rising' covering their favorite bloodstains at the Pitney Building in Houldenbank and all over nearby buildings as well - in a fit of outraged civic pride, the MotA broke into the two Schools next door to discover the vandals as well as a 'safehouse' for The Fortress which provided some brief and noisy amusement.

• August 20: Minions attacked the Solomon Lane Police Dept [96,65] in Houldenbank with a number of other zombies. I know what you are thinking, you are thinking, "but I read the Minions Wiki update EVERY DAY, and I notice you are hitting a LOT of Police Departments." Well yes, very astute of you to notice that, and thanks for reading our Wiki so diligently. We figure the more cop-zombies in the horde, the better our recruitment will be. Zombie women love a deadman in uniform.

• August 19: the Voules Museum [96,71] in Penny Heights was our final destination as we opened building after building, only to find them empty. Kind of like biting into each piece of chocolate, only to find each dang one is a cherry cordial! Curse you Whitman and all your samplers, where's the dang nougat!!!

• August 18: Lumber Mall [99,77] in Penny Heights was the site of Uggles birthday party. "Habbah barhah, AGGHAZ - hab ah BRAA!NNNN!" "Habbah barhah!.! Brh!ng ahggaz hra barhah brazahn. Zabraahz,!z BRA!NZ" Yep, 238 different shops in the Mall and everyone attending the party brought him a brain for a present. We aren't a very imaginitive bunch. Oh, except Fuzzlet, she got him the board game "Hungry Hungry Hippos" , unfortunately, he ate that too.

• August 17: morning and early attacks hit the Greenland Boulevard Police Dept [92,82] in Fryerbank ending all life inside and ransacking it, almost as inexplicably as Michael Myers does in Halloween IV The Return of Greedy Studio Execs (and Michael Myers). The fine young actors and actresses in the film would later go on to.....talk about making this film and attend Halloween conventions.

• August 16: early attack was the Orome Arms [92,78] in Penny Heights with dismemberments aplenty, then later the Gelasius General Hospital [93,82] in Fryerbank was emptied, when you are attacked by the Minions, everyone is an organ donor.

• August 15: Atkins Cinema [91,82] in Fryerbank was the secondary target, the primary, the adjacent junkyard was surprisingly empty. As Fuzzlet put it "Who would have thought humans wanted to watch movies instead of hang out amongst rusted cars?" Oh well, it mattered little as we still smashed the megaplex and dragged out survivors.

• August 14:Remfry Bank [85,87] in Pennville was on the menu for today, its just a hunch, but it might have been the headquarters of the Game-Cavemen, there were 12 members of the Game-Cavemen inside, and the wall had "Headquarters of the Game-Cavemen" spraypainted on it. Now I don't want to come off like the Geico executive offending the Cavemen, but we REALLY appreciate it when you announce your presence. Heck, the Minions will give you a FREE dinner bell, just promise to ring it when you are ready to be eaten.

• August 13: The Garniss Building [73,86] in Scarletwood was hit, they all started throwing records at us. Take it from me folks, the music of Rick Astley is painful in more ways than one.

• August 12: The Draper Arms [75,86] in Scarletwood was the target, we killed everyone inside, and stole some towels.

• August 11: Early attack went after the Sealy Building in Scarletwood. 72,85, late attack went for the Glessell Building [71,85] in Scarletwood, and hey Taoraven, for our sick little zombie back at home, Keith got you some human noodle soup and "7Up" to get you feeling better.

• August 10: Early attack hit the Billings Row Fire Station [72,74] in Gulsonside, late attack hit the Broad Avenue Police Dept [69,75] just over the border in Wray Heights and I believe one of us caught a glimpse of a camera crew. The Minions have wanted to make an episode of "Cops" ever since our debut, so some of us completely hammed it up, Slopface starts moaning all dramatically, Assassins just starts making goofy faces at the camera and letting the blood run down his face, but nothing can top Fisty Jones, who actually did "Jazz Hands" and dropped the intestines he was chewing on. Dang guys, we need to act natural in front of the camera or they'll never put us on!

• August 9: Well the Minions and the Big Bash opened up Blesley Mall, and its going down. Boy is it fun to be a part of one of these Mall sieges when one corner gets ransacked and hundreds of humans all get killed within a few hours. Graffiti in the SW corner stated "Stay and FIGHT!!" We couldnt agree more, so adopting our best fake human voices we shouted encouragement like "Stay and FIGHT, NEVER surrender, and on a completely unrelated topic, lets all cover ourselves in ketchup!"

• August 8: Morning attack hit the the Wybrants Museum [76,75] in Gulsonside, evening attack opened the Howarth Boulevard Railway Station [78,76], and we are getting misty eyes (or is that pus?) looking back at the birthplace of the Minions. I think I see a stain on the sidewalk from Fuzzlet's first skullcracking, oh look, its the streetlamp Keith used to break a human in half, and the mailbox tymbrwlf threw up in when we ate 4 humans in a sitting. Good times.

• August 7:Began our siege of Blesley Mall today, opening one side and feasting on the gooey goodness inside. Our new member Taoraven collected 2 kills and is well on his way to level 2! As the old parable goes, the early feral gets the kill.

• August 6: Today's target was the Perryn Necrotech Building [77,76] packed to the gills with survivors, we took out as many as we could and expect this to be a key target as we continue to destroy Gulsonside. Gulsonites, bet you can't eat just one!

• August 5:Opened up Northcote Avenue Fire Station [78,75] in Gulsonside infected, dragged and killed as many as we could before we ran out of AP. I dont have anything funny to add to that, I figure updating the Wiki can be like writing a daily comic strip, and I'm going "Funky Winkerbean" with this one, it doesnt have to be funny, it can be crappy.

• August 4:The Big Bash has graciously offered for their members to temporarily change their group affiliation to "Minions" while we raze Gulsonside to the ground. Our tear ducts have long since rotted away, but there's some weird burning sensation in our eyes. Early attack took back the Wetherall Building [79,70] in Gulsonside and we intend to keep it this time. Late attack went after the Menhennet Museum [79,72] in Gulsonside and dragged out half its inhabitants. We got to kill Victor Tooms 2 days in a row. "You have any idea how much liver and onions goes for on Reticulon?" -Fox Mulder.

• August 3: Well we can confirm the existence of bots. Upon tearing into the Hartland Bank [81,67] in Vinetown we found C-3PO17, R2-D2cader, Bishop the barricader, Cylonguy, Datathebarricada, Lorethewallbuildingwhore, Roy Battybarricades, foragoodcadecallPris, and Twiki4cades inside. I mean they could at least be subtle about it. We later ran into the Army of Dave and can clearly tell these guys do NOT use bots. We started tearing at the barricades, their only defense was to repeatedly yell "Dave's not here!"

• August 2: The Minions return home to Gulsonside! We hit the Spinney Alley Fire Station [79,69] in Crowbank in the morning, cleared it. Then hit the Wetherall Building [79,70] in Gulsonside in the evening. Dragged out 3 dying humans to feed our hungry ferals, and wouldn't you know it? Some level 41 zombie comes along and kills them all. I'll bet this guy steals candy from little kids while trick-or-treating too. Oh won't someone PLEASE think of the zombie children!

• August 1: Shambled around all over Pegton, Vinetown, Crowbank and couldn't find any humans to eat. So we went to the movies, saw "Monster House", which gave us an idea. If we can convince all these humans that the buildings they are hiding in are haunted, they might flee, right to us. Or in lieu of that, just stand outside and say things like "Is that the Ice Cream truck I hear?"

September 2006

• September 30: The call has gone out - DOWDNEY MALL MUST DIE. From the four cardinal points of the compass, the scattered zombies of the Big Bash pull back together into Santlerville and lurch purposefully toward some unfinished business...

• September 29: Abrahall Auto Repair and Borrer Street PD are the subject of raids today, and a healthy breakfast of formerly living brains is gathered together. Rising like some undying nightmare from the past, Minion Slayerek rejoins the horde, bringing rattled tales of far-away lands and exotic places where brains come in all the colors of the rainbow and taste of bright sunshine and daffodils. We suspect he's been eating hippies again.

• September 28: It's not like the Borrer Street PD in Shearbank is trying very hard to hide their safehouse status - lights on, a stereo blasting 'Lust For Life' from an upper window, and a designated outside smoking section all hint that the humans around this area don't see many zombies, or at least many organized ones. Setting up camp in the street, the Minions begin waving aimlessly at locals and making incoherent grunting noises, on the theory that they might be mistaken for homeless people, and therefore ignored completely. The project meets with mixed success...

• September 27: Early attackers Waking Undead and Grosh lead the attack on yet another delicious Necrotech facility (we just can't help ourselves, alright?) at the Turner Necrotech, while Horseman of Death JediColt rejoins the Horde later at the Erford Motel. Rumors of vacations on sunken R'lyeh or secret martial arts training with the ancient mummies in the Valley of Kings fly almost as wildly as the severed limbs that he hurls in all directions.

• September 26: After taking a vow to seek out leaner and healthier prey, MotA zombies once again attack and devour the inhabitants of a Necrotech building, this time the Nisbet Building in Shearbank. Faces covered in delicious, fatty, oversized brain remnants, the raiders waddle slowly and embarassedly down the street to Borrer Street PD where their new girth prevents more than one from fitting through the doors at a time...

• September 25: After a pilgrimage to the fabled Organ Museum in Huntley Heights to view the 65-foot tall replica of the human brain worshipped as a God by early zombies of the Late Polyester Age, The Simeon General Hospital is the next selected hunting ground for Minion corpses - over 40 breathers scramble to expel the undead as they lurch determinedly up the stairs and flood into the elevators, only to be worn down over the day by constant attacks.

• September 24: Zombie genius Fuzzlet comes to the realization that 'Books = Smarter Humans = BIGGER BRAINS!!!' and points the way to ransacking the MacMillan Library in Randallbank as a test of this potentially world-shaking theorem. The harvest is small, but each of the brains taken is indeed of the very highest quality, and a new axiom: 'Fuzzlet's Law Of Educated Tastiness' is born!

• September 23: Taking a day off from the murderous rampage, Minion lurchers attempt to attend a showing of 'Return of the Living Dead' at the Duckworth Cinema in Randall bank, only to discover upon arriving that the movie advertised is in fact 'Return to the Blue Lagoon'. Rage is too tame a word to describe the reaction of the zombies, and the few other patrons (exactly two) are torn limb from limb as an act of mercy, to prevent their viewing such an atrocity.

• September 22: The boys in blue at Chaffey Alley PD are the targets of the MotA's gourmet rage after the frustrating raid at the Hospital the day before. New recruit Netherlord shows up in time to sample from the choice dying human morsels spread out buffet style on the sidewalk. Bon Appetit!

• September 21: Mallcops on their lunchbreak help defend the St. Boniface's Hospital in Santlerville from being completely overrun. Zombies have to be content with the iron lung patients that they are able to roll out into the street before the doors are closed once more, and resolve to have more than warm take-out food for dinner tomorrow.

• September 20: While overrunning a temporary MFD safehouse, the undead attackers are subjected to a long and undignified siege that includes being covered in slippery foam from extinguishers, sprayed back out the door with the firehose, losing almost all working fingers to axe chops and finally a frantic swatting with those cool firehelmets. Let it never be said that firefighters go easily!

• September 19: Celebrating 'International Talk Like A Pirate Day', zombies are pleased to learn that 'Ahrrr' is one of the few words that actually comes easily to the undead and proceed to fashion crude 'wooden legs' out of the real ones still in abundance from the Hall Building massacre. Hopping slowly along and spasmodically waving improvised cardboard cutlasses, the odd horde boards the Sweatman Motel and reaps a hearty bounty of brains, including the famous Dr Logan of Day of the Dead fame. Where's Bub, doc?

• September 18: Continuing their fight against the black arts of science and technology, the Minions move on Hall Necrotech in Santlerville, surprising several old acquaintances, including Koppie who is recognized from the distinctive bite patterns still on his neck from their last run-in with the MotA. With the help of local ferals, the building is shut down completely.

• September 17: The vile STD known as "life" is resisting the treatment that selfless Minion physicians are administering, and shows signs of being almost wholly drug-resistant. Although forced to work their fingers to the bone, specialist zombie surgeons such as the infamous corpse known only as Deadspawner continue to work through the night and finally declare the outbreak at St. Columbanus's Hospital halted sometime near dawn.

As of September 16th, the Minions of the Apocalypse are officially one year old as a Horde. Three eerie groans for all the zombies who have shambled with us over the months, and huge respect to those who are still raiding regularly!

• September 16: As the weekend rolls around, half-remembered instincts force several MotA regulars to shuffle to the nearest park and spend the day aimlessly tossing a frisbee at a pile of bodies, while fresher brains discover over 50 brains just waiting to be tucked into at St. Columbanus's Hospital in Santlerville. Horseman of Pestilence Slopface is on hand, helping his little invisible buddies in his infectious bite find a good home to grow into.

• September 15: Recovering from the hangovers that eating hardened alcoholics brings on, the undead move even slower than usual during their daily hunt - Nyark and Lumb clear out a few humans from a local factory, the deserted Snooke Arms is inspected and left behind, and finally the Henson Museum is smashed into in desperation only to be found as empty as the last few buildings. Heads throbbing with second-hand booze, the zombies sway sadly and stare at the endless glass cases of Muppets lying in state like little plush pharoahs.

• September 14: Sounds of clinking glass and repeated shouts of "NORM!!!" attract the attention of the Minions to the Burchell Arms in Rolt Heights, where a happy and completely drunk bunch of survivors calling themselves The Burchell Arms Regulars are living out the Apocalypse in their own unique style: Re-creating classic episodes of "Cheers". As they realize that this isn't a Halloween episode or a dream sequence from Cliff, a good old-fashioned bar brawl breaks out.

• September 13: Fisty Jones and several more of the early crew struggle actively with a frantic barricader on the other side of a Factory gate in Pescodside, finally gaining entrance and proving that hardhats are no great protection against zombies, despite what the safety regulations may say. Finishing there, zombies move to Croom Towers nearby and chase the humans up to the rooftop observatory, where a lovely lunch overlooking the sunset is had by all.

• September 12: Zombies head for the Slade Arms to celebrate their victory at Treweeke, only to discover on their arrival that the comfortable neighborhood bar they had so often ransacked before had been turned into one of the "Father Mickey O'Sullivan's Olde Tyme Irish Pub and Sports Bar" that seem to be overtaking Malton these days - the beefnecked jocks inside are a welcome change from the fatty Mallrats and their heads are surprisingly square, standing easily once placed on the fake-mahogany bar.

• September 11: A day of great feasting and bloodshed - Treweeke Mall has been fatally broken open! 70 zombies stand in the shattered entryway and wave their rotten buddies on like undead traffic cops as the hordes swarm into the Shopping Center. "ZAMBAHZ - z!z Marrh...!Z AHRZ!!! B!G BAZH - M!N!ANZ - ZH!N!NG AHNZ - Mahrh Zambahz, NAH MAH HARMANZ!!!" is the quote of the day as pick-up games of Severed Head Kickball and Creative Dismembering break out across the Mall.

• September 10: The war for Treweeke rages on, boards being built and torn down almost continually - old school Minion Sammy Sweetmeat distinguishes himself in single combat this day, killing and dragging out more defenders than any of the rest of the team and inspiring the mob with his single-minded mayhem. The Whitlock Building nearby proves to be a second front until Bash zombies and Minions occupy it and force it's shutdown, and the zombies are pleased to see the many representatives of Dead vs Blue here slaughtered.

• September 9: The Speak Motel is way past check-out time with all those corpses laying around it's rooms - Phlegm CoffinD'odger drags out the final human in his own inimitable style... After raiding there, MotA zombies make their first small breach into Treweeke Mall, finding close to 160 humans in one corner alone.

• Septembet 8: The crusade against Treweeke Mall has begun! As ancient evils like Stench and Tymbrwlf awaken themselves from hibernation, the zombies lurch into the Carlyle and Bridgman Necrotech buildings only to find a tiny handful of lab supervisors. Smashing the buildings in rage, they move on.

• September 7: Minions Slopface, Nyark, and Grosh singlehandedly cripple the Meetcham Drive Fire Station, gaining entry by pretending to be mild-mannered Zehovah's Witnesses before leaping on the foolish defenders. Later, the evening strike team deploys their new 'Mambo Strike' attack formation, gently swaying rhythmically past bullets and axe blows while biting bits off their dance partners. Caliente!

• September 6: Never ones to turn down a free meal, we follow a set of feeding groans to the Wortley Building in Earletown, another Necrotech Lab, where the natural order of things is once again set right before lurching to a nearby PD. Driven mad by the experience, one survivor is heard screaming ( Major Anderson said "GTFO YOU GODDAMN ZOMBIES...EVERY GODDAMN MONTH OR SO YOU BASTARDS COME TO RHODENBANK AND MESS EVERYTHING UP...JESUS CHRIST GO TO ROLT OR SOMETHING!" * Major Anderson said "WHERE THE FUCK DID MY SHOE GO...) insanely.

• September 5: A impromptu block party is being held at St. Alban's Hospital in Rhodenbank, and a whole bunch of our favorite corpses from the Big Bash drop by to help (un)liven things up a bit. For some reason, the humans we meet are real party animals for a short time and then just seem to stiffen up and stop enjoying themselves, as this live footage recovered from a security camera demonstrates.

• September 4: Today is Labor Day, and deep instincts inside all American zombies demand that they take the day off, pop a cold beverage, put their rotting feet up on a nice ottoman and maybe watch a relaxing snuff film or two. Despite this ancient urge, the MotA manage to collect enough zombies to break open St Helier's hospital in Rhodenbank. Despite clear warning graffiti inside (Somebody has spraypainted Don't sleep here too dangerous! onto a wall.) 20 humans are found within, and much there is much rejoicing...

• September 3: Minions Uggles and Deadspawner easily overwhelm the lazy staff at the phone tower in the Carew Museum, mocking them with rude comments while performing clever shadow puppet shows with fresh entrails. Later this same day, elite MotA shufflers sway through the doors at a nearby Warehouse and go to work - comments from spectators range from evidently drugged (Fluffy the Cat said "oh dear") to heartbreakingly poignant (Ada Wong said "Crazy zombies, you folks killed all my friends!")

• September 2: Drawn to the Necrotech logo like moths to a streetlight, Minion zombies shamble on the Lance Necrotech Building in Pashenton. The scientists are completely distracted by some no doubt inimical experiment, shouting something about 'cheap, affordable cold fusion on a large scale' while watching a small glowing box power a large generator. All are instantly set upon and consumed.

• September 1: Continuing our 'Tough on Crime/Tough on Cops Too' program, the MotA storm Rawkins Row Police Dept in Pashenton and institute their own review board for the precinct. After a harsh inspection tour, the PD is judged to be free of undesirable elements and allowed to re-open with an all-new staff.

(November 2006) Aiding Our Allies in Undeath

• As of November 11th, the Minions of the Apocalypse have joined in the war for Ridleybank in support of our old friends in the RRF. Some of these corpses have been raiding this city for as long as we ourselves have and to see their beloved homeland in the warm, soft grip of the living is an abomination. Death to all breathing things within the Ridleybank boundaries! HUMIES GO HOME!!

(December 2006/January 2007) Shambling South

• During December and January, we wandered south wreaking havoc and destruction through Edgecomb and Crowbank. We met little resistance.

(Late January 2007) Home, Sweet Home

• The secret is out, and Gulsonside knows it all too well. The Minions have returned, finding humans that have grown fatter and lazier from lounging and relaxing behind their dust-covered barricades for too long. Many had a glassy look of disbelief in their eyes as we broke in and fed on their brains. I guess the humans around here believed the apocalypse over. The Whiskey Company, a human group, has kept us interested, as they seem to have kept in shape and put up a decent fight, as well as being amusing with their banter. We encourage these slaughtered humans to join our cause, and learn the thrill of being constantly on the hunt instead of fine-tuning barricades all day.