Talk:Clubbed to Death

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Malton Murder Awards WINNERS!

Apparently we won something. Graaagh.

MMA11.png Maltie's Eleven Malton Murder Award Winner
The contributions of Clubbed to Death to the PKing industry earned them an award at the Maltie's Eleven Malton Murder Awards.


This mall, that NT, this club, that club, this club, the other NT, all of these, all of Gulsonside is now property of Skynet Defense Network. Until Josh Clark gets his Cheetos -_- We're serious. We are serious.Leon Silverblood 04:17, 3 August 2011 (BST)

  • coughs* wrong image the first time.Leon Silverblood 04:43, 3 August 2011 (BST)
Yes, it appears even the basics elude you, Leon. The mall is back in our undead hands; thanks for showing an interest but it's not open to offers, especially not to trenchies like Josh and Team Xtreme - the laughing stock of Urban Dead!--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 09:39, 4 August 2011 (BST)
Pfft. That's one building out of seven that you own. It is a sad day indeed, when Skynet Defense Network gets more use out of nightclubs than Clubbing to Death does! High Five, Leon! o/ --Cheetos, NAO
"Pfft"? Is that what counts for wit these days? NB it's Clubbed to Death, please read the page title. As for your precious Skynet (unreadably awful group page btw), how many groups do you need to hold your hand when fighting one zombie nightclub collective? Malton Rangers, Team Xtreme, Knights Templars = more brains for us to eat (albeit small brains).--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 09:07, 5 August 2011 (BST)

At least Team Xtreme lives up to our name! We're clubbing more than you zombies are! Xtreme forever! What do we want? Cheetos! When do we want them? Now! --Josh Clark 00:38, 5 August 2011 (BST)

I agree, inasmuch as Team Xtreme's name is synonymous with Xtremely Ghey. And the Cheetos schtick... seriously... If I weren't a zombie, I'd worry about the future of humanity.--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 09:07, 5 August 2011 (BST)
Resorting to the standard internet gay slurs already? I expected a little more wit from you as well, Herm. Then again, you guys are the ones claiming superiority after meeting merely 1/7 of your objectives and losing the rest, so I can't say I should have expected much. As for your previous comment- you--Penguinpyro 22:35, 6 August 2011 (BST)'re probably just jealous that you can't get allies of your own =| --Penguinpyro 20:34, 5 August 2011 (BST)
1. If I wanted to say gay I'd've said gay, not ghey. 2. My name is Hermann. 3. "Meeting objectives" sounds too much like a Donald Trump lecture (yawn). We're here for fun and right now you're providing it (and brains, as mentioned above). Bonus History Lesson: victors are noted at the end of a contest, not the beginning. Read the entries below: many other breathers have trod the path you're on, none have ever stayed long. We're the Afghanistan of Malton.--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 20:59, 5 August 2011 (BST)
I'm pretty sure Ridleybank is Afghanistan, actually. You guys are more like the Kiddie Land. Point about you being jealous of our having allies still stands. Yo Herms, smell you later, I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the prince of Gul Air
Calling us 'Kiddie Land' (whatever that is, presumably somewhere you know well?) only reflects badly on you, as you still can't take the mall. Even the British, Russians, and Americans held Kabul for a while. We're not interested in allies; we don't need them.--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 08:59, 6 August 2011 (BST)
Oh. My. God. It's all there. Cares far too much about the mall. Considers own suburb utterly impenetrable. Doesn't have any allies whatsoever and is backwardly proud of it. Uses words like "small-brained" and "ghey" instead of coming up with own insults. Compares Malton to real life warfare and themselves to guerillas! Guys, Leon, Josh, wake up! We've finally found the elusive Zombie Trenchies! Nobel Prizes, beerhah and general fame all around! Thanks for the help, Hermes. Ever grateful. :D --Penguinpyro 10:02, 6 August 2011 (BST)
Trenchie. ONE zombie trenchie.Leon Silverblood 11:03, 6 August 2011 (BST)
Coming from the player who belongs to the Skynet Defence Network, talks about "meeting 1/7 of your objectives", and whose precious allies bring us pages like this one... You just don't do irony, do you? :|--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 12:21, 6 August 2011 (BST)

Hey what's wrong with my page?! Me thinks someone is jealous a bounty hunter group that does more than just bounty hunt is getting such publicity and fame ;) But let's focus on this brains we are providing? Ummm I don't think we have had any casualties from you zombies, and we been dancing in your precious clubs for a few days now. Your clubs belongs to us we demand you change your group name to shopped to death! --Josh Clark 15:17, 6 August 2011 (BST)

I'd rather go with Bored to Death - as a result of your over-excited, sub-literate witterings on our talk page...--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 16:13, 6 August 2011 (BST)
Probably have to designate yourselves Trenched to Death. I'm getting that impression here, judging from your tacit concession of my previous accusations.--Penguinpyro 22:35, 6 August 2011 (BST)
Sorry PP, was too busy eating brains to refute you point by point. Now hurry up and revive your pal Josh. :P--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 00:37, 7 August 2011 (BST)
Before or after he headshots you for the fourth time now? --Penguinpyro 00:43, 7 August 2011 (BST)
Mallrat: 'you belong to SDN' 'you said we accomplished 1/7th of our objectives' 'you have friends' 'your wiki page sucks'
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that, by and large, your group ignores your wiki shenanigans. I'd say to one of my friends (were they you), "Hey. You're makin' us look bad on our own page; shut up over there cause we're not trenchie trolls."
So...Is there someone else we can speak to? Leon Silverblood 00:53, 7 August 2011 (BST)
Yeah, I demand a refund! This Munster is not satisfactory! Only three headshots before it gets butthurt! :D --Penguinpyro 00:55, 7 August 2011 (BST)
Good to see you cheering up again, Penguin, you seemed to be getting all serious for a moment. But I'm sorry, PP, are zombies supposed to worry about headshots? Seeing as we just, er, stand right back up again (and walk back into the ruined mall you were trying to reclaim)?
Leon, the other Clubbers are wise enough not to engage with mouth-breathers on the wiki: they stick to our private forum, but our resident promoter (Chumley) wanted to share some footage from Club Zedman's retro night yesterday. For zombies, our horn section is pretty well-coordinated, but you can see the rotters in the crowd prefer shambling. PS It was fun eating your friends in the VIP Lounge, thanks for bringing them!--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 07:37, 7 August 2011 (BST)
You are quite welcome. For a moment there I though YOU were getting serious too, what with the "THIS! IS! AFGHANISTAN!" and "u r stupid trancheez." Anyway, we will also follow your lead in standing right back up again (probably for the same AP too), dusting off those minor party favors you gave us, and proceed to drink and partake of your foreheads and real estate extensively! Whoo! --Penguinpyro 08:20, 7 August 2011 (BST)
Nurse - the screens! (You should probably stay away from orange drinks for the time being, PP, until the hyperactivity subsides.)--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 09:38, 7 August 2011 (BST)
Awww, you're a fan! --Penguinpyro 09:54, 7 August 2011 (BST)


11th January 2011: the New Year has kicked off with ongoing low-intensity breather activity in the southwestern corner of G-side, far from the ever-rottener festering stinkheap of Blesley and its neighbouring NTs. The Creek NT, Zacharias Hospital and the mouldy old pubs nearby are a rallying ground for pulse-bearing blowhards who want to make a name for themselves by cocking a snook at The Club. Favourite meals like web0, Keigo Wassamada and Colonel Al among other trenchy Fortressy types show their pitiful faces for the first time in months as control of these locales swings from pink hands to green ones. However, Clubber heartlands G-side and O-vile remain ghost towns, dominated by swathes of ruination. Yaaagh!



Someone wasn't good this year.

Kevmas 2010 - 25th December: G'side has been whisper-quiet lately, with the MOB breezing past neighbouring burbs and eliminating a few pockets of breather resistance en route, hence no reports for nearly two months. Clubbers continue to occupy the mall, nearby NTs and other TRPs to ensure an unfestive season and ill-will to all harmanz. We wish you a Gory Kevmas and a Bloody New Year, and may your footprints in the snow always be bloody.


8th November 2010: exciting news, as a group of breathers once again decides to embark upon the Sisyphean task of rebuilding Blesley Mall. Do they never learn? No matter, brains means business to the Clubbing clientèle, who rapidly gather outside with whetted appetites for meat and mayhem.

1st November 2010: the Malton Rangers once again suffer an embarrassing case of premature celebration, declaring our beloved Mall 'rebuilt' and getting drunk inside - pickling their brains just in time for the Clubbers to break in and feast upon them (well, nibble upon them anyway, as Rangers have tiny brains, among other things). Even blood-spattered stale candy is more satisfying! With Blesley back in zombie hands, and the graffiti and dead Rangers thoroughly defiled, the Clubbers settle in for a night of poorly coordinated disco-dancing - just like a normal nightclub.


27th October 2010: two weeks have passed since our last update, and still the breathers struggle to establish a foothold - even a toehold - in what is now officially a ghost town. A brief flurry of activity sees Creek NT and the Zack repaired, along with a few buildings in western Osmondville, but Clubbers are sent in to restore disorder.

Winter came early this year.

13th October 2010: As Big Bash 3 heads northeast, Gulsonside remains in a state of peaceful ruination. A few morsels still stray to the suburb but the apparently total lack of shelter means casual tourists have an average lifespan of roughly twenty minutes.


Beautiful autumnal reds and golds.

30th September 2010: Autumn has clearly come to Gulsonside, as the area and its environs turn every shade of red and golden yellow in the wake of Big Bash 3, although to be honest there was little for the Bash to do except complete the ruination of western G'side. All the key buildings - the mall, the NTs, the nearby PDs and hospital - were already thoroughly trashed. With confirmation that the Cannonball Crew and their allies had fled with their tails between their legs, and the destruction wreaked by BB3, brain-sated Clubbers take a well-earned nap standing up, or wander further afield, even to Malton's borders, looking for one last feed. Burp!

Welcome to Blesley, meatbag! - Are you being severed?

15th September 2010: it's all gone quiet in Zombie Paradise, as barring a couple of short-lived breather break-ins at Perryn and Wetherall, and a futile attempt to repair a corner of Blesley, the ragbag coalition of Ballers, Army Control Corpsers and other meatbags is keeping a low profile. Meanwhile the Clubbers party hard inside the increasingly dusty, mouldy mall and other favoured hang-outs.

Abraxaslotus = Big Girl's Blouse

10th September 2010: Has the Cannonball rolled to a halt? In a single day, the Clubbers and a handful of friendly ferals manage to clear and ruin the twin PDs of eastern Osmondville (Vawer and Gryll), kill off several Crew members (although Abraxaslotus had his running shoes on yet again), ruin fuel supply centre Doble Auto Repair in Gulsonside, and maintain the ruination of the Perryn and Wetherall NTs. Let the good times roll, even if the Cannonball won't!

Zombie Al Gore digests another gas-guzzling genny.

8th September 2010: the smorgasbord continues, as our feral associates smash up Perryn and we move on to do the honours at Wetherall. A number of members of the Fortress and the Army Control Corps play starring roles as starter, main course and pudding for our insatiable appetites. Yet again we cannot resist our Luddite urges and another eco-unfriendly generator is snuffed out. Please keep on 'winning' like this, meatbags, we're having a ball - your balls, in fact!

7th September 2010: After liquidating both Perryn and Northcote of meatbags (see snapshot of the Northcote denouement), the Clubbers are bemused and amused by the latest airwave hardman from No-ball Crew: "Are they giving up? We at the CC hope so! [We bet you do - CTD] Hopefully they learned a lesson: Mess with the CC and you'll lose no matter what. Hooah."

(Footage of an abstract painting being smashed removed to avoid shocking art lovers.)

How are they teaching us a lesson by being eaten? Perhaps they're trying to wear us out through the sheer burden of digestion they place upon us? Inquiring yet rotten minds want to know. Either way, we enjoyed reacquainting ourselves with the taste of Colonel Al, web0 and Wayson. Welcome back.

4th September 2010: OfficerJohnson said "Psh. You've got nothing back, CTD. You can't even take a single corner! This is OUR mall go back to the streets and cry. Haha!" barzarkahr said "I know right, it's taking hours for them to kill what, 1/3 of the survivors in a single corner. Pffft. High five, OJ. Cannonball for life." Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words, boys.

No comment required.

3rd September 2010: despite their numbers, the motley alliance of breathers is in disarray. The overnight break-in swells to over 20 zombies, preventing the SE corner being re-caded. The NW corner is rapidly cleared and ruined, while gennies are smashed and breathers infected at will. Cannonball Crew members scarper for safety or the nearest revive queue, leaving their 'allies' to face the Clubbers' music alone, or return only to be promptly reinfected. By the afternoon only 7 trenchies remain standing in the SE, and one is all-but chewed to death.

Here we see the CTD mall invasion re-enacted in Lego. Note Tony Blair lying dead in the centre of the food court.

2nd September 2010: switching targets with surprising agility for rotten shamblers, the Clubbers head northeast from Perryn and rapidly break into the barricaded mall. By making full use of flailing gestures, death rattles and feeding groans, the feral fellow-travellers are encouraged by CTD party-goers to join in the fun. By nightfall, the defenders are already struggling to maintain the integrity of their defences, keep lights on, and secure enough FAKs and ammo.

1st September 2010: a sizeable horde of Clubbers and ferals gathers outside Perryn NT once more, drawn by the foul smell of breathers who have reinfested the site. An epic siege looks imminent, with initial break-ins revealing a gathering of over 25 Cannonball Crew members, Army Control Corps and other blowhards angling to make a name for themselves. For the first time, our new raging bellow skill is used to attract ferals to the ranks. However, just as the clash looks to be brewing up, scouts report that foolhardy breathers have repaired Blesley Mall and committed sacrilege by shopping in its erstwhile-ruined aisles and arcades.


Clubbed To Death: our names are down, and we're coming in. Oh yeah.

27th August 2010: A bit of old-fashioned Clubber coordination results in the the Siege of Perryn coming to an abrupt and bloody end, as a vanguard of Clubbers forms a beachhead inside and proceeds to feast on the meatbags inside. Tony Blair shows his leadership skills by vacating the premises tout de suite, abandoning his Crew to their fate; Abraxaslotus shows his tactical genius by attempting to combat revive a rotter without power, and Josh Clark shows his promise by being fully digested, pooped out, yet coming back for more punishment - and by headshotting a zombie who then promptly stepped right back in. The Ball Crew's policy of combat reviving proves about as intelligent as one might expect, and by dawn it is all over - only "a slick, broken mess of dried and fresh blood" remains to testify to the party.

26th August: Clubbers fresh from the mall close-down party find Perryn caded to the skies and set up camp outside in anticipation of another good feed. Sporadic break-ins by individuals allow for hearty feeding groans, encouraging ferals to swell the ranks to 20 zombies.

24th August 2010: taking the bait, the C-Ball Crew return with a few new friends and occupy the mall. It isn't long before a Clubbers' party restores disorder to the NW corner, tossing out two dying breathers and spreading a host of infections among the rest, by way of a snack.

19th August 2010: The Cannonball Crew finally admit defeat, a full two weeks after being chased out of Gulsonside, announcing "The move into Vinetown was a success" - in other words, slinking off with their well-gnawed spinal cords hanging between their legs. C-Ball Crew proved a massive disappointment: we were hoping for more fighting spirit (or indeed any fighting spirit). Boasting that you held Blesley for "15 hours" shows the limits of your ambition. At least we now have some tourists from Knights Templar to munch on, they usually have more backbone.

5th August 2010:An impertinent and ill-advised incursion at Blesley Mall by the Cannonball Crew, Fort Perryn refugees and other motley breathers is addressed with customary Clubbed to Death panache: after allowing them to bed down for the night, Clubbers broke in and feasted on the brains, with Josh Clark's tiny brain serving as the hors d'oeuvres.


30th July 2010: an otherwise mellow month in the ruins of Gulsonside comes to a raucous end as the Cannonball Crew continue their vain attempt to crash our eternal party. In the over-optimistic words of Josh Clark: "Hey Zombies can't you read the tag? The Party is over! Go home, there is no clubbing here. Buh bye now... Toodles. Don't let the door hit ya in the rear!" Unfortunately for Josh and the Crew, the party in Gulsonside isn't over till the fat lady sings, and she doesn't even have a throat right now because we ate it.

24th July 2010: the Cannonball Crew's leaders turn up and attempt to wrest control of the Wetherall Building from our undead hands. A rapid response team is quickly on the scene to ensure their abject failure and rapid ingestion.

In late July, elements of the Malton Rangers show up and make a feeble effort to retake Blesley Mall before slinking off to Vinetown to lick their wounds.

Earlier in the month, Big Bash 3 skirts Gulsonside and Osmondville, evidently recognising that there is nothing for them to do as Clubbed to Death has already been there, done that, and eaten the tattered and bloodstained T-shirt.

Dakerstown Jensentown Quarlesbank West Boundwood East Boundwood Lamport Hills Chancelwood Earletown Rhodenbank Dulston
Roywood Judgewood Gatcombeton Shuttlebank Yagoton Millen Hills Raines Hills Pashenton Rolt Heights Pescodside
Peddlesden Village Chudleyton Darvall Heights Eastonwood Brooke Hills Shearbank Huntley Heights Santlerville Gibsonton Dunningwood
Dunell Hills West Becktown East Becktown Richmond Hills Ketchelbank Roachtown Randallbank Heytown Spracklingbank Paynterton
Owsleybank Molebank Lukinswood Havercroft Barrville Ridleybank Pimbank Peppardville Pitneybank Starlingtown
Grigg Heights Reganbank Lerwill Heights Shore Hills Galbraith Hills Stanbury Village Roftwood Edgecombe Pegton Dentonside
Crooketon Mornington North Blythville Brooksville Mockridge Heights Shackleville Tollyton Crowbank Vinetown Houldenbank
Nixbank Wykewood South Blythville Greentown Tapton Kempsterbank Wray Heights Gulsonside Osmondville Penny Heights
Foulkes Village Ruddlebank Lockettside Dartside Kinch Heights West Grayside East Grayside Scarletwood Pennville Fryerbank
New Arkham Old Arkham Spicer Hills Williamsville Buttonville Wyke Hills Hollomstown Danversbank Whittenside Miltown


Not much to report as summer heats up: Gulsonside has been thoroughly trashed and few breathers remain in the suburb in order to offer up their juicy brains for our eating pleasure.


Monday 17th May - Thursday 20th May: sporadic skirmishing continues in the Blesley Mall environs, with Perryn NT, Wetherall NT and the Northcote Fire Station among key points being targeted, debrained and reclaimed by CTD. The breathers are reduced to fighting with knives, and even their leaders are unable to get the FAKs they need post-revivification, making the likes of Morrigana easy pickings for the Clubbers.

Clean up on Aisle 5!

Sunday 16th May: dawn breaks over a mall deserted except for its customary undead clientèle. The remnants of the breather alliance had already been eaten, dragged out or prompted to flee during the blood-letting of the previous day. After just two days of breather occupation, CTD had reclaimed the bra!nzbarn and completely re-ruined it.

Saturday 15th May Incredibly, over 20 zombies manage to get back into the mall despite the barricades having been extremely heavy earlier in the day. Desperate attempts to stem the flow of undead shufflers prove fruitless as the zombie incursion is just too numerous, and all it takes is one rotten foot in the door to render barricading impossible. Rapid strikes against horrible noisy generators, swift action to spread infection and the prompt removal of any dying meat helps restore the mall to a more customary sense of peace and order (and bloodslicks). Survivor numbers drop steadily as they are killed, dragged out or seek refuge in neighbouring buildings. Victory is ours! (Probably.)

Friday 14th May A furious real-time battle rages among the shops and food courts, with CTD rotters standing and nipping back in as fast as we can, ensuring a steady drain on the breathers' APs through shooting, healing, and running to Marks & Spencer for fresh underwear. When dawn breaks, nearly a dozen Clubbers are still partying hard inside. The breathers have suffered heavy casualties and are barely able to construct a barricade in the face of our stubborn, yet squishy, resistance.

Thursday 13th May While the Clubbers focus on liquidating a breather nest in Perryn, a combined force from The Fortress, the Malton Rangers and the Knights Templar retakes Blesley Mall. It isn't long before Clubbed to Death operatives are able to get inside and scout out who's in aisle 5, but the breathers seem unwilling to allow us to stay overnight. With a number of feral zombies swelling the Clubbers' ranks, the stage is set for a lively Summer Sale!

Monday 3rd May Brockliss Grove PD in Osmondville is cleared of its foul-breathed Malton Ranger denizens, and restored to a state of disorder. Burp!

Saturday 1st May - The Tipney Bank Bailout: Jimmy Moog, the last breathing defender of Tipney Bank, is unceremoniously dragged out, infected and prepared for the new version of the bailout plan: Brains, not Bonuses. In the previous day's fighting, several other Malton Rangers fell victim to the new austerity measures imposed on the Bank by Clubbed to Death's economic hardliners.


Friday 23rd April - The St George's Day Massacre: CTD liquidates a heavily defended breather outpost at Grylls PD before moving swiftly to eliminate the defenders of the Perryn Building, which had been retaken while CTD visited the twin police station buffets. A defender thoughtfully announces our arrival with a warning graffito, but despite the heads-up numerous Malton Rangers and others are literally caught napping. Who thought we could eat so many brains in a day?

All these brains are making us fat.

Tuesday 20th April Perryn NT falls to the undead clubbers, along with an abstract painting: the latter forming a poignant symbol of the breathers' futility in attempting to wrest Gulsonside from our undead hands.

Monday 19th April The Malton Rangers' and ACC's Gulsonside sojourn, nicknamed Operation Blip, comes to a close within 24 hours as Clubbed to Death takes back its ancestral mall.

Sunday 18th April While gorging ourselves on tasty if tiny brains (see below), the Malton Rangers and Army Control Corps capture Blesley (for the time being); even Club Simpson is lit up. The Clubbers get back to basics in order to reclaim our tribal stamping- and chomping-ground.

Saturday 17th April web0, Colonel Al and some Haitian doctor made for a tasty three-course meal at the Pledger Hotel, which surely deserves a Michelin star for this buffet of brains. If only it weren't ruined!

Friday 16th April Another busy week for the Clubbers, this time eliminating the Stendhal Pantywad Brigade from the Brain Arms. Old favourite web0 was among those celebrating our victory, as we toasted our success with brain fluids drunk straight from his cranial pan.

Friday 9th April Clubbed to Death celebrates the anniversary of the capture of Blesley Mall, which robbed the hapless Blesley sheeple of their home, and denied the Mall Tour '09 and its hangers-on its share of the brainfest. This is one mall you didn't get your rotten hands on, Tourists - we got there first!

Thursday 8th April Creek NT returns to CTD control, completing our Gulsonside hat-trick of NecroTech facilities.

Death March

March saw control of Gulsonside and western Osmondville see-saw between CTD and various survivor groups, with the month ending on a high note: the mall and its three surrounding NTs were all in undead hands. Survivor actions as the month drew to a close appeared uncoordinated, with a handful of experienced humans accompanied by swarms of hapless newcomers.


Thursday 25th February: after nearly a year, breathers claimed the entirety of Blesley Mall from the Clubbers, restoring all four corners to a hideous state of cleanliness and orderliness. Despite bringing allies from at least three human factions - Knights Templar, FANNY and Serious Ponies - the Clubbed to Death mini-horde quickly broke in and held the SE corner against all comers. The mass infections and anti-industrial actions taken by our members ensured a rapid evacuation of the mall and its restoration to ruination within a few days of the outrageous intrusion.

Friday 5th February: many buildings in Gulsonside have now been marred by the addition of unsightly barricades, including a laughable number all the way to EHB (not to mention garish lighting caused by foul-smelling generators), but the Gulsonside Heritage Society wing of CTD has preserved Blesley Mall and the local NTs in their state of glorious ruination. It has been noted that the uppity influx of nouveaux breathers is relying heavily on level 1 throwaways as meatshields.


Saturday 30th January: Clubbed to Death has refocussed its efforts on our core business of running and ruining Blesley Mall and its nearby NTs and clubs in Gulsonside and Osmondville, although with the Recession we have withdrawn our representatives from other outlying suburbs.

Friday 15th January: well, it finally happened: coordinated strikes by The Fortress and other pompous pretenders to Ghoulsonside have resulted in Blesley Mall and the Perryn Building NT being repaired and caded by breathers after 9 months' glorious occupation by undead party-goers. Efforts are now underway to restore disorder to the shopping precinct and to prevent the unwanted post-Christmas gift of life being distributed with those horrid NecroTech needles.

Friday 1st January: Clubbed to Death ushers in the New Year with the news that all four Clubber burbs are officially ghost towns - Gulsonside, Osmondville, Scarletwood and Pennville are officially all-but devoid of life! The screenshot of the SE burbs on 1/1/10 is preserved below for posterity:

Happy New Year, breathers!


Season's Eatings to all our Victims!


Saturday 19th December: Scarletwood is briefly declared a Ghost Town, thanks in part to CTD's efforts to protect a salty buffer zone around our Gulsonside homeland; however, Hermann Munster's subsequent investigation reveals that several buildings in northeast Scarletwood are horribly repaired and barricaded, including the Tompson Building NecroTech office. This oversight is to be rectified in short order.

Welcome to Clubberswood! Population: 0

Thursday 10th December: in a sign of CTD's growing notoriety, graffiti is spotted as far away from our club heartland as East Boundwood, viz. "Group, Clubbed To Death, Zed Group, KOS". Praise indeed! Meanwhile, CTD efforts have extended southwards into Pennville, Scarletwood and Fryerbank in search of fresh brains.

Thursday 3rd December: with the help of a Clubbed to Death special operative, the Rothwell Building in Penny Heights is added to the east-west Axis of Ruination, eliminating the last needle supply source in Penny Heights and creating a barrier of lifelessness across southeastern Malton.

Wednesday 2nd December becomes a grey-letter day in Clubbed to Death's history, as Osmondville is declared a Ghost Town for the first time under CTD's occupation. Plans are already underfoot to extend the Axis of Ruination, by denying needles to the mouth-breathing denizens of a classified suburb.

Monday 30th November: Gulsonside receives the coveted Ghost Town award for the second time while under Clubbed to Death management, reflecting the endeavours of the Clubbers in denying all 3 local NTs to the local breathers. A spokeszombie commented, "Now we want to achieve the same level of customer disservice in Osmondville: first we want to paint O'ville red, then watch it fade to grey as the flow of needles remains utterly dry."

Sunday 22nd November: pioneer zedcee extends the dead hand of CTD friendship to Penny Heights, occupying the Craddy Building and extending the Clubbers' salty domain of death to its easternmost point to date.

A land-grabbing corporate zombie

Sunday 15 November 2009: after days of heavy fighting, the iconic Doveton Towers falls to determined zombie attack by elements of Clubbed to Death's elite OstFront mob. Blissful silence falls across Osmondville as mobile phone chat is brought to a halt, and the inane radio spam of 28.01 is reduced to sparks and static. Fillmore West had the honour of delivering the coup de grace to the tower - and the pretentious African painting in the lobby is no more. A breather's attempt to reclaim Axtence is swiftly snuffed out.

On the northern front, Clinch Way Police Department in southern Crowbank is breached by Clubbed to Death's canine patrol unit, Rotting Snoopy.

Sunday 8 November 2009: Clubbed to Death celebrates the acquisition of its fifth NT building, as The Creek Building is added to the Clubbers' portfolio of former revivification centres. As well as holding 5 NT Buildings, the Clubbers continue to own Blesley Mall, the surrounding clubs, and St Polycarp's Hospital, making them the undead equivalent of Donald Trump, but with better hair.

Monday 2 November 2009: Clubbed to Death becomes a member of the Salt The Land Alliance, and turns its activities from leisure-related venues to NT buildings. The Perryn Building, Wetherall Building, The Axtence Building and The Doubting Building NTs are immediately placed under Clubbed to Death management. This creates a diamond-shaped Salty Zone of Death around Blesley Mall and the nearby clubs which form the Clubbers' heartland.


Not Defeated

Just letting you know we were not defeated we merely had to move off to take care of stuff. It's funny you would boast victory as we were just getting riled up. I can't divulge our secrets on how our inner workings and orders are done. My shooting Hermann in the head should show that we are not done here. --Josh Clark 01:41, 21 August 2010 (BST)

And my standing up, eating someone, and returning to the undisturbed ruins of the Wetherall NT shows how futile your ammo expenditure was: just like your Gulsonside sojourn as a whole. Thanks for trying, Josh, do come again!--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 05:34, 21 August 2010 (BST)
Sorry, what?Leon Silverblood 05:26, 3 September 2010 (BST)
Sorry indeed. Once again you can't keep us out for more than a day - and now you've all run away!--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 08:06, 3 September 2010 (BST)

The Umpteenth Siege of Blesley Mall, May 2010

Stan The Chopper said "good show CTD! We liked playing with you so much last time that we came back for more! ;)"

Thanks, Stan, but flattery won't stop us eating you and your friends: Knights Templar are crunchy, The Fortress are juicy, and the Malton Rangers are chewy. You all give us gas, but we love the smell of partially digested intestines and brain matter!

Munster and Mike's Mutual Appreciation Society

Mike Carson said "hmm. Herman Munster, One of club to deaths finest. Hold on, i will be back in a bit."

Bring some friends, Mike. Hermann is hungry!

Mike Carson said "I'll be inside for you to eat, ok?"

Look forward to it, Mike - mind if I bring a few friends for the smorgasbrains?

Breathers at Brockliss

cineraryone said "Zerging clubbed to death strikes again."

Known zerger cineraryone - who once attacked a Clubber using three alts (the cunningly named Cinerary, cineraryone, and cinerary1), appears to be a bad loser into the bargain. Presumably he thinks we must be zergers because we attack in numbers... You know, erm, like a zombie horde.

The (Re-)Taking of Gulsonside 1-2-3

A Giant Percocet [1]

The Tipney Bank Bailout

A Giant Percocet said "faggot zerg cheating CTD c***s".

Despite being an enormous painkiller, Percocet appears to be in some pain himself. Unfortunately for your thesis Percocet, we are neither faggots nor zergers nor cheats. And seeing how often you and your breathing allies have been f***ed by us lately, maybe you are the c***s!

Blesley Mall, May 2010

"Thank you ... we enjoyed ourselves just as much! You guys splatter almost as good as our dear friends from the St Ferreol's Noise Abatement Society! Thanks again for a great time!

"As always, you guys impress the hell out us! Cheers!"---Stan the Chopper, Knights Templar

A Giant Percocet said "ZERGS".

Eloquent and yet somehow unpersuasive, AGP. Must try harder.

Keigo Oyamada, Siege of the Brain Arms

Keigo Oyamada said " fucking pieces of rotten meat!... I hate them!"

Come back soon K.O., we like Japanese food!

Keigo is back (19th April 2011), after being PKed several times by a revived rotter:

Keigo Oyamada said "yo sucker, what a fuck is wrong with you?" (6 hours and 37 minutes ago) Keigo Oyamada said "are you from the CTD, isn't it?" (6 hours and 37 minutes ago) Keigo Oyamada said "I hope you're not gonna take it to personal.........but I have to kill all the CTDs the I'll meet on my way!" (6 hours and 35 minutes ago)

Keigo Oyamada shot you with a shotgun for 8 damage. (6 hours and 35 minutes ago) Keigo Oyamada shot you with a pistol for 4 damage. (6 hours and 34 minutes ago) ...and again. ...and again. ...and again. ...and again. Keigo Oyamada hit you with a fire axe for 3 damage. (6 hours and 34 minutes ago) ...and again. ...and again. ...and again. (6 hours and 33 minutes ago) ...and again. (6 hours and 33 minutes ago)

Dorothy Quincy healed you for 10 HP. (6 hours and 32 minutes ago)

Gordon Mullis

"Guys, I'm going to give up on the Creek... We have to coordinate our efforts at the same time. ... There's no use in killing a couple of zeds and then losing the building again."

That's the spirit, Gordon! Give up now and beat the rush.


"I hate u guys go back to ur fucking MALL".

Yes, we do indeed OWN the mall! Thank you for playing, Kelenvor. Your panty-wadded whining is music to our dead ears.

Blesley Mall Siege, February 2010

Stan Chopper

CTD is an awesome zed group, and we are honored to engage in combat with you! ... Again, thank you for the good times in Gulsonside! We have finished our operations in & around your home, but thoroughly enjoyed pitting ourselves against CTD, even for such a short time! As I said, you guys are awesome!!--Stan the Chopper 26 February 2010


"To All you Zeds here, I UTU UNCONDITIONALLY WITHDRAW [from Blesley Mall] AND APOLOGISE TO YOU ALL. With utmost respect, your actions and deeds make you the most worthy left-alone players. I admire your courage and sense of our good game. BEST of luck for the future guys - You all are honourable in my mind."

Colonel Al salutes his worthy adversaries!

You've kept Gulsonside interesting. Thanks a bunch! Asheets 16:40, 22 February 2010 (UTC)

In return, may I say your brains are among the tastiest we've had the pleasure of munching on since infesting this suburb.
Please note that we don't mind being ousted from Blesley Mall (temporarily of course) by quality opposition, but we hope you will join us in getting the zergers out of the area - the '63 guy' (dexter63, pepsi63, rarebreed, chipper63...), Jordax19800/jordaxcz..., and cinerary1/cineraryone. Here's to a fair fight, and may the best zombie win!--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 13:04, 23 February 2010 (UTC)

The Fortress: October 2009


"Thanks to CTD for being a great opponent. We'll move on eventually as we tend to get bored if we stay in one place for too long but don't worry I'll be sure to bring the team back for a visit next time we're round these parts."


Check-Mark-Reviewed.jpg Group Confirmed.
This group was confirmed active. Thank you for your reply.

We're coming to get you, Barbara 18:47, 27 January 2010 (UTC)

Active! --Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 16:45, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

Calendar Advice

Dudes. You couldn't come up with good zombie-related puns for June and July? Please.

I suggest Ju-icybrai-ne for June and Julyingalloverthefloorafterwenomyou for July. --Penguinpyro 02:56, 29 July 2010 (BST)

Judging by the above you couldn't come up with any good zombie-related puns either, but thanks for trying!--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 23:45, 30 July 2010 (BST)
As a master of horrible puns, I loved the July one -- 13:17, 20 August 2010 (BST)
DDR, you can have it!--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 05:39, 21 August 2010 (BST)


Stop hand.png Group Active? Request.
In order to maintain the wiki as an up to date source of information, groups are occasionally removed from the Suburb pages which they are no longer active in. We would like to know in what suburbs this group is currently active.

Please list the suburb(s) you are currently active in.

Any response here will be enough, but please list suburbs you're actually active in. This is a generic message and not directed at any particular group. We're coming to get you, Barbara 23:57, 21 January 2011 (UTC)

Gulsonside and Osmondville, aka G-Side and O-ville.--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 04:53, 22 January 2011 (UTC)

the mall page

hey, great work keeping blesly harman free. Nice page too. Why dont you guys spare a moments or so and edit the mall page as well ? There is no mention of CTD there and the page looks like shiet :P --People's Commissar Hagnat [talk] [wcdz] 03:57, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

aw, and th + link in the top of the header of this talk page redirects to a user talk page... i guess you guys should fix that, mmkay. --People's Commissar Hagnat [talk] [wcdz] 03:57, 16 February 2011 (UTC)
Good idea, Hagnat, will get on to that shortly. We were just saying how the Clubbers have owned Blesley for nearly two years now. Look out for a page update in a week or so. Mis has fixed the '+' (see below).--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 06:38, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

testy test

If this goes where it's meant to then I've fixed your button for you. We're coming to get you, Barbara 03:59, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

Cheers Mis, nice one.--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 06:37, 16 February 2011 (UTC)


So here I was, going over the stats page, trying to see if any remotely interesting groups had gotten a foothold in the past two years...and then I find this. GAAAAAAAH. Why oh why did you guys have to be SO DAMN CLOSE to Kempsterbank??? I haven't wanted to check out a group this badly since forever. And, alas, I'm pretty sure I'd run into an alt conflict or two if I did, as you guys seem to have run-ins with the Templars and other Kbank groups. Best of luck, though; local indie zombie groups FTW. And if any of you somehow get terribly lost and stagger over our direction, feel free to take a breather and party it up for a bit in dear old St. F's. May not be quite as snazzy an abode as your clubs...but we sure try. ;) --Jen/Milla 04:08, 21 August 2011 (BST)

Occupy Malton

Check this and out and take part!

-- Anasazi 01:24, 10 December 2011 (UTC)

Invitation to the Grand Council

Greetings, mah zambah am Bahnzrhab Zah Hangrah and I represent the Undead War Council. If you are still active at all, I would encourage you to contact us at There is a gathering of the master Zambahz occuring soon, and your attendance is requested. --Boneshred The Hungry 19:44, 4 April 2013 (BST)

Yeah, we're still active, but all of our attention is devoted to keeping Blesley Mall in ruins, and we really don't do moving around; I'm not sure if that will tie in with your plans. :)--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 04:59, 5 April 2013 (BST)

The Great Suburb Group Massacre, the 2013 edition!

Good day! I'm a volunteer helping to do some janitorial work on the suburb pages of the wiki. As part of that, we're double-checking in which suburbs each group is active. Currently, you're listed as active in Gulsonside and Osmondville. If you would like to continue being listed, then please respond within the next month with a list of every suburb where you are currently active. If we don't hear back from you or we can't get the information we need, we'll be removing you from the lists, but you're welcome to re-add yourself later. If you have any questions, feel free to visit our informational page. BARHAH! --「全ては優美である。」!Pattee.png 07:51, 22 October 2013 (BST)

Graaagh! We're still active in Gulsonside and Osmondville.--Mallrat The Spanish Inquisition TSI The Kilt Store TKS Clubbed to Death CTD 14:58, 24 October 2013 (BST)
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