Flat Earth Society
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Historical Group |
| This historical group is no longer active. However, its wiki page is preserved to reflect the group's significance in Urban Dead history. |
| The Flat Earth Society | |
| Abbreviation: | FEZ |
| Group Numbers: | Everyone in the World |
| Leadership: | Undetermined |
| Goals: | To enhance the rational discourse of Malton, prove the Earth is not round. |
| Recruitment Policy: | We are all members of the Flat Earth Society |
| Contact: | Join our society on our forum, graciously hosted by The Hub, or contact us on frequency 28.64 |
The Flat Earth Society is a group dedicated to bringing rational discourse to the citizens of Malton. Each of our members wears a fez and debates various issues in a calm, collected manner. We are also dedicated to rigorously defending our headquarters with sharp, innovative new tactics.
How to join the Flat Earth Society
First, you must believe the following things.
1. The Earth is flat.
2. All science is wrong, especially cartography.
3. All technology is evil (particularly bar code technology)
4. Fluoridated water is a socialist plot to take over the world.
5. Zippers are a symbol of round oppression. As such, no pants must be worn, with the exception of those without zippers, such as button fly jeans.
6. Our turf must be protected from any and all round earthers.
Then, you must contact us, and we shall determine if you are worthy to come to our current headquarters.
Leadership
"I AM THE LEADER OF THE FLAT EARTH SOCIETY!"
This phrase is uttered frequently because the Flat Earth Society is currently undergoing a period of transition in which every single member of the society claims to be the leader. Needless to say, this has not impacted the ruthless efficiency in which the Flat Earth Society acts.
Proper Attire
United Nations Conspiracies
In addition to the United Nations pushing water fluoridation upon unsuspecting Flat Earthers as a plot to initiate a socialist world government, there is now incontrovertible proof that the United Nations knows the truth about the shape of the world... YET STILL CHOOSES TO HIDE IT. Article XVI Section 61 Clause 2 of the United Nations charter states...
- Thine worlde beist rounde.
However, one look at the United Nation's own flag demonstrates that they know the world is flat. Look! A map of the Flat Earth! The roundies' conspiracy has been unveiled for the technologically-inspired, bar coded, socialist hogwash that it is. Fight the oppression and join the Flat Earth Society!
Al Gore: Refusing to Acknowledge an Inconvenient Truth
As further proof that the truth is indeed known by those in positions of power, the malevolent Al Gore has recently stated in an article from a reputed news source, and it is quoted:
| Al Gore said: |
| There are still people who believe that the earth is flat. But when you're reporting on a story like the one you're covering today, where you have people all around the world, you don't search out for someone who still believes the earth is flat and give them equal time. |
He deems us and our own unworthy of his time?! Clearly he is merely attempting to lessen the amount of attention shown to our cause, that of the Flat Earth. Help break this reign of terror by joining the Flat Earth Society!
Fluoridation - What the Roundies Don't Want You to Know
Fluorides have been shown to collect in a part of the human brain called the Hippocampus, said to be responsible for free will, especially with respect to a person standing up for their rights or fighting for their freedom. When fluorides kill enough cells in that part of the brain, a gradual process usually, the person is then rendered 'docile', and becomes a willing 'slave', who will never stand up and fight for any of their rights or freedoms. Rise up against the round earthers! Say no to fluoridation!
Membership
Where Are They Now?
As the Leaders of the FEZ rolled out of town on a locomotive built using their combined design and mechanical abilities, they left several questions unanswered: "what will a group of such luminaries do with themselves now?", "where shall we obtain unfluoridated water?", and "I wonder how they taught that cat how to pedal?"
Sadly, the latter two questions may remain temporarily unanswered. However, news has gradually began to filter through regarding the current activities of various FEZers. Keep your eyes peeled, some may possibly be revealed below...
Active at time of Dissolution
- The Supreme Court (The judicial, legislative and executive arms of the FEZ leadership) has thrown their zimmers back in the ring. Let Justice Be Done!
- Pvt Walter Sobchak (Unveiled the United Nation's plot to cover up the fact that the world is flat and is the forever immortal leader of the Flat Earth Society)
- Admiral Hawkins (In charge of the leader's Flat Earth Navy, which shall verify that there is an edge to the world.)
- The Morrish Building (Leader, because he holds the keys to his own executive suite)
- Dr McLean (Resident Chiropractor who serves the whims of his leader)
- Mayor Fitting (Mayor of Vinetown, but still completely supplicates himself to the leader's will.)
- Mr Liche *Kissed In Action 5-26-08* by SilentFox in an act of Love on the Flat Earth Society.(His name sounds a bit like "Mr. Grinch," so the leader likes him.)
- Pete Marsh (A little over-zealous in his worship of the leader, but that's okay.)
- Daggoo (Large savage. Walk softly, carry big harpoon.)
- Bartemius (A sharply dressed man, he seems quite attached to his fashionable bowler hat.)
- MeefaFeefa (Our leader's devastatingly beautiful follower. She knows how to eyeball dance, as she was taught by her talented sister. Pontoffel Pock is her brother-in-law.)
- Zeth Jokell (Negotiator for the leader, barcodes upset him.)
- Dyn (Scraggly, smells like carrots. Asks too many questions. Unofficial Hate-Mongerer of the FEZ)
- Zombie Clark (Zombie representative to the Society, proving that the spirit of rational discourse transcends mere matters of life and death)
- Senor Fuego (Official Society chef. Makes a mean taco)
- Lady Hawk (True Leader as I am a Lady, thou shalt bask in my beauty)
- James Samarkand Fortune (Jim to his friends. An amateur illusionist, his tricks have been known to go somewhat awry. Especially the axe juggling.)
- Pibbit (FEZ Femme Fetale.)
Retirees
- Impossible to determine, due to a loss of records from water damage. Most likely a roundie conspiracy, it is currently being investigated.
MIA/Apostates?
- Tencher Grist (Eats Ecatarina for breakfast. Lord supreme high commander pontiff grand potentate ubermenschenen Maya Hee Maya Hoo Maya Haa Maya Ha-Ha exalted ruler of FEZ)
- James ZombieBane (Wears the black fez which indicates that he is half the man that the man in the red fez is. Will never be leader in infinity billion years. I call that infinity billion times with no tag backs. Lalala, I can't hear you, lalala.)
- Alias Westmore (Worships the ground that Ecatarina walks upon.)
- Ecatarina (The One true leader of FEZ who's coming was foretold in prophecies laid down by the Divine Ones who speak through the medium of interpretive dance. She truly is the saviour of all mankind even though she can't spell "truly" correctly and wears hamster skins on her face to clear up her complexion)
- Johnny and the Dead (Supplicates himself to the leader's will by doing a regular jig in tribute to his leader)
- Nadville (Hard work, good people. Follows the leader.)
- Umply (A reformed round Earther, therefore is completely dependent upon the leader for his enlightenment and his very existence.)
- Amias Von Stumpf IIX (Genteel southern aristocrat who graciously bows to the leader's will)
Great Moments in Flat Earth Society History
- June 11, 2008 - After a reconvening in the very South-West corner of Malton for a party of debauchery and the ingestion of non-flouridated water, the Flat Earthers finally make the travel over the border. For an account of this, please see our public thread. The Flat Earth Society bids adieu.
- mid-December, 2007 - The Society leaves Dulston after discovering disturbing perturbations in Susie's stride which seem likely to knock the whole suburb off its foundations, and joins the Quartly Study Group in festivities to mark the end of the QSG's tour. In is a welcome return to an environment where ideas and scholarly efforts are respected rather than persecuted.
- December 1, 2007 - After much tea drinking and pleasantries, the leader of our fair society, Daggoo, has reached an agreement of neutrality with the Defenders of the Playground. It is hoped that this will soon blossom into more.
- October 18, 2007 - The scholars of the FEZ become the latest martyrs to the cause of intellectual freedom, as the roundie Dulston Alliance takes up a campaign to squash rational discourse and silence the free thinkers of the Society for daring to speak the Truth. In the words of Alfred Whitney, whom the FEZ is quite confident the anti-intellectuals hiding ironically under the guise of the 'Friends of the Featherstone Library' have never read, "Ideas won't go to jail. In the long run of history, the censor and the inquisitor have always lost."
- September 25, 2007- A day of diplomatic triumph, as the FEZ pens an alliance with the Cult of the Red Star, and pledges itself to side with the CGR in their conflict with Red Rum. These alliances could not come soon enough, for the FEZ has recently acquired two new enemies: the Cult of the Red Star, and the CGR, against whom the Society stands in their conflict with Red Rum. The True Leader has responded seriously to these new threats, pledging that tea drinking shall continue in full force for the war effort.
- September 23, 2007 - The Supreme Court is unceremoniously barred from the CoL.
- August 31, 2007 - The Supreme Court is elected to the roundie Council of Leaders, filling all nine seats and proving the true wisdom of democracy.
- August 20, 2007 - The Supreme Court initiates tough new legislation, cracking down on cats. And the causes of cats.
- July 2007 - The FEZ make three important discoveries: first, in Lockettside, they determine that a giant turtle lives on the other side of the flat earth; then, in Buttonville, they learn that there may indeed be an entire unpopulated earth on the other side of the earth that provides vegetation to sustain the turtle; then, in South Blythville, channeled through the voice of a new member, they find out that the turtle's name is Susie. Truly an amazing month of discoveries, and all the more knowledge for the FEZ to bring to roundies everywhere.
- June 26, 2007 - A difference of opinion arises between the FEZ and a contingent of the USAI that the FEZ had most generously hosted for a time, leading to an exchange of combative talk and talkative combat that, once again, ultimately demonstrates which, as in all disputes, is the truly sensible party: the FEZ.
- June 7, 2007 - Under the stern direction of the Flat Earth Society's great leader, Daggoo, Bartemius has brought great fame and pride to our esteemed society by winning the Battle Royale, hosted by the always gracious Red Rum. Upon completion of his task, Bartemius had this to say:
- "It's been my pleasure. Thank you all for such fine competition. Between bringing so many people to the light of the Flat Earth and winning this competition, I cannot imagine a more worthwhile time spent in Dulston."
- The fellow competitors were good sportsmen (and women) till the very end, obviously out of reverence and great fear of the wrath of Bartemius, lest he forget himself. Fortunately, the great Daggoo kept him in check. All rejoice at his victory as the Battle Royale was drawn to a close upon its own momentum, being completely and wholly unaffected by outward influences.
- June 5, 2007 - Amid unsubstantiated rumo(u)rs of a schism, heretics, and apostasy within the FEZ, the Society has declared its intention to depart its current HQ in West Grayside and take up residence in a new suburb. It is expected that the first round will be on (and quite possibly in) Morrish.
- May 21, 2007 - The Flat Earth Society and supporters continue their goal to enlighten the populace of Malton by broadcasting Flat Earth messages on frequency 28.64, much to the enjoyment of all listeners. Although all technology, including generators and transmitters, are inherently evil, they have been harnessed for the time to spread the Flat Earth word. Once this is accomplished, all will be destroyed, as has been decreed. The great and powerful leader of the Flat Earth Society, Daggoo, approves of this plan.
- May 13, 2007 - Bartemius continues to demonstrate that he is not only the best-dressed member of the Flat Earth Society, but the true leader of it as well, by winning the FEZ Gentleman's brawl through carefully applied use of a cricket bat.
- May 1, 2007 - Due to increasing hostility between the infidels and naysayers of Vinetown with members of the FEZ, the Flat Earth Society has decided to take their message abroad, moving to a new, yet to be disclosed, location, from which to preach their important message. All hail the great leader Daggoo for forming such a brilliant and awe inspiring plan.
- April 21, 2007 - With survivors and zombies banding together in an unholy alliance, the Cool Patrol struck out against the Flat Earth Society, managing to kill all members within Taswell Towers, with the exception of their great leader Daggoo, who through his infinite wisdom, foresaw the attack coming moments before his own death and was able to make his escape. The FEZ now make plans to combat this resistance and bring an end to the infidels' lives!
- Friday the 13th, April -- Under the leadership of the great Daggoo, the Flat Earth Society goes to acquire needed munitions for their return to Taswell Towers. All bask in his glory!
- Ides of March, 2007 -- Tencher Grist proclaimed 'Mostest Kewl' by masses. "He's for every one of us," a newly-converted supplicant said. "Stands for every one of...he'll save everybody he has, every man, every woman, every child, everybody--Grist!"
- March, some date, 2007 -- The Supreme Court leads the Flat Earth Society in the reclamation of the ground via the tool Roundies refer to as "gravity". The rest of the group follow.
- March 4, 2007 -- Walter Sobchak claims the Reason Towers, near the Taswell Towers, as the rightful property of the Flat Earth Society.
- February 24, 2007 -- The Flat Earth Society counts eleven members, and one "Fair Ether Sobriety" member hiding in the background. For sure, this growth has spurted from recent fiscal polices by the Supreme Court.
- February 1, 2007 -- Walter Sobchak, as a flunky acting on orders from ZombieBane, kills two members of the Flat Earth Society for allowing intruders onto FEZ turf.
- February 01, 2007 -- The Supreme Court accuses the Philosophe Knights of ignorance.
- January 27, 2007 -- Walter Sobchak spraypaints "The Flat Earth Society is meeting here today" on the walls of the Taswell Towers.
Allies of the Flat Earth Society
- Philosophe Knights
- The Dulston Alliance, and all member groups thereof, particularly FOXHOUND.
- SilentFox for plausibly deniable services* to the Supreme Court.
Neutrality towards the Flat Earth Society
Allied with/At War with/At TOTAL WAR with/Carpooling with/Has no status with the Flat Earth Society
Enemies of the Flat Earth Society
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