The Broadbear Monument
|the Broadbear Monument
Gulsonside [79, 75]
Humans and zombies alike will see the following (permanent) description when standing in front of the monument:
"You are at the Broadbear Monument, a white marble statue of a 19th century figure surrounded by grass."
A monument of Erik 'The Bear' Gulson, rockin' on a rock with his horned helmet, horn, and general horniness, ready to go berserk and wrestle a bear bare-handed while wearing a baresark (which is how he got his name. See below.).
Erik Gulson arrived in Malton as a typical Icelandic tourist: ready to knock a few monks on the head and then go home with a longship full of lovely loot. But something happened: first, he fell in love with Malton's sweet, green glades; second, he fell in love with local lass, Erica de Beer (probably not her real name).
Deciding to settle down with his new bride and young family (he impregnated Erica on their first night together; they had twelve children in all), Erik first ensured there was peace with the neighbourhood tribes, the Crow, the Scarlets and the Osmonds [check these facts: Ed.] This was easily done by killing their chieftains and taking their wives as slaves. Then, the peace-loving Erik decided to grow crops, build a chieftain's hall, and establish a chain of specialist salt fish banqueting halls - Chief Erik's Northern Salted Fish - the fore-runner of fast food chains like Colonel Sanders' KFC.
The smell of delicious salt fish wafting across Gulson's Grove (as it was then known) attracted less welcome visitors in the form of bears. Realising that bears and customers don't mix, Erik solved the problem the only way he knew how - by killing it. One morning, hearing the sound of bears outside his Hall, Erik leapt up, stark naked, and rushed outside, weaponless except for a sword made entirely out of pork [An Icelandic speciality? I dunno. -Ed.]. An hour later, Erik had bare-handedly wrestled and killed a dozen bears and made himself a full set of winter clothing out of their pelts, with two spare for the Hall's master bedroom and hearth ("Æ bereskinn rugge true-ly bryngs a røm to-gethir," he said at the time).
Erik lived a long, prosperous life. His dying words were, "Comme atte me, brø!"
TL;DR: the monument commemorates a badass bear-wrestling maniac.
It is thought that the monument marks the spot where Erik single-handedly crushed the Osmond army, thereafter demarcating the line between the 'Osmonds' Village' and 'Gulson's Side'. However, most of the skulls that turn up on the site are of more recent origin.