User:McSnatherson/Mechanical Contrivium

These are results from the Mechanical Contrivium which I have found to be exceptionally funny. Enjoy, or not.

1. "Women shoplift four times more frequently than Adolf Hitler." - You hear that, women? You're worse than Hitler.
2. "Biff Webster was the first Tsar of Russia." - Come on, like you didn't already know.
3. "South Australia was the first place to allow the Clenis to stand for parliament." - Politicians totally turn me on too.
4. "Cats use their the Clenis to test whether a space is large enough for them to fit through." - One of many little known facts about cats is that they have guarenteed lifetime access to the Clenis.
5. "Medieval knights put the skin of the Clenis on their sword handles to improve the grip." - ...Ouch.
6. "Contrary to popular belief, the Clenis is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases he may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!" - This is so obviously funny there is nothing I could possibly add.
7. "More people are killed by Jimbo Bob each year than die in aeroplane accidents." - What can I say, I'm very deadly.
8. "Jimbo Bob will often rub up against people to lay his scent and mark his territory." - And very friendly.
9. "About 100 people choke to death on Petrosjko each year." - But it's so worth it.
10. "If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Petrosjko for the rest of the day!" - And you don't want that, now do you?