Umbrella Biohazard Containment Service/Containin' Weekly/Article 2

Important Notice

As this is the UBCS' paper, expect inside jokes.

STOP THE PRESSES!

• Deathwire Overthrown!
  • To end a reign that lasted two days, Haliman has defeated Lord Deathwire. Someone should work out more.

• Haliman Defeats Spies!
  • Our Leader Haliman has recently invented a head apparatus to deflect spies from taking over his brain. it is made out of a most ingenious tin foil, coupled with antennas. He has also begun setting new members on fire, yelling something about witches. More to follow.

• FOXHOUND.
  • Sucks.

• Bob Jumps From Window, Crushes Zombies.
  • A UBCS member, Enzyte Bob, an heroed this week, leaping from a tower. Below him, the zombie horde was unprepared for his sheer size - the man is like 20 feet tall and weighs a ton. He landed on the horde, killing 10, crippiling one heavily.

• Have You Seen This Child?
  • Foshol - this young man is very special to us. Have you seen him? He has a gas mask over his face, responds to Foshol. If you see him please contact the UBCS.
  • Synses - this young lady has been missing a long time. Responds to Syn, and also to Jonathan Coulton music. "Short Asian chicks FTW!" If you see her, please contact the UBCS.

Meet an Ally

This week: The USSR!

This week we bring you the USSR. Despite being Russian communists, they are arguably our sanest ally. Is that a sad thing?

Awards

• Banning of the Week
  • Megameh - For making too many old jokes. So what if he's better looking than Haliman?

• Oldest Member
  • Haliman recives this award for being so ancient. He's about 9000 years old. Somehow, though, he manages to get out there and fight zeds.

From the senile old man's office

Alright, article two! We have decided to make this once a week, every Monday!

Signed,

No, really. What is it?!

This Articles' Editor(s)

--Haliman - Talk 03:17, 11 May 2009 (BST)

--User:Megameh